new thread
Okay, MLHHers...tomorrow night I get to dance with a girl I like. Not like at a studio but at my apartment. Making dinner for her and then (slow) dancing for a while. So, private and intimate. She is not quite a girlfriend but maybe tomorrow night will be the border between single and taken.
My question is how I should style my hair. She likes my hair long which is a plus...because I keep it clean and nice. She has seen my hair in a ponytail before and she thought my hair sticks looked nice but said that when my hair gets longer it would look fine. So, she seems very open to hair styles of longhaired men.
Some of all y'all are dancing types and so is there any particular benefit or drawback of any particular style? Does hair get caught and need to be restrained? Do some styles look funny while dancing? Would some styles get messed up?
My first instinct would be to but my hair in a stick-created bun with my black-and-clear sticks. And then let my hair down later, possibly dramatically. But my instincts are often off. So, let me know all y'all's thoughts.
Cheers,
David (a.k.a. Meldon Antesse)
Uh yeah dont do the bun-dramatic letting hair down thing. Sounds creepy dude. I would say just keep it natural and don't worry about what your hair looks like while dancing. Just focus your attention on her.
Thanks for the input. Was not planning on something really dramatic. But like between songs, pull them out and let my hair loose...to show that i have "let down my hair". Yeah maybe too formulaic and wrong gender...
Agreed. In this case, as she has already seen you with your hair down, it won't really have any symbolism. Any how, as for the pont tailed dancers, the purpose is style, and of course vision. Let's say the dancer has his hair down, perfectly styled and looking great with his outfit. By the end of the routine, it will be dicheveled and possible sweaty. If, on the other hand, he has it back, it will still look the same. Also, a ponytail allows for additional accesories to match the outfit. Not to mention that any serious dancer would not risk making a mistake in movment or timeimg becuase he could not properly see his partner. Think of quick spins, dips, swing etc.
However, you did say that you will be SLOW dancing in an intimate setting. In my humble opinion, that would pretty much throw any complications of long hair and movement out the window. Leaving just one thing to worry about... intamacy. Slow dancing cheek to cheek is VERY romantic (especial if she likes your facial hair). Provided she is intersted, which she obviously is, this will occur. But, dont you think it would be a little awkward if you had to move your hair out of the way first? Just a thought. I would at least go behind the ears, or tail. But stay away from the bun, It isnt a very relaxed style.
Don't over think things man! That's always a recipe for disaster!
I'd leave the hair down. Most ladies I know don't like it when guys wear ponytails and such.
Thanks for the input. Just thought I'd ask as most of the pictures of dancing guys with long have a neat ponytail. Also wanted to know if there was some other reason like not getting it caught or swinging around.
Hi David (AKA Antesse),
Keep it simple, --- both the hair, and also re. planning your evening with your lady friend.
I don't mean to brag; but, in this case I will (lol).... I have been dancing for well over 30 years (and I'm talking about the serious kind of partner dancing that you have to take a lot of classes for in order to be competent at all with, --- like Swing, Salsa, Rumba, Cha-cha, Tango, 2-Step, Waltz, etc.). Slow dancing (AKA, "clutch & sway") in your own apartment is not something that requires a class of any kind; but, it should NOT be over-planned or feel "staged", --- either it happens naturally & spontaneously, or it doesn't... Now, if you are both taking a dance class of some kind, then in that case, you have the perfect excuse to invite her over to, "practice the moves" (wink wink). I can't even begin to tell you how many female dance practice partners I've had that have openly told me how they wished a was a strait guy, --- probably because I've been over to their house / apartment too many times to simply literally practice dance moves (WITHOUT ever ending in any, "horizontal Mambo" - lol)!!
As far as your hair goes, my suggestion would be to wear it in some manner that you already feel comfortable and familiar with. Combing it nicely and tieing it back simply would be my own personal preference... If things start feeling cozy and heading into the romantic direction, let HER be the one to remove your hair-tie, rather than you! If it's one thing that gay guys get to hear a lot about, it's whenever they have strait women friends tell them all the things they WISH strait men would do, --- and the #1 thing I hear from my own strait women friends is how they'd love to have a strait man listen to them, pay attention to them, and APPRECIATE them... After that, the #2 thing I hear from the strait women I know is how they wish they could meet a strait guy who's willing to take a dance class with them!
