new thread
My son had to cut his hair after more than 4 months of no job prospects and at this point he is going thru the en listment to the Navy. He just is not motivated to work all that much. What can a Mom do? any ideas, Guys?
Ummm... thank God he didn't join the Army or the Marines? Seriously though, if he can't motivate himeslf, the Navy will do that for him. Some people thrive under that kind of discipline because they have ability but lack motivation. It sounds like that's what you're describing.
I agree, if I were to ever join the army or navy, it would be for discipline more than anything else. Disciplining yourself is incredibly hard :/
Unfortunately, at the age he is at now I don't think Mom can really do all that much and I understand how frustrating it must be for you as well as your son.
The best thing is support. But I am sure you have given that.
Hope things turn out well in the end.
Well, there's a lot of information you did NOT give us here, like:
1) How old is your son?
2) Has he finished his schooling (graduated from college)?
3) Is he still living at home?
If your son is in his 30s, barely squeaked by even finishing high school, and STILL living at home... then I'd say you've got a SERIOUS problem here (and the sooner you can boot him out and make him grow up and pay his own rent somewhere else, the better)!!!
If, on the other hand, your son is still in his late teens or early 20s, worked very hard to get good grades in school (maybe just graduated from college), and is already out of the house paying at least some sort of rent somewhere (like even renting a small room from another family member or roommates w/ a friend)... then my answer will be much softer and more compassionate.
I only attended one year of college myself. My dad and step-mom got a divorce that year while I was away, separating my older brother and myself to unfortunately stay w/ my dad (who was an EXTREMELY difficult man to live with), --- my 3 step-brothers going w/ my step-mom. When I came home from college that year, I decided to leave home, even though still only 18 years old, and head out into the workforce. It was a difficult decision, because i enjoyed college life; but, I was highly motivated to leave that house, because i could no longer stand living with a controlling and abusive father.
There's no reason for you to have to suddenly become, "controlling and abusive" in order to help motivate your son to get up off his butt; but, my guess is that you are probably pretty soft and accommodating and making life very easy for him, because everything is too comfortable for him to feel any motivation to get out and work... am I right?
Rest assured that you are not alone with having this type of problem, as I hear a lot of parents complaining about their adult child still living at home. My guess, though, is that now that he's signed up with the Navy, the Navy itself will help you in cutting those apron strings free, --- the Navy is well-known to motivate young men into at least learning about SOME amount of self-dicipline (an understement - lol)!!
My best to you (and, when your son gets out of the Navy, I hope he grows his hair back)!
- Ken in San Francisco
My son is 19 years old and has graduated from High School and he is living in the basement in a small room off the main room as his younger brother was constantly complaining of the mess - he is a horrible slob.He had to be pushed to graduate which I did for 8 terrible weeks. His father thinks by constantly talking to him he will do the right thing until one evening I asked my husband to ask Zak what he just said. Just what I thought he had no clue and was not listening.
The Navy recruiters have bent over backwards to help me out and I told Zak if he hasn't goten a job and or going to school I will drop him off in Worcester with some money and a suitcase. Or he can enlist.
I am retired Army so I know if I can do it he can.
My youngest son is the complete opposite and he can hardly wait to get on with life and he is only 15 right now. I know that young men want to go out on their own that is normal.Zak is just a different kettle of fish and needs way more managing that is not a good thing coming from a Mom. It would just make him resent me and women in general. So that is where we are at.
Well, kids are all different, --- each one is most definitely their own unique individual!
Sounds like you're doing all you can do for now. I'm not a parent, anyway, --- so, I shouldn't sit in judgement of other people who are parents, as it is a tough job!
My best to you!!
- Ken
Maybe you are not a parent but you do have life experince and a I have a notion that older men know more about younger men than me so you imput is important to me that is why I posted here to get feed back from you all.
Well, in my opinion, reality does a great job of motivating a man to work. The Navy will straighten out his work ethic; if it does not (or he does not join), the pressures of wanting stuff and success may motivate him. It may also be that he needs to find "his" job. Working at a job that just does not fit can be make motivation hard but if he finds out what he truly wants to do (which may be other than where he has been looking) he'll also whip into shape.
On an additional note, you rock for caring about your son and his hair. Many parents of people around here are kinda "meh" about their sons' hair or are very negative about it.
Personal Testimony -- When I wanted to figure out what I wanted to do as a career, I read and did the main exercise in What Color Is My Parachute. Really cool book.