new thread
Esdi's post below on wondering whether to continue grow his hair longer and Luckskind's reply really brought home to me what I have been thinking of and wondering myself for awhile now. I also have been wondering whether to continue growing my hair. I am currently way past the point that I originally was aiming for.
Once all I wanted was to have hair long enough to tail and I couldn't wait to have it. I reached that point a while ago and I did occasionally tail it the last few months. To me it never really looked that great to be honest. Surprisingly I have really stopped even tailing it recently as i really don't care for the way it looks.
I used to remember when I was growing my hair out that I would do what I have read other people here have done, they would catch a glimpse of themselves in a mirror out somewhere or a refection and not recognize themselves at first. Usually this was followed by a mental "Wow!" or a "Cool!" or some such feeling that we had indeed come a long way! This new person in the mirror was a stranger that were eager to assimilate into our self-image. I admit to having gone out of my way to admire my new hair in a mirror two or back then.
I have recently been seeing a stranger again in mirrors, and unfortunately I am not admiring him or sneaking more peeks while out and about. In fact to be honest I do think I am avoiding him. Reading over Luckskind's questions in reply to Esdi's post I have to answer NO to all of the above, and Luckskind's advice to the NO answer was refreshingly honest: Decide what kind of a longhair you want to be
Well that is the heart of the whole thing for me now, I am no longer certain that I am a longhair, or if indeed I ever was in the sense that so many of you here who are born longhairs are. I have lots of hair but it does not make me happy as it once did, in fact it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable as I avoid looking at myself as I used to. At times lately I just have absolutely no interest in hair and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I put so much attention to thinking about it and talking about hair here. That person who really was into the hair enthusiasm is a stranger to me now.
I kept hoping that this loss of strong feeling about growing my hair was a symptom of depression and that it would pass in time. I had avoided making any hair decisions about cutting because I did not want to make a rash decision while feeling this way. Well neither the depression nor the apathy regarding hair has disappeared as yet, and I will have to make a decision soon as my hair is long enough to be a major nuisance for someone not especially enthusiastic about long hair.
I may have made a mistake in first growing it out thinking I was getting a new start in life, that was not to be it seems. At times I just want to cut it short and admit that changing my hair did not change myself, much as I wished it had.
Well, I think it's true that not all longhairs are ones who want to grow it to terminal length. There are plenty who prefer to keep their hair around shoulder length.
If your original goal was just to have it long enough to tail then perhaps that's the length that you'll like best and feel most comfortable. I would think that having it loose all the time would end up being a nuisance. I love having my hair loose but admit that I don't have it that way as much because it gets in the way now. To me, that's a good thing but in your case it's not making you happy. I personally don't care for ponytails. Have you thought about trying a braid? It would keep your hair out of the way and is a completely different look from a ponytail.
If you do decide to cut your hair, I recommend you only do so in stages. Try out just an inch or two shorter, then cut more if you feel the need.
Just because you're not a born longhair as I feel I am, doesn't mean it can't be part of your identity. I think it would be so in more of a chosen sense in that you like yourself and feel just as comfortable with short hair whereas I do not. You certainly have great hair Chris and I think it would be a pity to cut it but you must feel happy with it.
I think what really bothers me most is that I have been just letting my hair grow lately mainly on inertia. I didn't want to cut it in case I was really just temporarily screwed up in the head and I might end up regretting cutting it. But the longer this feeling goes on the more I am inclined to think that this is how I really feel now.
It's so strange I remember feeling really strong about growing out my hair but now it seems like that was someone else's life. I come here and hang out and I really do enjoy all of you here but the hair aspect is gone for me, I cannot recapture that original enthusiasm. For me the statement "it's just hair" has come back to truth for me.
Yeah, ChrisG, I can never explain it, n rationally, whenever I get these "hunches", but something told me that, if I logged on this website, right now, that there'd be a ver interesting post, one which I would be able to truly identify with. Bam, it was/is yours. I've been grousing about much the same issue of late, too.
It might be S.A.D., seasonally activated depression, that causes you to ruminate about things like this, Chris. The lack of commitment, the ennui, the diminishing zeal FOR keeping your length long, could all be part and parcel of that.
Me, too, and don't forget the high and wide plate glass windows of storefronts and/or eateries that likewise help us to catch a fleeting glimpse of our reflections, too. Many is the time I see people stop to fix a curl, wave, or part, in the reflection of a shop's or restaurant's window.
This is one of THEE all-time best stopovers on the internet for those of us contemplating the longhaired option. Everyone, young or old, conservative or left-of-the-mainstream, thrasher or classicist, man or woman, have always had pertinent insights, often w/ a jocular flourish, which makes it that much more fun to keep coming back here.
And, Chris, man, perchance that is because this is a different time of life for you, ie. you thought that everything else you had hoped to change or gain would fall lockstep w/ your having committed yourself o keeping your hair long. These are natural ways to feel; I hate t' say it, sort of, but f.y.i. I sheered off ALL of my hair, twenty years ago, in an executive office environment I was then ensconced in for this ery same reason. And the many months that it took to re-achieve my same length were a very contemplative time for reappraising what I wanted to do w/ my hair length goal indee.
I come from a very middle of the road (politically) moderate family whoSE parents allowed my brother and me, each of us musically and artistically inclined, to basically have whatever length we opted for. Of course, this didn't come w/o such questions from them from time to time as, "Are you sure you want it that long?", or what have you. But in such a time as you're going through now, Chris, questioning whether or not this lifestyle of longer-hairedness is really apropos for you, I'd say please keep it going and growing, as I'm sure that the fog is about to lift.
In other words, Chris, as a counselor in school once encouraged me, "When in doubt, don't." Hang in there. Keep posting, keep the dialog going.
