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I've always wanted to grow long hair and a long beard. I've had a pony tail for about 9 years, and have made many attempts to grow a beard. I feel wronged when society compels me to keep shaving.
I'm trying to grow a beard. I'm thinking of giving up again because it seems people think I'm a criminal, probably because they think a beard makes any man look like a homeless person, a Charles Manson or a Rasputin. It seems the bank doesn't like me and has asked me for identification when I have a beard (I guess a beard causes "face blindness" in the eyes of the bank because people can easily grow or shave beards). At a K-mart in Chico, California, a cashier failed to de-activate the security tags on items I purchased, causing the alarm to go off when trying to leave the store. I wonder if the cashier didn't like me and intentionally "forgot" to de-activate the security tags. I wonder if I'll have to shave or stay at home all the time and have others do all my shopping? It seems something has to give because I'm tired of fighting it.
I believe rights to wear any chosen hairstyle are very important, probably more important than sexual orientation or religion. Sexual behavior and religion can be easily hidden and kept in private, but hairstyles can't be hidden. People are forced to conform in physical appearance.
I don't know of any "hair rights" organization that is there to defend people who are told to change their hairstyle. It seems most of the battles in defense of long hair are fought by individuals who hire a lawyer instead of getting a haircut. Unfortunately, most people find it easier to give in and change their hairstyle.
There is one "Organization for the Advancement of Facial Hair" club in San Mateo, California (www.ragadio.com/oafh). But it is only a local organization.
I don't mean to be discouraging, but I'm trying to find how to deal with these issues.
Tim, I have always felt the same way, even as a child, when the pressure was coming from my parents. When my beard began to grow out at age 14, I wanted to not shave, and my mother and I had the biggest fight we ever had over that. It did not matter to me that I would be the only kid in my school with a beard. I wanted it. And I always wanted longer hair too.
I have learned that two things can make your problem easier. One is to let it grow way out. People will hassle a guy who looks like a sheep about to wander from the flock. Once you are obviously far gone from the flock, they will figure you are a lost cause and leave you alone.
The other thing that helps is gray hair. It tells people that indeed you are an adult, and that talking-down about hair would be inappropriate.
You will probably want to WAIT for the gray hair, but as to getting the hair length, tough it out! In a few months, your beard will be so long that no mere stranger will ever say a word about it. Isn't this in fact what is already going on with your pony tail?
As to minimum-wage security guard types, if they ask you "May I help you?" (their usual line for "What are you doing in my building?") just act delighted that they offered to help YOU and tell them why you are there (you always have a reason anyway) in the form of a question like "Could you please tell me where the xxx office is, please?", or "Do I wait in this line to make deposits?"
Funny you should mention "face blindness". About a year ago I learned I was in fact face blind, and that for all my life I had used HAIR and BEARDS to tell people apart! After meeting a few dozen other face blind people on the Net, we compared notes and discovered long hair was extremely important to many of us because we use it to identify people. People without hair are UGLY to us, as if they had bags over their heads.
Stand up for yourself! Your hair is nobody else's business. YOU have to wear it long after they walk away.
I can't agree they are MORE important, but I'd say I feel they are JUST as important. WHEN are people going to learn to mind their own business, and not tell everyone else how they think they should lead their lives?
Sadly, haircuts are cheap, and many take the cheap way out.
Bill
Are you sure you want to use the term "ugly"? "Face Blindness" is a very rare, but very real neurological disorder which causes the inability to differentiate between one person and the next (kind of like dislexia), and spotting people with long hair is very useful for curbing this effect, but I don't think you seriously think people who have short hair are ugly. They're just next to impossible to tell apart.
Nyghtfall, I presume you use faces to tell people apart. Wouldn't you find someone ugly who had no face? Uglier than someone who had no right foot, for example, since you don't use feet to tell people apart?
When I finally gave the finger to the hair police and let my hair grow out, my self-esteem went up about 1000%. This has made all the difference in how I feel about myself, and how I relate to others. At last I feel human!
Some people may grow hair out for more frivolous reasons, and I can appreciate how, from their point of view, it's not a big civil rights issue to cut it. But in my case, I have grown out my hair due to a MEDICAL CONDITION that I was BORN WITH. Hair growth has been a simple no-cost solution to a major psychological problem that was not fixable by any other means anyway. Kids learn to use faces, or in my case hair, at an early age, and the thing used is not therafter changeable. The solution for me to feel human turned out to be very simple: I needed to grow hair!
I knew I wanted lots of hair even as a child, but not knowing WHY, I couldn't muster the inner strength to DO IT. Face blindness causes one a lot of isolation, and I sure didn't want to do something that apparently was unpopular, since that would cause me more isolation. Now I realize the isolation back then was very much coming from within due to intense shame. That shame is now gone, and I can now go out and have a social life. For the first time in my life, I'm content. I feel human at last. Nyghtfall, I will never cut my hair!
Maybe now you see why I feel a bit differently than you do about hair discrimination.
