new thread
Hi everone here.
I would like to share with you what is going on my life lately regarding my long hairs. I have taken a great care of my hairs since about two and a half years in order to let them grow nice and long. I have also invest into vitamins to help them. I am very proud now to have them midback (6 inches from the waist) and my goal is to let them reach my waist and more if possible. At work I always comb them clean and attached them in a neat ponytail. This is filling my life with a great joy and for the first time of my life (I'm in the fifties) I am proud of the image that the mirror reflect me. But…
I am now face with the pressure that the big boss of the place where I work (education ) is putting on my shoulder in order for me to cut them short…
This was last week that he told me that and I just can't think about anything else since. I absolutely don't want to sacrifice them now that they are finally getting close to my life time dream. It is an idea that I just can't make in my mind.
I like my job and recognised as good at it but this is a very unfair demand to chose in between it or my hairs (that is not what they say directly but it would take a foul not to understand that). One could say that I could wait till my retirement to have my long hairs but what kind of hairs will I have to grow then (now they are still abundant and no white hairs). And what kind of spirit would that leave me with if I would comply?
This is so unfair to judge someone by the length of his hairs and I hate this situation, it is troubling me very much.
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you that despite there is a definitive opening for long hairs on men, this society has still a lot to improve on this aspect.
I am very sad and haven't make up a decision for now.
Thanks for reading.
Yours
Jean
You say that you are good at your job. Maybe you should take the risk of saying no to getting the hair cut. If your boss explicitly says that you have to choose between the hair and the job, then think seriously. I have feeling that your boss does not have any idea about how much effort you have put into the LH.
The waiting untill retirement argument holds no water. There are certain things that ought to be done at a certain age. I hope you can convince your boss. Good luck.
Have you checked around for other places of employment? Maybe if you're considered good at your job other places would not be concerned with the hair.
I am sometimes bewildered at how much employers worry about hair. Mine can be clean and well groomed-do they understand the discipline involved inthis?-but I am overlooked for some clown who looks like he cut his own hair and put pig lard in it, or some tub with his belly hanging out of his shirt.
I'm looking into computer related work now, myself.
Say, where are you from? Your english has a foreign 'accent'.
I am thinking seriously about it.
I agree with you totally there are so many men that don't take proper care of their hairs and yet are more accepted because they are short. Someone told me that my boss may simply be jalous of my hairs that are aboundant enough to let them be long... or jalous that many women appreciate my long hairs. This is my fantaisy of course.
I am French Canadian, this is why the "accent". I hope that my English is not to painful to read.
Thanks
Jean
Jean, I'd say, leave the job and find something better. The guy is just being a prick. If you find a great job that is LH friendly, then there you go!
-J
I should have recognized the accent-I like a French-Canadian band-Voivod.
I was wondering-did you have long hair when they hired you?
It might be different in Canada- but I think here- If you had long hair when they hired you, they can't fire you because of it. If it grows out after you're hired, then they could make more out of it.
I think it involves the American Civil Liberties Union or something-but I think if they hire you with long hair, they'll have more trouble making trouble over it, since they were aware of it to begin with, because if you had known there was a problem-you could have looked elsewhere to begin with.
I like some of the other suggestions like go over the boss, or just refuse to comply-if those are options for you.
Can you go over his head? You say "big boss", is he the biggest?
How about the Personnel department?
If that doesn't work, what are the laws about such things in Canada? Many countries prohibit or restrict LH discrimmination. Sad to say, the US isn't one of them, but maybe Canada is.
-Zorba
Well there is the board of course but I don't know if this isn't coming from them.
This guy is totally with the "big boss".
Hum! that is an interresting point, I'll check for that.
Thank you for your input.
