new thread
David sent me an email, and also posted a bried message at LHC forums. I'm sure he meant to post here, and won't mind my posting for him; he's just in shock right now. So, I am using the words he posted at LHC, as this was his public message, rather than copying from my email one.
"I just got the most horrible news. My brother just stopped by my house, and told me that my niece had died suddenly last night, apparently of an overdose. This is the same niece who was my real estate agent and helped me sell my other house. I had NO idea that she was addicted, so this is very shocking news. In fact, I was planning to have her over for supper tomorrow night for spaghetti and meatballs. She asked for some money earlier this week, and told me she had been ill and was on long term disability from her job and that her funds were low, so I loaned her some to help her pay her bills. She told me she would be back on her feet in two weeks, and just needed something to tide her over. I had no idea that she was going to use the money for drugs, and because of that, she is gone."
He already knows he is in my thoughts and prayers, and cyberhugs have been sent his way. I am sure he would appreciate very much to hear from his friends here on the hyperboard. We have kind've become a family, we share our joys and hair progress, but sadly the tragedies come too. So, if you do not see him posting, you now know why. I am sure he will stop by to read, though.
Carol
David ....
I am so sorry to hear of your loss my friend. Sometimes people are very good at hiding things and its impossible to know what they're going through; ... and you must not blame yourself.
You and your entire family are in my deepest thoughts and prayers...
Please feel free to e-mail me if you desire..
Tristan
David,
I am very sorry about the tragedy and may God be with you in your time of need. I will say a prayer for you
Rich
I'm so sorry for your loss David. It reminds us how fragile life is, and how precious. My deepest sympathy for you and your family.
Bruce
I'd just like to say that you will be in my prayers, Dave. I cannot imagine what you are going through but I just want to let you know that this has touched us all. I wish your family peace during this traumatic time.
May God bless you and keep you,
-Christian Epp
Hi David,
I would like to say I have some words of wisdom or some phrase to make it better, but I know there's not. You've lost someone dear to you, not just a family member, but a friend. Nothing I can say will bring her back, and I am very sorry for this. I can tell you that, as you may know, it will get easier with time and with the help of friends. I am sure you will find more than enough friends here, myself included. Please know that when you're ready, we are all here for you. Take care and may all of existance help you and yours through this time.
David, I want to send you my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved niece. My thoughts are with you and your family, David.
~Chris H
Hi Carol
I also received an email from David about this horrible event within his family and was shocked. I have emailed him back to let him know that my heart goes out to he and his family at a time like this. What a horrible shame and how awful a thing to try to cope with.
Thank you for posting this as I know that David will appreciate knowing just how much we all care and how much he means to us.
Justin~
Hi Carol
I also received an email from David about this horrible event within his family and was shocked. I have emailed him back to let him know that my heart goes out to he and his family at a time like this. What a horrible shame and how awful a thing to try to cope with.
Thank you for posting this as I know that David will appreciate knowing just how much we all care and how much he means to us.
Justin~
Hello David.
I'm really sorry to learn such sad news, my hearth is with you and your familly.
Cya
My hair journal
David, if you are reading this, just know that you are extremely loved, respected, and admired on this board. As so many MLHH members have already so beautifully and eloquently expressed in their condolences, please rest assured that the problem your niece died so sadly from was absolutely no fault of your own. As I already said in my e-mail reply to you in the moderator's group, I have a niece who also has suffered from an on-going drug addiction problem. it's a world-wide epidemic. Please just hang on to the good you remember about her. In this moment of what I can only imagine to be as unbearable grief for you, grab hold tightly onto your brother's or another family member's hand, and let the love you have for each other help you ride out the waves of grief, to bring your whole family safely through this devastating experience, and eventually onto the softer sands on the shores of healing. This takes time, --- sometimes what can feel like an eternity (at least so to me, whenever I've grieved)...
Sorrow over such a huge loss such as this, especially when such a young life, will not leave us where it found us. But a loving heart such as yours, as I've been so priviledged to get to glimpse and know a little from this forum, I have no doubt will be invaluable to the rest of your family in helping them to feel comforted, --- just as much as I'm sure they will do everything they can to also try to comfort you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. And may all the words of sympathy and tender, loving condolences posted here on MLHH help carry your heart out of darkness and despair, and eventually back into the light of love and life.
