new thread
Okay, so my hair is long enough for a ponytail (as some have seen). Today I revealed my first "public" tail which was to my lab group (five including me) and we were in the lab alone. Several times I have put one in before I left my room and then took it out of my hair right as I leave. I also showed it to a good friend of mine (I was in her dorm room at the time) and she basically said "if you have a ponytail, then leave". Several others have expressed similar opinions about me having one. And quite a few people are trying to get me to cut my hair. I know they are not being mean and they all claim to be doing a favor for me. But I like my hair long, it looks good, I have good hair, it fits my personality, it feels good.
Basically, any advice for breaking the first barrier and advice on what to say to friends who tell me "no" with regards to my new style.
I had thoughts go through my head about what people would say if I tied my hair in some sort of tail. But then I actually tried it and almost no one said anything.
Not to sound cliche here, but if they're really your friends, they're not gonna care about whether or not you have your hair in a ponytail. Just wear it and see what happens. If they have that big of an issue with it, that's their problem, not yours. It's your hair, so do what you want with it. =)
-James
theres going to be people who wont support you , and your always have false friends. true friends respect you for who you are , not who they want you to be. keep wearing that ponytail - and say the hell to what they think , or what they hell. more power to you and happy growing.
Hi
Antesse
Looking at your Pictures http://www.mlhh.org/messages/180037.html
You seem afraid to wear your ponytail well dont be wear your Ponytail with pride, I cant really see myself what you look like with your ponytail in from your picture in the Thread/ Url above but it looks like a full ponytail, Might be an idea to take a picture of your backview with all your head actually showing but that is your own choice by that at least we can all see what it does actually look like !
Axel
Antesse,
My advice to you is "just do it!" It's quite clear that you want to have long hair despite what your friends think. If they really are friends they'll accept you the way you want to be. Besides, you weren't put on this earth to please them...so wear the ponytail and enjoy it!
That's what I did, anyway.
Take care and keep it growin'!
Brett
With friends like that who needs enemies? Wear your hair the
way you want, it's your hair and none of their business.
BTW, on another subject, I ended up dumping IE 7 and going back
to IE6. Now I can try Firefox. For some reason IE7 would not
let me download anything and was creating problems with sites
that I use (including H&R Block at tax time.)
I wore my first one last night. I was sooo self-concious but I realised later on that no one really cares. They all have their own lives to live. Do whatever you like with your hair and if people don't like it then it is their problem.You can't worry about yourself because they have an idea that everyone must look the same.
"True friends" would NEVER make you think that you had to justify a thing about your hair.
Advice? Ignor them all and do your own thing. To live ones life for everyone else to please them just never works. If it isn't this, it will be that.
My only piece of advice is a question: Why are you seeking approval from friends in the first place? You aren't growing your hair for them, are you?
For a man to grow his hair long is to basically tell the mainstream, "To hell with you." That kind of mentality requires a fiercely independent personality. If you're not going to be truly happy with your length unless your friends approve of it, you need to re-evaluate why you're growing it.
I got a college interview in a couple of hours, and I'm going to wear a tail for that. Not to look neater, I just want to see people's reactions to it.
I also showed it to a good friend of mine (I was in her dorm room at the time) and she basically said "if you have a ponytail, then leave".
What kind of a "good friend" would tell you to get lost cause you had a tail? That doesn't sound so good to me. I hope she and others come around. It is your hair, but having others get less upset about it does help :)
I say wear it in a tail until they stop noticing or complaining about it.
They have no right to say "no", --- so say a bigger NO back to them. Either they are, or they AREN'T, "friends". I have so many wonderful friends, I'm no longer good at keeping up like I should with contacting them all. It's who you are on the INside, not the outside, that makes you a good friend to someone. If you are kind, thoughtful, caring, fun, sincere, honest, and just generally-speaking, an ethical and loving human being, then anyone who is lucky enough to come into contact with you will be THRILLED to be your friend! Your hair length won't matter one hoot to any person with an ounce of smarts and good taste, because they'll see you for your heart (rather than a narrow-minded view of whether or not your "in fashion" with their self-centered perspectives).
