new thread
I have been growing my hair out for over two years now, but during the past several weeks, I've noticed something odd.
Whenever I go to a club to party on the weekends, I find people like to come up behind me and tug on my hair. At first I thought it might be friends, but these people are complete strangers (anyway, my friends are polite enough to just tap me on the shoulder if they want to get my attention). They aren't pulling on my hair, just gently tugging, so I'm not worried about having hairs pulled out or anything like that. This is, however, just plain weird and I would like it to stop.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
Strangers tugging on my hair would bother me, too. I do, however, have a few friends that gently pull on my ponytail or braid. The friends that do this the most are dance friends (I do a lot of partner-type dancing, --- like C&W, Swing, Salsa, etc.)... To me, it's just their humorous way of saying "hello" to me, so I know that they are there and want a dance sometime that night (lol)!!
But, I would feel *very* different about a complete stranger doing this to me, --- regardless of whether they were a man or a woman, gay or strait.
It probably helps that I am an old geezer now, --- and most human beings don't mess w/ us older types, as we've gotten more cynical, grumpy, and just plain old "crusty" (not to also mention a bit uglier with age - lol). When you're young, though, people will try to push the limit more. But inappropriate behavior is still exactly that: it's INAPPROPRIATE!!!
I used to go to a lot of Swing dances with a very good friend of mine who also just so happens to be a very drop-dead gorgeous Asian woman (as well as favorite dance partner of mine). Our friendship is strictly platonic; but I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed her being hit on by a guy she had no interest in. One time something happened that I was too far away from her to view; but, I heard her voice LOUD and CLEAR:
"HEY!! GET AWAY, BUSTER! NO MORE OF THAT!!!!!"
Her voice was so loud that I stopped dancing right in the middle of a song in order to check up on her; but, by the time I got over there, the guy had already clearly backed away and left the room.
Sleazy jerks prey on the fact that most young and shy types won't be willing to "make a scene"; but, the fact remains that when THEY are in the wrong, THEY DESERVE a scene!!!!
So, here's my advise: the next time someone touches you inapproprirately... MAKE SOME NOISE!!!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Welcome Liko, I have never had a complete stranger tug on my hair only friends. If a stranger did that I would turn around and say "What the "F" is your problem!!!" Perhaps offer to do that back to them when they are not expecting it and if it's a guy with a buzzcut with nothing to grab then slap some duct tape on him and yank. (grin)
Kevin
There's one guy who does that to me in rehearsals a lot.
I was waiting patiently to go on, and I felt someone pull on my pony tail....turned around, and it was this very annoying judgemental man I knew from past shows. I just smiled at him and he said "I feel like I'm sitting behind a horse or somethin." I just looked at him, smiled again, and said "it's common knowledge NEVER to startle a horse from behind."
He left me alone for the rest of the night. *pats self on back*
Just be blunt =P if you don't like it, don't be afraid to say it. Most people won't be at all offended.
Tristram
I like your horse retort :D
A "yank" on the hair is certainly unwelcome touching and should
not be tolerated but...
...a gentle. "friendly" tug could just mean that they are acknowledging
the fact that you have long hair.
No one has ever touched my hair so I don't know what my reaction would be...
...but I would take more offence to a hard yank than a gentle tug.
...sorry, my finger slipped and I hit the K instead on the L
when i see a cute guy in a club with long hair in a ponytail, i go up and give it a light tug from behind. it's my way of flirting, without being super invasive. if the guy has his hair down, i'll run my fingers thru it and say hello.
but that could just be me.
peace,
nic
So, you do make first moves...
Anyway, so if a cute girl tugs on one of our ponytails, are we supposed to assume it is flirting? Or is the cute girl supposed to say hello instead?
I don't know. I think I'd rather get a verbal compliment but the noise of the club would make a simple tug better. I'd almost say that the tug would be better more face to face, like the girl reaching over the shoulder (like in dancing) and doing the tug while also smiling. A surprise tug while in a crowd would be scary.
i guess you're right, david. apparently i have made a few first moves. that's as daring as i get, though.
but it would be awkward to reach across someone's face to tug thier hair. i'm partial to the coming up from behind, giving a light tug, and then when they turn flashing a smile. it's like elementary school... hair pulling = flirting.
Ha, when I tried to grow my hair out in elementary school, all the guys (who were unsurprisingly immature) tugged at my tail until I eventually cut if off.
Are you telling me the guys were flirting with me?!
I'll have to keep that in mind. After all, I did just move to a new country with different mating rituals.
However, it seems that most people who are tugging my hair just disappear into the crowd before I can see who it is.
Friends,
When a complete stranger touches you in any way it is very rude, but strategically, I suggest that you turn to them and asks them if you may help them, or if there is anything they wish to say to you, etc. or anything thing that will tell them & show that your are not defensive. Chances are you will disarm them and they may ask you how you grew your hair. Smile, do not present fear, but ideally you will have a cell phone with you with 911 programmed in, or a friend ready to call for assistance if such folk turn out to be aggressive. First try to disarm them with friendliness, but be prepared to protect yourself from people who have not evolved out of the jungle.
Cal