new thread
Hey everyone, I'm growing my hair out and it's past my ears and I can tuck it behind them. In a month or two I'll be able to have a ponytail :D. Back to my question, I'm sure many of you fellow longhair and longhairs to be have had people judge you for you hair. Personally I just like how long hair looks, but when I defend myself with that they say "thats why?!" like it's not good enough. So I was wondering what do you tell others who make fun of your hair. I know I should be able to tell them why but I only like it because I like how it feels and looks. But I need more explanations. I hope you guys understand my problem. Thanks to everyone who replies.
If anyone has judged me by my hair in the last 25 years, I haven't heard about it. But if someone did criticize me for my hair or weight or anything else related to appearance, my response would be: "And how exactly does that inconvenience YOU?"
Stormy
Thanks everyone, both great answers, I'm going to use them next time :D
Most of them consider themselves to be christian in my experiance. I use my favorite most of the time. Which isn't often.
"Gee I'm sorry you don't like how God has designed me. As for me, I'm perfectly happy with his decision."
In a way though you're saying that this wasn't your personal choice, and demeaning yourself.
Although you know it was your choice, and that they will take anything you say for the truth as long as it has god as the creator. Heh :)
Free Will ..it's a fascinating thing!
How much do you actually decide for yourself? How much is determined by something or someone else (even if you think you are calling the shots).
I'm with this idea of letting the body speak for itself: hair has it's own language, unique to each of us, with it's own styles, colours; also telling us how we feel, what state of health we're in.
If you're in the early days it's still an exploration. Maybe you won't like long hair, but at least you spent a year or two finding out.
John Prine proves to be my mentor at times like this; even if this isn't specifically about hair:
"I ain't a' hurtin' nobody....
I ain't a' hurtin' no one...."
Questions can be turned around - haven't they ever been curious about the stuff that grows from their own heads? Perhaps they were, you never know.
I'd like to think of myself in control. Thinking otherwise leads to laziness and inaction, as well as undue certainty, as people start thinking that they are fated to be or do whatever was planned for them irregardless of any actions they undertake. That's genuinely a bad way to think about life, so I don't.
And maybe they were hair-curious, but there are a hell of a lot of hypocrites in this world, who can never seem to see someone else in the same position they have been in, and treat them the same way they may have been treated.
Anyway, thanks for the quote :)
Just be prepared with an answer to the question, "Well, do you trim your toenails, then?" You could get it.
Bill
Good point, but there's a fairly simple reason for why nails should be cut to at least some sort of extent (they can grow real long), while hair is a personal choice. We can live with long hair, but it's going to be hard to live with nails 20cm long, especially toe nails. Unless we put it as our mission to beat the Guiness world record or something.
Of course, nails have to constantly grow in case we damage them, so that they can later regrow and still be useful. Hair has many natural advantages when it is of long length (mostly keeping us warm and sometimes dry). Just think back to the age when people didn't have hoods or umbrellas.
Hey everyone, I'm growing my hair out and it's past my ears and I can tuck it behind them. In a month or two I'll be able to have a ponytail :D. Back to my question, I'm sure many of you fellow longhair and longhairs to be have had people judge you for you hair. Personally I just like how long hair looks, but when I defend myself with that they say "thats why?!" like it's not good enough. So I was wondering what do you tell others who make fun of your hair. I know I should be able to tell them why but I only like it because I like how it feels and looks. But I need more explanations. I hope you guys understand my problem. Thanks to everyone who replies.
If you like how it looks and how it feels then you need not to say more. Its' your body and its' your right to chose what do with your hair, not the fashion police. Personally I just smile and say "This is what I like". I never get defensive, I always act like its' normal to have long hair. That usually keeps them quiet.
Good luck,
Bruce
I really don't care what people think about my hair, they either love it or hate it.
Of course most of them tell me that they think i look better in short hair, that i look more clean, atlthough when i met my EX-girlfriend last year she didn't really care too much about my hair, although she did use to point out wether i had much split ends and such.
