new thread
Hey guys, I've been coming here for quite a while but I can't seem to find any related posts on my dillema.
It's quite a serious one too,
My girlfriend wants me to cut my hair! I couldn't handle that!! She just doesn't get how long I've been trying to get my hair the way it is.
I'm sure you know what that's like.
So I'm kind of at a loss. Any help?
Simple. Tell her no.
If she can't accept this then you have bigger issues than a difference of opinion on hair length.
Big George
My apologies for this response being from a gay guy here; but, my answer would be the same, regardless of gender or sexuality...
You just said that you, "couldn't handle" cutting your hair. Then the answer is easy: just DON'T!!!!!
Stand up to your girlfriend, and tell her plain and simple: your hair means something to you, --- and that if she loves you (in an honest and true way), then she should no more ask you to give up something that you hold dear and important to you, than you would ask her to give up something that means a lot to her. If she doesn't, "get it"... DUMP HER!!!! There are a thousand million or so potential girlfriends out in the great big ocean of love for you to pursue. Surely you should be able to find someone someday who will love you for YOU. Women who want to "change" a guy usually don't just stop at just one thing, --- I know... I was married to a woman once (yes, you read that right)! While I am still friends w/ my ex-wife, and care for her deeply still; even she has since admitted that she had hoped to "change" my sexuality.
In the things that are not very important to you, it is nice to be willing to make compromises in order to please your partner. But, when it comes to core issues and inherent feelings such as one's identity, basic mental or ethical make up, sexual orientation, and other similar strong emotional attachments or feelings of something being a main part of you.... Do NOT ever let someone else bulldoze over you, --- EVER!!! If you do, you will resent it (and them) for the rest of your life (or... until you "see the light" and realize it was a big mistake)!
As Nancy Reagan (who is not one of my favorite people - lol) used to say when she was America's First Lady in the White House...
"Just say NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Ken in San Francisco
This is a huge digression really, but do you know why just say no works? If you explain why you don't want the drugs you have started a half hour philosophical discussion, but if you say "No thanks" (being polite, you should always say thanks), the normal response is just "OK"! Maybe this could work with unwanted haircuts too?
Hi Lambert,
My best advice.....
Ask her if she love you for what you are or for your (expected)short hair? If she give you a wrong answer, let her go! Your hair is also your image of YOUR personality. Do not make any concession on that …….EVER!
All the best,
SamsoKera
A year ago my girl friend had an issue about my hair. We had a discussion about my hair, and she told me that she didn't have an issue with the length, since she herself loved her own butt length hair, but wanted me to keep it neat and clean. Anyway, just to please her, I trimmed from near waist length to just below shoulder length. However, she still dumped me.
So don't fall for it. If she won't talk things over rationally, and if she cannot see beyond your hair, you need to think again - later on what else will she want you to do?
PS - Used to post as Sam, but now posting as Samuel since there seems to be another Sam also posting.
Honestly, it´s your hair and your choice. If she loves you only for your hair and if she can´t accept the choices you make, she´s not worth keeping anyways.
This problem actually comes up frequently but the posts on the big list are only the past couple of days worth. You could check the archives.
Simple answer is to not cut your hair. Assuming you do cut your hair, she may be asking other things next, changing your shirt, your apartment, and your friends. If you resist, she will either leave you (meaning she wanted to change you) or she will accept you for your choices.
You could discuss that you like your hair the way it is. And that she likes the way she looks as well. However long you have spent on your appearance I am sure she has done likewise. And bringing this up that just because you are male, you still desire an appearance for yourself.
A more daring approach if you are the daring kind of guy (and several of us concocted this approach last time we encountered this question) is to respond in kind. Kindly suggest that while she would enjoy you with shorter hair, you would enjoy her with larger breasts...but you are happy with her just the way she is. Could shock her into realizing your point, could get you slapped, could make her walk out the door, no guarantees.
Of course, there is always the chance she may have a point; I do not know from seeing no pictures. If you keep your hair neat and clean, she should have no problem. If your ideal style is an untamed icky mess then you might want to clean it up a bit so she doesn't look like a fool walking around with a messy man.
Doesn't sound like much of a girlfriend to me. I would dump her as soon as possible and find someone who likes you just the way you are. All so often a guy cuts his hair to make his girlfriend(?) happy. Afterwards she ends up dumping him and he's lost his long hair.
Society has taught eveyone that men get an automatic haircut every month or so. So growing your hair long is not the norm and your girl friend may not be able to wrap her mind around that. Give her time to adjust, don't budge, don't make it a big deal, and if she brings the subject up, just smile and tell her that this is what you want in life and you hope she can understand that. You'll know by her reactions where you fit in her life.
Good luck,
Bruce
...then nothing you can say will change how she FEELS. Yes,
be may decide to go along with what YOU want but if she
doesn't like long hair and only grudgingly accepts if for your sake (i.e. you "win")
you are going to have to deal with the fact that deep down she isn't
happy with this aspect of your looks. Can you accept that? Can you
live with the feeling that your choices are displeasing the one you love?
Well if you can then you're all set. If not, then you are going to have
to deal with this for many years to come--and that is certainly an unpleasant situation to be in to say the last.
Good luck!
Well said!
~JeffL
These other guys have given some great advice. Just a thought - it may not even be her original idea, it may be someone else (i.e. her mother) that suggested it. "Your boyfriend is a good guy, but THAT HAIR! Tell him to cut it!!"
Most people equate long hair on a man with being a 'hippie'. Hippie to them means: lazy, drug addict/drunk, no job, no ambition, loser, dirty, moocher, promiscuous, etc.
Do try to keep it neat, at the very least.
At this point, I would not bring it up - because it will only lead to fights - and no matter what you say - in her mind she will be the victor!
If she keeps talking about it, just tell her that you like your hair the way it is, and to please drop the subject. If she continues, then she is being a NAG, and I would hope that you don't want a girl like that for the long haul - complaining about hair today, God knows what else tomorrow.
Good luck!
I will never understand someone telling another to change their appearence for them. How selfish and basicly rude. I can understand telling someone that asks for an opinion about their atire, but to tell someone to change their appearence for them I will never understand. I would have to tell them that, they accept me for what you see and it they cannot, then we would have to go separate ways.
I agree with you 100%, Dawn.
Hi, this is a PG board, but use tactics with your g/f to "eroticize" hair as a part of your "activities." That's all I'm going to say, but also remember the Pavlovian response to certain stimuli that are inculcated over time with repetition.