new thread
Ok, I hope some of you have gone through this, alot of my friends don't have hair like I do, I'm 14 years old and I have mid back length hair, I know that's uncommon for most 14 year olds, and that's why I'm writing this. I was thinking of cutting my hair to my shoulders, could someone talk to me about this I really feel kind of discomforted about my hair, I hope someone can help me out. I feel kind of alone with this kind of hair, and I now it's not good, someone please talk to me. I really don't think cutting my hair would solve this.
-Josh
Hi Josh. It seems you feel a bit of discomfort about your hhair and it not being common for your age. I guess as far as that part goes you may be right, and thats because most parents don't let it go that far at that age.. But it seem you might not have that problem. I guess a few questions might be, what do others think or say at shcool? What do your friends think and others, and is this the part that may be bothering you? Or is it something totally different from your hair that may be bothering you and tha hair is possibly an excuse? I think there is alot to think about and sometime its hard to nail these things down. I am quite a bit older and have been asked in the past to cut my hair, and I have thought of it a couple times too, but at least to me I knew in both cases that cutting my hair would not solve the problem. So maybe its time to just sit back a bit and try to figure out what the thing is that is making you uncomfortable and then tackle that. Hope all is good there and take care
I remember that when I was 14 I was very self conscious about my appearance. I had short hair. I didn't know what to do with it. I tried to imitate what other guys my age did with their hair. Still, I was never satisfied. If I knew then what I know now!
Looking back on that time I now realize that my friends probably didn't pay all that much attention to my hair. They were just used to how I looked. If I had let my hair grow out gradually, they might not have even noticed the change over time. Of course, any major change like a crew cut would have been immediately noticed and would have been a source of comments.
Your friends probably just accept you for who you are, if they are real friends. If you are concerned about your appearance, why not start with how you dress yourself. Granted, I don't know what kind of clothing you like to wear now, but maybe you could try a more "formal" look. Keep your long hair, but keep it neat. Try different ways to manage it. Wear some nice hats from time to time. Experiment and see what kind of reaction you get. Just some ideas. Keep the hair. It looks good on you.
David L
Going shorter can only reinforce those who've expressed criticism at your style that they're right and will only encourage them to further impose their opinions of fashion on you. Base whatever you decide to do on what will make you happy because trying to make everyone else happy is an impossible undertaking. Good luck.
no josh.. dont let that get to your head..
you know how many 14 year olds want hair like that?
(well i would)
you're unique because you have that length of hair..
if you cut it you'll just be the same like everyone else..
with the same length.. and thats kind of boring
plus think about all that time it took you to get to that length..
i currently let mine grow for about a year?
how long have you let your hair grow>
Do not give into their criticism whatever you do. It wouldn't surprise me if deep down they were jealous of your hair. Often younger kids will be mean if they are jealous of something they don't have and are afraid to admit.
I was in a somewhat similar situation when I was about 10 years old, although it didn't involve hair. I had pierced ears and often I would get criticized by fellow kids about them, until soon after I noticed them quieting down and getting their own ears pierced.
All I can say is, your hair is what makes you unique. Cutting it just makes you another boring face in the crowd, so put those scissors back. Keep it growing and best of luck to you.
- Patrick
Thank you man, I wont cut it but I just feel alone because alot of kids are mean at my school, oh well I'll get used to it, my mother loves my hair, she just likes it neat, which I do as well. Thanks for the support, good luck to you as well.
-Josh
Pardon my language, but f**k them. Kids are ALWAYS mean in schools and they are that way for idiotic, immature reasons.
That NEVER makes them better than you if you can think above that yourself and be who YOU want to be, not what they think you should be.
It's a hard thing to live with, that I can say for certain coming from it myself ten years ago. But you should be strong and never let that dictate your life. YOU make the decisions for YOUR life, no one else.
If you like your hair, then KEEP IT! Your hair has become a valuable feature of your identity so you shouldn't cast it away like jeans that have gone out of style. That which identifies you transcends petty concepts like fashion when you think of the big picture that is your life. They are no doubt important for certain circumstances, but they do not override the importance of you as YOURSELF.
And, it's good that your mother likes it, though you must keep it "neat." But, let's face it, you do have to take care of your hair, so there's the justification for that suggestion!
Nothing like parental support. - Reinhart
Sounds like you want us to say "No, don't cut it!". It's really up to you, but it's a good idea to wait two weeks and see if you still feel the same way. Shoulder length might be more trendy for your age group, but that's something you have to work out for yoiurself.
The trend has shifted from short to 'shaggy', which means it will probably go longer, and the nature of long hair is that then only those who let it grow and didn't cut it will be 'in'. OTOH, ultimately if you have long hair you can never follow hair fashions, because they change quicker than it takes to grow it.
Kids will always be mean to eachother. I have a son your age who has shoulder length hair, and the kids at school mock his clothes. Most of them are black, and it seems to come down to mocking him for being white and (shock, horror) actually dressing like a white person. IOW, they are racists, or at least using race to annoy him. For example, they all wear their clothes too big, and now he wants to, because they make fun of him for wearing clothes that fit him. We aren't prepared to get him the latest expensive sneakers, so they even mock his shoes.
So, if it wasn't your hair, it would probably be something else. The kind of kids who like to put down other kids will do it based on clothes, race, weight, height, red hair, hair style or any d*mn?*d thing they can find that is different about you, but the problem is with them, not you.
