new thread
Hi there to all, i'm a long time lurker here at MLHH and have learnt a great deal from reading your posts and the board is very inspirational, so thanks in advance.
Basically, I keep trying to grow my hair out to about a shoulder length sort of style, however my girlfriend (who I have been with for a long time) prefers it short, so much so that I have trouble getting past what you guys would consider quite short (i think its the bad hair stage when it starts to curl over your ears etc...)
She tends to bring it up quite often, which I can usually laugh off and attempt to change the subject, however it gets to a point where I get a little frustrated and a bit upset about the whole thing. I always end up getting it cut, but this time I really want to grow it for reasons that I guess you all understand. She just says that she doesn't find longhair attractive and its hard for me to look past this as obviously I want her to find me attractive, and its not as simple as just saying "well if that's how you're going to be, goodbye" because we have been together for years...
Sorry to blab on, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice or suggestions that could help me out?
Anyway, thanks guys
Leland
I had several people tell me they liked me better with short hair, during the time I was going the awkward bad hair phase. But, when I got past that, around the 2 year mark, they either didn't say anything anymore, or changed their tune and said they liked it.
If you can manage to keep putting off a haircut for that long, your g/f may actually change her mind about her wanting short hair on you. Just tell her, "I've never done this and have always wanted to. Let's just see how it looks when I get this awkward phase, I know it will look much better. Then you can decide if you like the look on me." Besides, it's YOUR hair, not hers. I suppose she could leave you, because when she met you, you had short hair. But, you could leave her if she gained 150 pounds, started smoking crack, or whatever (assuming that would turn you off) since she wasn't like that when you met her.
If it was meant to be, it will be.
yo Leland, I think its time to cut your loses and find someone who will like you for you who you etc. I think if she doesn't approve your lifesyle, there are more fish in the sea. I am guessing she thinks you need to change your ways. I think its your choice. I also think you should not cave in once again. By the way, how bout some pics. rememeber long hair has made a strong presence once agan so you rock dude. Good Luck. Kevin
That's a tough one. I had that same issue years ago. I went out with a girl that knew me when I had short hair. I went out with her for 3 years too. I decided I wanted to let my hair grow as this is something I wanted to do since my teen years. Big deal right?
Well, as it got toward the end of the awkward stage, I started getting comments such as:
You looked better with short hair.
Aren't you going to listen to your girl friend's opinion.
Guys are not supposed to have long hair.
Your going to look like a girl.
OK? How many bearded women do you know? I would make one nasty looking girl. LOL
I did wind up dumping her, but for other reasons as well.
She didn't like any other music other then oldies and soft rock. I like almost every type of music. She didn't like music played loud as I do from time to time. She was not into Hi-Fi audio. A cheap plastic boom box sounded fine to her. She didn't like computers at all, and I was getting the hint she didn't want me liking them either. She would not let me spend time with my friends. All my time had to be spent with her. She even got upset when I didn't spend enough time with her when I was studying for finals! I only got to see my friends when she was out of town. Did I mention she didn't like my hair long?
So, I dumped her like an EMC SAN dumps a bad drive. Or how I discarded the wax / paper capacitors in my 1949 Emerson table top radio. cheesy puns, I know. :-)
If she truly liked me for me, the hair would have been an issue.
I need to find a girl that likes music, likes Hi-Fi audio, does not have a problem with computers and my hair, and knows UNIX! :-)
Leland, I understand you probably like your girlfriend very much but one thing I think people should never do is CHANGE their desires or simply themselves so that others would like them. If she truly wants to be with you, she wouldn't leave you for growing your hair long (IMO appearance is less important than personality) but even if she's mroe into appearances, are you going to be comfortable to live like that without doing what you want.
Besides, you never know, she may be complaining but that doesn't mean she's going to dump you if you grow your hair long!
N/T
From what I am reading here she isn't really what I would consider much of a girlfriend at all.
My advice? Dump her before she dumps you. There are many others out there just waiting to find you. And someone will and accepted you "as is" and be thrilled to have you.
She is too controlling..its your choice, your body and she being your "girlfriend' should accept and should not like you or find you any less attractive for. If you want to grow your hair do it! Girlfriends come and go, do not let someone that is not permanent in your life (at least not yet) stop you from looking how you want to. More than likely if she is a keeper she'll understand..if not...dump her. Selfish is all I have to say.
*Sorry if I am being a little harsh.
-animosity
If she truly loves you, then what length your hair will have will be irrelevant, and she will learn to accept you with long hair.
This might also be something to do with control.
In any case, I think you should talk with her and tell her that she should give you some time, and that once you're past the awkward stage it will look much better. Once you make it clear that you've made your decision, she should stop bothering you about it. Hopefully anyway.
Good luck!
Oh, you're not blabbing. This kind of thing is painful (I sort of know how you feel), and we need to let everything out after a certain point.
Ideally, your soul mate (or your perfect girlfriend, if you prefer less fatalistic terminology) should accept you for who you are on the inside, regardless of who you are on the outside. Such a person should allow you to be anything and anyone you want to be on the outside, if they truly love you for who you are on the inside. They may not always approve of how you look--we all have personal preferences--but they give you room to breathe and be yourself, because they love you too much not to.
However, soul mates are hard to find. If you're truly happy with this girl, talk to her about why she doesn't like long hair on guys. Is it purely aesthetic, does she have some deep-seated bias, or is it just a front for something else, like a deeper problem with your relationship? In other words, is the hair the real issue, or is there something much deeper and darker to be worried about? Such a conversation puts you in a precarious position, but it's an essential discussion to have, if you want a long-lasting, healthy relationship with this woman.
