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The topic of how to endure the infamous "awkward stage" comes up frequently around here, so I've been thinking back to my own experiences during those times, and decided to write about it...
First of all, I went through the full "awkward stage" experience TWICE: the first time I grew my hair out was during the very early '90s; the 2nd time, after a foolish Y2K short haircut.
And oddly enough, the 2 experiences were totally different from each other!
It might help to begin explaining that I had wanted to grow my hair out for a long, looooooong time, --- and that prior to the early '90s, any attempt on my part to grow my hair out before then had always been met with several obstacles in my way (like jobs with strict dress codes, growing up with an ex-military father, etc.)...
Anyway, in the Spring of '92 was when I decided to have no more haircuts. This was right after attending a very close friend's wedding. By the Summer of '93, on my 40th birthday, I publicly tied my hair back into a ponytail for the very first time.
Getting from point "A" to point "B", though, was pure hell for me. For one thing, I had to overcome a lot of self-consciousness and worry over how I looked to "others", --- especially self-consciousness over my age ( the self-imposed view that someone my age should be more "grown up" than to want to grow their hair long).
To emotionally survive, during what was approximately a year and a half of being tortured looking in the mirror until I had a ponytail, I did all of the following: 1) used tons of gel; 2) used hairspray; 3) went in for 2 professional hair trims, to re-style/re-shape; 4) wore lots of hats; 5) made up lame excuses for why I wanted to "try" long hair...
Once it got all into a ponytail, though, I slowly began to relax a bit. And, as the months and years rolled by, I discovered that the longer I let that ponytail grow, the more I liked my hair. By '99, my mane was down to my lower back, with early Y2K ushering in waist-length!
Then one morning, --- on the first day of Summer, Y2K, to be exact --- I woke up annoyed with my hair and depressed over some mid-life issues. Impulsively, I made the decision that day to cut off all my hair, thinking I was "ready" to go back to it being short...
It didn't take me too long to realized I had done a very, VERY stupid thing. I was devastated. What had taken me almost 9 years to grow and nurture along was now all gone in a matter of minutes.
Although the reality of what I'd done hadn't fully set-in until a couple of days after this haircut, my decision and determination to grow my hair back, once I fully woke up to the fact of what I'd done to myself, was "immediate".
So, in my 2nd journey through the awkward stages all over again, an interesting thing occurred: I no longer cared what "others" thought about my re-growing, --- I just wanted my long ahir back!
THIS time, in order to "emotionally survive" the awkward stages, I did the following: 1) used very little or no gel; 2) never once used hairspray; 3) wore hats only for fun; 4) enjoyed wearing bandanas; 5) tied my bangs back in a half-tail; 6) went in only once for a professional touch-up trim; 7) told anyone that said i looked "better" in short hair to go to hell (well, maybe not those EXACT words; but believe me, they got the message -lol)!!
So, there's my long-winded story about how i survived the famous "awkward stage" days, --- TWICE!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Such an interesting story Ken, but sorry you acted on that impulse to cut for Y2K. Hey, but look who's talking. I fell for a "Buzz Cut" back in 2002 and the minute it was done I knew a terrible mistake had been made and I actully wanted to puke. NEVER AGAIN!
As for the Awkward Stage, much of my life one could almost say I lived in it to varying degrees and enjoyed the wildness of it always. For me it was fun, and I wasn't using any gels either. Every day there was a different look.
And just what do people think? Ha Ha Ha..........I could care less, but I have always been this way. Right now my hair is the longest it has ever been in my entire life, that is all of it and I have no plans to have it cut back up to an advanced Awkward Stage. It is now below waist level (waist level being Classic Length) and I am not sure just how much further I will let it go. It may have hit terminal. IN any event I am happy with what I have and may yet have it kept just at waist level. Time will tell.
IN the meantime Ken I am so glad that you have your longhair back. It looks fabulous!!!!!!!!!
Justin~
Very interesting, Ken! I'm sure now more people will think twice before cutting their hair and one should never be ashamed of what they look like. Thanks!
Dec '02 to Jan '05 - grew it out to around shoulder-length with the help of gel, hairspray, hairdryer, straighteners, you name it.
Jan '05 to present - grew it back again without ANY of the aforementioned products (and still to this day, I don't use any of that. All I use now is a comb, shampoo and conditioner.) And it looks better now than it did last time. And it's longer now than it was then as well! (It's around upper-back length now.)
