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Hi Guys
I hope you all can give me some advise. I told my mom this morning that im wanting to grow my hair out long but she is against it. She said to me that people that are on the streets do things like that and that a relly nice guy who is a good businesssman doesnt let his hair grow long. My mom owns a bed and breakfast and i work with her. She also said if i want to grow myhair long thst im no longer going to be working with her.
Matt
Cut the cord... and find another job.
You're not going to change her mind. You need to decide whether you're going to pattern your life on the basis of her approval or whether you're going to try to be happy. We've been over and over this in chat. This is the same woman who was too poor and unresourceful to have your hair cut until you were seven years old. This rigidity in expectations is a bit of a non-sequitur- that is- it doesn't follow considering the history that you've related.
I'm suspending disbelief and advising you to take charge of your own life. Many people are going to give you grief- this includes your mom. If you let this get to you then your journey will be all the more difficult... and it will be obvious to people that your buttons have been pushed.
I very strongly recommend that you find someone who will listen and be supportive. You need to work on your self confidence so that the verbal attacks that are almost certain to come will not get to you. People, like your mom, will sense vulnerability and exploit it in order to get you to capitulate. You need to put distance between you and those who, albeit well meaning, want to change you. Ultimately they have something other than your happiness at heart. They will control your life if you allow it.
...that you are the same "Matt" with whom we had the privilege of chatting yesterday evening. Otherwise much of the above post can be disregarded.
Actually i have always had haircuts that was just a dream i wish i had was to not cut my hair ever. My mom has always had me have short hair even as a child.
Matt,
I would assume that most people going to a B & B are going to care more about service and a friendly attitude from the staff. If you dress nice and keep your hair neat, I do not see any issues here.
You will find that family and friends are going to give you the most hassle about your hair.
Happy growing.
Mike
Actually, most homeless people that I see don't have long hair. You might want to suggest to her that you will style it while at work until it gets long enough for a ponytail, then you can wear a tail to work. Hope this helped. Good luck!
-Mihnea
Yet again, she can´t force you to do anything. If she kicks her own son out of her job, fine. She´s just trying to control you.
Get used to it, pal. My mother is 83 years old and hates my hair (and my earrings, and my tattoos). It's all about control, so don't back down.
I beleive that you have to pick your battles. Clothes and hair not being one of them in my family. Do what you want and come here for support.
My husband has an employee with waist length red hair in a pony tail. You can gain employment too at what you want with your hair.
How can i gain employment at what i want with my hair?
If you are of legal age to leave your parents' house and live on your own, supporting yourself with another job, then by all means, I hope you seriously consider doing just that. I left my dad at age 18 for the very same reason, --- I could no longer stand him telling me what to do with my hair (as well as a few other things).
It's not easy. Your new room you'll have to rent (or apartment, if your new job ends up paying you well) will probably be VERY humble. But, it will be your own space, completely YOURS, without having to hear grief from a relative insisting on cutting your hair.
If you are not of legal age to leave your mom's house, then focus on getting excellent grades in school, --- so when it comes time that you do leave that house, you're more likely to get a better-paying job.
In any case, as another guy here replied... cut the cord!
Hope this helps, --- and, just as a side-note: I'm probably old enough to maybe even be your grandfather (and would ball out your mom if I was)!
- Ken in San Francisco
Ken ~ feel free to send me an email at matthodges78@yahoo.com. I would like to talk to you.
Matt
I can't help but be reminded of the struggle against slavery. Of course, it's not to the same degree, and it's not really the same kind either.
Emotional slavery is actually quite common. Sometimes, those who profess to love us can be the worst. Just like a slave or a would-be jail breaker, you have to evaluate whether or not you have the resources to escape. If you don't, then you have to bide your time.
Reaching out and networking with other people can help a lot. You're sort of doing that here, but you need to make local connections too. Education helps too. If it really matters to you, and you are still a young man, which is sounds like, then you have the opportunity to structure your career into something you like. Something where you can be yourself.
I don't know what your skills are. I don't know what you like to do. Maybe you don't know what you like to do either. Find out what you like to do, then do it. People who do what they like are often the most satisfied and successful in their careers. This is important because once you gain independance through self-sufficiency, you have a lot more latitude. You'll still have to deal with employers, but you can *chose* your employers. You can't chose your family.
Once you break free of the controlling family member, they will often respect and appreciate you more. It's one of those wierd things. They will never *tell* you this. They will just behave that way.
This is a very true statement. I have seen this actually happen in several instances. However, the breaking free does not always have to involve a "knock-down, drag-out" type confrontation. It can often be accomplished with tact.
