new thread
Hey everyone, I'm goin through a hard period in my life,and my hair reminds me of some things i went through. Lately i started feeling,that perhaps if i cut my hair,it would be a change in my life (i've been wearing long hair for 7 years now). But i don't have the guts to do so...Gimme some advice,please.Yesterday i was a step from shaving my head, if not for a friend who stopped me.
First of all, I like the current hair.
But if you're set on change, maybe you could try shortening it first? Try somewhere around shoulder length, and if you don't like that, then shave. Either one of those would look good.
Thanx for your advice, guys, i needed the support.After goin through this board and the whole website i started to change my mind...perhaps i'll get over the crappy period without undergoing radical changes in my hair length...Especially after i found this photo of myself.
. . . we'd allowed a fellow longhaired man AND Rennie, as I understand people who attend Renaissance Faire re-enactments are called, havin' friends who VEND at such events my(s)elf, to have shorn his locks, let alone shaved his hair all off! Hmn, that reminds me! I have GOTTA get to the one up in Sterling Forest in Tuxedo, NY before it closes next month. Yeesh!
Anyway, Shaddie, it's interesting that tough times that we must weather in our lives lend the consideration of shaving our pates. I, too, had done that twenty years ago, much to my regret. Things'll get better. Stick with us. You look excellent w/ your thick, wavy, long hair.
Best wishes in longhaired camaraderie,
Quenyan
Thank you lad, i am happy that i found you guys to support me in my misery :-). BTW i'm more into the middle ages, gothic period :-) The photo you saw is from a battle reconstruction and i'm really exhausted,cos it lasted for an hour..the armour is heavy like hell. And what kind of a warrior would i be without hair, when i think of it???!How could i even think of cutting it???:-) here's another warrior pic. Long live Scotland!
And one more barbarian pic.:-)
If you cut it, you'll be relegated to a pageboy, instead of the fine knight you portray here.
Carol
Wow your hair is amazing, I hope mine is like that in a year or two. But if it's holding you back then it's up to you.
I always wonder why we tend to go for very short or even a shaved head instead of going for a more gentle in between option? Say long enough to tie back still? Then if you still don't like it you can go shorter.
I've made the long to very short in one hit mistake twice now.
Take care!
Cuting your hair will not change your life by itself. However, if you believe it does, you might start thinking differently. And by thinking differently your life will take new turns.
So it´s a typical human response to belive that the hair made the difference. But the truth is that your mindset and new way of thinking made the difference.
In other words, you dont need to cut your hair to start thinking differently and make a difference in your life. All you need is the correct mindset.
There sure is a point in your advice.Thanx.I just needed to hear that from something :-)
You have some great hair - before you do anything that will take a long time to recover from (like cut it all off) - use the two week rule.
Whenever we have the urge to cut our hair, we try to wait at least two weeks. Most of the time, the urge is a momentary emotional reaction, and goes away within the two weeks.
It's your hair to do with what you will, but give it some time.
You are right,i will take my time...actually the idea is starting to fade away slowly. The past few days were horrible, really felt like cutting it all off,but now i'm starting to reconsider the whole thing....Thanks for the good advice:-)
It's not uncommon for people to want to rid themselves of things that remind them of bad periods in their life. However you can't eliminate everything that may serve to be a memory. You can cut your hair but the memories will not vanish as a result. I'm not going to say no don't cut it but I will say that's not the answer.
I don't have any suggestions as to how to deal with the pain of whatever bad times you had but cutting your hair won't make you feel better. I wish I had a better answer for you or suggestion.
Good Luck
Kevin
Thank you for your reply and suggestion. I guess you have a point, man...the hair won't solve the problem...
To cut that hair would be a sin! There are loads of people in this world who would love to have your hair
Thanx :-) I feel much better. Its good to get support from fellow longhaired lads.
Shaddie
I understand COMPLETELY where you are coming from. Let me explain. I went through an intense period of illness and depression that lasted quite a few years several years ago. I was short haired at the time I went through it. Then I started to get better and wanted to distance myself from that old person I hated seeing in the mirror as it reminded me of a period of time I wanted desperately to forget. This was about 2005 and I decided to try growing out my hair. I then found this site and have been growing ever since.
THEN last year my illness came back in force, so here I am with a real mental conflict, I ended up having the same illness that I associated with my short haired self but now it happened to long haired me. Many horrendous days I ended up being forced to associate this new longhaired image of me with sickness. That was quite a horrible thing for me as longhair was supposed to be the new me, free from that kind of thing. I was sorely tempted to cut my hair but then I knew that cutting it would make no difference in my illness getting better and if I did get better I just would have thrown away years of growing effort.