Yours in longhaired camaraderie,
Quenyan
Thanks for the reply Quenyan, I am trying to get my thoughts in order and I am not so much asking for a "should I keep growing" yes or no answer as you guessed. Sometimes just writing about something can help clear your head, well this one will take a bit more work I suspect :)
It most definitely is depression I am experiencing now, but not SAD. Unfortunately for me I don't get a break any time of the year. But you are right in the general sense, the thing is I do have to deal with the hair in reality, and dealing with long hair and depression together is not a great combination. It just reinforces everything that is wrong, all that I wanted that I never could get. I suppose I might be better off forgetting this whole experience, but I am still not 100% sure what I should do. So far I have been the "when in doubt don't" rule but today with Luckskind's insight it just seemed much more plausible solution so I wanted to bring these doubts into the light. I am not sure why I posted but it seemed important to do so :)
i knew a post like this would be coming from you at some point.
we've discussed this in chat before, and you've certainly shared these same sentiments in former posts. i for one would be truly sad to see you cut of your hair, as i think it gives you a truly distinguished look. but of course i believe that people should first and foremost be happy with themselves.
oddly enough, i know how you feel. i think i would hate myself if i ever cut my hair short, but at the same time i am generally bored or frustrated with it. i like being able to change my look on a whim with different styles, and yet many days i despise the hassle of caring for it. i am much more enthusiastic about other peoples hair than i am about my own.
please don't do anything drastic. but know that i love you regardless.
hugs and such,
nic
Well I guess you know me pretty well then and are a good judge or character :) Well I know I am not shy about saying what I think and if something is bothering me it usually does come up. I suppose even now I am hoping for a miracle nic and that I will wake up all fired up about my hair like I was when I first started growing over 2 years ago. Nobody would be happier than I if that happened, but so far no such luck. I suppose I was just wondering what people's thoughts on this matter were, usually people seem to quit growing out because of pressure from outside.
I am not doing anything quite yet, but the idea of change is becoming more real to me with each passing day. I must have some feelings about my hair because I went to look at the last update I posted here which is now at the very bottom of this page and I felt kind of sad seeing that picture. Although I cannot tell if that was sadness at the thought of cutting off that hair I worked so long for, or sadness that things didn't work out for me the way I thought they would when I first planned this hair thing :(
Thanks for listening nic, it means a lot to me, you have been a good friend :)
Do what you belive you should do. Your hair is part of you, so you can make it the way you want it, just like you can make anything that's part of you the way you want it. I think if you were to cut it you would be dissatisfied and want to regrow it, but don't want to take the time to do that. I understand, when I had mediumish hair, I thought about cutting it all the time, it bugged me, but I got over that, I realized I liked it. So my advice is to do what you think you should do. If you do cut it and regret it, you have all the time in the world to grow it back :)
First off welcome to the board Josh, you have some great long hair for being so young. You really started early, well good for you :)
Thanks for the reply Josh, I am thinking about what you said about being dissatisfied if I cut my hair and that I would want to grow it back. Whenever someome here posts something like I have done and wonders if the should cut their hair short, I usually tell them to cut their hair because it is the best way to determine if you want long hair. If you cut and are happy with it short, than no loss. If you cut and are unhappy, well the loss is great but the uncertainty is resolved.
I am not always good at knowing whether I like something or not, but this doubt is beyond that typical type. I will wait a bit longer I suppose before I do anything yet.
This is quite a dilema that you are experiencing, Chris. I would suggest that this is just a temporary issue, but it certainly doesn't seem like that is the case. If my recollection serves me well, I think that this ordeal has been going on for quite some time already, possibly months. If you continue to feel unhappy and unenthusiastic about your hair you might want to consider going in for a trim. Take Jason's advice and trim your hair in intervals. See if that works. Who knows, It just might make you feel better. I think it's safer that way instead of chopping it all of at once. Maybe you feel unhappy with shorter hair but at least you still have some length to work with instead of all around short hair. Just follow your heart and do what truly makes YOU happy. Thats the way I am at least. I always listen to peoples opinions but in the end, I do what my heart tells me regardless of the outcome. Remember that People change all the time, Chris. Maybe you have changed and no longer truly desire long hair.
This for me is the whole problem right now, I cannot tell the difference between the fact that I may have changed in the normal fashion that people do, or if underlying factors keep me from enjoying the things (like hair growing) that I used to do. I strongly suspect the latter but knowing this doesn't really help with the problem. I still have to decide if keeping the hair is worth the trouble since I am no longer enjoying it (regardless of the reason). I have to decide what I will do, cut it back shorter or leave it alone. I am not clear what I should do and hate to act when that is the case.
For now I suppose I just needed to rant a bit or get opinions or support, who knows. This was not my favorite post to make, I usually have a clearer reason to post than I did today :)
Well, as much as I want to say that's a shame, I understand you!
Although I've almost certainly ruled out cutting my hair back to my previous short haircuts, I'm still not sure as to what length to keep it at.
Maybe you should cut your hair till just below shoulder length, and then decide on how it looks? If you're unhappy with it now, then probably growing it even longer won't help. On the other hand, if you cut it short, you may regret it and have to go through the whole awkward stage again. Go for somewhere in between before you do anything too radical.
Well I can do nothing or cut it back right now. I think I am just unhappy right now that I have lost my interest in hair but I am unsure that I should do anything about it yet. I will probably try other things to get me back interested in things again. It doesnt appear to be just the hair so I suppose that means I should do nothing yet.
I will have to try the exercise we chatted about too :)
Thanks for the idea and take care!
Hi Chris,
I am just stopping in to say a few words. Your long hair has always been an inspiration to everyone on the hyperboard,a nd raelly is amongst the best of anyone here. Of course, I am a bit sad that you are not as happy with it as you would like. However, the important thing is that YOU are happy with whatever you choose for the future of your hair. The important thing about whatever you choose is that YOU be happy with your ultimate decision. It appears that you have given it some serious thought already, both here in this post, and in some of your earlier posts. Jason has given you some excellent advice already, as to thinking things over and not taking too much off at once, to avoid a decision you might regret later. After all, you have invested over two years in your hair growing journey.
Take care,
David
Hi David, thanks for stopping in here and commenting. I am surprised that you are here so often and checking things out. I imagine that keeping busy with your normal life is important right now. You are in my thoughts David and I feel so bad for you now. You are a true gentleman and I appreciate your kind words on my posting here. I think today I needed to vent more than anything, I have incredible stress right now of which the hair is really nothing in comparison. This was probably a result of that stress
Thanks David again
Well Chris! Whatever makes you happy is probably the only advice i can give you, i have those haircutting thoughts sometimes but i know that i want to reach long healthy hair at least once in my life, and now's a great time to do it considering it's the first time ever i do it with my real natural haircolor.
You've always been a big support and inspiration for me on this board ever since i joined sometime in the winter of 05, so i would think about this decision for a while before doing anything drastic, and as someone else suggested, you could maybe just cut it shorter, shoulders or somewhere and see how you like it that way instead.
It's not an easy to make decision Simon you are right about that. I am very confused right now and part of me wants to just chuck the whole thing but I do think that would just make me more depressed, and really not settle what's really bothering me. I was looking at the last update I did here and the guy in the picture was telling me to wait :)
Thanks for your kind words and your support :) We all get to lean on each other sometimes here!
