new thread
I've been seeing this girl now for a few months and we have a fantastic relationship, but the problem is that her parents have absolutely forbidden her from seeing me just because I happen to have long hair. Her parents have only met me once, and it seems like right off the bat, they just totally wrote me off as being some kind of burnt-out, drug head, stoner type, even though I'm not. I mean, they never even tried to get to know me at all. They don't know anything about me and what kind of person I am. It's really a difficult situation because I'm not allowed to come over to visit my girlfriend at her house and she has to lie to her parents about where she's going in order to spend time with me.
Basically, I just wanted to see if any of you have ever been in a similar situation and what, if anything, you can suggest I do about it.
Been there & done that dude.
My best advice is if you really love this girl then stick it out. I really don't know you guys' situation of age & all, but if & when she's ready to leave the house, then & say wait.
Of course, you can always try to find someone else who's parents like you for who you are & not what you look like. That's so un-fair & superficial of them.
Me & my wife have been together 7 years & not once has her parents mentioned my hair, at least not to my face.
Good luck.....
id say talk to ur girlfriend about it, see how she feels about u confronting them on it, and if it doesnt upset her, then i think one day u should approach them in a nice calm mannor, and discuss wut problems they might have with you...and make some points about who u are and wut u stand for...and make it clear that you dont take it lightly that they are all against you without knowing u...it couldnt get much worse i think...but i dunno...
I am a father of a 14 year old daughter. Let me try and respond here. BTW, I also have long hair. Much of what has been said here about getting and keep jobs in conservative work places goes double for parents of a girlfirend. How old are you guys? If you want this to work, you have to develop trust. If she is lying to her parents to be with you, you are really asking to ruin things. They will find out that she is lying to them, and they will blame you. This will be all the proff they need that you are everything bad they imagine. Why wouldn't they? Their daughter, whom they love, is lying to them. No greater betrayal than that someone you love lies to you.
Write them a letter. Tell them about yourself. Tell them about your good qualities. Do not be defensive or try to argue about hair. Ask them to dinner with your girlfriend, your treat. Keep it formal. Present yourself neatly. Show them that you can be trusted. When you write the letter, make sure that there are no errors in it, grammar and spelling. Show them that you can be trusted even in little things.
If they accept, be prepared to talk about yourself, your family, what you want to do in life. Be honest, but remember, and this is the core of it all--they are frightened. They need some "evidence" that they can stop being so afraid.
This is a load. It may not be worth it to you. But this is what you are up against. I guarantee you, though, if you continue to see them as the enemy and have your girlfriend lie to them, it will finally blow up. Good luck,
Robert
I just wanted to let you guys know our ages, since you guys asked. I'm 22 and she's 19.
Your Girlfriend is over 18, therefore, how her parents feel about anything is an emotional issue only; it is not your problem and it is not her problem. She is under no obligation to take anything they say, about any aspect of her life, as advice of which she is at liberty to dispense with or take under advisement at her absolute sovrign discretion.