But the illmess persists even now and I still have my hair. It turns out that growing my hair didnt prevent the new me from getting my old illness again. But now I keep my hair as I regard the hair as an independent variable, it isn't related to new me /old me sickness or not. I keep the hair or don't based
on what I think about the hair itself.
My point is that cutting your hair may not save you from another hard period in your life as growing mine didn't save me. I think you need to seperate your bad hair memories from your current hair rather than seperate your long hair from your head. I strongly recommend keeping your hair and working on the uncomfortable feelings you get when looking at your hair.
Make some fun new associations with your hair to drive the bad old ones away. Take new compliments about your hair to heart. Go out of your way to show your hair off.
So I would :
1) Keep the hair
2) Seriously think about the bad feelings you currently associate with your hair and don't force them away. One thing that has helped me deal with bad past experiences is to write down what was bothering me. Like free associative writing. Try thinking about your hair in the old way that bothers you and write the way you feel down. Do this often enough and it stops bothering you so much. I have done this myself, and it really works well!
3) Deliberately show off your hair, have fun with it. Make enough good new memories to overlay the old bad ones.
So keep the hair Shaddie, it looks phenomenal and it would be a shame to lose it unneccessarily. After all I was never tempted to throw out all my old clothes and buy new ones when I started to feel better. Part of me knew this wouldnt help at all.
I hope this helps you out, if my experience saves even one head of hair it was worth it :)
Dear Chris, thank you a lot for your support and valuable advice, I never expected to get so much support from you and the other guys. I really appreciate your advice and hope you get over your illness as soon as possible and be healthy in body and soul and wear your hair long, long and longer. I feel like i can look at things from another perspective now that i read your advice and the kind words from all the guys who supported me on this website.Godspeed, good man.
As long as you are keeping your hair (hopefully) , come and hang out around here more often man. Your pictures are fun and you sound like a great guy. We would love you to hang out here more :)
I will definitely visit this place more often.i found this website a few years ago, but i never participated in chats or boards...but it seems the guys here are great and supportive.I will be here more often.and post more pics,since you like them :-) I'm posting a fireshow pic.I'm the guy kneeling and spitting fire.I had to wear my hair in a braid, and pour water over it,so it wouldn't catch fire:-)
OK that's it, note to self, no hair care tips from Shaddie! :)
I am always extremely careful when spittin fire...:-) The advice is- tie or braid your hair,pour water on it, and spit the fire in a direction away from yourself:-) hehe...
Shaddie, Great advice indeed. Always spit fire away from you!
peace, jonalbear
well,its the best thing you can do :-) but seriously, i've seen a guy's hair catch fire once and it wasn't a pleasant scene...
Great Post Chris;
As always, your hair is fantastic, but what is under it sure sounds healthy also !
Thanks for Sharing
Walter
i say keep it. your hair is beautiful and suits your face perfectly! and of course being a rennie with short hair is just an oxymoron.
if you need a change, perhaps you could simply try some new styles. (braids, buns, different ponytails, etc.)
peace,
nic
p.s. do something nice for that friend of yours. he or she deserves something nice for keeping the shears away from that head of yours. :)
A girl's opinion means a lot to me :-) Thank you, my lady :-)Now i', goin through some photos on my PC and the more i go over them i'm changing my mind...:-)
i'm so glad you stopped here first. it's just so depressing when someone cuts off a beautiful head of hair. thanks for giving us a chance to polish up our brainwashing skills (us long-hair veterans always get our way. bwahaha!)
.
we don't want to be to harsh on the newbies.
p.s. i miss you, my friend! haven't see you in chat for ages. hope you are feeling well. oh - and i had a date!
I have been ill for the last two weeks or so trying to correct my out of whack health. I am juggling special diets and medicines and supplements trying to find the right combination to beat this candida I have had for ages. I am getting closer but one of the things I do when I get way off base is to take a few days and fast. I did this last week and it really makes me ill the first few days and then gets better again. Then I am ready to try another round of experiments. I am getting closer to what works (I hope anyway)
I plan to be online this afternoon so I will see you in the chat then. Even when I wasn't feeling like being online last week I did think about you and missing our chats :) Well I will see you later today :)
I know someone just diagnosed with Candida. He's been sick since he was 17 yo, and is now 39. He was mis-diagnosed with Fibromyalgia Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and recently they thought he had Celiac Disease. Doctors threw diagnoses at him, without ever really testing him. He finally went to a specialist who ran a slew of labwork, and came back with a mass Candida infection, low thyroid, adrenal suppression, and low testosterone. The symptoms of the above mimic the symptoms of FMS, CFS, and Celiac. He's taking Fluconozale and a bunch of supplements, and is on a Candida detox regimen, and has had energy he hasn't felt in years.