Take care Simon
Chris,
As Nic stated below, I knew a post like this from you would come up as well. Although I am biased toward long hair, I also agree you should do whats best for you too. Like the others stated below, if you decide to cut your hair, do it in stages. I think you would look great with shoulder length hair, but this up to you what you want to do with it.
One thing tho, if you do cut it. Please keep in contact with us. It seems that people cut their hair and loose touch with this place. You have contributed so much here. :-)
Mike
Thanks for the kind words Mike, I have put a lot of energy and enthusiasm into this place. That is part of what is making this feeling so damn hard!! I remember feeling much more like everyone else here and now that is all gone. It is awful to lose interest in things, hair is not the only thing to go, but it was something that kept me interested on and off until a few months ago. It is hard to really care about hair I suppose when things fall apart, it makes it hard to know whats what.
I think you should consider your options, try out new things in life to maybe get yourself happy with your surroundings and ultimately yourself. Cutting your hair may or may not change how you feel and the decision is not one that is easily reversible, so Chris just take it slow. If you choose to cut, don't do anything too drastic. After all its usually the things we least expect that make us happy, all you may need is a new hair style like a braid or something, or maybe even a small trim. I hope everything turns out well Chris.
-animosity
You have really summed up the problem, I have conflicted feelings right now, paradoxically I want to just cut my hair back to being short and just forget I ever tried it but I also know that I would be sad to change what was something I once worked very hard to do. I suppose the cost of waiting some more time right now is less than the cost of cutting and regretting it. I just hate ambivalent feelings!
Thanks for your insight and response :)
Probably for most people getting a new hairstyle is not going to give them a new start in life or change the underlying realities of their life that they have to work with. Really, there are other things that they have to change for that to happen, like study for a new career, search for a new job, move to a new house/city/region/country. Sometimes those sort of things don't work either. Sometimes nothing does, and maybe all you can do is try to learn to see the same reality in a different way (and I didn't mean in a chemically induced way, LOL! - although some think that is a solution).
I also don't think that you have to be 'into' hair to have long hair. Most people have hair, and for the most part it just sits there and they don't think that much about it, but they still have to choose what style and what length they want, even if it is by default. Default can be going to the barber at regular intervals, or letting it grow until you trip over it. If you don't want to think about hair you can achieve that with just about any length, believe it or not!
So, if growing your hair out didn't solve all your problems, and let's face it, that was never very likely, then cutting it short won't either. You just have to figure out what length you like best, and really there's no great hurry. If you decide that it's too long now, but you don't really want to go short, then it's probably best to leave enough to tie back. Not because you like it tied back, but for those moments when you need it out of the way. You may want to do as some others have suggested, i.e. cut it in stages to try to find what you like. OTOH, if you decide to go shorter, then you still have to choose a length and a style, which might be more than you really want to deal with right now.
Only one request. I admit to a bias. Not against short hair as such. I think it looks just fine (on other people). However, I cannot personally stand crewcuts or shaved heads. It's up to you, but I think if you go that route you may as well go ahead and get one of those funny suits with the arrows all over it, as I think they go together!
Alright, actually two requests. Stay in touch!
I first started to grow out my hair not to change my life but rather to celebrate what I thought was to be a new life. I had been very sick up to that point but had finally seen what I thought was progress (and it was for awhile). Eventually I again was felled by the same illness but it was relatively survivable up until the beginning of this year.
The long hair has been a mixed blessing until recently. It was the symbol of my striving to get better and stay better but when that wasn't happening it became more a symbol of my failure to get what I wanted after all. I suppose to my mind the short hair that I had when I was originally ill is the image of what is appropriate to have. Long hair represents health and the short hair the lack of it.
Admittedly I am not thinking clearly at the moment, I do believe that circumstances will delay any action regarding my hair for the moment though. Thanks for the insight and the kind reply!
Hi Chris,
While we love to talk hair around here, I'm not altogether always sure that's what we're talking about most of the time. If you changed the words "long hair" in what you wrote to something else, would it mean about the same thing? Do you feel zeal for doing anything in particular or is it just hair you are thinkng about?
I keep finding out that "getting what one wants" really is a curse like some ancient Chinese guy said. Don't ask because I don't know who it was! I have found that my hair looks nothing like I envisioned when I began to grow it. I was hoping for Daniel Day-Lewis in Last of the Mohicans and got something altogether different. But, I'm glad in a way that's the case.
Now I think what your getting at is that the long hair bit has become old hat and no longer has the appeal. But I wonder if this is just a part of it. Once you get a new car, after about a year you stop washing it so often and don't worry nearly so much about that spilt coffee on the seat. Yeah, you've got long hair now, you say to yourself, "so what?" Well, if you hate it, cut it. If your just marginal, comme si, comme sa, well keep it at the length it's at. But I wonder really if, not to get overly personal, if this is part of a self-image issue you've got going with not feeling well and being down and out for a good while as you've related to us. If it's any consolation, your hair looks great. But, one sure way to find out how much you like your hair is to cut it off. In about 24 hours after that, you will keenly know its value and worth. I assure you of that!
And, about a new start by way of hair growing, I feel that wherever we go there we are. I was f'ed in the head when I had short hair and still am! I guess I just changed my mind a little along the way here and there.
I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh. What I wonder is sometimes you, me, or anyone else, might tend to make one thing a scapegoat for a general problem. Could it be that you fancy your hair the scapegoat for a general melancholy pervading your being? Just a thought. It might be that the root (no pun intended) is something altogether different. The hair you see on your head is the most noticeable manifestation of some changes you've made that maybe didn't turn out the way you planned.
Here's an exercise. This isn't lewd or bawdy or meant to be so in any way. With the palms of your hands pressed together in front of your chest, look yourself straight in the eye in the mirror, with yourself preferrably altogether disrobed. This is harder than one might expect. For a full five or ten minutes, or as long as you can do it. Tell yourself that you are you and that you accept that you are you. You accept yourself totally as you are. It's pretty powerful. Make yourself think about what is really in your mind. Let all the outside distractions and noise go away and look where you may fear to look inside your mind. Just let it be all about you for a few minutes. See what happens. I think sometimes, we (I) distract ourselves (myself) with the outer to avoid the inner because I'm not sure I like what I see. I can't really say that this always applies, but for me it does, for I know no one else I can speak of as well as I can of myself. Well, if that doesn't sound like a bunch of rigamarole, I don't know what does. But, try it anyway.