Sincerely,
Ken
Oh man David,
I'm so sorry man, I hope you get through this alright.
-animosity
Sincerely sorry. You have all my sympathy.
Vivien
Hi Carol,
Thank you for sharing the update.
David, you are in our thoughts and I'm very sorry to hear the sad news.
Regards,
John.B
Hi David
I'll say publicly what I've said privately that you are a in my thoughts and have the utmost sympathy for what you must be feeling now. We're all here for you as much or as little as you need us.
Sincerly
Kevin C
My heart goes out to you, David. May you find some peace eventually in the weeks and months ahead.
Mouse
David, My condolences. It is very hard to lose a loved one.
peace, jonalbear
My regrets, David. My nieces are considered sisters in my book...I'm so sorry.
Sorry David, I somehow burried my message in the text:
My regrets, David. My nieces are considered sisters in my book...I'm so sorry.
David, so sad to hear of your loss,i hope you can give your brother and his family some comfort at this time. deepest sympathy, Jonny H.uk
David,
We are all in shock at the sudden news of your niece. Words are quite inadequate here but somehow the care and concern we all have for you may reach you and your family. You are in all of our thoughts.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you my friend, you are loved by your family here.
Chris
Hi everyone,
Words cannot begin to say how much I appreciate the support of my fellow hyperboard members. I am overwhelmed, and really feel as though I am surrounded by family, and that is what this community is all about.
I am still in a state of shock, and apologize for not being able to thank everyone individually right now, but you can be assured that in my heart, all of your words mean the world to me. It is wonderful to know that people care, and are here for me when I need them most. (Thank you, Carol, for starting this thread, you have a heart of gold)
Thank you again, my friends,
David
I somehow knew you intended to post here, but it can be hard to think straight when you are still numb from the shock of it all. I was hoping you would not mind my doing the task for you, and I am glad I did. So today, instead of having to announce this yourself, you came here and found that an outpouring of love and support was already taking place. Knowing that so many care, certainly helps with healing.
I am crying for you, and over the kindnesses I have witnessed here and over at LHC. It hurts me to see you so hurt, and thinking you may bear some responsibility, and it touches my heart to see the outppouring of love and support from your online family and friends. My cat is looking at me all funny, because tears are streaming down my face, and I'm sniffling as I write/type. You have been such a bright and kind and wonderful presence here on MLHH and over at LHC, it doesn't surprise me at all that you have soooo many friends who love and care for you, especially during this time of grief.
If I could physically be with you, I'd be offering you a shoulder to cry on, and arms to envelope you in. Alas, cyberhugs and a virtual shoulder is about all I can do.
To you and your dear family, take good care of yourselves, and comfort yourselves in each other's love.
Lots of hugs and much love to you and yours.
Carol
David, my thoughts and prayers are with you during these trying times.
I'm truly sorry to hear about this David, i know how it feels to loose a belowed one, it's horrible, you have my condolences.
Take care my friend.
Oh dear :(
This must feel horrible, especially since you're probably blaming yourself for giving her the money. Don't, you were unaware of her addiction so it's not your fault.
I'm really sorry about this.
*hugs*,
derf
David,
I am deeply sorry and saddened by the unexpected loss of your niece. I know this is going to be an incredibly difficult time for you and your family, but rest assured that you will all be in my prayers.
-Matt P.
I don't know what to say, except that David has my sympathy.
I'm sorry to hear of this David, I give you and your family my condolences.
I am sorry to hear about your niece, I hope this event has no effect on your caring and optamistic attitude
Tom.H
My sympathy to you, your brother and his family. I know what it's like to lose a loved one.
Hugs,
--Rick
I don't want to repeat the condolencses of others, but let it be known we will be thinking about you, as shown by all the responses this has got...
David you are in my thoughts at this time. Feel free to contact me directly at any point.
Very sorry for your loss.
Max
My thoughts are with you David.
Take care
Neil
David,
Your warmth and kindness are evident to us once again. You reached out to your neice in her time of need and know you did that with the best of intentions.
You are who we are thinking about today.
peace
clayton
david,
i am soooo sorry. the typed word just doesn't have the proper emotions attatched to express my sorrow for you. if i could, i would wrap you in a big bear hug. your family will be in my thoughts.
peace to you, my friend.
nic
DavidN, yes, tragic as this all is and an unforeseen shock,
my family has been affected by this disease as well. First
and foremost, my heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to you
and your family in this time of loss. Secondly, you are not
responsible for what has happened. You have got to understand
that. I truly KNOW that the soul goes on. May our prayers help
assist her in buoying her up to the golden light.