I'm sorry, I guess I was a little confused about your using the word "ugly". Is it accurate for me to assume, then, that you don't necessarily claim to speak for others llke yourself, but that you, personally, find people whose faces you can't really "see" ugly?
BTW: I don't judge people on the merits of their outward appearance. I may find someone less attractive than someone else, but the word "ugly," by my definition, implies that an individual has no beauty all, which simply is not true. Everyone possesses some degree of outward beauty which is unique to themselves. To say someone is ugly takes that quality away from them, and causes that person to start questioning their own self worth (understand, though, that this is MY perception of what beauty is. Your's, I'm beginning to understand, is completely different, which is fine.). :)
I'd like to clarify this statement, too, because I'm afraid I may not be understanding it fully, either. I guess I don't see how growing your hair out directly effects your inability to see other peoples' faces. If I'm understanding you correctly, having long hair helps increase your self-esteem, but it doesn't actually help you distinguish other people. Am correct?
It's a very importatnt CIVIL (personal rights notwithstanding) issue for me, yes, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, it's not nearly as important to me as, say, my right to my own religion.
I'm sure it does.
Understandable.
I never said you should.
I'm getting there. :)
MY having long hair is a terrific self-esteem booster; OTHER PEOPLE having long hair is a terrific recognition aid. You could probably say the same thing about faces.
I DO know where YOU are coming from, because I feel little importance in what my shoes, for example, look like. How I feel about shoes, and hair, are worlds apart. I assume in your case, without hair having the special significance it has for me, that you feel about your hair like I feel about my shoes.
Great! I figured you would understand; this thing I have DOES take a bit of explaining, but I get lots of practice, not that I want it. ((grin))
Bill
Well, actually I care about my hair about as much as you do, just not AS much, but it does carry more weight than any concern I have for the style of shoes I wear. ;)
I've read some of your (Bill's) web pages this past week. I find the face blindness topic interesting. I haven't read all of it yet, I hope to read more when I get around to it.
Obviously a variety of long and short hairstyles can help people recognize each other, but I have doubts about the direct relationship between face blindness and an individual's need/want to grow long hair and beard.
It's unclear how you conclude that all face blind people want to grow long hair (or did I misinterpret your writing?). I wonder how you questioned face blind people when collecting data. If you ask each member of a randomly selected face blind population sample "Do you find it easier to recognize people if there is a variety of hairstyles rather than all the hairstyle being the same?", probably everyone will say "Yes". But if you ask "Do you feel a compelling need to grow long hair and a beard (if male)?" Some will probably say "No", but may be willing to consider growing long hair and a beard if it helps others overcome face blindness.
I tend to think of the individual's desire to grow long hair and the face blindness as two separate conditions. I always have trouble with English language, and I don't see how it relates to my desire to grow long hair and a beard.
Your web page discussed how face blindness influenced the need to grow long hair, but there may be more causes of an individual's desire to grow long hair and a beard.
One possibility is it could be a neurological response to social isolation. Maybe some genetic programming creates neurological switches that are turned on when one doesn't feel accepted. If this is true, when one is isolated for whatever reason, a desire to have long hair appears, they grow long hair, then are more likely to get noticed and then increase probability of meeting more people. This may explain why others who may be isolated have long or short hair.
Another possibility is it could be a natural characteristic of the population. In any population, there may be some purpose for a few to be genetically programmed to have long hair, or short hair or big hair. This trait being similar to the variety of eye color, hair color, etc. that are believed to help in the socialization process of our species.
I believe the demands imposed by today's society make face blindness into a "disability". I believe humans are designed to live in tribes of about 100 people. The few who have superior people skills/abilities (remember names, faces, communicate effectively with anyone, etc.) are specialists who can travel from tribe to tribe and maintain communication among regional populations of thousands. In today's society they expect everyone to be good at just about everything, which is unrealistic.
What we've found is that, first, face blind people fall into two groups. One group has, like totally blind people, given up using visual appearance to ascertain people. That group tends also to care little about their own personal appearance.
The second group decided to not give up. Each member of that group,
when he was a child, selected two or sometimes three "key traits" -
things he uses instead of the face. Once we pass childhood, we find
we are unable to ever use anything else with near the success that we have with our key traits.
Long hair is the most frequent key trait people select. Clothing items are of course in second place, but hair probably comes in first in popularity because it is the most dependable.
A relatively small percentage of men in the general population has long hair. Among face blind people, we are finding almost all the males are longhairs, and those who are not are usually among the group that "gave up". (A large percentage of the females have long hair as well, but that doesn't raise anyone's eyebrows.)
We have found a similar thing to occur in clothing. It is almost always CASUAL clothing that people lock into. We have little doubt that LONG hair and CASUAL clothing are the styles selected because they are easier to tell apart on people than are short hair and suits. Face it, all crew cuts look pretty much alike! (And a bunch of "suits" look much more like each other than a bunch of construction workers!)