Yours
Jean
Hi, Jean. I've visited this board for some time, but this is my first reply to a posting. I'm just growing my hair out right now (4 months so far), and I'm about to begin interviewing for teaching positions here in the USA. I just want to tell you that I believe you should keep your hair. I used to work in personnel and I got a chance to observe the interactions between many managers and staff members, from top to bottom of the organization (a college district). Overall, I have learned that your 'big boss' will probably try to push you around whether you cut your hair or not. I've seen bosses complain about a man's hair in the growing out phase (mine, to be honest), then the day I got it cut short, laugh and complain that now it looks too short. My point is, the 'boss' has a problem. He has decided to pick on you for some reason, and I believe your hair is simply the most obvious thing he can find to bother you about. If you cut it, it will bother you every single day, all day and all night long. How many hours of each day do you see your 'big' boss? Even if he claims to like it better short, the precedent of giving in to his demand over this facet of your appearance will make him believe he can simply disrupt your life at will. I quit my last job after realizing this pattern with my own 'big boss'. Yet, I do understand your professional status and love of your career. I recommend that you look for another teaching job, and don't let him or anyone else at your school know. Go interview, get an offer or two, and then decide whether you love your hair or your current 'big boss' more. ;) Either way you cut it (or don't), you're probably going to have trouble with this person from now on. Keep your hair; get several solid offers to teach elsewhere; once you have other offers, tell your boss you're keeping your hair (offer to wear it inside your shirt, if you want). No matter what his reply, you're covered. Meanwhile, hang in there.
Hi "puffyscomb"
I appreciated a lot your reply. In certain points it reach others feed back and I must admit that it feel good to be supported as there aren't that many people in every day life that can understand the need for a "men" to wear nice long hairs.
I also am convinced that cuting my hairs wouldn't resume what is going on in between "big boss" and me. I must say though that I am no more in teaching as I am now in the administration side - it is far more expected from an "officer" of the administration team to have long hairs than it is from a teacher (I have long hairs teachers in my team). I must maneouvre in all that from a different perspective than if I was protected by a solid convention. This is a very delicate situation as I also need the professional support of those directors.
One thing is sure is that I am looking for ALL alternative to the cut. I don't know if I'm wrong but all I know is that, now that I have finally those beautiful long hairs that I wanted so dearly for soooooo long, I certainly don't feel like giving up.
>>I used to work in personnel and I got a chance to observe the interactions between many managers and staff members, from top to bottom of the organization (a college district). Overall, I have learned that your 'big boss' will probably try to push you around whether you cut your hair or not.<<
This is precisely what I suspect also and I would never forgive me for having given him 2.5 years of care and comitment for nothing...
>>My point is, the 'boss' has a problem. He has decided to pick on you for some reason, and I believe your hair is simply the most obvious thing he can find to bother you about.<<
I agree with you.
>>If you cut it, it will bother you every single day, all day and all night long.<<
That is indeed a very scary thought and I am sure I would regret it deeply.
Well, well... This isn't simple indeed and very troubling for me. I realise that I first need to find alternative before to face him back when the vacations are over.
Thanks again for the input.
Yours
Jean
You have been growing your hair for 2 & 1/2 years, and your boss just said something now? Is this a new boss? Maybe you should share with them how you feel, of if you are not comfortable with that, maybe you can negotiate on style, but not length. Also, if you are as good at your job as you say you are, they probably do not really want to lose you. Just make sure that you are the best at what you do, then not only do they have to respect you, but you will also be a positive example of a long haired man for everyone to see!
Hi there
You both came out with the same questions:
>>You say that you have been growing your hair for 2 & 1/2 years and nothing has come up until now.<<
The thing is that he harras me all the time since I started to let my hairs grow but apparently got feed up somehow after a certain while. Well this is what I though. Now he is coming back in force with that and I suspect that someone is pushing him in this direction.
I am walking over a very thin ice and am taking care of all my steps actually.
>>Are you teachers covered by a union like some/most are in the USA?<<
No I am an administrator and thus don't have the same protection than my teachers. "They" are using the image that an administrator "should" have to support the demand to cut my hairs short.
Nothing is simple isn't?
Thanks for the reply.
Yours
Jean
I have been reflecting on your situation. I am about to take a new teaching position. Several people have inquired what my new school thinks of my hair. No one in the interview process ever mentioned my hair which was in the midst of the awkward stage. I can now with the help of some hair spray, get it into a ponytail and keep it there for the day. It looks very neat and clean that way. I have thought about who I am and what I do. I am a good teacher, and I know that. That's why this system hired me. My hair is not an issue. Understand how that reads? My hair is a part of my body. My hair is not an issue to discuss, negotiate, etc. No one inquired as to whether I am circumcised before hiring me. Very personal part of the body. My hair, and its length, is a very personal issue. I am prepared to say these things, in a non-confrontational tone of voice, if someone brings up the issue of my hair.