But i think the only good advice i can give you is to simply be yourself, if someone says anything mean about your hair, just let it go out one ear and out the other, that's what i always try to to anyway:)
If you really like it then that's what truly matters.
Simon
Quite frankly, You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. It is your hair and you do what you want with it. If they ask, Simply say that you like long hair period. If it gets out of hand, And you must get defensive, Ask them the three simple questions: Do you pay my bills? Do certain hairstyles make people worthier than others?
Does my hair complicate your life in any way? I wouldn't recommend getting defensive but if it comes down to it, What can i say. Usually when the first question is asked the person gets the point and seizes to pester you any more. Good luck
Thanks to everyone. Its good to see some intelligent people out there haha. I feel better, and I memorized my retorts :D thanks again
Usually I just ignore people who comment on my hair (or on what I look like generally). Sometimes I reply with "that's the way I like it" or "it's not your business", or I reply in kind with a stinging comment, depending on the situation.
With time you will develop a very thick skin...
--
A Linux Longhair
My all time favorite courtesy of Lurkness Monster:
"I'm not here to decorate your world."
The addition of "bitch" or other appropriate words at the end is optional. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!MWHAAMWHAHA!!!
That's a nice one :D
David,
No one has really criticized me to my face about my hair. Every once in a while someone will even make a positive comment about it. There was a time where I was worried about how people would react to it, but I got over it...because my desire to be a longhair was important to me. I was fortunate in that there were two other guys at work whose hair was even longer than mine...and I never saw them get any grief from anyone. This made it easier for me to overcome my fears of how people would judge me for having long hair.
Basically, what I'm saying is that you should do what is right for you. If it's something you want, then go for it...you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone else. People have asked me why I grew it out and I just tell them, "I got nothing better to do" or "having short hair hasn't worked for me, so I decided to change." I'm sure it didn't really answer their question, but it left them with a smile on their face.
I think what you are going through right now is a difficult but important thing in life...you are finding yourself and, more importantly, defining yourself. But having long hair is just a small part of that.
I think deep down, everyone wants to be a little different...some grow their hair, others get piercings...or tattoos...some drink, some smoke, and some do a combination of all of those things! So hang in there...feel free to be different...and try to put a humorous spin on the situation. I think you'll find its pretty easy to do.
Take care and best of luck,
Brett
PS: Keep it growin', y'all!!!
Pragmatic query you positted, Mr. Lindemann, pragmatic query you positted. If this attitudinal and unmeritted reproach has occured within the confines of a public house or other such gormandising establishment, I offer that you retort with:
Excuse me, but didn't you see the sign near the entrance? It says "All attitudes are to be checked at the hat and coat check (Sarah now on duty) and are only to be reacquiesced upon exitting. Tipping encouraged." If not, attitude adjustment is now being served at the bar. Two drink minimum. Cheers.
Touche!
Winky wink,
Quenyan
Lol, thanks for the laugh Quenyan :)
There's really no need to say a thing, --- and definitely no need to "memorize" specific retorts!
Rely instead on listening to your own intuition during the moment a criticism is occurring, and silently ask yourself: "Do i REALLY need to speak to this person, to 'explain' or 'defend' myself here?" If something comes to you to say at that moment, then by all means, SPEAK! But, you really & truthfully owe no man (or woman) any explanation for growing your hair out, --- any more than they should feel put on the spot having to explain why they do their stupid ritual of going in for regualr haircuts...
Hey, now THERE'S a thought (lol)!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Indeed, it's a rude question, and most often the best response to rude questions is to ignore them as if they never occurred.
If they persist and only if you feel like responding, you can tell them the truth, "Questions about other people's bodies are rude, and people don't respond to rude questions." (Substitute "inappropriate" for "rude" if you feel like being less abrupt.)
