new thread
So much for growing my hair out. I've been battling my parents since I was in the 2nd grade (now I'm 17) into growing my hair out and the most I've been able to stick with it was 2 months for the most part of my life.
Back in January I decided it was to be my last cut, and up until now they have forced me into 2 trims in these 9 months, so my hair isn't even as long as it SHOULD be. Even when I was 15 or 16 I used to cry like a child whenever I look at the mirror with short hair. I was sick of everything and sick of how people controlled me and decide what to do with my own ****ing life. My father who was supporting me throughout these months has literally backstabbed me a few mins ago and told me to either cut my hair or cut it into a mullet which is 'what real men do to their hair if they want it long'. Pfft, whatever. Where did he ever get that idea? Mullets are awful.
As for my mother, she has never liked my hair and wants me to cut it all off in say...less than 1 hour away? Yes. By the time I've returned here I'll probably never lengthen my hair until I'm in my 30s or something. This is seriously stupid. I swear you people have no idea how long I have wanted to grow it out and now I have to face my own mother calling me a 'fag' unless I cut my hair. Is there something wrong? I never intended to grow it to my back. Just shoulder length would be fine.
In short, this 9 months was a failure in trying to grow my hair. It has never seen any progress since the 2 trims were done BADLY and I honestly don't know what to do. This is the one goal in my life that I have failed to achieve and was something to look forward to. I used to spend hours in the mirror checking and measuring length because that is how desperate I was to want longer hair.
Now I have to live a life in which I start getting jealous of some longhaired friends and strangers that I meet as this is something that has been evading me since I was 6 years old.
I don't want a damn Mullet and will cut my hair soon. I cannot express how mad I am and just wanted to rant. I feel as if my blood pressure is reaching it's boiling point. I am not happy with short hair, I was never happy before and won't be happy after this cut, although I would like to say that I do feel better if people show some sympathy for me. :(
Farewell.
have you eloquently stated this to your parents? perhaps you should have them read this. it's one thing to piss and moan about something (which is not what i am suggesting you have done), but quite another to passionatly state your feelings. maybe they truly don't understand what growing you hair out means to you. and if they do and still force you to cut your hair, they are awful parents. and you can tell them i said so.
i wish you the best,
nic
I totally agree with nic
Get them to read your post
"and if they do and still force you to cut your hair, they are awful parents. and you can tell them i said so."
You can tell them from me also
This didn't really work. They were shocked I was even on such a site.
I have gone and gotten a buzzcut, something which I have NEVER done before. This is as short as it gets and I'm now beyond sad. What have I done to deserve this treatment?
i feel so bad for you. i guess at this point the best you can do is take comfort in the fact that you will soon be eighteen and they can't force you to do anything anymore.
a big giant hug from me to you,
nic
Thank you very much. I'm depressed, and now notice how shorter hair makes my head look bigger, which isn't good.
I have to say that even though 9 months is the most I've lasted, I atleast achieved some milestones such as putting bangs in my mouth and whatnot. And even if I do grow it out anytime soon, the first 5 months are really hard to deal with as I notice that my hair grows slowly.
I really hate the feeling of a buzzed head. God, it has this stinging feeling when I touch my hair...
Soon you will be out of the house, hopefully. Soon you will be able to grow it out. You need to look deep within yourself and figure out what you want to do with your hair. Perhaps if you are so willing to trim and cut, the long hair is not what you truly want. Perhaps something else is missing in your life and growing long hair is just something to do in order to have a goal. You've come to the right place. There are a few people who have been exactly in your place before. There are people who are in your place. There are people who may not have been there exactly but support you in your time of doubt. I know it will probably never happen but if you want any of us to talk to your parents, just ask and perhaps we can step in and explain what you cannot.
I wish to leave you with a quote that inspires me:
"Long hair is much more than just a thing
of vanity for me. It is tradition.... identity....
and even spirituality. When I feel my hair
on my back, I am reminded of the years it
has taken to grow, and how I too have grown."
--John Two-Hawks
As you grow your hair, it will be a reminder of how far you came since when you started. Your life is beginning; you are nearly an adult. When your hair is long and flowing years from now, you'll be able to see the years in the form of your hair. Maybe that will inspire you.
Cheers,
Antesse
That's an amazing quote. Everyone should be proud of having longer hair. :(
Joao David: Thank you for your kind words but no need to be angry, my friend. What is done is done. I just wish you luck in your hair growth and your future. You definately have the best hair on this board and manage a very well-made site that just keeps me motivated into growing my hair longer. Good work.
