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I know this is going to seem like another one of those whiney posts, but recently I've been having doubts about my hair. Up until now, I have always felt ok with my appearance, but in the last few weeks, I have begun questioning my hair and feeling very insecure.
This is partly my girlfriend who always previosuly supported me on my hair journey I think is beginning to tire of the reality. Comments like 'You're not going to grow it really long are you?' and 'I prefer it short' haven't helped. Just a few weeks before this, I was told that my 'hair looked great'. Has kind of left me wondering and now doubting myself. I'm not a very secure person anyway.
Not sure what to do. Really don't want to be pressured into cutting it as I've gone through the awkward stage and just know that I would regret it. Trouble is, I always try to please those closest to me.
Any help would be welcomed.
Thanks.
Troy
hey dude i had the same problem with my ex gf she kept begging me to cut my long hair off and i got fed up with it and did and i deeply regreted it very much! i was pissed that all my hair was gone and she broke up with a week later as well, that proves you should never cut your hair cause if you like it then stick with it, if a girl cant accept you for who you are then i would say get another girl or try to talk to your gf and tell her love you for who you are or get out! my new gf loves my long hair and says i should have never cut it, i def learned a lesson man, keep it growing dont cut!!!
I agree. This is your girlfriend, not some stranger. If your girlfriend doesn't like you the way you are, maybe she needs to be more open minded, or maybe you need a new girlfriend. Not to sound harsh or anything though, it's of course your choice. Ultimately though, succumbing to others' pressure won't make you more secure about yourself, but only do the opposite.
i have a couple of ideas. no promises that they are good ones, but here they are regardless.
look in the mirror and tell yourself, "i'm good enough, smart enough, hot enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!" follow that with, "i don't have to please everyone, just myself. if i'm not happy with myself, i can't make anyone else happy, either."
or, each time the gf says she prefers your hair short, tell her you would prefer her with bigger boobs or less weight (regardless of what she looks like). i bet she doesn't keep up the hair comments for long after that.
or you could simply try asking her why she has suddenly become so unsupportive of something you so clearly love. hopefully that will get her to stop and think for a minute.
peace,
nic
Telling her you wish she had bigger boobs or less weight? Brilliant, nic. Along those lines, if she tries to compare you to Hollywood's superhunks, compare her to Hollywood's superchicks. "Oh, Johnny McStudly has short hair" "Well, Jane O'Chest has big boobs"
It's her friends working on her. Maybe they are hoping to break up the relationship so he will become available. I never underestimate how viciously competitive some women are over men.
I still say he should dump her and avoid take up with any of her friends.
This is really the crux of some people's problems growing out their hair. You want to please your girlfriend and she likes your hair short. Now it is perfectly natural for her to have a preference, and being how that was how she got to know you, short hair in particular. I think the best way to analyze the situation is for you to reverse the situation.
If your girlfriend wanted to do something radical to her hair (if its long then cutting it short), how would you react. If you wouldn't mind much either way then think of something else. What I am getting at is to visualize some change that she could make from the way she is now that you most definitely would NOT like to see on her. Tattoos or piercings maybe if you don't like that kind of thing, or some new radical clothing. If it were really important to her to make these changes would you be willing to overlook them to keep all the rest of the good things you currently enjoy. If you can honestly be willing to put aside your feelings about appearance for her sake then you should have no problems explaining this to her and asking her to put the same amount of effort in letting you do this one thing for yourself. That way you are not asking her to do anything you wouldn't do yourself.
If she is unwilling to let you have it that easily, then the matter does become more serious and you would need to evaluate if the hair or her is more important to you. Some here may say keep the hair at all costs and find another who will appreciate your new look. It is always hard when someone in a relationship changes rather drastically from when they first enter a relationship and thus 'change the deal' so to speak.
If she is more important than the hair, but you still want a change, try another outlet, clothing style maybe. Unfortunately for you, I doubt there really will be anyone here who can choose for you. We can give you examples of people keeping their hair at others' expense though, plenty of those.