This remind sme of an experience staying at college while attending university. A lot of the guys always questioned and attempted to humiliate me because of my hair. Once such even was during the time that "Shave for a cure" was running. Shave for a cure is when people basically pay you money to shave your head where the money is then donated to cAncer reasearch. About 10 of the guys approached me and propositioned that they would pay $50 each if i shaved my head for the event, naturally i declned. Not understanding the importanc eof my hair to my identity and psyche they guys said i was terrible in keeping my hair and depriving the children of cancer research donation. I replaied by telling them that i would also pay $50 for no reason other than reasearch and that a didnt need any reward for doing so, telling htem that they whered heartless in not donating money without any other gratification like i was.
I dunno why but your post reminded me of that occurence....most people at college got used to me pretty quick and like me or at least respect my choices.
Oh i forgot to add that a few Guys are now growing theirs and two of 3 are planning to get dreads!
Josh, the only person your hair matters to is YOU. Wear it however you want to. I know school isn't easy at your age, but try to keep your confidence and you'll be fine. Life goes on.
--
Splat
Hello Josh,
Believe me you are not alone in this situation.
I'm 18 in a week and alot of my schoolmate are between 16 and 18 , so they should be mature but they aren't. here straight long hair are tolered on men but curly hair doesn't... thats sound stupid but two longhair friend in my class with straight hair doesn't have problems but with my thick and curlish hair i get a lot of comment from "friends" or classmate ("when will you cut your hair ?" "i would like to know how you look with short hair" "why don't you straight your hair ?" ...) and stupid joke about my hair. sometime it's very hard , they don't even imagine how it's rude.
I just ignore them and try to joke about their physic too so that's i have a weapon to answer.
Cya
I do Josh... First off, because I really wish I had your lenght when i was your age. I would be at my goal lenght of classic lenght if I had. Oh well...
Regarding to your hair, first you have to think about wether you like it yourself or not. If you like your hair, then by all means, DON'T cut it...
I think that being diferent, specially in the ages between 13-16 years old, can be really harsh. I know this from experience. I've gone trough it now and I've learnt that being diferent is actually a wondefull thing.
Also, if it's only a discomfort you feel, meaning you're not being teased by your friends, then I think you have to get out of it, I mean, what's the problem of being diferent? Are every people suposed to be equal, just like robots?
No... everyone has diferent feeling and visions touards everything and the world. You've god yours and I've got mine. This is how it works. We're all diferent, and even tough some people can seem very similar (because they act that way or try to) it's just aparent, because they are diferent indeed.
Most people at your age force themselves to fit their group of friends, leading to a pattern of ideas of that group. You can take the choice of not doing that. Doing your own thing and acting the way you think is right is the best way to chose for happyness and self esteem.
Hair is just hair... there are a lot of other things that would be more serious about making you uncomfortable. Long hair is a ery beautyfull thing and you are really lucky that you could grow yours in such a young age. If you like it, take proud of it and enjoy it the most you can =)
I hope I helped... Best luck to you fella!
I felt like this for a long time.....people (usually friends and family) telling me to get a haircut and expressing their small minded views on my hair
It made me feel as if my hair was wrong (which may sound strange)
I did alot of thinking about this and came to the conclusion that I DO like my hair so ill keep it and ignore what other people think, after all its just an opinion its not a fact and they tend to stop voicing their opinion if you dont acknowledge it
So what you need to do is ask yourself if YOU like your hair
not, if i cut my hair will people stop botherering me
And if you want my more "onesided" opinion on this matter id say screw the sheeps there just bricks in the wall of conformity, when people tell me to get a haircut i just think at least im not part of their herd lol
Cheers :)
Hi Josh
I've not read any of the other posts, partly because I'm tired and I need to sleep and partly because I want to offer an uninfluenced gut reaction to your post. So forgive me if I cover old ground.
It sounds like you are struggling with conformity, you mention that you "feel kind of alone with this kind of hair" and that your kind of hair is uncommon for people of your age.
Firstly you need to acknowledge that you don't have to conform to what you think is "the norm". Being different is good, we are a society of individuals.
Second that you are seemingly privileged enough to live in a community where conforming to the norm is not forced upon you, which is a godsend, because a lot of people struggle with societies expectations of them to conform and never truely allow themselves to be who they really are.
Third, and probably most importantly, that there are undoubtedly people, (particularly your peers,) who envy your boldness and look-up to you and respect you for having the courage to be different. These people will almost only ever show themselves to you and express regret after you do something drastic like cut your hair. They won't have the courage to come up you now and pat you on the back for being different, because they don't have the strength of character to resist the urge to conform like you do. However, in time your non-conformity will be an inspiration to them and they will be future posers on this board. Wishing they'd followed your lead sooner.
Be yourself.
Sorted
Thanks man, that made me feel better.
-Josh
You'll find that as you get older and progress through high school, you'll care less and less about what others think of you. Everyone goes in, trying to be the big man on campus, thinking they're a badass and whatnot, so being oneself isn't atop the priority list. If it means putting others down to be cool, that's how teens around your age typically act.
Basically, take the high road and stick to what you have, and you won't regret a thing. Hope you stay well, Josh. =)
-James
Basically, all I can suggest is for you to listen to your heart.
If you feel that you shouldn't cut it, then DON'T DO IT. Simple as that.
Find ways to deal with any problems you may get with it and, first, believe in yourself, complete with your gifts AND flaws. You do not have to seek approval from others for your own feelings and desires unless what you want has an impact on them, and I don't believe you having long hair will impact them in any way that really matters.
And, if any "friends" bug you about your hair, put them sternly, but courteously, back in their place. It's YOUR body and YOUR hair, so why should they have any say as to what you want to do with it?
Best wishes,
Josh
No problem. The most important thing is to be true to yourself.
If you believe you feel better with long hair, keep it. If you believe you feel better with short hair, cut it.
That's what it basically boils down to. And, since you love your hair, I believe you now know what your decision is. - Reinhart