He did mention that everyone with Candida is different. Some have more resistant strains, and find it harder to eliminate the infection. The fatigue, muscle aches, and constant digestive problems made life difficult for him. He now knows that he's never had FMS, CFS, or Celiac. The bad thing for him, is that he has both heart and liver damage, as a result of being undiagnosed for so long.
I hope your case wasn't as prolonged as his, and that you will find the right treatment program that finally eliminates the problem for you. I understand that this can be very difficult to wipe out, and may take several treatments, as well as diligent diet control to prevent future problems. You are in my thoughts and prayers, hope you get better soon.
Right now, I'm still battling with my Thyroiditis (along with the rest of my laundry list of ailments), I still have some symptoms, even though I am at the max for the synthetic hormone. I am thinking of asking my PCP to switch me to dessicated natural thyroid hormone, as I have read it has better results. It seems I am always dealing with a health crises. I'm off to the hospital next week, for yet another outpatient crappy diagnostic procedure. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers too.
Carol
Carol,
You bet I will keep you in my thoughts this week, next week and beyond. I hope the procedure goes as smoothly as it can. I know there isn't much someone else can say to make this kind of struggle easier but it does sure help knowing that people do care, even people we only know online. We look out for each other here :) I know all to well that the adage is true that without your health you really have nothing.
I first suspected I had some kind of problem of a biological nature in 1992 or so when I first started to notice I would get weak physically after I had eaten something with wheat in it. It was subtle at first but became definite eventually. So I started avoiding wheat products, which was an enormous burden on me then, a big lover of breads and pasta! Then the same thing started to happen with corn, so I avoided that too. This went on for a few years (losing more and more foods I could eat) until in 1995 it became such a burden that I finally went to a doctor who specialized in food allergies, which I was sure I had developed at the time.
This doctor told me I had candida instead, caused by taking antibiotics for over a decade up to that time for acne. Apparently the antibiotics not only were useless for fighting acne but they completely destroyed my gut. Since then I have been struggling with it.
Knowing what I know now about Candida I know that I had it since at least 1983!! 24 years! That is over half of my life that I have been messed up this way. Like your friend my life would have been significantly different and infinitely better if I had known what I know now. Even when I knew what was wrong though the standard diets that they recommended for candida were still not strict enough apparently and I grew worse as the years were on.
Recently I am being extremely careful what I eat and what I take (lots and lots of acidophilus and some Nystatin and some Flucoanazole just like your friend). So far so good, but its still too early to tell much and there is a lot of damage to repair.
Thank you for the good wishes!
Yup, yup, yup. Those antibiotics are a mess on the digestive system, they upset the natural balance of flora and fauna. My friend is doing the acidopholis and probiotics thing as well. With him, it became systemic, it got in his bloodstream, as he was constantly having bleeding in his stomache and intestines (which was the reason for the Celiac dignosis). It's when it's systemic that the heart and liver are damaged. I hope and pray yours never got systemic like his. I recallback in the 1970's, that antibiotics were popularly subscribed for severe cystic acne. Can't believe that a medical proffesional preascribed them for you for so long. Bad nedical decisions and incompetent doctors can mess you up even more, in the process of trying to fix you. I've had my share of incompetents, believe me. I have now become much more pro-active in my medical care. While I get tired of all the crappy medical procedures, lab work, etc. I do have to commend my current PCP for being so thorough. Bettter to rule out things, than wait to see what may or may not develope down the road. Best wished for you.
Carol
PS Are you planning on going to Maryland Rennaissance Fest? I live way up north in Frederick County, by the Mason-Dixon. Maybe some year I'd like to find a way to get me, and my mobility scooter there. Jousting, Maryland's state sport.
Hi Carol,
I didn't know you were so local to me. I live in Montgomery County in Germantown MD. In the 70s and early 80s I used to live near the Mason Dixon in Hagerstown MD. I do plan on going to the Maryland Rennaissance Fest here, I usually go a few times during the faire. I am sorry that you aren't able to move about conveniently, I cannot imagine how difficult that is. Compared to what you face I really have no right to complain.