This is so sad... it's really depressing how some parents can disrespect their children, even when they are as old as 17... you are at an age in where you need to explore your looks and the properties of life, so you can know what you want for you (when I say "explore the properties of life" I am just talking about the things you take as good sides of life... for example, nightlife always seemed sick for me, so I am one of those people who never went out at night, and when I did, I was the only person sober around... yeah...). It's really sad that your parents don't realize of this particularity of your age... They are getting you stucked and frustrated, and you must try to explain that to them. Specially taking the chance that now you have a buzz cut and are in the top of the emotion, try to make them reach this knowledge, in where respect comes first, if they do really care about your feelings.
Still, it does seem to me, that your parents must be ery hard to deal with, special if your own mother, who should be your first suport, above all, called you fag just because hair lenght. I'm sorry, but your mother is sounding really nonsense and totally out of the 21st century. If she has short hair, then the first thing to ask her is if she is a lesbian just because she has short hair, or, if you hae a female relative with short hair, you can also point out that example.
I guess it must be hard for you, because they seem really severe, but now that you don't have any hair to lose, since it's all cut, it's the perfect time to make them see what they just did. Make them see how sad and depressed they're making you, make them feel guilty, because that's what they are deserving, I think...
Also, assume your position by standing for your own ideas. You love long hair and they are not going to have control in you for life. Make them know that it's much better to accept a son and live with him the way he wants to be (after all, long hair is healthy, it's not disrespectfull... how can people be against something that isn't harmfull???). Make them know it's best to accept you with long hair and keep a healthy relationship than raising a frustrated son that will end up by wanting to leae the house as soon as possible and leave his parents because he wants to be yourself.
If this doesn't work and they still say things like "while you live in my house you follow my rules... when you get out it's your business", you can simply answer that a son must be his fathers busyness always and forever, but freedom is something that people have to have.
It's so stupid... I think the most effective reference for you would be to refere that you're not going to harm anyone, you just want to be happy and they are preventing you from being happy.
I'm mad now `_´
I wish you the best luck... and I'm telling you: if it's really what you want, you will DEFINITLY have long hair in the future... and boy, it will be worth the wait, every single strand of it...
Hug, buddy =)
I really find your parents atitude disgusting, I really do but...
I defend that parents really do want the best for their children, but, even tough some parents, sometimes, can be as jealous as thinking that the happyness of a son corresponds to the happyness of his parents (like for example, my father thinks the best for me is short hair, so he thinks it should be the best for me), or in the other hand, they can be jealous because they simply want to feel comfortable or familiar with they children, so they are expecting them to be the way they were expecting (as to fit in the "commom" society...). I still believe that your parents might be doing what they think it's best.
So, you can try to make them know that you understand this part of being a parent. But, if this is their point, they will neer be able to prevent you to grow up without making mistakes. Mistakes are part of life, and if on their opinion long hair on a guy is a mistake, they should just try to explain you why, and then if you still don't agree, and being 17, you should find out for yourself, and on your own thoughts and opinions, if long hair is a mistake for a guy. Becaus they can't simply copy their toughts and paste them on your head, they can't. They have to let you form your personallity.
Sorry I'm sounding mad, but in fact I am... 9 months is a lot of time, and even tough you can gain the lenght again, it was really stupid.
I think you shouldn't have done it... would they cut it themselves if you didn't? Gosh... =( =( =(
Look, just go and try... someday you will get them to understand. Plus, if you are a good son and have success on your studies, they just can't keep you from being yourself...
For example, in my parent's mind, my personality is all wrong. Still, I am 10o% on a son. I help at home, I love my parents and family inconditionally, I don't drink or smoke, I never lie, I take good grades at my studies (and this is not for them, it's for me), and I try to do everything they ask me, so there is JUST NO WAY they can ask such a thing as changing the way I am just to please the, because, for example, my mom has short hair and I hate it (it's ok on her, but I hate short hair anyways), and if I do accept and shut my mouth about it, and sometimes even compliment on how good it looks on her, she only has to simply do the same and stay quiet about my hair... I've told her all this, but she is easy to speak with and very very comprehensive (in fact, I owe my style and hair to her, for talking with my father and so on...)... Maybe you can also find in one of your parents a suport for growing your hair? Maybe a men to men talk with your father?