If your current friends can't accept a simple outward change like a new hair length and style on you, then give up those friends. Seriously. I mean that. Just let them go! There are too many worthy people on this planet who will be more than happy to meet the real you, --- and I bet anything they will become an even BETTER friend than you ever dreamed possible!!
- Ken in San Francisco
I wish I knew where to meet those people... :(
It's just a matter of time, and you will. What are your favorite interests / hobbies / activities that you love? Pursue those, and chances are you will meet like-minded people who share many of the same thoughts, feelings, values, etc. that you do.
For example, I like dancing, --- specifically, partner dancing. Since my early 20s, I've taken classes in Swing (AKA "Jitterbug"), Salsa, C&W 2-Step, Tango, Cha-cha, Waltz, and even some Appalacian Clogging classes. I've met tons of people over the years, and can walk into a crowded dance floor and never lack for a dance partner, --- NONE of whom care one tiny microscopic bit that my hair is long. They like me because I'm polite, I give them a great spin around the floor, I laugh when they laugh, and I'm willing to listen to them whenever they need to talk about something.
Now, I'm not saying by this that you,too have to specifiacally take up dancing. My point is: what do YOU like to do? Photography? Hiking? Computers? Cars? Gardening/Horticulture? Politics? Journalism? Science Fiction? Travel? Cooking? Auto Mechanics? I could go on & on...
If you're young, and currently very caught-up in school... this will not last forever! So, make the best of your school years; but just know that not long from now, the same people that you know today will probably NOT be the same crowd you'll be hanging out with tomorrow, --- regardless of your hair length!
- Ken
Hi Antesse,
I rememeber the first day I wore a ponytail in public just over a year after I started growing my hair. It was the first day of a new gofing season, and I wanted to have my hair restrained while golfing. I was very self conscious of it at the time, but strangely enough, received next to no comments, other than the fact that my hair was a lot longer after a long winter.
As for you, I would say to stand your ground. The inevitable negative comments we receive as we grow out our hair are a part of the journey we all go through, and we come out of it a much stronger person since we develop a thicker skin as a result. The very fact that your so called "good friend of yours" told you to leave, simply because you wore a ponytail speaks volumes, a true friend would not treat you this way. A ponytail is an established way many guys who have long hair wear it in public, nothing will ever change that! The first time that any of us are able to have hair long enough to wear in a tail is a true milestone and a celebration, this should be true for you as well, don't let anything get in your way!
All the best in your future jouney,
David
They'll get over it! Some of my friends and family said the same thing as I was growing out, "the long hair is ok as long as he does'nt put it in to a ponytail". I hoped that they did'nt really mean that. Well now it's always in a tail when I go out and NO ONE HAS SAID A WORD! It's illogical to think that you would'nt, It's just more practical! Your friends and family love you for you, not you style. Sometimes everyone says something without thinking.
Bruce
Long hair is an a--hole filter. That's one of the good things about having long hair.
It's curious that people would ob ject to a ponytail but be okay with untied long hair. I would think it would be the other way around if anything. I would have expected the common public perception: Ponytail = neat, controlled long hair. Untied hair = Crazy guy (example--Barbara Streisand's husband who's name escapes me right now when he was the ax murderer in Amityville Horror).
Stand your ground Antesse, and wear your ponytail proud.!
Keep wearing your pony tail and if need be get some new friends. When the issue comes up tell them some or all of what was said here
on the board and if they can't deal with it then they become aquaintances rather than friends.
Kevin
I pre-apologize for the "harsh" quality of this reply but It's something I'm somewhat passionate about: The nature of friends. IF your "friends" are that opinionated that they would let your HAIR or HAIRSTYLE dictate your friendship, how close are these friends?
True friends will not care in the slightest about such trivial matters, especially ones that do not affect them at all, like how you wear your hair.
I think personally, its time to have a talk with these so called friends and straighten them out, there are people out there who couldn't care less about your hair (and in fact will encourage you because its something that you enjoy). Those people will prove to be much better friends that one's who alter how they treat you based on hair...
just my 2cents
~Rome
I used to have "friends" that would say the same thing. "I wouldn't hang out with you if you did such and such to your appearance." "You owe me this because I did this for you, remember?" "Oooh... That. You let me borrow it... Remember?" Ask yourself if she's actually there for you or her because true friends are there for each other no matter what their appearance.