Look inside yourself for some of the answers. If you truly feel naked without longer hair, if you feel like you must grow it to feel right, to feel better, then do it. Our bodies are our temples, and we should decorate them as we please. It's not necessarily saying "eff off" to your girlfriend; it's an important decision that she should be able to respect. You can't force her to like your hair, of course, and although she should ideally like you for the person beneath your skin, you can't blame her for wanting you to look like she'd always dreamt. You have an image of a dream girl too, don't you? But if your hair is truly important to you, you've got to grow it, and if your girlfriend really wants to hold your hand along the way, she will. Hopefully, if you do lose her, it's because she wasnt't the right one for you, and a better one will take your hand later on.
Most people will just go, "cut your hair. It's not worth losing her over." But if something is so important to you, maybe it IS worth losing her over.
Best of luck with it, man.
Peace
DUMP HER!!!!!!
My 2 cents ---- you must do what you like first, if some cares about you that will take you as you are !! I had long hair for many years, also ride a Harley for many years. I never had a woman that did not like my hair - not the same with the Harley !! But the Harley is stil here, they are not. But ---- I'm married to a great woman who likes my hair, Harley ---- that's what matters !! If you want your hair long, talk to your girlfriend that it's what you like, love is not a one way street ----
Leland
The first thing that came to me was tell her your the same person as you was before when you had short also tell her just because you are growing your hair long wont change you in anyway & say please accepted me for what I am I would like a change from wearing it short & If you love me you will accepted my choice and support me from growing my hair long !
Axel
Tell her that if she brings up the subject one more time, that you'll come home with a full-torso tatoo and multiple piercings... That will shut her up!!!
Sometimes shocking the hell out of someone is the only way to break a bad habit. Her bad habit is nagging you to cut your hair back to short again... And YOUR bad habit (historically-speaking) has been to eventually cave-in to her will under her pressure yet again! Don't do it this time. Just DON'T. You have the right to be who you want to be, and to do something that you have yearned to do for what sounds like a looooooong time... How long are you going to wait for her "approval"? Until you are old and grey, with thinning hair, or maybe even bald???
You don't have to dump her; but, you do have to stand up to her, --- and I mean, COMPLETELY (as in, she has NO CHOICE in the matter)...
Now, if she dumps you because you stood up to her, that's something you should mentally prepare yourself for in advance, --- and, in my opinion, she would have proved well worth letting go of by then, if so!
- Ken in San Francisco
Girlfriends come and go, but your hair takes years to grow.
You can´t keep doing things you don´t want because of others. You will never be happy if you do that. If your relationship truly is worthwile, she will never ever break up because of the length of your hair. If she does, well, then your relationship would´ve crumbled because of some other minor issue later, though, then you would be stuck with shorter hair.
Cuting your hair, even though you want to grow it, is self destructive in it´s own. Girls are attracted to determined confident males. Stand your ground mate, it´ll get you farther.
this makes me so sad!! i was engaged to a man for over four years who kept buying me pink clothes. (bear with me, i have a point.) i don't like pink. i've never been a 'pink' sort of girl. he would get mad when i would go exchange what he bought me for something else. but he kept doing it becuase he 'thought i looked prettier in pink.' eventually i figured out it wasn't about what i looked like, it was an issue of control. your situation sounds similar. it sounds to me like you need to decide who is in control of your hair, you or her. it seems like such a small issue (why couldn't i just be happy wearing pink now and then? why can't you just be happy keeping your hair short?), but it's so psychologically draining to have the same argument over and over again. i hope you figure out what makes you happy and go with it.
peace,
nic - a long-haired sister
I guess you have to decide what you like more- her or long hair.
Hey guys (and gals) sorry for the delay is posting back, been a busy couple of days!
Thanks for all the replies and advice, really appreciate it.
I appreciate people being honest, after all that's what I am asking for (honest advice) but I need to say that I can't just dump her, we've been together over 6 years and I obviously love her a great deal and we have great times together etc. I probably made her out to be very controlling and she's not, this really is the only thing that she has spoken out about with regards to my wants and stuff, which is probably why I have taken it to heart.
I am determined to carry on and grow it out, we are going away for a while shortly and I hope to convince her during this time that this is what I want to do. I'm hoping for about shoulder (perhaps shorter at 1st) (think kurt cobain- i know, i know, bad bad bad) and considering my hairs just about covering the tops of my ears and eyebrows how long roughly do you think this would take???
Anyway, thanks again guys, enjoying it here already.
Watch "The mask of Zorro" and see what she thinks of Antonia Banderas. lol. I can't imagine a girl calling him ugly! Plus, it's a good movie.
Leland,
If you do get married, believe me, there will be many times in your married life when there is something that is VERY important to YOU that your partner isn't thrilled about.
Growing your hair long is harmless; it is not being disloyal to your girlfriend; it is a completely moral and ethical act; it is a trivial thing, really, but it is now important BECAUSE it is important to YOU. The loving thing for your girlfriend to do would be to give in, when it is a trivial matter, like hair length.
It is not loving to be openly critical of each other's looks (including hair length), and it's not loving to be controlling of silly little details (like hair length). The dating phase of your relationship is extremely important. This is when you are discovering whether or not you can work out problems in a LOVING manner. How will she will work with you concerning something that is very important to you later on in life? Will she be loving? Will she always have to have HER way (controlling)? This is a good chance for her to be loving to you and let you have something that YOU want. You need to help her see that it would be an act of love on her part to let you have this harmless thing that you want. Doesn't cost her anything in the way of time or money, and yet she'd be giving you a great gift, by letting you have your way.
Best regards, Suzanne
It's your hair. If she REALLY loves you, she shouldn't be telling you to change your look!