Since you are so close though you are close enough to visit sometime. Hopefully soon when I am doing a bit better I can come visit you.
I hope everything goes smoothly next week for both of us :)
Take care Carol
Ooh! A date? Did he have pigtails? Did he have sticks in his hair? How does his hair measure up on the MLHH-o-meter?
Just a few brain-droppings I have on this subject...
The times in my life during which I've felt the strongest desires to cut my hair were the times during which I felt the least control over other aspects of my life. Work, school, relationships, healthy weight management, etc. I think it's human nature to want to feel as though we are in control of our individual realities. When circumstances seem to demonstrate that we are not (i.e., when things "go bad" in our lives), a common knee-jerk reaction is to find something that we CAN control. For me (and apparently for a lot of people here who have regretted cutting off their long hair at some point in time), this has manifested as an urge to cut our hair. Clearly, in altering your body, you ARE altering an aspect of your reality; you ARE controlling a facet of your life experience. What you will likely discover, however, is that once the hair is shorn, those aspects of your reality that you REALLY desired to change, remain untouched. Not only that, but a part of your reality that you loved, something that helped you truly feel like a genuine and authentic individual, will be gone, and will take a great deal of patience and fortitude to regain.
If you truly want to cut off your hair because you don't like the way it looks or feels, or because you don't feel as though having long hair is a genuine expression of who you are, then I think it might be worth honestly considering. If you want to cut off your hair because you feel the need to control a fragment of your reality, then I'd suggest taking some time to honestly examine what's happening in your life, and what it is you truly want or need to change. Consider other changes that might elicit a more positive result. Begin an exercise regimen... learn to play an instrument... try a new sport... study in-depth something that's always interested you... volunteer at a local food pantry... the list is virtually infinite.
Live a life of kindness, to others, and to yourself. Strive to meet your potential as an authentic human being, and realize that you really ARE in control of your reality.
Very well said,lad...I appreciate your advice. I¨ll stick to my sword and my guitar instead...perhaps I'll try to get a new tatoo instead of a haircut:-)Thanks a lot.
Sorry for being so long-winded, but I have to leave off with some bits of prose and poetry that I think are quite relevant to the issue of "cutting one's hair to change one's life."
First, a quote by Martha Graham:
"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open... whether you choose to take an art class, keep a journal, record your dreams, dance your story or live each day from your own creative source. Above all else, keep the channel open."
Then, one of the greatest poems ever written:
Invictus, by William Ernest Henley
"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul."
I have no words to add anything...the poem says everything...
I just had a look at the pics you posted below. They make it quite apparent that you are a strong-hearted, authentic man, filled with warrior spirit. There are too few of us in the world today, friend. Stay true to yourself and continue making this world the better for it.
It feels so good to find people who feel and think the same. I won't give up...
Hi Shaddie,
First of all, I would like to extend my warmest welcome to you, as I have not had the opportunity to welcome you to the hyperboard before. I am genuinely sorry to haer that you have gone through such difficult times, so I will send some thoughts and prayers your way. Your hair is outstanding, it is INCREDIBLY thick and healthy, with great waves and colour. It really would be a shame to cut off such a magnificent mane, and please think long and hard before making a decision you could have serious regrets about later. Just remember your friend who was looking out for you, and giving you some heartfelt advice.
My best to you, and take care,
David
Thank you, dear friend, i really appreciate your prayers and thoughts...I have never expected so much support and good advice.I have made my mind now..no haircuts, i shall change other things,perhaps do more music,try to write some new lyrics etc..but not the hair.Godspeed.
Well, it seems you have already thought this through, as well as gotten some great advice. You say that hair reminds you of some things that you went through, and wondered about cutting it to be a change your life. a)Cutting it won't change anything, except you won't have the long hair. You may even feel worse, regretting your decision and feeling depressed about your choice. b) The fact that you are getting through the hard period, in spite of the hair reminding you of things you went through, shows that you have inner strength. c) Even though you are conflicted about cutting or not, deep down inside, you seriously have doubts about going through. Your friend most likely stopped you from doing something you most likely would have deeply regretted. c) Reinforcing the conflict, you are posting on a men's longhair board about cutting it, when you most likely know that the responses are going to be to urge you to not cut it.