And also, the word weird is interesting for you to use here since it comes from the Old English word wyrd meaning fate.
"She [mom] said to me that people that are on the streets do things like that"
Joe the Bum - Collects cans, babbles about politics, never remembers my name, rides the bus for amusement, wears tattered rags, has short hair.
Edward - Eats coins, yells at oncoming traffic, begs people for McDonalds, bald.
The President - Complains about hippies, tells me to get a haircut, smokes weed in public places, believes he's the president, short hair and a long beard.
You know, I could go on forever, but the point is I've met my fair share of people on the streets, and while most of them all talk pretty incoherently, almost all of them are balding people with beards and tattered clothes. They also like bus stops a lot.
"and that a relly nice guy who is a good businesssman doesnt let his hair grow long."
You know, I'm just about ready to say "really nice guy" and "good businessman" together form an oxymoron. Businessmen tend to be real assholes, honestly. They conform unquestionably, they more often than not care about money more than anything, often cheating people with dishonest deals, they monopolize a market and charge outrageous prices because they can't be stopped, they slick their hair back and speak in a manner that is terribly uninviting, often condescending, and downright unpleasant, and they are always demanding and assertive, constantly bitching about the meaning of numbers on papers.
I tell you, this world is just too damned complicated. Many of these "good businessmen" are contributing to commercialism that only makes a bad situation worse, namely the environment, stereotyping, and the overall state of the world. We live in a world where people are raised from childhood that they must be the smartest person in their family so they can become rich and famous. The thing is, people are programmed, and almost all of them are incapable of blocking this out. Long hair on a particular gender has no negative effect on the human body. That is nonsense.
I'd rather not delve this deep, but they even program what you're SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE! They are told to believe in a deity that has no interest in proving it's existance, because that's what they were told. I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this, but what is it that makes God so much more valid than, say, the Greek and Egyptian Gods? Those people deeply believed their deities existed, and look what's happened now, it's accepted as mythology.
Tell me, do you believe being a businessman is more important than merely existing the way you wish? Do you believe that having long hair is detrimental to existing? Breathing, sleeping, eating, growing old and dying like everybody else, will having long hair make you become a vampire? Is that what they believe? You, my friend, have no problem. On the contrary, believe it or not it is the vast majority of this world that must find the truth. The truth that no matter what, the accomplishments of man only has value in the eyes of man. Should humanity ever cease to be, the insignificance of existance shall emerge in it's truest form and reveal itself to none but the vast emptiness of space.
Infinity is quite a lot to fathom. If the universe is infinite, there is an infinite number of sentient life forms, which may be an infinite amount of space away. You can believe what you want, but in the long run, the length of your hair has absolutely no effect on the sheer depth of the universe. The point is, your mother is very close-minded about something that from a cosmic perspective could not be more insignificant. In fact, the concept of significance is something manmade, animals don't appreciate such things.
On the other side of the spectrum is me. They simply don't get much more open-minded than me. All I care about is being happy. I don't care if I live or I die. In fact, in all honesty I'd probably be happier dead, but I like making others happy. The little money I have, much of it I spend on random people, paying for their meals, buying them the things they couldn't afford, helping people with their groceries, giving people bus fare, buying food for people on the streets, and everything else. I've seen everything that I want to see, and done everything I want to do. The things that once interested me greatly now only scarcely amuse me.
This world sickens me. People care too much about things they shouldn't. Boys are depicted in the media as being associated with the color blue, playing sports, and being over-masculine. Girls are depicted as being associated with the color pink, playing with dolls, and being weak. From that commercialized stereotyping, it doesn't look like men care much about peace, their reason to live is to compete, and they are unemotional. That simply isn't natural, and neither is having short hair for that matter. I have long hair, and I cry more than any person should have to, but I am honest and good. People should be more kind and sensitive, they allow themselves to become bitter and hateful. The world is in ruin, and your precious businessmen who support this stereotyping certainly don't seem to be helping.
Not all businessmen are good. Not all people with long hair are good, either. This is called generalizing and stereotyping, and it is an evil that has plagued this world far too long. The action your mother is taking, she is one of the billion little specks in this world that plagues humanity. Are you willing to fight back, or succumb to what people tell you is right in accordance of todays manmade rules and standards?
Hey
Mat
Sounds like your Mum is very old fashioned in that respected being against longhair with an stupid excuse that longhaired guys live on the street never have i heard such a pathetic excuse as that lol, To quote I didnt know living on the Streets Provided electricity for us to use our Computer to post here hehe how Bizarre is that sounds like she is just detoring you from growing your hair out !
Axel
Axel ~ What do you think i should do?
Matt