new thread
It seems like there have been some people lately who are contacting me personally, possibly looking for what I would call "support". Let me be the first to state that while I'm generally polite on the board, I'm not generally the "supportive" type. That makes me very uncomfortable. I know that some of you guys would not mind, and might even enjoy doing such a thing. Psyche majors?
My guess is that a significant percentage (but not all) of these men are having issues with regards to their sexuality (wondering if they are gay, etc...). Therefore, some familiarity with those issues would help.
If you are not having issues with something deeply personal such as "coming out", then I have a hard time imagining that you couldn't share it with the entire board. Contacting one individual personally to deal with an issue just deprives the board of the value that such discussions can generate.
If you "can't always reply" to the board, as one fellow said, then your browser is broken. That might be a technical problem. Skulking around at work? Not my problem. Either get a proxy, or get a laptop with wireless and get your MLHH fix during your coffee break, not on company time. Consider an ecrypted proxy through an IPv6 tunnel. Heck, even an unencrypted IPv6 tunnel will stymie most of the network admins (what are all these UDP packets?). Or whatever your problem is, fix it. Our tech crew will be happy to help.
Of course, if you have a common interest outside of hair, or you just in general feel that you have a something to say that's OT, then it's fine to contact me. It's just that I'm not in the business of setting up ongoing one-to-one contacts for the purpose of generally helping you sort things out. I'm not really looking for online penpals, just for the sake of having an online buddy either. I want to make this clear--I'm not trying to cut people off; but I'm not a counselor.
Oh, and by the way, I'm not a counselor. Did I remember to say I'm not a counselor? Uhhh... yes. OK. Glad to clear that up.
It sounds like a good idea to me. I think you have every right to not feel obligated to help people who contact you. Sometimes you just have to cut the cord with some people. I've had counselor training and a psychology background but I can't say I really want to volunteer myself to being one on the internet since I have had similar problems in the past like you described.
LOL!!
Yep, rest assured that you're far from being the only one on this board who have received private e-mails from someone who takes up way too much time and energy to constantly reply back to! In the past, I have gladly given of myself in answering many e-mails that have come my way on the topic of being a gay longhair. I figure that because I'm open about being a gay guy here, that this obviously leaves me vulnerable to privatte e-mails on that topic (both supportive, and NOT). If I feel comfortable with a private letter someone has taken the time to write me. then I respond... If the e-mail smells of someone way too "needy", or any follow-up communications escalate into that sort of problem, then I tell them that they need professional help (AKA, a therapist), --- and that I am not one. Also, the internet is not the proper place to seriously solve those kinds of problems.
I call these people "high-maintenance". In real-life, I've had a few friendships where I eventualy realized they were very one-sided, or where I eventually figured out a hidden motive in their constant demand upon my time. Once I identify a snake in my home, I bag him up and dump him in the woods. My guess is that you're talking about an internet snake here (and I'd bet I could even name him - lol). If I'm right, just sweep him out the door, and tell him to slither away and don't bother coming back!
- Ken
Im sure most people have their problems, some are more vocal about it than others. Some choose to bury their feelings and pretend they dont exist until it explodes one day. Others are so vocal about it that it pushes people away. Not everyone is qualified to deal with people's problem but I dont think pushing people away is the answer, since it may lead to extreme behavior like suicide or even getting a shotgun and shoot up a shopping mall or something. Alot of people think "well you need to see a professional" but the problem is not everyone has the financial resource to see a professional and they can get very expensive. Furthermore medical insurace rarely cover things like this because not everyone reconize this as a problem. Plus most professionals just give you boatloads of prozac and expects them to go away, instead of helping them.
Therefore if someone wishes to volunteer as a supporter, that's great and maybe people can even donate to that cause if they want to. Or referral to some websites that does offer help online free of charge. The internet may not be the best place for people to seek help but in some cases, it may be the only place. The person could live in a very isolated area or in an area where no one cares to help them.
I will volunteer to help those with problems and if you got people who needs the help then refer them to me. However I do ask that the person seeking help to trust me, as in dont try to hide anything from me. I mean things like fake names, no pictures (even webcam pics are acceptable, I just need to know who I am talking to. If they can afford an internet connection they can afford a webcam), inconsistent stories. If the person isn't giving me that trust it leads me to think that he might be a troll or worse (like a certain person who has an oppressive mom). I know what it is like to be hated by people around them and I will do whatever I can to help...
Wow, that's awesome Tai Fu, I hope you know what you're getting into. Yes, definitely anyone, not just those asking for help, needs to have a consistant story and not just make things up. Trolling a board is bad enough. Trolling someone who is offering a helping hand is just despicable.
I hope I didn't come off too mean in my original post. I think it would have be far meaner, of course, to pretend that I was someone who was a good fit to help somebody one-on-one. There are all kinds of people here on the board, and for me to try and be that person, well, it would be like pounding nails with a wrench.
There was someone else I tried to help, most others already gave up on him and stuff. Thing is what annoys me the most is they wont give me any pictures like they were afraid or something. Its things like this that tends to lead me to think they are trolling. Honestly I don't know what I am getting myself into, because I havent experienced in therapy or whatever to really know what can or can't happen. All I know is there's someone out there just like me, who has no friends and has a personality that just pushes people away. Then when something like suicides or people shooting up a shopping mall happens they always wonder what would drive people to do such a crazy thing. Jesus said to love others, I confess I can't do that all the time because of abusive people and I often respond to them with anger, but I sure as hell gonna do what I can...
It would not be practical legally for MLHH to offer support or counseling in an officially sanctioned manner. Counseling professionals need to be licensed, and our small budget would not allow us to obtain the necessary malpractice insurance anyway.
Can we, as individuals, help each other out, though? Most certainly! That is one of the reasons MLHH is here.
Licensed counselors have something to offer, but so do those in the ordinary walks of life who have walked down the same path as the one seeking counsel. Here you can find others who have experience going through life as a longhaired man. If one seeks counsel here on other matters, he's apt to get no better expertise than he'd get asking other passengers on the bus on the way to work, so it's best to not bring one's other troubles here if quality answers are sought.
Bill
It doesnt take a MD or PhD or whatever to provide advise and stuff. Now if a person needs prozac or something that is different. But the professionals I have seen just gives you a month supply of prozac just to shut you up, which is why non-drug help is important because you really shouldn't be taking drug unless its REALLY bad.
As soeone who has started growing his hair long when the Beatles atarted their long hair journey I have ask isn't that why this
board is here? To provide support and answer questions from those who are starting their long haired journey now and are
looking for help from those of us who have been down this road
before.
BTW, i'm not a pshye major.
Bear in mind some are leary about what they put out on the
net. I can udnerstand that, I ran into a situaion a number
of years ago where I let out one tiny bit of information and the
next thing I knew someone had found my real name/address/
phone #/and who knows what else.
So I can understand where soemone would want to careful where they post and what they post.
Bear in mind in this day and age your boss/mom/wife/etc.
may be watching everything you post on the net. So I can
understand being careful.