If you're that desperate, I guess I've given a couple of nice ideas... now it's your chouce. The BEST luck, REALLY, to you...
I'm looking forward to know what happens, and indeed looking forward to seeing you here with your first progress pictures =)
.
First off my sincere condolences not just on the fact that you were forced into the cut, but not just for the cut. Worse than that seems to be how little respect your parents have for you, and that is the saddest part. Not the hair. Is this the one thng they are unreasonable on with you or is it much more than that. I was wondering that because when you are older you will have to make the choice of whether you wish to continue living with your parents any longer. I don't know what you would be willing to give up if you moved away to get your hair back but as Ken here has often explained before (and may yet again when he reads your post :) ) he altered the entire course of his life when he gave up the support of his parents putting him through school and moved out to live his life.
I suppose you will need to talk to your parents about what they will and will not do for you if you grow your hair out after you are 18.
Will they not permit you to live with them if you have long hair?
If you move out will they help you pay for college if you have long hair?
Will they just cease contact with you if you have long hair?
Marth I say you have got to make them talk about these issues and not let them back away with a smear of "fag". Don't let that be a good enough argument for them. Force them to confront how much of you they would be willing to lose if you cut contact with them after growing your hair out. When you are 18 you can leave and not contact them again, it is really their choice. When you are 18 you can force them to deal with you, not the other way around. I am sure this is no help now but maybe you can start making plans about what you want to do in another year.
Be strong and good luck Marth and please don't hesitate to post here anytime for support and a good vent! I have heard of natural longhairs and though I never knew they existed before I came here I believe that if you are not one nobody is.
Abide this year and plan for the future and seriously talk to your parents, not to convince them to let you grow your hair. Don't go there again. Ask them what they will do when you DO grow your hair again at 18. You know how serious this is.
Patience and plan well, we are all with you here Marth :)
Don't cut it. It's that simple. If I understand correctly, you live in the USA. Your parents can't physically cut your hair for you, because they can literally go to jail for child assault.
If the only thing they can do to you is call you a fag, then that's hardly something hard to fight with. In the end I don't see how they can force you to cut your hair - I really don't. Maybe i'm just ignorant?
Damn, I should read previous comments BEFORE posting, you've already done a buzzcut.
Well this is really sad to hear. I just can't understand parents that would do such a thing. All it leads to is that their children will likely hate them the rest of their lives. Eventually they'll realise it was their fault but it will be too late. Don't any of these parents see this?
Well, aparrently, my mother has seen me in this sad state and told me that I can grow my hair out and decide to trim/cut it whenever I want to. I'd like to think that she now understands that I hate looking like this and want long hair. Nevertheless, I can be sure that I *will* cut it again someday.
They don't always stand by their words.
Thanks, everyone. Now I'll have to wear some sort of a cap or beanie for the first couple of months in public...
Welcome aboard and good luck on your jounrney ^^
I'm glad to hear this Marth and i'm wishing you the best on your new journey!:D
You are 17 now. In not too long you will be 18 and considered an adult. As an adult you no longer have to report to parents about getting your hair cut ever again.
If this means removing yourself from premises forever,so be it. Otherwise, let them continue to control you as you have allowed them to do so. The choice is yours.
Funny how life works sometimes. When thinking it is the end, it may very well be a brand new beginning looking you right in the face.
With all best wishes
Hi Marth,
I know exactly how you feel today. I went through something very similar with my work and ended up getting a hair cut after over a year of growing. The principle of the thing as well as the absence of the hair on my head were the two things that hurt me most. I couldn't even bear to look in the mirror after I'd cut it and just cried that night way too much. As much as it hurt me, I knew that if I lived, I'd once again grow my hair. I turned the sad situation into a change in my life that brought me to a place that not only allowed me to grow hair but to do many other things (such as using my talent rather than working in a job which seemed to cause brain rot). As sad as you may be now, in time you will find that with your hard work and your tenacity, you will come to a better place. I'm sorry to hear that your parents dealt with this situation in the way that they did. I think a parent should never talk that way to a child, although many (mine included) do. I suppose they are just human too, but it is far from ideal.
I think this event will help you realize later that you have to create your future as much as you can, and many such things that will befall you later in life will sure test your mettle. Not letting things like this ruin you is the very best thing you can do now. While you are young, soon you won't be. That's obvious, but the point is that people will push you around, parents included, as much as you will let them. If a haircut can teach you this now, you will be well-served later in life.