For your future consideration, I whole-heartedly and enthusiastically encourage you to someday pursue the above suggestion #2. If you do, I guarantee you will have women flocking at your feet (*I* do, --- and I'm just a gay guy)!!!! I've recieved countless compliments from women about how nicely I treat them on the dance floor, --- including from one that said I regularly gave her, "dance orgasms!" Recently a dance partner and occasional private student of mine made the following statement: "If you're even half as good horizontally in bed as you are vertically on the dance floor, then whoever gets you in private must be VERY lucky!!" I blushed about 5 shades of purple, --- then sheepishly admitted that I'm much better vertically and still clothed, and really rather average or even boring off the dance floor... Such is the value of having taken good quality dance classes!!
Hope my comments have helped!
- Ken (who can "clutch and sway" REAL good!!!)
I'm including a pic here of me dancing with my friend Rebecca, taken at Gay Pride in '05, on an outdoor C&W dance floor near SF's Civic Center.
I also have a Dance Page on my website, which I will link. On that page, if you click on the words, "Dance Etiquette", you can read in cowboy's lingo some of the dos and don'ts of proper etiquette on a dance floor (which can also be used at home - lol). You are also welcome to read about my dance history by clicking on, "View My Dance Bio"
Anyway, I hope something in there will help give you even more ideas on how to help you have a successful evening with your lady friend!
- Ken
Try this: Ken's Dance Page
Ken, Thanks for the link to your dance page.
peace, jonalbear
Thanks for the site, pardner. Yeehaw. Them words inside are all down-home-cooked and from the dusty trail.
(Sorry for the bad cowboy lingo...still a bit rusty.)
Cheers,
Antesse
Thanks for the advice, Urban Cowboy Ken. You're one of the ones I was hoping I'd get a response from.
In this case it is sort of planned. Makes it easier as I am a little shy in the moment and I guess she doesn't quite pick up on what I want when I find myself unable to say what I want to. But my feelings in the moment and what I say and do and such will not be staged.
As for dance classes, I have one left foot and one right foot. However, they do not move in actual dance steps. Actual dance steps confuse me. To be honest, I cannot hear a song and pull out eight counts or four counts or whatever. If you give me a sequence of steps, I can do it and will do it looking decent. But the song comes on and I cannot relate note 27 to step 11. This being said, my dancing ability for slow dancing has been well-reknowned as I just get out there and give it my all and make graceful moves when the time feels right. I have received compliments from people (dates and otherwise). Of course I am usually the leader...but could be the partner if someone knew how to lead me.
Maybe I could try a class some day. With the right girl to practice with, maybe I can learn a few steps. Of course I am the guy who cannot clap correctly to a song...I think I overanalyze the music mathematically.
But perhaps the ponytail will be my choice. I'll have to decide.
I'm no dancer, so I can't recommend much, except a hearty good luck!
I'm still looking to find a single open minded girl, but at least this shows they do exist :)
Thanks for the luck. You'll find her. Just keep looking and look in different places. I found one at a scientific graduate school program...which I am also part of.
OK, I'm no Don Juan, but I'd really concentrate on making the dinner A-1 (For instance, make something you know how to make and know will turn out well rather than something exotic you don't know how to fix)and let the rest happen how it may. Loose hair will be much more sensual and relaxed no doubt creating the atmosphere you want. Dancing close with intermingled hair (I'm assuming the girl has long hair?) will be a "quality" experience!
Thanks for the response. I am making my "signature dish" which is one I make really well. It is an "Italian-esque" vegetable "sauce/stew" with chicken. It is primarily tomato based with zucchini, onion, and mushroom and spiced with garlic and whatever I put in from my spice rack. I will probably put it over pasta but this is not necessary. I am calling it "Italian Gumbo" because I think this describes it well. It has come highly recommended by people who have eaten it.
About the hair, I may go loose. She'll most likely have hair tied back (its medium long and curly). I may begin the evening with the ponytail, at least for dinner and a few dances...for formality's sake (and keeping hair out of food). And then take it from there.