These solid trends occur in people who grew up thousands of miles from each other with no input whatsoever from other face blind people. The deep feelings I have for my longhairedness and those held by a face blind man I know in Finland are so much the same it is incredible.
Beards are certainly more common among us than in the general population, but not to the extent long hair is. For a person who doesn't see facial features but who does see hairlines, a beard gives more hairlines to see. But I do especially well with hair that is not too close to the face, because away from the face, it is not filtered out. Thus, I begin to recognize people well when their hair is long enough to fall upon the shoulders.
My strong drives in these areas were baffling beyond belief until I met other face blind people. Because the condition is so rare, that was not possible for any of us until the Internet came along. The information we now have was discoverd in discussions in our on-line support group (you asked how we found this out).
Some black men grow beards because kinky beard hair can ingrow on some black men's faces, and infection results. This has no relevance to people without that condition. I will say the same thing about face blindness. Since so few people are face blind, obviously MOST people who decide to have long hair do it for different reasons than that. I've not questioned that, nor their reasons. All I am saying is that as a face blind person, I've come to realize I have a DARNED GOOD reason to grow my hair long.
There are other medical reasons that might affect hair length besides the two I mentioned. Some people need long hair to hide birth marks. Would it be fair to demand someone cut hair that hides a hideously deformed ear, for example? Or what about an oddly shaped head? Obviously these folks have pretty darned good reasons too.
Very well put. Said another way, such people make up hair and dress codes that work for them, but not having their skills, they do not work for us.
I hope growing my beard way out will work. I don't want to wait 10 years or so for it to gray. I hope combing my beard will make it look less bushy.
Yes, I still have a ponytail. I agree that the most difficult time was when I started growing it. When it was long but too short to tie back, the loose hair kept falling into my face. This may have caused negative comments because my hair was more noticeable and often messy. Once I could tie it into a ponytail it became less noticeable and appears clean. I don't get negative comments like I used to.
Below this spot, the topic has drifted quite a bit into the nuances of face blindness. While mentioning medical conditions that effect one's decision to grow or cut hair is "on topic" here, and as well giving a brief overview of them for understanding is, I feel delving deeply into them is not. In my view enough has been said below to give that overview.
Bill
You had me empathizing with you up until this point, then I just got confused. Forgive my lack of observation, but I'm not aware of any societal prejudices against facial hair.
Well, if you keep it neat and clean, I'm not sure where the implication would come from, but if you're going for the "Grizzley Adams"(sp?) look, I can understand why some establishments/people would look concerned for their own safety.
Actually, it sounds to me like they're trying to protect your investments. "Face Blindness" has absolutely nothing to do with the issue. You have to understand, facial hair has a tendency to change the appearance of the shape of a person's face. This is why police often have difficulty finding criminals-at-large because, when the crime was committed, and the criminal was shaved at the time, and they've grown a beard/mustache since then, it's that much harder to locate them because their appearance has changed. If the tellers at your bank have never seen you (or aren't that used to you) with a beard, then they have an entirely new appearance they have to be given time to get used to, which is why they ask for id (to make sure it's really you).
Now, you're being ridiculous.
In all honesty, if I had to choose between the two, I would much rather be expected to wear a certain style of clothing/hair than be forced to conform to a religion.
I don't have any substantial advice for you on this one other than to say good luck.
I'm trying to keep it neat and clean, but I'd like to grow it very long. At this time, after two months, it seems bushy and somewhat scraggly, as it gets longer I hope I can comb it and have it look better. But I'm not sure if a long beard would appear obtrusive and draw negative remarks. Maybe I'll have to wait about 10 years until it starts getting gray (Bill suggested) then grow a beard.
I agree that they are protecting the investments. I didn't feel offended by them asking for identification. I felt bad that my beard may be interfering with their security systems.
I've wondered if they don't like beards. A few years ago, I overheard some female employees at the bank talking about beards, and one said that she believed men grow breads because they are too lazy to shave. I disagree, because I don't mind shaving. Also beard seem to require some extra care-such as trying to prevent food from getting in it.
I guess the technology simply isn't as reliable as I expect it to be. It seems to fail often, and I've wondered if it is something that I'm doing wrong.
I compared the two only to an extent. For example, it seems having to say a prayer in school is harmless compared to having to get a haircut. I always could say my own prayers at home, but the haircut takes months or years to recover from.
Well, this picture certainly does NOT illustrate my point, but, I'm finding that the longer my beard gets, the easier it is to keep it from looking scruffy. Additionally, I can comb it into various styles. One day, I brushed it out (from the bottom of my neck up past my chin) and also down from the top. This produces a sort of wide, disk shape. Amazingly, I got comments from everyone at work complimenting me on my trimmed beard (it was about 6 inches long)!
Thanks for the tip. I tried combing my bread up from under, then down from the top and it seems to look better.
The pictures are great. I hope they encourage more people to keep their hair and beard long.
Being a longhair and growing a long beard IS a statement against the 'accepted' norm.. If you dare to be different, you must learn to deal with the issues therein..