Hey Matt, you are most certainly correct in that it is not just about the hair. Somehow I was able to forestall the onset of this apathy and depression that goes way beyond hair but that is the focus here so that is what I dealt with in my post. But my illness does go way beyond hair to every area of my life really.
Now what you were saying about long hair becoming old hat after a while is also true and I may legitimately be bored by it for now. This was a point I was trying to make clear (both to myself and you guys I suppose). That being that I cannot tell the difference at this point between really losing interest in my hair as it is or if this is merely a side effect of the depression my illness causes.
I do not trust myself right now to know the difference but I am still frustrated with seeing my hair now as it is so long. I know this sound crazy coming from some guy on the longhair board. Why is he complaining about long hair, he should be happy. I suppose I am confused and ranting and pressures unrelated to hair are just confusing me all the more.
Thanks for all the insight and the good ideas on self image Matt. You have always been supportive and inteligent in your reasoning and analyses, I appreciate that even if at the moment I am not always able to implement the ideas.
Wow. Heavy stuff. There's definitely a difference between "growing it out" and the sustained life of a longhair. Arguably I'm still growing it out since I haven't cut it in almost 6 years now, but I feel like I'm over most of the novelty sort of stuff now. I actually find myself taking it for granted, and being surprised by people who stare as opposed to thinking everybody is staring. No more novelty, so arguably no more "personal growth experience"; but nevertheless I have no desire to get rid of it, so maybe it really is more a part of me than it is of you.
Whatever you decide, as they say, "it's your hair". That's really always been more the point for me than the actual length itself. The length is just an expression of the desire for freedom. It's the freedom that matters. I can't help but be reminded of the difference between respect for the ideals of liberty, vs. those who want to ban flag burning. So, if you were to decide to "desecrate your freak flag", that's not a "crime against the longhair community". It's just you exercising your freedom.
What a wonderfully insightful analogy!!!
I suppose I was in an especially thoughtful mode yesterday when I was in the throes of whatever compelled me to write. I was and am confused by my inability to know something so basic as what I want to look and be like. Usually this isn't a hard thing for me as I know what I want to look like (usually in the form of I know what I won't wear or do or act like). I can be a terrible conformist, very different from most people here I suspect. It takes considerable energy and love of the look to be a longhair, it doesn't seem like a natural default to me.
You're right that having long hair is a symbol of freedom, and maybe that is part of what is bothering me so much. Currently due to my health problems I am under a terrible sentence of "life" and I feel far from free now. What is the point of having this great symbol of freedom and health (long hair) when it conceals a lie. I know that I am not at all free, I can barely survive my situation now. This is not the way a longhair would live. Better the old way of being a shorthair I suppose, they aren't free and neither am I now.
I am obviously confused right now but I appreciate the insight and the advice you have given. I can only hope that the proper path will be obvious at some point to me. I hate feeling as I do now on everything :(
Chris I hope you do not cut your hair. I think if you went through this hard stage of growing it out to the nice length you have that you really wanted it. Maybe a small trim of an inch max would help to make sure everything stays cool and will help you remember why you grew your hair out.
Chris may I make a suggestion get a small trim but let it grow out till the end of the year.What I think in the mirror the stranger you see is secretly someone you want to be . I am your bud and I hope I can convince you to keep the hair. One day I hope to have as long and as beautiful as you Chris. Dont stop believing !
Rich
Thanks for the kind words and advice Rich. I know you have far bigger health problems and burdens than I would even be able to survive physically and mentally right now. I am amazed that you can even come here and post!
I really did want the long hair for the longest time Rich, but lately it has changed. As I have detailed in other replies things changed for me. I think that part of my desire to just cut the hair off and be done with it is a form of "hair suicide" maybe. I have pretty much just given up on expecting much from looking at myself. I know I will never have what I wanted when I started out growing. Even what that is is hard to define, but I never really got the look I was after, much like Matt said of himself too.
Combining this problem with everything I have detailed already has just made the whole situation muddy and confusing. I feel like I am on a precipice in a dense fog and I can't see what i am doing so I am worried about doing anything. But that situation cannot be confused with contentment either. Right now I wish I had never bothered to start this whole hair thing then I wouldn't have this extra burden.
You know, none of us ever gets the look we really want, because it is something we saw on someone else and we don't have their hair! To me "the look" is long and straight and very full, but my hair is wavy and naturally lacking in volume (a combination of being somewhat fine and somewhat thin at the same time). At least I can chuckle when others moan about the weight of their hair, as mine stays as light as a feather however long I grow it, so there's always a silver lining.
Boy !
And you think you have it bad !? I look in the mirror expecting to see a Tom Cruise look-a-like......but what is facing me back?
Don Rickles ! UGH !
Seriously Chris, you have been on quite a roller coaster this year, so please don't do anything drastic (remember the two week "rule"). Perhaps you should try changing the style or even colour.
Surround yourself with caring friends....get someone to play Ragtime on your piano !! (My theory is that Ragtime Music and Cheesecake can fix ANYTHING !!)
Hold on my friend, we are all with you.
Walter
Thanks for being so supportive all these years and now Walter, your sense of humor and warmth really make this place come alive :) I really do appreciate the support and I suppose that is what I most needed lately, even more than any hair advice. I suppose I knew that in the back of my mind all along and just needed to vent or whatever. The problem was way beyond hair and I suppose that the hair worry can wait some.
Thanks again Walter, and you are quite a handsome gent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! :)
Wow, Chris, you've really been doing some deep thinking. It's interesting that you speak of changing your hair to change yourself. That's the very reason that I started on my longhair journey over a year ago.
I was in a very dark period of my life and for some reason I thought of pairing growing my hair out with personal growth, two processes that can be full of awkwardness and unexpected experiences. Overall things have been good, but I too still battle with depression here and there. I'll be fine for a time and then something in life will bring everything back and I'll be drowning in dark, sometimes vaugely suicidal thougts for a few hours or days. Pulling myself out of it always seems like a mini-miracle.
What I'm learning to do, though, is to see those episodes (and any "negative" thoughts) as indicator lights to my soul/self. They are telling me that something is wrong, that some aspect of my past/present problems hasn't been adequatly dealt with. And I am slowly but surely tackling problems and delving into the depths of my soul. It's often painful work, and I've been drawing heavily on my spiritual beliefs as I muddle through the process.