Ah, nothing like angel hair with shed longhair hair mixed in!
Bill
Remember that sticks have pointy ends. I've never nailed anyone, but I did once manage a hairstick collision. Ponytail is safe, and easy to take out if you use a slide or clip.
I've not had compaints about mutual hair stick pulling though.
Honestly, as Ken said, what is most important is a relaxed, attentive atmosphere.
Thanks for the wisdom. Still deciding. Probably a few minutes before I pick her up is when I will decide.
i say let your hair down and try and control your head movements so that your hair isnt all over the place n getting in the way and all, but give it effect to the movement of the dance.
i remember a few weeks ago i got really intimate with a girl and we both have long hair, although it was anoying as hell it still added to the experience and made things interesting
My hair does move well. Gotcha, no wild headbanging while dancing...
I'll try not to get hair all tangled up and in the way. Thanks though for your advice.
...your apartment it's definitely beyond the "friendship" stage.
Whatever you do, try to NOT make a big deal of your hair. Almost every girl wants the same thing from a guy: to be #1
So as difficult as it may be try not to focus on your hair. If SHE brings
it up, then that's a different matter altogether.
Good luck!
I agree it is beyond the friendship stage...but she hasn't exactly given the go-ahead to call her my girlfriend, you know. And we are both too shy, I guess...and so maybe moving the feet will help us along.
Yeah I know she is #1. But just as I want to see her at her best, she wants to see me at my best. The fact that she put a lot of time into her appearance would be something that would make my day. I would assume that if she saw I took time on my appearance it would make hers. But yeah, the guy's appearance is an unspoken thing. The girl gets all the attention and the "you're so beautiful"s.
Thanks though.
Don't overanalyze things dude. Just be relaxed and things will go well.
I would have to agree with one of the posts below, go with a ponytail b/c if things end up getting "horizontal" then when you're on top of her kissing her then your hair will be all in her face. Not fun for her. Of course, if she ends up on top of you, then no worries.
I wish I could take one of your dance classes, Ken. Sounds like fun.
Nope, no horizontal last night. Thanks for the wishful thinking you provided though.
Well, last night went okay. Dinner turned out good. Dancing was adequate I guess. I ran into an interesting dilemma though. She knows how to dance; I don't. And so with each new song, she analyzed the rhythm and started to do actual dance steps; I heard the song and started to dance based on how the song moved me. This led to some awkwardness. Eventually, she realized she needed to follow my impromptu moves and I could not decipher her steps (unless we stopped and had a long teaching session).
My conclusion: I am going to learn how to waltz. It looks to be easy enough.
Hair: ponytail to begin, removed it before dancing.
Border between single and taken: not quite crossed. No horizontality, no kisses, no arms around each other on the couch. In time...but at least we danced.
Hey David,
My guess in your choosing of Waltz to be the dance to learn is that you probably unintentionally chose a lot of slow music that had 3/4 timing (Waltz rhythm). The nice thing about a dance class is... over time, there's no reason in the world you can't still dance based on how a song moves you, --- just that you would have learned some valuable techniques in how to better accomplish it.
Be careful of dance studio chains that rope you into expensive private lessons that you sign your life away for in-advance. Not only are they WAAAAAY over-priced, I could also tell you horror stories that friends of mine have told me who have worked for some of those chains. If there's any modest-priced group classes offered in your area, take 'em! Some colleges even offer them on their curriculum. Also some independant Ballrooms offer decent deals for group lessons. Private lessons are better for dancers who already have taken a fair amount of group classes, and want to "fine-tune" what they already know... The exception to that rule is if you actually do find a reasonably-priced private dance teacher; but, if you do, make sure you feel you're still getting quality instruction (I've known of a few quacks in my lifetime).