It's not the "end" for you unless you're dead. You'll be surprised how the future turns out, though that's little consolation now. But, I understand how you feel.
I agree with João Daivd.
my Mom isn't to fond of my hair (I am 16)
but she doesn't call me names and she won't force me to cut it.
my Pop doesn't really care about my hair.
this was a well written rant Marth. I agree with Nic if you could figure out a way to share this with your parents. It may not change their mind but will put them on notice that they are relics from the stone age. Good parenting which is something they know nothing about obviously isn't about controling your kid to the last detail it's about guidance and teaching but also letting kids become their own person.
I could go on and on but wont here. I wont sya your parents are bad parents but nor are they good ones. They need to lighten up I wonder are they educated you know any college or something cause you usually find these attitues in people who are not educated. I know of no mother who would call her son a faggot under any circumstances. I also wonder do they drink a lot?
Dude in a few years you cna hopefully find a good enough job or go off to school and then grow your hair out.
Kevin
Or is there a lot more control coming from the parental units, and in other areas of your life as well? Or is the 'hair issue' just the last straw? You've gotten some great feedback from others, so I won't repeat that, but go at a different angle here. Are you employable? Do you have any alternate places to stay; older sibling, relative, friend? Have your parents always been failrly unreasonable regarding things other than your hair, as well as it?
This is a huge decision to make, but you _can_ become legally emancipated in the US, when you are 16. I don't know the ins and outs of your family dynamics, but if there is a history of control and belittling, it may be time to take a hike and say goodbye. I know a young man who did just that. His mother became a born-again fundamentalist, and his parents were unreasonable in every way. He wore his hair long, and that was a bone of contention between his parents and him. His mother was also fond of beating him and his siblings with a belt. He often had welts on his legs.
He and his girlfriend were once my neighbors, and I often tried to help them out. He became fully and legally emancipated at 16, and he and his 15 yo pregnant girlfriend moved into an apartment together. He was tired of having his parents dictate to him how he should dress, wear his hair, who he should hang out with, what music he should listen too, etc. He's never done drugs or drank alcohol. his only vice is ciggarettes. More than 10 years later, and 3 children, he and the GF are still together, and he is a supervisor where he works, and his hair is as long as ever.
None of us here know the whole story, just the hair problem part. If there is a lot more going on, and you have the means to be self-supporting, legal emancipation is an option for you to consider. If things are tolerable at home otherwise, than try to hang on until you are 18.
Your situation reminds me of how I wish I had access to a large source of money and a sizable piece of real estate, so I could shelter the pregnant teens, gay teens, whatnot teens, who have inflexible parents with a 'my way, or the highway' mentality.
Carol
Excellent reply Carol you sumed up things I would have said but was
leaving for work soon after I posted my reply.
All questions and things to think about for Marth.
Good Luck Marth keep us posted.
Kevin
I'm sorry that you have had to cut your hair. Not to play devil's advocate here, but as a parent there are some questions that do come to mind.
Is this the only issue you disagree on, or is this part of a trend of you not getting along with you parents?
How are your grades in school, and what are your future plans?
Have you made an effort to show your parents you can bear the responsibility for yourself, including making decision such as this?
I have three children, 20, 18, and 15. The middle one is a boy, the other two girls.
When I provide full support for someone in my home, I expect the rules of my home to apply. I have always let my kids have the freedom to make decisions for themselves based on the amount of responsibility they show.
In other words, if my son's room was a constant mess, he did poorly in school, and tried to get out of his helping around the house, he would have pretty strict guidelines to follow, which may include how long his hair may be. This is not a hair issue, this is a discipline issue.
By the time my son was 15 going on 16 he was an honor roll student, started on the soccer team, helped around the house without being asked, and we usually could see swatches of carpet in his room at most times. He went and found part time work to make some spending money. I have given him a good bit of freedom to make decisions on his own because of his showing responsibility. He actually had a good bit more freedom than his sister two years senior because of her lack of the same.
Look at your entire situation with as much objectivity as possible, and see if there are areas where you and your parents can reach mutual agreement on how to do things. When my kids come to me to talk and sit down and discuss things, they get a much better response than if they gripe and whine while trying to avoid their responsibilities.
Usually an issue such as this has two sides to it; take a look at both. See if there is some common ground,and work from there.
Big George