The answer to your dilemna is deep within yourself, and only you know what it is. Everything above points to one solution. Change your perception about your hair, not the length of the hair itself. It's not a reminder of what you've been through, it's a reminder of what you have managed to overcome, a symbol of your inner strength that gets you through the hard times.
Carol
PS Kudos to the friend who stopped you from committing 'hair suicide'.
Would that be "haira kiri" ?
Depression is serious stuff! 25 years ago, I was a mess abd flirting with suicide. My wife got me help. To this day I still take anti depressants daily. I am perfectly fine and adjusted. (Yes my hair is long too) In my opinion depression doesn't just "go away" without treatment. Cutting your hair isn't the answer. Treatment is
Hey there , your hair is nothing short of GREAT!!!!! truely it looks super, It takes alot of good work which you have done to make it look that good. I thnk you would do it and feel possibly you would lose some of your self identity. I know I had a situation here where I was doing something and it was asked if I should cut my hair, and a freind said NO! it is who he is and people know him by that and how he is and how he looks, so that was the end of that subject, and I wouldn't have cut it anyway LOL Also are you a member of SCA? Hope all is good! Take care!
destroy such a magnificent mane. What takes years to grow only takes minutes to destroy. You should keep it. You have beautiful hair.
Scott
By now I read that you've changed your mind and will not cut. Hurrah! You've made a wise choice. The hair is you and I think you would have regretted it in time. I hope things work out for you and just know that time does heal all wounds.
Take care,
Bruce
In late '99 and early Y2K, I had achieved waist-length hair (after growing it for close to 9 years). Then one fateful Tuesday morning, after going through a lot of "mid-life crisis" issues, I woke up depressed & anxious to make some quick changes in my life, --- so, I called in sick to work, and made a hair appointment instead...
That Tues. just so happened to fall on the first day of summer, 2000 (quite by accident; but certainly an easy date for me to remember - lol). I originally brought in a pic of a layered- looking mullet as my goal; but the haircut turned out to be a disaster (which evben the stylist did NOT recommend), --- and so during the next 2 days I had 2 more, "repair jobs"... until my hair was completely short (typical guy's hair length). The experience totaly devastated me (an understatement). But, the good news is that it taught me a very valuable lesson, and made me determined from then on to make a COMMITMENT to myself to become and stay a longhair for life!
I also remember what a co-worker (a fellow longhair) said to me when we had a conversation about my haircut: "Easy to cut; hard to grow!"
Looks like you've already recieved some excellent advise, --- and I've already read where it looks like you've changed your mind & decided not to cut now (HURRAY!!!!!!!); but, just thought that my story may be additionally helpful to read as well...
You have an EXCELLENT head of hair there, Shaddie, a mane that would be a national crime to cut (regardless of whichever country you're from - lol)!! However, I totally understand the emotions involved when going through tough times, how tempting it feels to cut one's hair as a symbol of cutting loose from one's problems or from the dark times of the past. But, in the long run, making an impulsive, rash decision while not being able to fully think clearly (which is exactly what I did in Y2K) is not a good way to give one's self a truly new & positive, "fresh start!"... Only if the decision comes from a deep, calm, & quiet sense of inner peace would I bother even considering for one moment the idea of cutting it, --- and even then, logic and common sense would dictate cutting one's hair in small, slow increments; rather than buzzing off everything in a sudden, mad act of of violence against yourself (as if your hair NOTHING to you)....
Hope these comments, and my own unfortunate story of cutting, has helped!
- Ken in San Francisco
Hello there...Wow, have never achieved waist long hair, my maximum length is half way down my back,but thats in the genes i guess.
Your story sure helped me, it gave me more support.Thanks a lot.BTW, just the same day after i wrote about my problem on this booard i got 2 compliments (frome some girls on the street :-) about my hair and deep inside i went like "whew,thanks God i didn't go for the 3mm..." :-).
Let me chime in late here and say, you have great hair and it'd be a shame to see it go. What makes it great is that, at least from this picture, you appear to "wear it well". By that, I mean that it's not in your face, it looks natural on you, and it looks like you don't have any problem with it when it's loose, which is enviable. The facial hair complements it well too.
Of course, this is the MLHH so what did you expect. :)
Hi, I'm a bit late getting to this giant thread, but must really and truly say that you have great looking hair. The festival pictures are cool too, in the Scottish garb especially. I'm glad you decided not to cut it. It has to be your decision though. But, like others have said, really, you are still you no matter the hair you have, to cut it or not to cut it still leaves you with your same mind and set of problems you started out with.
Yeah, Scotland forever!
Bragi