new thread
I'm a 38 year old guy in L.A. and I've always had a buzz cut. I thought it worked well for me but at long last, got bored and decided to try something new and grow it long.
It's been maybe three or four months and I am really in need of some encouragement and discussion about the disclipline of not cutting it when it looks lousy.
I recently went east for my high school reunion (hadn't been back in 20 years) and to see someone I used to be involved with, so I wanted to look good. I went to a REALLY good stylist and told her I was growing it but needed to look sharp. She said she wouldn't take much off. She actually took quite a bit off, although I'm not complaining because the cut looked really awesome; she really knew what she was doing.
Now I'm back from the reunion and don't have any major social occasions coming up (although I work a very corporate job so it has to look presentable) so from here on out I'm going to grin and bear through it when it looks lousy.
My stylist has encouraged me to come back for maintainence cuts, but I'm skeptical. On one hand, I need her to clean up the back of my neck (for neatness/sanity/work reasons) but I'm afraid she's going to cut a lot of it, and being an admittedly vain person, I don't want to suffer and look like any more than necessary.
I'm told that I'm lucky to have great hair - not yet long enough to figure out if it's going to be wavy - but no balding at all (just a slight receding at the forehead but nothing major).
Part of what's hard about doing this is I'm so used to looking like a marine (and I'm 6'5", muscular, etc.) and right now it just looks like some sort of dorky businessman. Hopefully it will get past this stage soon and I'll start to look cooler.
What's also hard is that I have no idea how to style it. I've played around with gel, wax, etc. and then in the middle of the day I'll go to the bathroom and check myself out in the mirror and it looks nasty, like I just rolled out of bed.
Anyway, I'm DETERMINED to go through with this and NOT cut it. I've always had it buzzed and have no idea what I'd look like with long hair. I could look awesome and not know it, so I need to give this a try.
I would appreciate anyone who has struggled through this and stuck it out and gotten rewarded by looking awesome with long hair.
Thanks
I've yet to actually get through the awkard stage, but I suppose I can give encouragement, afterall I've been going at this more than twice as long as you! :P
Ok, first off, dont go for mantinence trims. Your hair is going to look messy at times when it grows out, might even do some random things for a few months. For example my hair is totally straight except when it gets the longer the back and sides flip, the side flip went away after a month and a half (looked awful thank god) but the back didn't. Oh well, these things happen. When your hair gets longer any messiness or random going on's will be crushed through gravity.
I wouldn't even suggest styling it, I mean you are only at 4 months you dont really have alot to work with anyways. Maybe when your at my length (9ish months) styling it will actually have an effect... But hey, if you feel like you have to style it (even if you cant figure out what to do) to make it through the day, then do it. You're going to have doubts in all likelyhood about growing your hair out, or wether to get a trim or whatever just like we all do, just think to the future. Bear it through, come on hear and read about other people who went through it all!
I hate to say it this way, but... I couldn't help but notice that the tone in a lot of what you say here sounds sort-of... ummmm... AGONIZING!
Being "bored" with your buzz cut style that you've had for years and years will probably NOT be sufficient motivation to endure the awkward stages of growing your hair out now. Are there any long hair styles that INSPIRE you? Is there a particular goal-length that you have in mind that you feel you might ENJOY? Having something to look FORWARD TO will be a far more encouraging factor than simply a decision to just, "try something new."
I'm not trying to be unfairly critical here; just trying to point out that your mental outlook towards long hair sounds a little devoid of something... a "vision", perhaps? For lack of a better illustration, if I was bored with my wardrobe every time I looked in my closet, that doesn't necessarily mean I should rush out and buy a bunch of tuxedos to replace everything I own! A better idea instead might be to look through a catalogue of men's clothing that appeals to me, and pick out some outfits that would match with how I live in general (which *might* include a tuxedo for special occasions; but probably more realistically a larger quantity of new casual attire that would feel more "right' to me in an "everyday" sort of way....
I guess what I'm trying to say is: long hair is not for everybody (any more than wearing a tuxedo is everybody's gig), --- so don't worry if your longhair journey ends up with maybe something a little more "medium-length" for you instead. A lot of us here are very passionate about wanting not just "long hair"... But, looooooooooooooooooooong hair!!!!! It's not something that we as a group here can really, truthfully "make" you feel the same way about, though... Either you feel an innate interest in pursuing the goal of long hair for yourself, or... you DON'T! Certainly, by all means give longer hair a try! But, if you have no idea whatsoever what length and/or style most appeals to you that might help inspire you on & on towards further magnificence in growth... Well, then maybe somebody else here can better figure out what sort of "encouragement" it is that you exactly "need"...