Also, steer clear of any dance studio that tries to teach too much by routines. What I meaqn by that is: you want to learn how to LEAD a woman, so she can easily FOLLOW you. Learning by dance routines in some cases and to some degree can be beneficial; but, ultimately, you do NOT want to dance only by a "routine", --- which is essentially somebody else's choreography to only one particular song. By learning in a studio that emphasizes lead/follow skills, you are learning basic and intermediate patterns that you can eventually choose yourself, in order to create your OWN spontaneous choreography (to ANY song)!! Just like any other business, the dance teaching business has its good guys and conversely, its rip-off artists. There are also a great variety of dance styles, --- like social, or competetive. I'm not all that fond of the cometition Ballroom look myself, as I prefer an old-fashioned "Fred & Ginger" style ballroom. But, some dance studios that also teach cometition style are aslo good about offering social ballroom as well. In this type of studio, it will often be refered to as, "American style" (although they do have contests in this style, too). "International style" is very British and stiff-looking (in my opinion), --- and is the look you see most of those competition dancers doing on TV.
William from Chicago, who just posted a thread up by the top of the page, is also a dancer (and a VERY accomplished one at that)! I've met him in real-life, as well as we have had many a lively chat on the topic of dance online or via e-mails. He might think of a tip or 2 that I'm not thinking of right now, so be sure to pick his brain, if you get the chance. Also, user "del" owns a dance studio in the East Coast (NJ, as I recall). I have never met him in-person; but my guess is that he could probably out-dance me by a thousand miles (especially considering he is in top physical condition)!!!
Hope this helps, --- and have FUN learning the Waltz!
- Ken
Waltz was chosen by me for two reasons. The steps seem really really simple: a three step pattern put into cycles. And I actually learned waltz basics for a scene in a musical.
Actually a lot of my songs that I chose were not waltzes. But when I learn waltz with her, I plan on getting actual waltzes...like not songs with waltz rhythms but rather songs intended for waltzes.
I might end up going to a studio to learn but I have a hard time learning actual dances and movements. A patient partner in my apartment with simple steps will be easier. My biggest problem will be pulling the 3/4 rhythm from the song...I have troubles with rhythms in songs--I cannot clap to a rhythm.
And Del was one of the people I thought about when I was asking for help as were you.
Thanks a lot, Urban.
Well, hey, it's a start! As for the walyz, it is fairly easy. Rent Rodger's and Hammmerstein's THE KING AND I, and watch Deboraha Kerr teach Yul Bryner. So, do you have another date set?
Carol
No specific next date is set. But I do kind of have an open ended acceptance of sorts. And so when a time comes I should have no problem getting her on my personal dance floor.
Hi Carol,
It's been a loooooong time since I've seen the movie, THE KING AND I; but, as I recall, they were NOT dancing Waltz, --- it was Polka! The next time I watch it, I hope I don't eat my words; but, just so you know, it is not uncommon for confusion like this to happen. For example, C&W singer k. d. lang has a song called, "Waltz Me Again Around the Dance Floor"; but the song itself is not a Waltz, --- it's a C&W Shuffle (or, moderate-tempo song for West Coast Swing)! Go figure...
Waltz music has one heavy down-beat, followed by 2 much lighter up-beats. It can be either slow or fast, --- or middle-of-the-road; but, whatever the tempo, the beat is VERY distictive... That song from the King and I, "Shall We dance", has a 1 - 2 - 3 beat; but, followed by a pause (which in actuality, is the 4th beat of the music, --- which would make it NOT a Waltz)
I can't begin to tell you how many times when I was first learning how to dance how I would struggle trying to do a dance that i THOUGHT was the correct one for a particular piece of music, only to eventually realize that just becase it emphasized a "1 - 2 - 3", was not at all a Waltz (or the reverse situation happening as well). I've been a hardcore dancer for over 30 years, so at the risk of getting mud on my face... I'll bet that it was Polka that Yule Bryner and Deborah Kerr were dancing to in that song. "Shall We Dance"; but, then again, I haven't seen the movie in over 30 years, either (lol)!!
- Ken
I think Ken is right. I just looked at YouTube clips and the girl says something along the lines of "it's quite simple to POLKA". And then makes the count of 1-2-3-and.
So, by George I think Ken is right!
You may very well be right. I don't know anything about the Polka, other than it's usually not a ballroom dance. That, and the familiar 1-2-3 made it seem to be a waltz. Then again, this was a movie full of innaccuracies, based on a questionable book (which I read). But it was entertaining nontheless. Just don't ever go to Thailand and make mention of it, or so I hear.
Carol
Antesse,
How could you go wrong? Relax, already!
Cal