Bill
Yes, Saying nothing works most of the time. I can be very aloof, look right through the person and be silent If I say anything it is usually . "Oh were you talking to me". They usually get the picture and back off!
peace, jonalbear
If it's a friend or someone I know quite well, i'll probably politely explain why I chose to grow my hair. There are lots of reasons. Reasons such as:
1. Just like you, I like long hair on me rather than short hair.
2. Feels great in the wind.
3. Don't have to pay the barber, i've saved hunreds of euros by now.
4. Acts as a shield against prejudiced people, who will either stay away, or display their ignorance by throwing insults at you, so it makes staying away from idiots easier.
etc.
In most cases, if it's a friend, they'll have the patience to listen to you and might even stop annoying you, depending on their character.
If on the other hand this is someone I know but don't like, and it's clear they're trying to insult you not because of your hair, but because they have a grudge against you, or any other reason existing long before, or completely irrelevant to the hair, then I will either politely tell them to screw off, or ignore them. Depeding on how much I don't like them.
Complete strangers, or people I don't know well enough I'll simply ignore. They have no business knowing my reasons. In any case, in the last year of me having long hair, not one person actually came up to ask why (not even my family). No one really cares. They either accept the fact or they are upset that you haven't conformed to their prejudiced norms. So i'm sure that explaining why you have long hair to some of these people simply won't have any effect. Most of the people who do this without real reason are sheep, feeling uncomfortable living near a lion, and we all know that italian saying: "I'd Rather Be A Lion For One Day, Than Be A Sheep For A Thousand Years".
I believe that is currently the essence of being a long hair :)
A New Zealand longhair once told me, "If you act like a sheep, you will end up shorn." And New Zealanders know their sheep.
Bill
My one-fifth of a dime (otherwise known as 2 cents). It all depends on where you are at and how long you have your hair. Some places will be much more tolerant. Back at college, I would hear so much about hair. Not really criticism but offers to be taken to the haircut place, comments that I would be able to pick up chicks with better skill, that girls don't like longhaired men. However, here at graduate school no one has really mentioned my hair and definitely not in bad light; I had one conversation with a guy who said he used to have long hair and cut it for convenience reasons and no judgment was made of mine.
The other thing is that in college, my hair grew from short(-ish) to longer with the whole awkward stage present. So, basically I was always shaggy and not necessarily a longhair (so too long for normal, not quite lumped in with those who have crossed the hair border). Here at graduate school, I went the first day with a ponytail and so I began as a longhair of sorts.
So, depending on where you are and who you talk to. And also what stage people see you in.
Personally, I'd fall under the thick skinned category than anything else.
I believe that people have the right to think for themselves, and I let them be. I appreciate it when people speak their mind (even if it is unexpected.) There is a fine line though, and it causes the obvious problem...
What if someone doesn't let up? There is a point at which someone goes from stating their opinion to just being obnoxious (or worse!). Best thing to do is leave or put yourself in some other position where you don't have to deal with their crap. If you can't do this, because of a job, or other committment, I can't tell you what I'd do, that is context specific :)
Generally, I keep to myself, and I appreciate it when others do as well, but I don't think it's fair to let people voice their complements and not let others voice their disdain. Also, people often have opinions, on many things, and they go unvoiced- I don't appreciate being told what I can and can't say, so I extend this respect to others, and besides, what I think, I think regardless of whether it is nice or not! I don't appreciate being humiliated and rendered passive because someone else doesn't appreciate what I think and feel. I am an honest person, and I value honesty in return. Truth sometimes is not a gentle thing!
I think it's something that you've got to accept. Not everyone is going to accept you for who you are. You can't please everyone, so don't ever bother trying, you will be disappointed. Don't be depressed by this pessimistic outlook, I see it as mere self-preservation.
Sometimes you've just got to be selfish. Draw your lines and boundaries and defend them without infringing on other people. There is a time and a place for everything.
~JeffL