- Ken in San Francisco
Hi Ken I have to say you express yourself superbly as that was an excellant response to this person.Having some sort of "end game " is important as it gives you a least a goal to shoot for.I know before I started to first grow my hair many moons ago any time I saw a guy with long hair I always wished that could be me.This of course when I was still in high school and after graduating I made a firm decision that I was going to do it and to this day I have never cut it short again nor have I looked back.Long Hair Forever!!!!!Mark
I was bored and annoyed being the same as everyone else. I haven't had a hair cut in 6 months :P
Growing your hair long is a lot more than just "wanting a change" in hair style(s). When you've gotta wait, usually, 1-2 years for it to grow, that's more than just a passing fancy. That's a commitment. I admit I started down the road to long hair last year but then cut it. I had my reasons, but I guess the foremost was lack of commitment. It just has to be there. Sometimes we falter, and thank God this board and its members is here to help us back up. I hope to accomplish my long hair goal. I think the OP needs his own goals, as you said. It's hard to accomplish a non-existent objective.
And to Ken's post....wise words, brother, and I agree 1000%.
--
Splat
You wrote: "I admit I started down the road to long hair last year but then cut it. I had my reasons, but I guess the foremost was lack of commitment. It just has to be there. Sometimes we falter, and thank God this board and its members is here to help us back up."
Since I seem to be taking heat for my motives (see earlier posts and my response), I feel compelled to ask what motivated you to cut it. When you talk about "faltering," what precisely is the reason for that? I would be interested to know. I certainly hope it's not aesthetics, otherwise you're unfortunately in the same moral boat as me, from the way it sounds from other people's comments.
I'm no math wiz but, were you 8 years old when you graduated?
I understand your desire to grow your hair. I, too, had a buzz cut for all of the 1990's until 2002. Long hair takes time and therefore patience. Whenever I needed encouragement I always re-read this for help:
http://www.oz.net/~greglove/longhair/longhair.htm#How%20to%20Grow%20Your%20Hair%20Out
No, he was 18. He's 38 now, not 28.
38 - 20 = 18
Doh! I said I was no math wiz. Balancing my checkbook is algebra, geometry and calculus rolled into one to me. Thanks for helping me with the subtraction.
Hey Tim,
I'm going to give you my opinion on some of the points you made. Take it for what it's worth.
First, I noticed you said you work in a 'very corporate job' so that your hair has to look 'presentable', therefore you get regular 'maintenance trims'. Okay, this is a BIG red flag to me right from the start. Are you even sure that when your hair gets long enough to 'look long', that it won't be in violation of some grooming code at your place of employment? Are you willing to either quit your job or get fired over your hair length, or fight your employer to allow you to keep your hair long? It takes a lot more commitment to fight the powers that be than to just grow one's hair out.
Second, you mentioned at least twice that you are afraid that your hair 'looks lousy' or at least that it would look lousy if you didn't get maintenance trims. Here is my personal opinion, you may not agree at all with me so feel free to disregard my opinion on this. I think that you are afraid to have longer hair because you are so used to the buzz cut look, that any hair that looks wild or sticks out or doesn't lie flat, etc. looks 'lousy' to you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I personally like shaggy, messy, hair that sticks out everywhere. I also like long hair. If anything, I think that perfectly coiffed, short hair cuts look boring and lousy to me, but that's just my opinion. It's a matter of perspective. I can tell you one thing though, long hair can get messy and unruly, and if you really want to become committed to having long hair, you might have to change your perspective.
Your self-worth is not tied to your hair, neither is anyone else's. You are an equal with that 'dorky businessman' regardless of what type of hairstyle you have. I would hate for you to grow your hair long and think that you looked so 'cool' that you felt better than other people. Long-haired guys like that are total jerks. Growing your hair should be a journey of humility, not narcisscism. That's why I encourage you to stop getting maintenance trims and just let it grow unencumbered.
I don't know what type of hair you have, but I have straight, relatively fine hair and I have not used any styling products in years. I've had it shoulder-length, buzz cut, and everything in between. I just comb and part it in the morning after showering and the part seems to stay in place all day.
Yes, you owe it to yourself to grow long hair once in your lifetime. But remember, it's as much about the journey of growing it as it is about having it in the end. After all, if you want to know what you look like with long hair, just go to a fancy wig store and try on some wigs. I'm not kidding. Growing your hair should be a spiritual experience.
Sunflower
Wow, I didn't expect to get such a response. Thanks to all who replied.
Someone seems to have rather sternly corrected me to the effect that, “Growing your hair should be a spiritual experience.” I don’t suppose I disagree with that assertion, only its relative importance. It is also an aesthetic experience, a personal experience, a social experience, and other things. For me, it is mainly about changing my appearance and experimenting with something new. An exploration of sorts. In my case it is RELATED to a spiritual experience that grew out of other life transitions: leaving a relationship, getting sober several years ago, etc. But in and of itself for me it does not rise to the level of a spiritual experience.
I didn't expect that I would be judged so harshly for my intent to simply grow it to see what it looks like and try something different. If I may be permitted: it might just be fun. I don’t see why that should invite moral scrutiny; or derogation on the grounds that I am somehow insufficiently spiritually committed to the endeavor. One person referred to “red flags” going up, as though I were some kind of impostor.
Re the idea of it looking lousy, someone wrote that, “I think that you are afraid to have longer hair because you are so used to the buzz cut look, that any hair that looks wild or sticks out or doesn't lie flat, etc. looks 'lousy' to you..” I’m not sure how the leap was made between my opinion that MY hair can look lousy as it’s growing out to the idea that “ANY hair that looks wild or sticks out,” etc., looks lousy. That is not what I wrote. And in any event, my remarks are not dispositive; they are simply my remarks.