Sometimes the issue of my hair does come up. Years of having a rather "butch" cut gave me a sense of strength, like "nobody would even consider hitting on me so I don't have to deal with that sort of thing". Now that my appearance is more feminine, I sometimes feel more vulnerable (lots of issues in my past to deal with with regards to that). I'm still getting used to walking into a woman's bathroom and not having to worry that anyone will question my right to be there. In short, I was hiding behind my buzzcut, and now that that wall is down I have to contend with personal demons.
It sounds like you've done quite a bit of thinking about your hair, so I don't think any decision you make would be a rash one. In the end, you have to do what will make you happy. But don't neglect the rest of the journey. Hair is just a part of it, and if growing it to this length has made you realize how much you want/need to change yourself, that no amount of physical change is going to solve internal problems, then I wouldn't call it a wasted jorney.
Blessings to you, no matter what your choice...just don't disappear from the board. :-)
Mouse
Hey Mouse,
I am sorry that you have also been battling with depression but I am glad it is not a continual thing. I know full well how horrible it can be and I am glad that you are able to take steps to correct the attitudes and circumstances that caused it. I wish I had the depths of spiritual beliefs that you have had to lean on during the crises. But unfortunately what little faith I had was burned out by this hell many years earlier. So it is only me against the darkness alas.
I had some relief years ago and that is when I started growing my hair out. Not as a fix but as a celebration of what I thought was a fix and a new future. But that has all turned sour on me and my hopes seem to have vanished now. I suppose part of me wants to just cut my hair and get it over with and return back to what I was before. False hope of the new life is best forgotten, I really did enjoy the time I spent here and learning about myself and everyone else here.
I guess I just couldn't/can't handle the discrepancy between what my life is still and other people here. All these great stories from other people, all their hopes and dreams and joys. I have never done well with being comfortable listening to how great a time other people are having when I am in great pain. I am glad that things are going well for most everyone here but I suppose for me it is easier to be apart from it as it is painful to me to know so much life is denied me.
I know that sounds horribly selfish but I know that if things get much worse I don't believe I will be able to return here as it is way too painful for me. Thank you Mouse for your revelations regarding your own journey and your insights and helpful advice to me. You have always been a supportive person and I really do appreciate that. It makes me extremely sad to think of saying good bye to everyone here as you have all been such good friends to me and so supportive throughout my trials.
Thanks you very much
So many others have said so many things, that cover this; so my response will be somewhat short.
I definitely see this as partly a result of depression. Depression causes you to lose your enthusiasm for just about anything. It literally sucks the joy for just about anything, out of your life.
The other point, is that you met your goal length. Over at LHC, there was a thread directed towards those who met their goal length, and miss going through the progress stages. They had something to look forward to, which made them happy. But now that they reached their goal, they don't feel as happy about their hair. So, someone asks, has anyone cut back their hair because they enjoy the stages more so than flatlining at goal point? A few admitted to doing this.
I'd hate to see you cut it back too drastically, but perhaps a more modest cut might boost your mood, albeit temporarely. But the really big question you have to ask yourself, is whether the hair itself affects your mood. Being indifferent about it is one thing, being depressed over it is another. If it isn't making YOU happy, then decide what length you would be happy with, and cut it back there. Since you said it has gone past goal length, perhaps you should cut it back to where your goal length was.
Feel better hugs,
Carol
Carol you are definitely correct that this depression has brought up this hair issue. The hair is just one aspect of it to be sure, but this being a hair board I felt that showing that side of things might make it clear to people here the discrepancy between what I am enduring and the way that people here feel. It was supposed to be a big contrast. In the end the hair isn't the important part as I mentioned in my own second post on this topic under the main thread.
You may be right about what happens after you reach a goal length, but I don't think it was that I have experienced. For me I cannot tell if I have just lost my whole enthusiasm for long hair as a normal change people experience or if it is the depression as we discussed. What I would do about it depends upon which situation it is. If its depression I should leave the hair alone. My inability to care about any length right now is telling though so I should leave it alone for now.
Thank you Carol for your support and insight now and in all of your replies here on the board. You are a very smart person and have good intuitions and thoughts and contribute so much to the board here, thanks again :)
Hey Chris, so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your long-hair status. The bottom line is to do what you feel the most comfortable with and the most happiness about in the long run. Personally I think you have inspirational and beautiful hair and it sure has motivated me into my 18th month of growing.
I feel like I was born to be a longhair and indeed I was over 25 years ago and also 30 plus years ago as a teenager and long hair is a part of me...it's hard to explain. I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed by it but during the awkward stage I felt at times obsessed with wishing it would all go away. I like the uniqueness and naturallness of it as well.
I sure hope you have gotten enough feedback to help you make the correct decision for yourself and personally I would hate to see you cut your hair...if you must, do it in small increments and then see how you feel. Best wishes buddy. :-)
Max
Hey Chris, so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your long-hair status. The bottom line is to do what you feel the most comfortable with and the most happiness about in the long run. Personally I think you have inspirational and beautiful hair and it sure has motivated me into my 18th month of growing.
I feel like I was born to be a longhair and indeed I was over 25 years ago and also 30 plus years ago as a teenager and long hair is a part of me...it's hard to explain. I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed by it but during the awkward stage I felt at times obsessed with wishing it would all go away. I like the uniqueness and naturallness of it as well.
I sure hope you have gotten enough feedback to help you make the correct decision for yourself and personally I would hate to see you cut your hair...if you must, do it in small increments and then see how you feel. Best wishes buddy. :-)
Max
Hey Max, thanks for the support and kind words here :)
I am struggling to know what to do but since I cannot decide I am guessing I had better wait until my view clears somewhat. I don't trust myself to choose wisely now but I would probably cut back gradually if I do anything.
Seems the safest approach.
I want to thank everyone who wrote back to this post. You guys have been so good to me with all of your support and insight. I wasn't even sure exactly why I posted this today, I wasn't sure I should have. I don't usually like to post half formed nonsense ideas and murky words but I did so anyway today.
Several of you know and some guessed that the nature of these complaints of mine go way beyond hair and are the result of a very serious illness that I have been battling for years. Well the whole story is that for these last few months I have been out of work on extended unpaid leave due to my illness. I have been trying unsuccessfully so far to correct the problem and get back to work. Well my time to fix this problem has just about run out and I am really not that close to an answer. I have about a week or so left and if I can't manage to get back to work, well then I can pretty much say goodbye to my career and the job I have had for a very long time.
