new thread
Hi all--
My first time posting here. I just have to vent.
First off, my hair is about nine to ten inches below my earlobe, to give you a sense of its length. I keep it neat, out of my face and sometimes tied back.
I'm just writing because I work in a very conservative town, one of those towns where it's practically shocking to wear a shirt with no collar (only a slight exaggeration). Anyway, I have to tolerate cracks about looking like Jesus/Caveman/Drug-user almost daily, and it's getting old. Seriously, I'm losing patience with it, which doesn't help anything, I know.
How can I keep my tongue from getting me in trouble? (I'm about to lace into someone over this.) Any advice from those who have been there? I appreciate anything you all can send my way.
My best advice would be to just ignore people. Standing for yourself is sometimes dificult in some environments, but if you just keep quiet about it and do your own thing people will eventually realize that there's nothing they can do to change you. If you really like having long hair, than those people shouldn't affect you...
I know it can be tricky but I wish you the best luck! =)
Hey Sampson. I'm sorry you're having to deal with slight name-calling, but I think all of us who have decided to let our hair grow have had to deal with it in one way or the other. I know that I still get the occasional "snotty" comment here and there, but I tend to just ignore it. Honestly, it's not worth your time to waste words on ignorance, so why even bother? Hope things get better for you, though.
Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you, at least PHYSICALLY.
HOWEVER, if you respond to these people, you give them power. Do not respond. Ignore them, and if appropriate use some of the one liners which have been suggested by others, but sometimes there is no opportunity for response.
Just give a haughty toss of your curls, and make sure that you go home and immediately key in a record any harassment incident with the police in your town, just in case there is a physical follow up.
It would also be appropriate if you send the same report to the state affiliate of the ACLU, address of which you can get on line, noting that you expect them to take no action unless later you report actual harm to you.
Even fools have a right to free speech, but they do not have a right to interfere in any way with your life. There is no way to prevent stupid people from taking stupid actions, but be sure there are ways to hoist their petards into prison. Make sure you have documentation.
Caledonian,
James Harrison, PhD
President
W NC ACLU
PS
I find it amazing that long haired men live and work freely here. I do no see any evidence of discrimination: in Lowes or Home Depot, In restaurants, in professions, etc. I am just astounded that there is so much discrimination in places that would look condescendingly upon us poor benighted folk in the South.
But you'd better bet your bippy, that if we found discrimination we would go after it post haste.
The best revenge to those who dish out wise cracks is to live well, be happy (what the heck... go ahead and be THRILLED, even GIDDY!!), --- and smile while tossing your mane at them next time (after all, they're probably just JEALOUS)!!
Also, rest assured that as you hair continues to grow, there will come a day when these idiots will simply "give up" on you, --- because your outrageously looooooong mane will then do the talking for you!!
Just quietly and confidently know within yourself that there is absolutely NOTHING they can do about how long you choose to grow your own hair out. If you need to say something at all, let your "gut" guide you (in other words, let your intuition at that moment of what feels most right under the circumstances tell you whether to speak or not)... If they are being rude, and/or yelling slurs, call them on it; but, in most cases, I have found that by simply staying silent, and beaming from ear-to-ear (to let them know I'm totally happy being a longhair), says it all, --- and shuts them up!
Best of luck to you in your longhair journey!
- Ken in San Francisco
I suggest that you just ignore them. You shouldn't even care what they say though I do understand sometimes it is difficult to ignore every single remark. Still, it's all in the mind you can't force them to be open-minded and supportive of everyone but they can't force you to do anything as well!
Everyone's different so there's always confrontation among the narrow-minded (those who can't accept that everyone should live the way the want as long as they don't bug others) and most often among people's stereotypes. But like I said, shut them out and enjoy your life carefree :)
Thanks to everyone for your comments. You all make a lot of sense, and I appreciate the opportunity to vent.
There's nothing going on that would require a police report or anything to that degree. I just think the daily small cracks got the better of me yesterday because someone told me (after I seemed annoyed at a joke) that it was "my own doing." In other words, someone told me that if I didn't want to hear the cracks anymore, I should just cut my hair. I thought that was lousy. Imagine replacing hair with almost any other quality, and it seems like a horrible thing to say.
I'll go on ignoring (and I like the idea of giving a big old smile in response), but it's hard sometimes. I think I'm literally the only man with long hair in the entire town, so I tend to get more attention than I'm looking for.
Thanks again, guys, for the responses. I needed some perspective.
Yeah, there's common courtesy for you. Is this town really as conservative as you think it is? Well, I guess conservative doesn't mean "close mouthed" then.
I say if they are religiously conservative, you remind them that there is no excuse for being hypocritical. If nothing else, just keep it mind, but don't tell them.
For all other cases, I see it this way: If they are selfish, clearly you have the right to be as well. Just go about your business. If you are getting harassed, report it to the authorities.
I'd say find a new job if you really can't stand it. You'll be happier and less stressed out.
~JeffL