new thread
The thread is further down so I'm placing this where it's more likely to receive a few reads...
The world is full of "unfair"... always will be. What sets some people apart is how they deal with what is the ultimate uneven playing field.
Casting oneself as a victim isn't likely to garner too much sympathy. The body and nonverbal language in the presence of a "gatekeeper" in a potential employment situation is going to tell as much about an interviewee as any résumé- mostly in the form of expected behavior. If an interviewer were to voice misgivings to me about my hair length my response is likely to be a smile as I stand up and extend my hand. I'll state that I'm guessing that the interview is effectively over and thank them for their time. This is likely to have them wondering if something as superficial as hair length hasn't prevented them from adding a very productive asset to their work force while it has spared me from wasting needless time with an employer that is likely to give me grief about something very personal.
You'll never be able to effectively alter anyone's internal dialog by whining and complaining... you may be able to repress it but by opting for a combative attitude you're more likely to draw more discrimination than you are in effectively changing peoples' mindsets about a subset of the population you are representing to them.
Much of what I see from you, Otaku is anger and complaining about discrimination and while I certainly can sympathize I've long ago learned if you're going to engage society in a fight by endlessly complaining and whining about the many little wrongs that people endlessly dish out then life has the ability to outlast you by taking you on and prevailing until you no longer have any fight left. In employment situations it's very tough to prove that there was actual illegal discrimination... be sure you pick the battles you have an actual chance of winning.
people 'get away with' things because they are determined to do so and have the confidence to pull it off. whether it be wearing certain clothes, reading certain books, or having thier hair a certain way - it's all about dertermination and confidence.
i have pressure put on me all the time to look certain ways. have you seen a women's magazine lately? even in my work place my piercings and tattoos aren't exactly 'appreciated.' but because i stated that i am who i am and they can take it or leave it, i am still here five years later. i have proven myself capable of performing better than anyone else i work with, and have the client list to prove it (even though, technically, i shouldn't be handling any accounts. but certain clients have made it clear that they will work with no one else).
there are plenty of double standards that work in the favor of men. i make less than a guy i work with, even though he is lazy and is a jerk to everyone. why? because he has a penis. he gets to be part of the 'boys club' automatically and make more dough. guys get better deals on cars. (yes, i can back that up). guys get to walk around shirtless and spit on the sidewalk. (not that i want to, but i'm sure you get my point).
in the end, it's all about being comfortable with yourself first, and having the confidence to present that person to the world. having surgery won't make that happen. i used to want a nose job because i hated my big nose. once i made peace with myself (at around age 24), those feelings went away and i began to like the face in the mirror.
i may not have pressure to cut my hair for a job, but there is certainly pressure to remove the metal from my face and dress more 'girly' to get one. i may not have to cut my hair, but for some reason people still think i should have to flirt with the boss to keep my job. i may not have to cut my hair, but i still have to deal with the guys in the warehouse whistling and making lewd comment when i walk through. so what's fair?
i could sit here and write about this all say, but i'm already being long-winded. but this qoute was genious - "The world is full of "unfair"... always will be. What sets some people apart is how they deal with what is the ultimate uneven playing field."
I sympathize completely with the car deals. I remember when I was a kid with my mother when she'd take the car to a repair shop how the mechanics would always try to take advantage of her. So started fixing the family car myself before I could even drive.
I'll let you in on the male secret. All those guys harassing you are just jealous of you and women in general. Long hair, skirts makeup and all the other sensual things that women can do. All straight men have done some cross dressing. whether it's female relatives' clothes or their wives(when she ain't around of course).
So next time some creep is cat calling you just envision him sneaking into his sister's room and putting on her clothes.
I agree with Nic. Specifically, though, women are "allowed to get away" with having either short or long hair, dresses or pants etc. because long hair and dresses have long been associated with women (no problem here) and the short-haired pants-wearing women is, according to our patriarcally developed society, understandably trying to move up in rank from woman to man. But for a man (gasp!) to grow long hair or dress in an effeminate way is to weaken his societal standing. Not only is this contrary to the "natural order" of things, but it also undermines the inborn authority of "real men" in such a society.
I've heard this theory from my mother in law and I tend to believe that there could be some truth in it.
Shawn (Mr. Crow)