The pressure as you might imagine is beyond belief. If I do end up losing my job and being unable to work the concerns I brought up here will not be be very important. I hope it doesn't come to that but if things go badly for me I probably won't be returning here. I really don't want to think of this too much right now.
Anyway thanks for the support everyone I really do appreciate it and you guys have helped more than you knew.
Of course I'll be praying for you.
Take care,
Bruce
Hey Chris,
Sounds like you've been to hell and back (on several fronts), --- and, like some of the others have also said, I'm not surprised at all by you posting this thread (which, BTW, I feel was extremely well-written, as well as fascinatingly insightful). I read most of the replies, and I have to say, I feel I pretty much agree w/ everything I read! And, considering all the hardships you've been through, hair seems like such a tiny, insignificant thing to dwell on for even a fleeting second...
If it helps you any by me saying this, when I cut my hair short in Y2K, one of the motivating factors in me doing such a drastic thing was that I had suddenly lost all interest in my long hair... I was going through too many "mid-life crisis" issues that were weighing me down at the time, --- and so i thought that the haircut would "solve" my negative, depressed mental state I was in... It didn't (which is an understatement - lol). It just gave me a whole new & different depressed state of mind, once I fully realized what a stupid thing I had done! But, I'm NOT saying by narrating this that your experience might turn out to be "the same" as mine; because i don't believe that at all. But, instead, what i AM saying is this: hair, in and of itself, --- whether long or short --- will not necessarily change one iota of whatever the serious problems are in your life (just look at me... I'm still a living example of someone who will probably NEVER "get his act together" - lol)....
The job worry and your health issue worry are two VERY major stressful concerns. With worries like that, I don't blame you one bit for feeling like hair is just not important to you right now!
As a practical measure, though, one thing that has worked well for me in the past (as far as "doing SOMEthing" hair-related) is to at least try the following: I go in for a *small* professional trim. I say this because... to go into a salon and ask for a modest professional trim and/or some minor re-shaping will result in the best of both worlds: 1) by only trimming off a small amount of your hair length, you will NOT be doing anything "drastic' that you may late regret; 2) but, on the other hand, by at least doing SOMETHING that will change your appearance a bit, it can't help but give you a bit of a "lift" afterwards...
Try it. But, just make sure it is a highly reputable salon that you go into, --- as well as an experienced lonhair-friendly hair stylist who has the scissors in his or her hand! I also STRONGLY advise that you not give into cutting off any more than a **modest** amount of length (you can always cut off more. later; but unfortunately, hair can not be glued back on if you change your mind after cutting it short - lol)!!
I really enjoyed reading this whole thread, by the way. You are a deep thinker and a wonderful human being. So, whether you end up w/ long hair or short (or something in-between)... I hope you will still occasionally come here to post on MLHH!
My best to you in your life's (and hair's) journey!
With Much Admiration and Affection,
Ken
Hey Ken
Thank you so much for all your kind words and support now and throughout my stay here at the MLHH. You have always been a great help and most kind and encouraging (and most humorous too) to all of us here. I am glad you told me more of what caused your own personal Y2K crash, as it puts my problem in perspective. That could all to easily happen to me if I cut my hair. For some reason I wanted to look at my last update here (now the last post on the board coincidentally (or not lol) and that picture really made me sad at the thought of cutting my hair for some reason. I am not sure why I can feel apathetic about the reality of cutting it but (or so I think) but looking at that picture and saying goodbye to that guy made me sad.
So just on the hair level I guess I should wait, the reality of my work problem ensures that I won't be doing anything hair related for awhile. Thinking on your Y2K tale does worry me as well, I don't really know how attached I am to my hair right now either. Mainly my terrible judgement lately is probably the one thing saving me from a rash decision, as I don't trust myself right now.
I suppose the thread here is pointless if I am doing nothing yet, I suppose I needed to vent some and that I guess I was looking for support (even if not specific advice). I guess I was and am just feeling pretty alone with this whole terrible nightmare.
Thanks for lightening the burden somewhat Ken I am extrememly grateful :)
Chris,
You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I know you are having a horrid experience. It has been rough seeing you go downhill since I have known you over the last few years. I can't even imagine how you must feel having to live with this.
You will always have friends and support here.
Take care good friend, were all polling for you. :-)
Mike
Thanks Mike for all the kindness and encouragement you have shown me over the years, you have been a truly good friend!
Congratulations on buying the house I am sure you will love it. Thanks again
So hair's not the real problem. In a way the depression isn't, although it is the cause. The real problem is how to keep your job. I guess none of us really have an answer to that.
Maybe the answer is just to go back to work, ready or not. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe that would be a disaster, but the alternatives don't look so good. Maybe it's a clueless suggestion, but perhaps it's time to evaluate your options.
Perhaps if you show up and can't function, you might get really fired, which might affect eligibility for some benefits and future employment. OTOH, maybe you could ask to go back for a trial period? Then you could at least avoid that outcome. Drop me an e-mail if you don't want to reply on here.
well the hair may end up being a problem, but you are correct in that isn't the root cause. This disease that I have is the root cause. I don't really know what I will end up doing about my job. I keep hoping for one of the things I have been doing all these months to work. I have tried so many things, medicines and diets and such.
I had once before even relied on a drug to cover up the symptoms once before when I had to go back to work before I understood the problem fully. It turned into a disaster as I got addicted to the drug and had to quit my job anyway eventually.
I am trying to find a balance between tolerable anxiety and tolerable depression. I have to pick one of them (so far anyway) cause that is what seems to happen to me. I sure am hoping to be well enough to at least show up. I have no idea how I will ever get back to being damn good at what I did. That seems like a faded dream to me now, as if were somebody else and that is most depressing by far.
Thanks so much for listening, hopefully I will have better news eventually.
