new thread
David Lindemann's thread reminded me of an experience I had shortly after I made that devastating mistake of cutting my hair short in Y2K. The haircut itself happened in June of that year; but it was around Sept. or October of the same year that a friend of mine, a long-time dance partner named Christina, invited me and my friend Peter to join her and her husband for a BBQ in their back yard. She hadn't seen the new haircut; but had heard about it...
When we greeted each other with a big hug, the first thing that popped out of her mouth was, "Well, it's about time you got rid of all that aweful long hair!"
I was shocked, --- and, unbeknownst to her, extremely sensative and angry with myself for having cut it. And I was already started in the process of growing it back long again; but had not yet entered back into the "awkward stage" by then.
Normally, I am NOT prone to using 4-letter words, --- especially when angry. Usually when I use any profanity at all, it tends to only be for humor (AKA "shock value", --- like at the punch-line of a joke, for example). But, Christina's rude statement so incensed me at the time that what popped out of my mouth even shocked ME... Since I'm a moderator here, and need to set an "example" (lol), rather than quote my expletive directly, let's just say that the first word is often symbolized by a middle finger, and the 2nd word is, "you!"
The tone with which I said my expletive was both half-kidding / half-serious. But, I could tell by the look on my friend Peter's face who was standing right nearby that it shocked him, as well as Christina...
"Well, that long hair just never looked good on you, --- you look MUCH better with it short!"
"____ you!" Again, even I was caught by surprise at my immediate response and reaction, --- and this time, my tone was far less kidding in nature. "I'm growing it back long.", I added.
"Why would you do that? Long hair looks terrible on guys, and you look so handsome with it short... Why would you even CONSIDER growing it back a---"
"____ you!!" By this time I was totally serious in my tone. It was as if I said very loudly, "BACK OFF!!!!" Even her husband was standing nearby during all this exchange, and said not a word... Christina finally got the "message", and backed down and shut her mouth.
It might also be helpful to add at this point that as much as I always loved her as a friend and dance partner, I had witnessed many times in the past where Christina had a little attitude of, "Mother-knows-best" and was rather unrestrained at giving out unsolicited advise to people, --- something that is never welcomed; but she had never crssed the line with me about a sensative subject before...
Believe it or not, the BBQ went on as if nothing unusual had happened earlier in the day, --- in fact, it was a very nice time together. Later, after we left Christina & Joel's house, my friend Peter mad only one comment, "Did you have to be THAT severe??"
"She crossed a line, --- and I couldn't help it how I responded... That's just the way it happened: she'll live with it!"
Years later, I visited Christina & Joel at their house again, --- only this time my hair had grown back quite long again (was around shoulder-blade length by then, so well beyond any "awkward stage"). She didn't say a word about my hair this time, and neither did I, --- I didn't have to... The full return of my long hair did all the "talking" for me!!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Wow, interestong story.
Hopefully if someone like a teacher or my future employer comments on my hair I won't wind up reacting the same way lol :P
Hello Ken:
What a story! You're a study in dedicated persistence when faced with adversity...in this case friends that deliver unsolicited personal grooming advice.
Thanks for the motivation...seems every day I get someone who MUST remind me that I looked much better with a buzzed head...
Also, thanks for the great job you are doing as moderator...highly appreciated.
Cheers,
Max L
WOW, thanks Max! Actually, it's just that my friend Christina that I referred to just happened to hit too sensative an issue with me at too delicate a time, --- normally I maintain as much patience and tact as I can towards others; but, right after that Y2K haircut, my feelings were extremely, "raw".... Also, she probably eventually, "had it coming", because she was known for over-stepping boundaries with others in giving unsolicited advise at times, --- I just never expected a blow-up like that would come from ME (lol)!!
Yeah, comments like that will happen, --- ESPECIALLY if this is your first time growing it out truly long. People will try to "help you" by giving you what they feel is needed "feedback", --- as if you're incapable of looking into a mirror yourself (lol)!! They just don't "get it", because they view life as if short hair on males is the ONLY "acceptable" look... The problem I have is the exact OPPOSITE, --- I've always thought long hair on men looked hands-down COOLEST!!!
Oh, gee, thanks! (I'm blushing - lol!) But, in reality, I don't think I do all that much as a moderator, --- just try to make sure things stay safe and appropriate for any of our minors who visit or have become regulars just like me... But, hey, I appreciate hearing the compliment anyway (lol)!!
Thanks again, Max!
- Ken
Gosh darnit! What a story. I don't think I'd have been able to stay for the BBQ after that. I had similar things happen after last year when I had chopped off a good bit of hair to save my job. Several people said it looked so much nicer & c. afterwards which made me boil. Most of the time, all I could muster to say was "It's growing back right now." I didn't get mad, but rather sad/reminded of what I'd lost. It was hard to "be like Spock" and not have an emotional outburst, but I did it.
I don't blame you for your reaction a bit though. The way the woman just kept on and on, I would have had to leave. The bad thing is, she probably really never realized what was going on and why you were so upset about her comments!
Well, several weeks afterward I did get a chance to briefly explain myself... My friend, Peter, the guy that was with me that day, felt I owed Christina an apology. I thought his suggestion over, and debated about it in my head; but, I felt I would have been insincere if I apologized, so I decide not to. But weeks and weeks after the incident we had a nice conversation, and I brought the topic up then, --- explaining that she had hit a very, "raw nerve" with me that day. She just said, "OK", --- and then we quickly moved on to talk about other things...
And about staying at the BBQ, it wasn't a problem, really. The fact that she FINALLY backed down after her 3rd time of annoying me with her unsolicited advise was enough for me... She and I go a loooooong way back as friends. It was interesting to observe that her husband was standing right nearby the entire time during her & my verbal exchange, yet he said not a word... My guess is that he might be a little "hen-pecked" himself, --- so was probably glad to see someone else have to deal with her & take the heat he normally does (lol)!!
Your description of your own experience pretty much matches with mine, --- as far as how I reacted towards everybody else who made comments after my cut. Just like you, other's comments were mostly just sad remeinders of what had happened and how much hair I had lost... And, also just like you, my most frequent reply back was simply to say, "I'm growing it back.", --- which was the most comforting thing for me to hang onto at the time, for sure!
Thanks again, Matt! See ya around, "the ranch" (lol)!!
- Ken
Oh I hate when things like that happen. Kinda like when you change hairstyle, and then suddenly people feel free to say they thought the other style was ugly.
Anyways, good story, I think you did the right thing to let your anger out.
Wow! She got quite a few F-U'S. lol
Moral of the story kiddies: Don't ever pester Ken about his hair or you'll get a BIG F-U :-)
See you around El Rancho amigo lol
Hi Ken,
Thank you for sharing this great story with us on the hyperboard. There always seem to be people out there who think they can offer "unsolicited advice" to us, that is just in their nature. I am delighted that you stood up for yourself the way you did, after all, NO one argues with you when it comes to your mane!
Take care,
David
Women wear their hair all lengths. when women cut their hair down to half an inch they act like we are supposed to think it is wonderful. well I would never date a woman with short hair. I like for a woman to have hair down to her waist.
An another thing about workplace dress codes. Dress codes are imposed on men but not women. Except that sometimes professional attire for females just involves having to wear slacks instead of jeans. Some hotel chain got sued a while ago for requiring women employees to wear makeup.
Well if I were the boss a woman's hair would have to be at least half way down to her waist(for new hires with the condition that they keep growing it), skirts with pantyhose would be mandatory and makeup too. Until employers are are willing to do that then they shouldn't say anything about a man's hair length.