Robert
Hi Robert
You have a good point here.
>>My hair, and its length, is a very personal issue. I am prepared to say these things, in a non-confrontational tone of voice, if someone brings up the issue of my hair.<<
This is how I am seeing things too. I have already used this approach when the subject was brought to me since I started to wear a ponytail two years ago. "They" seems to lived with that more or less and this is why I though that it was OK. But I really was surprised when "they" came back with it in force lately. In fact "they" haven't address that point directly of course as they know that they can't have me on that alone. The thing is that "they" are in a heavy campain of harrassement using all the little details that they would normally not care about to push me to do things in which I will "break my neck" and then use this to force me in or push me out. My attitude regarding my desire to have long hairs despite there demand is making them look as they have no authority on me and this is what bother them the most.
Until I can find a way to have them to save their face I don't think I can resolve that situation without loosing what is so precious to me and my self esteem.
Thank for the feedback.
Yours
Jean
Jean, be aware that employers sometimes will harass a longhair about his hair when they have decided they want him to leave. Hair is an easy target so they will pick that if it is available. Their actual hope is that you'll say "no" to cutting your hair and leave. If you cut your hair, then they will harass you about something else, which is what a shorthaired man would have gotten in the first place. They will escalate the harassment (to the point of giving you bogus bad reviews, etc.) and this will continue until you leave. At that point you will have no job, no hair, and probably no self-esteem either.
I'm not saying this is the case in your situation, but anytime an employer harasses an existing employee about his hair, it should be seriously considered. Your mention of "little details that they would normally not care about" to me smells a bit.
Jean:
As for the little harassments . . . if this were happening in an American school, I would be keeping a professional journal, documenting each and every example of what they were doing. As long as the journal is kept private and designated professional journal, it can be used in a court here as evidence of harassment. How about there?
Robert
Jean, this is very powerful language from you: This is filling my life with a great joy and for the first time of my life (I'm in the fifties) I am proud of the image that the mirror reflect me.
I know exactly how you feel, because I have traveled precisely that road. Yes, including never growing out my hair until my fifties, and never feeling attractive until I did.
No man should have to wait until his fifties to be proud of who he is, but abuse patterns sometimes set us longhairs up for that. They aren't your fault, but once they are recognized, it is tough to not put one's foot down and say, "Never again!" You're probably what we call a "born longhair" - it's in your psyche, has been since you were a child, and always will be.
I have two thoughts to share with you....
First, you are in your fifties. If you are not going to live your own life now, when, may I ask, are you going to?
Second, since you already have the job, and employees are difficult to replace, you might try the approach reported on here several months back. Say, "Well, tell me when my last day is then." (You can elaborate a bit on the same theme - "I'm not cutting it. No hurry, but tell me when my last day is when you know.") Anytime they bring up hair, just repeat that idea and refuse to discuss it further. It is unlikely they will fire you at once, because they will want to find a replacement for you first. After all, you've been walking around there longhaired for months, so you're no threat to security or anything. It's not like they caught you stealing money. So they will likely find it suits their convenience to keep you for now. Since you are there, finding a replacement will be a low priority item. Other people who might have to get involved may feel far less fervor for the task than your abuser because they will see it as unnecessary work, and certainly not work they need to do today. The office may just never get around to it. That was what actually happened to the guy who used this technique and reported it on here! :-)
The "homeless" around here carry signs saying "will work for food". I have a paraphrase of that. I don't chop off body parts for food. No job to me is that damned important.
Good luck man, and celebrate it long!
Bill
Hi Bill
Thank you for your interresting inputs. I will give them serious thoughts.
I perticularely appreciate:
>>...since you already have the job, and employees are difficult to replace, you might try the approach reported on here several months back. Say, "Well, tell me when my last day is then." (You can elaborate a bit on the same theme - "I'm not cutting it. No hurry, but tell me when my last day is when you know.") Anytime they bring up hair, just repeat that idea and refuse to discuss it further. It is unlikely they will fire you at once, because they will want to find a replacement for you first. After all, you've been walking around there longhaired for months, so you're no threat to security or anything. It's not like they caught you stealing money. So they will likely find it suits their convenience to keep you for now. Since you are there, finding a replacement will be a low priority item. Other people who might have to get involved may feel far less fervor for the task than your abuser because they will see it as unnecessary work, and certainly not work they need to do today.<<
I think that there is a lot of "food for thoughts" there and I would add that self esteem is priceless...
