new thread
I am a junior in highschool, and have been growing my hair about for around 5 months now.. today while at lunch, one of my teachers walked up to me and said something to me really quick and after he walked off, a "friend" (or after this, maybe I should refer to him as an acquaintance ?) said "long haired fa*got." Now, this insult wasn't directed at me, but it deeply insulted me, as I am, as I have stated growing my hair out. I confronted him right there, asking him why that his hair style makes him a homosexual, and really he had no answer except "long hair is gay, it's out of style for men", etc, etc.) I tried to explain to him that there's nothing in our body that TELLS us that men should cut their hair short and women shouldn't. It's just the influence of our culture that says that. Men with short hair is a practice really only of the 20/21st century and chances are it will again go out of style.
But does he listen? No. Instead, he asks my other friends if "Men with long hair are gay". Pretty much all of my friends around the table agree with him, and it really leaves me devistated that they could be so hollow. It's their choice not to LIKE the idea of a guy with long hair, but it makes no sense for the to assume that they are homosexuals. I've also heard a few other slurs from my friends lately about guys with long hair in our school, and everytime I confront them about it. When I first visited this site this summer I thought you all were exaggerating the effects of segregation on long-haired males, but I guess I just never noticed it before. School has been only 2 weeks so far this year, and I have heard at least five distinct slurs. Looks like I have a long haul in front of me, but it's worth it, becuase I would never wear my hair short again, I think it looks terrible. Oh, and btw. That teacher is married with two sons, and really is a cool guy (also, it prooves that men with long hair can get respectable jobs in a conservative environment)
also,
If you're still with me reading, I get constant bugging from my mom about how bad the hair around my ears look (I'm not going to cut ANYTHING) I try to explain to her that when it get's longer I can push it all back, but right now it's gonna be a fuzzy mess. Well, today she was telling me about the conversation she had with the hair dresser we both go to (who btw, died my hair not cut it.. I haven't gotten a hair cut from a butcher in like a year (I cut it myself for 6 months or so before stopping)) and she was saying the dresser and her said things like "he just doesn't know how bad it looks, it's like a few years ago, he just doesn't get it, he's clueless", etc (I had a pretty bad parted bull cut for a year or so in 1998.. it looked terrible, and I honestly didn't realize it at the time)
I explained to her, that I DO realize how bad it looks, and tried to let her know what the awkward stage is, but she just doesn't get it. I asked her though to stop mentioning it every day and rubbing it in, becuase it's not helping at all, there's no way I'll cut my hair, all that she's doing is lowwering my self-esteem (I know she's just trying to persuade me to get a haircut so I'll look better, but she doesn't know what she's talking about when it comes to the awkward stage..)
Anyway, so goes my longhair adventures.. So far I haven't found a single supportter IRL, and I DO have quite a few friends, so I guess that makes it tougher, but I'm doing this for myself, not for them, so quite frankly I dont care what their opinions are, it'd just make it easier if some understood what the awkward stage was.. Ah well, that's life for a longhair-wannabee I suppose, right?
-Justin
(BTW, sorry for the short novel.. I just had a lot to say)
Also, I'm sure it's obvious, but I should have clarified that in the first story, the teacher had longhair, and the acquaintance was referring to him, not me..
Justin
Take care.
delt9dude
I live in the Seattle, WA area. And that's why it strikes me as odd that they would all react that way, as there are quite a few people around here with long hair.. I'm sure there's about 15 at our school of 1200+.. I know everyone doesn't feel that way, but after what happened that's just the impression that I got. Oh well, it's my hair, not their's. =)
Justin
I thought Seattle is a nice, accepting city. I'm also a junior in high school with long hair and I want to go to Seattle for college.
You're lucky, I'm one of two longhaired guys in my school of 1100, and my hair isnt even shoulder length!!! I live in a suburb of Philadelphia, which is odd, but its a very backward pocket of towns that comprise my school district :( We even have those super-strict dress codes a-la Texas now. Ugh...
Taso
Hmmm, now that's wacky... Which school is this anyway?
-J (Duvall, WA)
Justin, hang in there. You're right that your friends are being very shallow about it, and the awkward stage will end. Are you planning to go to college? By then you'll have great hair, and people in college are more much open-minded about individual styles.