Hi Chris,
Sometimes we are our own worst critics. The first time I cut my hair I think I also saw "the stranger" It was a little longer than it is now. I thought, "it's hard to wash, I'm the only one (close) with long hair, my wife really doesn't like it, what the hell am I doing, wouldn't short hair be nice for a change". So I got the clippers out (that's the problem with being a groomer) and cut it all off with about 3/8" to spare! And yes for about a month it felt good! But then I started to have second thoughts. Later that year we took a cruise and we sat at a table with another couple. Well, he had long hair! And I was jealous, envious, and pissed off at myself for getting myself into this mess. You see, when you go completely short, there is a certain inertia that keeps you hair short, mostly family pressures.(Oh, you look so good, thank God you came to your senses)
Well now I've kind of inoculated my self against "the stranger". I love the feel of long hair, but honestly if I look in the mirror I see a 52 year old man with graying hair, frizzes at the top of my head that are out of control, and thinning at the crown. Probably if I were to cut it, all of that would be not as pronounced. BUT I LOVE THE FEEL OF MY LONG HAIR!!!!!!!! So when I see the stranger in the mirror or in pictures (I really never did like my picture taken in the past) I think, SO WHAT!! I'm not as bad as I think, because (back to the beginning) " we are our own worst critics"
Chris, to be honest, no matter what you choose, your happiness is what is important. That you can only find deep within yourself. But you're always going to be a longhair, at least at heart. The proof is in the fact that you went there at all. There are many people that can't even fathom the idea of long hair and are repulsed at the idea. Imagine that! Those are true shorthairs. Their choice.
Take care my friend,
Bruce
Thank you so very much Bruce for the most kind words and the support you always give here. Your story of your cut is a certainly a warning to take seriously. I can't help but think I would really regret it if I cut my hair short. But if that is true I still cannot see why I am even contemplating it. I must be confused and delusional, the pressure too much.
Well I won't be worrying about the hair so much, I suppose I just needed to vent some and maybe I just needed some support and reassuring words (not even about whether to cut or not). I suppose I just felt really alone with this whole thing.
Thanks again Bruce for being there and take care of yourself too!
Hey Chris
This is really a tough one and so far just a few have touched on what I would do. Trouble is, I am not you, and being so cannot fully comprehend all of the feelings you have. Certainly having ambivalent feelings and hating these is well understandable as well as a type of curse to have to deal with. Perhaps much of this could be tied-in with the illness of which you have suffered so. One can only take so much.
When your hair was short (and I am conjecturing here......nothing more) it very well could be that you had the illness then and felt that if you grew long hair that it would solve a problem and begin a new life. Now that your hair is long the problem is still unresolved. In any event, (and this is just an opinion, nothing more) if you were to suddenly cut short again, the problem would still be there and you might even feel worse. What an awful state of confusion this must be for you. And something like this could very well happen to any one of us.
Time has a way of letting someone know what was the right thing to do, but while in the middle of the situation all is so clouded. Perhaps give it another month of thought and do nothing? Suddenly all may be much clearer to you then than it is today. Also, it might not be such a bad idea to run this by a doctor at some point for an opinion outside of this board. We all like you and want you to be happy within yourself as such a person as you deserves. I am glad that you vented on the board. This may very well do the trick for you in getting many opinions to ponder. And I DO so much hope it has helped.
My heart goes out to you Chris and of course I always wish you the best.
I didn't look at myself in the mirror at all today for yesterday when I did I saw "The Man from Planet X!" Now that was really scary! LOL :-0
Hang in there Chris, for so often in the depth of darkness a light is suddenly seen. And, for you there IS a light out there but presently clouded by a mist.
Take care Chris.
My best to you always.
Justin~
Thank you Justin for all of your support and encouragements and kindnesses past and present. You are truly what this whole board is about and I am really grateful for these things you have given while I have been here :)
I am sure that my hair problem is related to the health problems as I have related in this and past threads. But it can be hard to tell which is which as I have said.
I am very worried about my job at the moment so I really don't even know why I brought up this topic the way I did. I really don't have a good handle on what to do about my stress and anxiety due to my condition and time is running out for me. This only adds to the stress and the anxiety which I had independently of and which caused my work problem. The whole thing is a spiral and I am terrified of where it will end.
It was good just to have the warm support of others here as I felt quite alone with this craziness. Thank you all for everything you have given me over the years, I really could not have lasted this long otherwise (not just the hair by any means).
Chris, sometimes when we think something is not going well, especially if we don't really understand the logic of why, we strike out in the dark seeking changes. We start blaming stuff....
Well, if none of the above were related to the problem, implementing any of the above aren't going to make the problem go away.
On the other hand, if this problem has been going on a long time, maybe you had short hair at one time and you grew your hair out hoping things would change, and by golly they didn't.
Once you discover all the "solutions" weren't such, this does not mean you have to undo all of them of course. There is no need to get the old job back, start wearing the old clothes, or whatever, and there is no need to return to an earlier hair style. In fact, it will be less disruptive to not change back to something unless you truly liked it more.
In retrospect, now that hair length didn't solve anything, did you LIKE having short hair more? Do you now consistently feel that way? Like for two weeks unwavering (two weeks rule)? If so, then go for short. Just keep in mind it won't change anything unrelated to hair length. It will make you cooler in the summer. It won't make other dissatisfactions with your life go away.
Bill
Hey Bill,
As I said in another subthread (somewhere they all run together now) I started growing out not to change the way I felt, but more as a result of starting to feel better (temporarily as it turned out) from the illness I had had for many many years at the time. The illness didnt recede as I had hoped but I kept trying to grow the hair and hoping I would hit on a solution to my health problems. I have not had any such luck even knowing what is wrong doesn't allow me any fix I have been able to implement so far.
This illness has caused me to be unable to have a clear idea of what I want and now the worry over my job has really superseded all else. I am literally still in the fight of my life right now. I am just confused and that is the only honest answer I can give right now. It was undoubtedly a mistake in some ways to post about my hair yesterday when I wasn't really looking for advice so much as venting my frustration at losing my interest in hair (long or short) and everything come crashing down on me. I guess I just needed some warm words and the sense that I wasn't as alone as I felt and feel.
I do see what you are saying and I thank you for your wise advice. You have had great experience with hair and life and I have always admired you and respected your opinions on such.
Thanks again Bill for all the support and friendship and wisdom all these years :)
Chris,
I'm new to the board and have hesitated jumping in on this thread. I've read through all of the posts and have two immediate thoughts: I'm so glad you were able to talk about your feelings and secondly, clearly this group is ready, willing and able to provide support.
The wonderful supportive people here and your honest sharing of your feelings have resulted in your being able to get to the core of the issues. Opening up and talking to supportive people is the core of of therapy. Your problems won't magically disappear but you have a better perspective of what is going on inside.
I have never seen so much caring as in the advice and support in the previous messages. First one has to identify the problem before change can occur. As you know, hair is not the real issue but it is a symbol. Sometimes when we are overwhelmed we seek to control something in the forest of chaos and fear. If you want to stop talking about you hair, let us know, but please don't leave.