Yours
Jean (born-longhair)
Hi Jean,
I would write a letter to your "big boss" along these lines:
Date
Mr. Big
The Institution
cc:
The Institution's top attorney
Jean's attorney
The head of Jean's union
Dear Mr. Big,
As you know, I have dedicated my life to education and I believe that
I am a competent and effective educator. This opinion of my work is based not only on my own extensive satisfaction at the results I've seen, but also on your satisfaction with my time working here and with the following comments and accolades I've received. (Insert supporting material here.) I have been looking forward to continuing as a (type of work) here at The Institution as I believe that (the type of education done) is important to society.
Because this work means so much to me, I was extremely surprised and very highly disappointed by your comments in our conversation on Tuesday the 12th. At that time, if I understand you correctly, you informed me that The Institution will terminate my employment effective September 1 if I have not cut my hair very short by that time, to an unspecified length but probably comparable to the way you have your hair styled.
I believe that the style of my hair in no way interferes with my ability to effectively carry out my job responsibilities. Unlike food service workers, airline mechanics or the like, there is effectively no chance of dangerous or unhygenic situations arising on the job from my having longer than average hair. Of course I will neatly tie back or put up my hair if any such situations do arise, for example if I was to pitch in on serving sundaes at an ice cream social, or help the maintenance staff change a light bulb. These types of situations, in any event, are outside the normal scope of my work.
My having longer than average hair while continuing to serve as an educator at The Institute will provide students with an additional important lesson they can carry with them throughout all aspects of the rest of their lives: That people may choose a variety of personal grooming styles, with some people appearing different than others, yet effectively work together at making the world a better place. Apparently the lesson you would prefer to have The Institute teach is: There is no room for any deviation from the utmost conformity of appearance, among people who wish to trust each other and collaborate. It saddens me that you believe that such a lesson is an important one to teach.
I also believe that your attempt to impose an appearance standard, in the absence of any written modification to my employment agreement, is an illegal attempt to implement an unenforceable contract of adhesion; and I am willing to fight this point in court if you persist in this untenable and unacceptable attempt.
I hope that you will quickly let me know in writing that I can continue with my plans to provide quality education at the Institute for this year and for as long as our paths may cross. I would disappointed if you were to stubbornly require me to either litigate this matter or pursue other employment opportunities at short notice. My personal choices about how I use my body, in ways that neither endanger nor inconvenience anyone else, is nobody's business but my own and is certainly not yours to arbitrate on a whim.
I look forward to your prompt reply. Please let me know if I should place this matter on the agenda of the next meeting with the board, or if we can amicably resolve it before then.
Sincerely,
Jean
Don't forget to use the concept of sexual discrimination against men. (For women have no hair length restriction)
If you worked in an industry where food was an issue, or
something like that, and it was hard to pin-up your hair, I
would understand your boss.
But it sounds like to me that your boss is just an old fashioned
fart that can not understand the pride and joy someone could
have by doing something for themself.
Here is my advise. I would have a talk with my boss and find
out his feelings. Maybe HIS boss is tell him to do something
about it. If that is the case you can ask your boss if you can talk
to HIS boss. If this is the case your upper boss probably doesnt
know you as well and therefore is making a rush decision.
If this is not the case, and your imediate boss is just being
being a jerk, I would consult and lawer on your rights. My guess
is he has no right to do that to you.
In the mean time I would search for a new job. Take the next few months and search for a another job. I'm sure if you are tallented you can get another good paying job like the one you have. But that is my opinion, you have to make it for yourself.
I would NEVER sacrafice anything in my life that makes me
happy just because my BOSS does not want me to have it
for no other reason but his own selfish reasons.
Good Luck.
I know you've gotten many suggestions, but I think the Litigation approach is best. Tie them up in court for years. Find a new job in the meantime and file suit. Make them spend so much time in court that they realize that they could've been doing something, anything, more productive than THAT. If your credit is good, take out a few managable loans to keep yourself fed and housed. Then document the payments you make to repay them. Submit the principle and interest as part of your demand-for-settlement/judgement. In the US we can sue for Triple Damages. Put them in the Newsapaper. In short, be a huge, royal pain in the arse.