Hi Ken,
Thnaks for sharing your story, Ken, great reading as always.
I have had it moderately long most of my life, but only grew it really long in the late 90's, longest was in 1999 at around mid back. I cut it off, in stages, until it was short in early 2000, this was all because I took up golfing in late 1999.
I started growing back in early 2004, originally with no great desire to grow really long, and had a trim just before golf season started in April, 2004. From that point on, I never looked back, was not even aware of an "awkward phase", in fact, back then, I had never heard of the term. For some reason, as it grew longer, the desire to keep growing it as long as I could set in, especially after I found the hyperboard last Sept. Now, I want terminal length, whatever that may be, I would be thrilled if I could get to waist, but don't know if genetics will allow it. I have not had a single trim since April 2004.
David
HI Ken, great story to help us new boys thru the torture of awkward hair. You are bang on when you said as you get older you dont care what others say.Im 45 and have always wanted long hair ,and it is only now,that i have the balls to go for it.!!
Thanks again to you and many others on this great site,the advice and inspiration is always there. Cheers mate, Jonny H uk.
And did the awkward stage last two weeks past forever for you also???
Can't wait to get to the two year mark; just passed 15 months.
Great story Ken, thanks for sharing it. I too, am a member of the cut and regret club. I agree, the second time around there was no awkward stage. My brain would not allow it! Even when my wife referred to me as a red headed Q-tip! (early stage), or later, when only 60% of my hair would stay put in a tail. To H*** with what they think! There might even be some wannabees out there that I might inspire! lol. I know I got my inspiration from you and the other guys at this site. I think that may have made the difference.
Keep on growin'!
Bruce
Definitely, I think that people may try any hair (or no hair) style which fits to them or not, as long as they stay polite and respecting a personal space of others. The fellow guys told me, how in surrounding towns there are skinheads, who doesn't worship Dolph H a lot, but they beat anyone they can on every party in the town. I doubt that a long-haired person would be like this.
Many of you guys are lucky, that you've started growing the hair in mature age.
In the "awkward stage", some non-intellectual teenagers can make a hell of a life. You know, in classes various things happen, something burns (safety match piles), jangles, flies around (chairs) but I really hated when they were throwing pieces of a chewing gum, that was something to kill for.
Or there was a sudden confusion of minds, when the guys started to get a really silly haircut in batches. It was like completely short sides of head and the center stripe about 3 cms. All of them had to cut it all off, after a while, because no-one couldn't show himself to parents. And they were forcing me to participate in this madness. Of course I refused and they were really disappointed by my disobedience. Dunno why, but some people doesn't know where is their place.
One important thing to notice - I have never seen or heard talking anything bad about a long-haired guy, just the "awkward phase" seems provoking to everyone weak-minded.
Fortunately, I can say I survived the "awkward phase" in health, without goin' emo :) (just with few subconscious defending reflexes, but that's the jungle law) But I still wonder if anywhere is a high school (or university) with broadminded intellectuals, who likes programming and spirituality :)
Thank you Ken, for sharing this story with us. There is so much in it that really touched me and that I could relate to. I'm sure this will serve as inspiration to many others as well.
Wonderful reflection and insight, Ken. Thanks for sharing your stories.
Mouse
I had gone through awkard stage twice as well. First time I didnt quite make it out. I grew out my hair when I got arrested by the feds, and the day before I got out I cut my hair for some reason. I was tired of awkard stage and the one hair that defy any hair ties. I only served 10 months of sentence so I didn't have too much time growing it out. second time is after military because after I got sent back to Taiwan I could not grow out my hair because of military service and stuff, and on 8/1/2005 I decided to get my last haircut (I was due to be discharged on 8/16) just to pass inspection. now I am more patient with my hair and won't cut a strand of hair just because they wont go into a tie.
Thank you Ken for sharing your story with us, I'm one of those going through the "Akward Phase", using gels, caps, bandandas, etc. Sometimes I just let it go with a comb and works quite nice for a while, until I meet and mirror and got freaked out, but I'm telling myself "this is going to end soon and you'll have the long hair want" and I made it through the day. I won't lie, I'm still sensible of other people's comments and so, but I'm sure I'll get over it.
I'm just glad I found this board!
Restav.-
great story,Ken!!this should serve as an inspiration for those in the awkward stage to "tough it out"!!thanks for sharing!!^_^