Warmest thoughts,
Quenyan
David, if you're even checking the board right now, I am so sorry to hear about this. Please know that we're all here to support you in the days and weeks ahead. Try to stay well. =)
-James
I'm very sorry and saddened to hear that. David, you've gotta be strong, we at MLHH are all behind you. Take care our friend!
Carol thank you for passing along the the news about David's niece as bad as it was to read but I'm sure right now he's not much in the mood to do it himself which is understandable.
To David,
I know we've exchanged a few posts on this board as we were starting to get acquainted and your poistive attitude is such a breath of fresh air.I just can't imagine how terrible you must feel right now as you always are so upbeat to everyone who visits this site.In no way however should you feel guilt over loaning your neice money to help her through what you thought was just a rough period with her health.Some people can hide addictions very well up to a point so you did nothing wrong in helping her.I only hope over time you realize this so life can go on for you.I will always keep you in my thoughts knowing what a generous,caring person you are.Be strong David.Your MLHH Friend,
Mark(HB)
David: I echo the heartfelt love and support from our other members. You have given much to many of us here and truly wear your own heart on your sleeve. It does not surprise me that she came to you and you were there for your niece in her time of need, obviously not knowing nor responsible for what she ended up doing. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Bruce
not feeling excessive guilt over this. Some people are all too good at concealing addictions. You had no way of knowing what was really going on. This is a horrible loss but is not your fault. I will keep you in my prayers.
If you need to take a leave of abscence, do so by all means. Your family is the most important issue right now.
Scott
Hi David,
I'm sure sorry to hear about this. I have a nephew and I know how we would all be devestated if anything like this happened to him. If it helps, slow down and focus on the moment. Take each day a few minutes at a time.
rob
David,
For the most part I concur with Urban Cowboy's response. He is wise and has a way with words.
I will add some.
I have never lost a family member to suicide. I have lost a friend, who moved away from NYC where we were living to return to Minneapolis to go to law school. When I learned he had killed himself, with a young son and wife, my response was RAGE. Why did he not reach out to me, and turst that I would attempt to help him deal with whatever deamon was posessing him. It was not drugs. My guess is that it was unacceptable homoerotic feelings, but this is only a guess.
I am a clinical psychologist and have never lost a patient, but last week I nearly did. I had seen her several times, and she had not been forthright with me. She was in dire straits, not having been employed for a year, and as a professional person her licence was on probation. I had coached her in getting a job and after the third day on agood job, in a prestige faclity, with a good report from her of good working conditions, she called me the next morning to say that she had called in sick. I was totally exasperated with her but did not say so. She had ODd on sleeping meds, and I got her to the hospital, and was forthright with her treating doctors in the hospital, but minimized the situation with her employer, who mercifully took her back, because she is bright and competent as a professional person. Two weeks later, things are on the level, but I really stuck my neck out for her, and still could be beheaded for minimizing her pathology.
If I were truly in a crisis, and there was no way out I would kill myself. But it is difficult for me to imagine a situation that I could not find a way out with friends and loved ones. In the former situation I think loved ones would even help me make a dignified exit, but it is stupid, incomprehensible, and irreversable, for someone to kill themselves without reaching out to other people. There is almost never a situation in which loving people will not come to care.
Of course shame and embarassment over failure are involved, but neverhteless, except in the case of terminal illness and unbearable pain, suicide is an irrational act.
I lived, IN NYC from 1962 to 1993, during which time the AIDS epidemic emerged, and I saw may patients at a time when there was no known maintainance therapy, and I walked to death with many young men. Most said they would end their life when it became unbearable, but I saw when placed on analgesics for the terminally ill, they enjoyed their last days of life and wanted to live as long as possible.
Suicide is irrational, and represents the belief of the individual that there is no one there who could understand or accept the dilemma.
Of course this brief discussion is an oversimplification, but the bottom line is that killing ourselves is not a good idea.
Caledonian
I am sorry for your loss, you have my deepest sympathy.....
...You will embark on a fair sea, and at times there will be fair weather, but not always.