As for other people well the test is similar to above but usually less weight is given to others opinions. Good luck in making the choice. Perhaps you can keep your hair at its current length if you are just now testing your girlfriends patience? That is one compromise.
I agree Chris, it is good to put yourself in the others shoes. Whatever my wife does with her hair, long or short, I support her. If she wanted a tattoo or piercing, I would support her. As long as it contributed to her happiness and not adversely affect her health, she should be able to do anything she desires. I only ask that she be that open about things that makes me happy.
Troy I would talk to her about her feelings on this. I think if she loves you for you, she'll compromise on this.
Good luck,
Bruce
I went through the same thing with my whole family for years! They kept telling me how great I would look with short hair. Some of them even made some very ignornant ethnocentric comments I would not even dare repeat here or anywhere for that matter. This is why I am not happy with my soon to be forced haircut. My family is already overjoyed about that. Priot to this I never submitted. I do what looks good for me and makes me happy with myself. That is why after my forced haircut, it will be longhair till death! I do not consider myself a selfish person either. In fact I am very charitable and pro-social person. I have worked in human services most of my adult life. Niether are you selfish for wanting to keep your long either despite what your girl might be telling you.
Hey Troy, all I can say is that I suffer from many self-esteem problems, and whenever I feel like cutting the hair as a potential solution to my worries, I remind myself that I probably wouldn't feel any better about myself in my mind with short hair. I certainly never held my appearance in high esteem before I started growing the hair out. If anything, I feel more confident because of having longer hair.
There are more people than you can imagine who don't place any real emphasis on one's hair length. There are very few individuals who have a genuine problem with longer hair, and they aren't people I choose to associate with if I can do so.
I'm sure you can work out these issues in your personal life without making any sacrifices or unnecessary changes.
Peace,
Ryan
Delay as long as you can.
Always be unable to go to the haircuttery.
Reference the fortnight rule...if you say yes every day for 14 days then go do it but if for one day you say no then the 14 days reset.
Discuss her hair and what it means to you--girls often do not realize what hair means to guys and so discuss how you cutting yours short would have much the same effect as she having hers cut short.
Find a compromise in style or hair care perhaps--she may like it if you did a different long haired style (like no ponytails or kept off your face) or if you made sure to shampoo and condition and brush and use oil and yadayadayada.
Have her play with your hair. Or rather have her wash it or comb/brush it. She may find that it is quite a lot of fun...just like when she used to braid hair with the other girls in school. This may even teach you some hair care tricks and styling tips which may allow her to like it more.
Ask her what she doesn't like about long hair. And assure her that you are not going to go too extreme with your hair. Knee-length hair may be a turn-off and maybe she sees this as the eventuality while perhaps midback is your goal which may be fine.
And another thing, you are coming right off of the awkward stage. Everyone's hair looks iffy at this point. When you progress further, your hair will look better and better. With my hair the length it is, no one really comments anymore while there were negative comments from close friends. So hang it there!
Don't let her near your hair she could pull out a pair of scissors and that's it bye bye hair.
Remember what happened to Sampson.
If she is never let near his hair, how will she get near any other part of him. Certainly the two of them cannot get to intimate if the worry about scissors is looming on the horizon. If they are sleeping in the same room ever, she could easily wake up earlier with a pair of scissors. If she felt like it, she could even pull out a pair of scissors while he is fully distracted with something else whether it is television or her.
Is this the Troy who lives up to his namesake, who looks like a Trojan who could take out three Greeks at a time?
I sure wouldn't cut it. You can't please everybody (even your girlfriend) all the time, so you just got to please yourself. That sounds like a Ricky Nelson song!
Never cut your hair for a girl. What if you break up with her? You'll feel stupid then, and regret it.