Doug
I dont know much about the high school system in the USA, but I assume a junior means you are 13 or so? You are an exception to the mould here, most boys of that age are incredibly immature and cant understand or accept anything that isnt what society says is cool or fashionable.
Alot of adults are like this even, they are sheep. Completely unwilling to to do what they feel like, they only accept what society says is 'in'. These people follow all the trends, and if something isnt 'in' then it obviously isnt cool to be seen going against the mainstream. Growing long hair is a current example of this, as you have experienced.
Who decides what is 'in' though? Who decides what is stylish? Go with how YOU want to look, create your own style and everything you wear, every length and style you have your hair will look good, even if it is the opposite of what the mainstream currently love.
Ignore your friends comments which spring from limited mindsets, they obviously dont want to change their ways, or grow in mental capacity. Keep up your confidence in growing the hair, when it is long, flowing and gorgeous they will all envy you heh.
Actually, I'm 17 years old (a junior is grade 11, right before grade 12/senior). But I agree that not just young boys act this way, but the majority of americans as well.. I dont know if people in other countries are more accepting, but I assume they are. In fact, in the midst of what's going on here in the USA, I saw a news reporter on CNN and his hairstyle completely shocked me. It wasn't a short trimmed up style that EVERY news reporter has, it was pretty long, well past his ears. But, the second he spoke it became completely obvious that he was britsh. LOL! I guess they're a bit more accepting of styles that dont require trims every 2 weeks over there. Anyway, I gotta run, thanks again for all the support..
Peace
Justin:
I am sorry you had this experience, but it does open your eyes to the way others allow their fears to color the universe. I am a teacher. I teach in junior and high school. What I have come to see is that people's reactions tell you more about them than about those they are reacting to. Your "friend's" reaction was all about him. He is afraid of what he thinks he knows about homosexuals. He's got a long way to go. Generally, I find my students reacting well to my hair. Since I am in a new school after teaching many years in another school, these students don't know me without long hair. I'm sure that there are some who have the same reactions that your friend did, behind my back. There always will be. And yes, men with long hair can get jobs in conservative work places. I interviewed for this new job last spring while I was right in the middle of the awkward stage. Got the job anyway! You sound very thoughtful and wise in your responses to all this. That is very encouraging.
Robert
Hi Justin, I think it's great that you've decided to grow your hair out, despite the ignorance and negative attitudes of those around you.
You sound like you've decided to just ignore their comments and do what YOU want to do, instead of letting them talking you into what you don't want to do(getting a haircut). That's good; don't ever let them get you down or let their comments make you lose sight of your goal . The awkward stage is tough, but even so, you've still already got much better hair than all the guys who think they're "cool" with buzzcuts - and it'll keep getting better.
As for people like your mom, well, she probably just doesn't know any better. But hey, it's your hair, not her's, so it doesn't really matter. Right now you're still living with her, so that can make it a little harder ( I know from experience ) but unless she's threatening to cut it while you sleep or something (my dad has actually made comments like that before - it's a scary thought, but I don't think he would actually try it) it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
As for the assumption that only gay guys have longhair, in my experience, that is far from the case. Longhair doens't seem to be any more in fashoin for gays right now than it is for any other group. In fact I have several friends that are gay/bisexual, and all of those guys have short hair. In fact, my friend David and I have actually talked about the longhair/shorthair issue, and that's one area where we really disagree. Often we may agree about whether or not a guy looks good, but when it comes to hair, David likes ONLY short hair on guys, whereas I always prefer longhair. Some longhairs are straight, some are gay ... some short hairs are gay, some are straight ... there's no correlation that I know of.
Anyway, I gotta go, but good luck, and keep growing,
Shirley
Don't let them get you down. It's not just hair, guys will thing
someone is gay because they are not on the football team, are not
6'6", are not good in sports, or don't spend their whole life
fixing their car.
Ignore them all, sometimes it is a question of who is more
immature, the other kids, the parents, or the teachers.
Life is too short. Enjoy life to the fullest today because you
never know what tomorrow will bring.
Just think about this...How many gay men have long hair? I haven't seen one gay guy with long hair. So following that logic, you are gay if you DON'T have long hair.
Go out anf get the September GQ and see all the long haired models,,,,LONG HAIR IS BACK
your ok