You will meet storms and overcome them.
You will take it in turns to steer your boat through fair weather and foul. Never lose courage.
Save harbour awaits you...in the end.
SamsoKera
Hi again, my dearest friends,
I honestly don't know what to say, or where to begin. The outpouring of love and support given to me here on the hyperboard, as well as over at the LHC (Longhair Community), plus individual emails and private messages, has been far, far, beyond anything I could have imagined, and has moved me to tears. (I am not ashamed to say so) Thank you for the bottom of my heart, all your words mean the world to me, and rest assured that I have read every single one of your heartfelt prayers and condolences. Normally, I try to make individual replies to everyone, but I really have to apologize in not being able to make individual replies right now. I am sure that you understand.
I am doing as well as can be expected, and all the warmth shown to me has certainly helped me deal with things the best way I can. I got out of the house yesterday to meet up with a good friend and his wife, just to have a chance to talk. I also had a talk with the investigating officer, and he was kind and supportive and reassured me the best way he could. I also had a chance to chat with a former co-worker and good friend who has since moved on to another job in Ottawa, and I was able to fill her in on all the details of this tragedy. I still plan to get out of the house today to get some golf in, just to see my buddies at the course and take my mind off things for a while. The healing process will be long, and not easy, and time will be the greatest healer of all.
Thank you again, with heartfelt warmth,
David
David,
I was so sad to hear of your loss. Keep the good memories of her in your heart forever and hang in there. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Brett
David, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Losing those we love is the hardest thing on this earth. I wish you and your family well at this time.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers David!
David posted a scan of his neice's obituary in LHC. It is also published here; http://www.ebituaries.ca/Ebit.aspx?DaId=278646040. She was quite a beautiful young lady. The family requested donations be made to two charities in lieu of flowers. I posted the following info on LHC, and am posting it here, for your convenience, should you wish to donate in Stephanie's memory.
Carol
Should anyone wish to donate to MADD in Stephanie's name, I thought I'd post a link to the memorial donation page. http://support.madd.org/site/PageSer...onate_memorial If you have David's email address, they will email him an acknowledgement of your gift. You can use either a credit or debit card, and you will be emailed a receipt of your donation. I'm a great fan of this organization, as I myself became disabled due to a drunk driver. And it is one of the charities that the family requested donations be made to, and is easily accessable to most of you.
Adding link with donation information to Crosbie House Society; http://www.crosbiehousesociety.com/contact.htm
Obit
Obituary
MADD
Crosbie House
Crosbie House
Hi Carol,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this information, you did not need to do this at all.
To my fellow hyperboard members, PLEASE do not feel obliged in any way. Carol posted this out of kindness for me, she is a sweetheart to keep me in her thoughts..
Thank you again, Carol, and ((((Hugs)))) to you,
David
I just did it to make things easier, for those who desired. I'm sure that nobody feels obligated in any way.
Feel better hugs!
Carol
I am so very sorry that this tragedy has happened. PLEASE, though, do not think that it your your loving act of generosity and compassion for your niece's story that ended her life: It was the overdose and the drug-induced chemical "need" for the substance which affected her reasoning and, sadly, led to her passing. Do not wear a mantle of unearned guilt. You are already going through enough without it.
I'm sorry to hear of this, David.
Something very similar to this happened just a few days ago that involved a former co-worker of mine. He was only 23.
My thoughts are with you.
jeffrey.
Sorry about your co-worker, jeffrey. 23 is just to danm young. My thoughts go to his family, as this must be positively devastatinhg.
Carol
I am so sorry for the lost of your niece. I can't imagine what's going through your head, or what you're thinking. This is really saddening. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
David, you and your family are in my thoughts.
Elizabeth
Hi again everyone,
Once again, as I mentioned before, I have no words that can express how touched I have been for all your overwhelming support in my time of need. Once again, I have to apologze for not being able to make individual replies, but I am sure you understand.
The funeral today was exceptionally moving. My other niece, the younger sister of the niece that I lost, played a heartwarming piece on the flute accompanied by a gifted soprano soloist. Also, my oldest nephew played the piano when the soloist sung another lovely song, "It's a Wonderful World".
Thank you again, to all my hyperboard friends, from the bottom of my heart.
David
David, my condolences go out to you and your family at this time, you are in my thoughts and prayers
Mogh