I'm not sure the above will help, but add me to the long list of people who care very much about you.
Someday I'll be honest too and talk about why I spent a lifetime removing as much hair as possible from my head. Growing my hair is a potent symbol to me too.
Chris, don't be afraid to ask for help if you are overwhelmed.
Hugs,
Don
Hey Don, well you really came in here when there was a lot going on! If you had been lurking for awhile before posting then you probably did get the idea of what kind of place this is and who we are here. We regard each other as a kind of family of sorts and look out for each other. That may seem an odd thing for a group of guys engaged in such a seemingly superficial thing as hair, but as you can see our ideas and concern for each other run more than skin deep :)
Well I wanted to thank you for your kind words and encouragement and insight too Don. Judging from your reply you are a deep thinker too and should fit right in here! You may be new to long hair but life and experience is something we all can share with each other, and it is much more valuable than shampoo recommendations lol
Jump into these threads whenever you have a point to make. I do hope someday to hear about your experiences in avoiding and growing hair someday too, whenever you are ready to share.
Thanks again Don, I am glad you came here :)
Hi Chris, i have nothing new or clever to add to the many excellant replies you have had to your thread, i to suffer from the big D; and when that black cloud comes down i understand that nothing anyone says, no matter how true or wise, can abliterate that feeling of despair you feel, but i have learnt over time , not to make any big decisions when im under that cloud.
Personally, all i can say is you are a good man, who has helped me and other newbies on our journey towards long hair, with helpful and humourous comments. I wish you well.
Jonny H uk
Hey Jonny, I really appreciate the encouragement and the insight that you have had from battling your own monsters. You are right that depression is something you just have to ride out and I won't be making any choices about hair while I cannot see my way clearly.
You don't have to ever have anything clever or new to add to a thread to show support. Sometimes just knowing someone has your back and is supportive is more than enough. I can't thank you and everyone enough for helping me through this harsh time (not just lately either) with all your kindness :)
I wish you well in your own struggles and hope that your long hair goal is a source of some fun and joy to counterbalance the struggles of the world.
Take care Jonny and thanks again :)
I've been debating a bit what to say here, as many have covered some of the points I would make.
As you are aware, sometimes you and I come at things from the opposite ends of the spectrum. Those issues are political, religious, etc., and not from a personal standpoint. Personally you seem to have many of the same views as I do.
You made these comments at the end of your post:
I may have made a mistake in first growing it out thinking I was getting a new start in life, that was not to be it seems. At times I just want to cut it short and admit that changing my hair did not change myself, much as I wished it had.
There are many things about ourselves that we can change; hair, weight, clothes, friends, etc. I don't think that we change these things to change ourselves, but to bolster who we already are. My hair being longer does not change who I am; it does give me pleasure and possibly makes me a little more bearable to others due to that joy I derive from it.
I think Bill gave some excellent comments attempting to get you to the source of your troubles. You are the only one who can decide what is and isn't right for you. As others have said, make no rash decisions and proceed in small steps to insure you are not making a decision that you will not be happy with.
Chris, I hope you find what you are looking for to turn things around. And I believe that the friends you have made here will support you no matter what you decide; that's what friends are for.
I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.
George
Sorry, meant to end the italics after two lines
George
Hey George,
I do believe that when I was writing yesterday I wasn't very clear in my writing, but that is as expected. If I was clear headed I probably wouldn't have posted this thread in the first place.
You are quite correct that the small things we do change are more a reflection of who we already are than a means of changing who we are. I originally started to grow out not to change who I was but to celebrate a change I had thought I had successfully made at that point.
I will wait a bit longer and see what occurs before making any changes. I wanted to thank you for responding to my post and for all your encouragement and support that you have given me all the time you have been here.
I also wanted to mention one thing George, of late I have been a wee bit cranky and probably came off much harder than I should have on political and religious issues of late. I tend to not keep things to myself when I probably should and my tendency to be more irritating to others increases proportionately to my foul mood. So sorry I got into the whole politic thing George, I will try to keep a lid on it next time. I am usually a much nicer fellow but misery makes me quite unbearable. No hard feelings I hope?
hi Chris,
You are probably not unusual in your experience--it's just hair man, and everyone probably has their interest in it come and go. Don't think about it; get into a maintenance routine that you can do automatically every day, and when you don't care about it, put it in a tie and forget it. See how that works for you and rexamine where you are with this in 6 months or so.
You are no doubt right Rob, I shouldn't worry to much about it. I only do that cause I come here, if I never came here I wouldn't know anybody thought about hair that strongly so I wouldn't feel like I was different or left out lol
I probably won't wait 6 more months to re-examine what I am doing, my hair would be way longer than. It is ironic that I am complaining that my hair is too long and poor Dean is wanting more. Perhaps we should trade :)
Hi Chris, bit late on this most interesting of posts.
It would seem you have undertaken quite a journey and are now back to where you started, but with the addition of a fountain of newfound knowledge.
In this sense I would say to you something that I wouldn't normally say to people on here and that is if you need now to cut your hair then do it. You are an intelligent man and know yourself well, and the journey has been worthwile, because as you have discovered it is 'just hair' at the end of the day. A healthy mind and body is so much more important, if I had to lose mine to get a job to feed my kids it would be gone, if I had to lose it through medication to make me well it would be gone, if I felt 'wrong' wearing it even after years of growing it would be gone.
So I congratulate you on being level headed enough to know the difference between 'living' and 'lifestyle'.
Regards Dave
Hey Dave, I really wanted to thank you for your straight forward insightful reply to my plaintive post. I have great respect for your opinions and honesty and I have always welcomed your encouragement and good humor! You really have summed the problem up quite succinctly, I do feel like I have come around full circle and perhaps learned something on the way, it is sometimes difficult to sort out what right now in the middle of the storm.
I have been having doubts for awhile now as to what I will and should do. It is such a confusing mess with health problems and self image mixed in and broken dreams that I don't trust myself right now to make a good decision. I will keep your advice though and I may indeed need to use it, but not just yet. I really appreciate the honesty and the ability to see beyond the "don't cut the hair" response to really talk directly to me. I found that it kind of lifted a burden somewhat off of me, that this whole thing is not a big deal and that cutting it is ok and not the end of the world. I need to think on this some more but for some reason your post helps make the decision to cut it less dreadful if I need to pursue that.
Thanks Dave you have helped me see things a bit more clearly, it is time to put the focus where it truly belongs. I will surely let you all know when I have reached a decision. You rock Dave :)