Hi Troy,
I remember all the comments that mirror the ones you're getting exactly - and, like you say because we get these comments we start getting self conscious about our hair. Really, it all boils down to asking yourself "how much do I want long hair?". It's obvious what to do if you don't want long hair, but, if you want long hair trying to ignore the comments is the best way. The fact is it's very tough sometimes when you've got people shooting you down but you will never know what your hair will look like long until you grow it long. One thing I can say is that 9 out of 10 times people who say "long hair wont suit you" are wrong. If you look at most of the guys on this board there is not one guy who looks bad on this board because of their long hair. Of course the decision is yours to make, and if you cut your hair it would be more practical, look "normal" and the comments might stop, but, you'd be missing out on a great experience of having long hair.
Hope this helps
Neil
You know what Troy
If your girlfriend "really" loved you she would not be making comments such as these.
Why not dump her and wait for someone who loves you for who you are.
Justin
Whilst it is always difficult to be totally firm if she really does love you then she will accept what your hair means to you and shut up about her preferences.
Love is based on accepting each other NOT trying to impose ones will.
Certainly do not appease her because hair today, clothes tomorrow and heaven knows what after that.
Insist she cuts her hair instead. If she says no, she'll back down with you perhaps when she sees the double standard. If she says yes, dump her for having short hair. And then re-girlfriend her I guess when she learns her irony.
I guess do not actually do this...
Hi Troy,
I want to reply to your post. Alot of other people summed things up very well. If she loves you, she will not make this an issue, any more than you would about trivial things in her apperance. I can tell you as a gay man that you are exceptionally hot! If you were gay I'd have been knocking your door down a long time ago. Any way my point is not to embaress you at all. What I want to say is I find every day that I am a total outcast for having long hair, as it is major taboo when your gay, but I know that I will have found the right one for me when he doesn't make it an issue and just loves me for who I am. So I don't waiste my time on those who don't take me for who I am.
Look at this as a chance to see what might happen further down the road with her...what will she want to change about you? women tend to do that, they are always looking to get a guy with the concept that what they don't like they will change, which is what often leads to problems...they have trouble seeing a guy and accepting that he is going to like to grow his hair, or not dress up as ken in a tux, or want to go out with his friends and work on a car, or go hunting, or what ever it is.
There is a show called "I love you, your perfect, now change"...check it out
I can tell you, that you will end up resntful if you allow her to force you to change, it may not happen over nite, but down the road it will.
Troy,
I had the same issue a few years back. When I first decided to grow my hair, my GF was cool with it. But as it got longer, I got those same exact comments. I wound up breaking up with her as she did not support me or seemed to care about what makes me happy. Now I did not break up just for hair. She just was not the correct person for me as we had totally different interests. I'm a PC, she's a MAC. LOL
The best thing you can do is be your self and do what makes you happy. No sense spending life miserable when you can be happy.
Mike
JUST DUMP HER! Tell her "if you want a guy with short hair go find one". "NOW GET OUT, BYE."
I'm a little weary of the "if she loves you she will accept your hair etc...."
Today it's the hair, tommorow it's??? Or is this a subtle way for her to say that she isn't happy in general with the relationship, so she focuses on the hair issues. Doing things for those close to you, shouldn't require unreasonable sacrifices. She's planting self-doubt in your head, can you deal with her nitpicking if you don't give in to her desires? Anyone who comments on appearance, and makes you feel down about yourself, doesn't sound like a healthy person to be associating with. JMHO.
Carokl
Do YOU want to keep the hair? Do YOU want to cut it? Just disconnect from the world for a second and think... what do YOU want at this moment.
In the end, your girlfriend is just another person in this world. Out there, you have hundred of thousands of potential girlfriends. Some of them better, some of them worse. This is about what YOU think, you can´t please them all.
Don´t bother what comments you get. Don´t let yourself be manipulated. If she loves you, she should love all of you and respect your choices. If she doesn´t, she´s not worth keeping.
.