I was also instructed that “self-worth is not tied to your hair.” Well, of course not. Self-worth is comprised of many things, and they are different for everyone. It can reasonably be said that for many, appearance is as much a part of self worth as other worthy attributes. Leaving aside what those other attributes are, I don’t see anything wrong with growing one’s hair in the name of exploration rather than spirituality. Moreover, I don't think anyone here would disagree that growing long hair is initially an aesthetic decision that LEADS to deeper meaning depending on the individual.
Clearly I seem to have tread on hallowed ground here. If so, I offer my apologies for having spoken contrary to the politically correct reasons for growing one’s hair. I didn't realize there were "wrong" reasons to do it. I cannot apologize for my opinion, however.
Hey Tim,
You shouldn't take my comments as representative of anyone else on this board or this board in general. I'm just some guy who decided to give you some advice or whatever. I'm probably way off base. I said in my comments to take it for what it's worth, FWIW. If my comments are worthless, so be it!
Don't apologize for anything man. What is with all this apologizing? You asked for some advice or encouragement, I offered my advice. If you don't like my advice, just ignore it, but don't take it personally.
Cheers,
Sunflower
No problem. What you just said all sounds valid to me!
Yes, it is indeed, "fun!" The reason some of us probably sounded so harsh (like me, for example), is because your initial post sounded very "wishy-washy"... We get a lot of "One-post Wonders" on this board, --- guys who have short hair who suddenly announce to us their intentions of growing their hair out... only to post a month or 2 or 3 later that they decided to buzz all their hair off afterall! So, forgive us if we can sound a little judgemental sometimes; but those of us that have been here for any length of time occasionally just get tired of being too "nicey-nice" in expending a lot of energy encouraging newcomers to grow, only to realized we've waisted a lot of that time when someone's never been really all that interested or commited to growing on their own.
I don’t see why that should invite moral scrutiny; or derogation on the grounds that I am somehow insufficiently spiritually committed to the endeavor. One person referred to “red flags” going up, as though I were some kind of impostor.
Lol!! Good one there!
OK. Again, no problem, But, you will find that as your hair DOES grow (especially if you can make it through the infamous "awkward stage"), your mind-set will gradually change, --- and what USED to appear "lousy"-looking, is just part of the very nature of longer hair (longer hair moves freely, and is way more out of your ability to "control", --- it's part of what we all get used to dealing with, once we become "official" longhairs). In some ways, right now we are speaking two different "languages": you are speaking to me as a "virgin" wannabe longhair, with no experience whatsoever of what it is really like to actually BE a longhair (although I'm sure you can imagine it to some degree); but I am speaking to you as an experienced, hardcore, long-term longhair, --- someone who quite possibly has forgotten what it feel like to "not know", like you are currently going through.
I agree. Although there's a saying we have here, something like: "Longhairs grow as much on the INSIDE as they grow their hair-length on the *outside*!"
Moreover, I don't think anyone here would disagree that growing long hair is initially an aesthetic decision that LEADS to deeper meaning depending on the individual.
Yes, again, I agree, --- in fact, I find what you just said here to be a very insightful comment!
No apologies needed. We just get a little opinonated sometimes, that's all, --- and just like other people on this planet, sometime's we're too quick to open our mouths before we think things through a little more carefully (lol)!!
In any case... WELCOME!!!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Tim
With the help of my barber (who's now very annoyed at me), I changed to a style where my hair is combed back and required a bit of gel to stay there. I had that cut for about 2 months before I just let things progress. It actually took about 3 months after that of growing it out before anyone noticed a difference. Since then, I've focused on keeping everything neat and tidy although now at about 8 months I'm right in the middle of the "akward stage" and any bit of wind is not my friend.
I still comb the hair in the original style and with gel in it, if no one looks behind, it looks just like the original. I'm working on weaning myself off of gel now as it tends to build up in my hair. I haven't had a cut since last August and plan to go on for a while still.
Fortunately for me, my direct supervisors at work are quite supportive, surprisingly more about the long hair than about the annual winter beard. Now if only I could get my wife and daughter to accept it ....
Whenever I sometimes get the feeling that I want to cut my hair and not have to deal with it anymore, I watch some music videos with guys with awesome long hair and then I'm determined to continue growing it out. I'm a teen though, so you might not get the encouragement from music videos that I do lol. My favorite vid to watch to inspire me is Blind Melon-No Rain. Theyve got some awesome hair. Just a suggestion
-BrianR
Whenever I sometimes get the feeling that I want to cut my hair and not have to deal with it anymore, I watch some music videos with guys with awesome long hair and then I'm determined to continue growing it out. I'm a teen though, so you might not get the encouragement from music videos that I do lol. My favorite vid to watch to inspire me is Blind Melon-No Rain. Theyve got some awesome hair. Just a suggestion
-BrianR
I didn't read anything but the title, but I wanna let ya know I am here for ya.