new thread
This post is mainly for my fellow Christians here.
I am Christian, with long hair.
However, in church as I look around, there is almost never a male with long hair! I feel so much a stranger and a minority when I go to churches. Anyone else feel this way?
I moved and am looking for a church now, but haven't found one.
My long hair is becoming part of the reason.
My long hair represents a spiritual lifestyle of being natural.
I am vegetarian for many reasons and I also prefer eating organic food. But you don't find that in most churches either.
I notice that they aren't usually health conscious about food: they serve coffee or artificial-type fruit drink and a sugar snack after services. Meals are meat affairs. Vegetarian or vegan is not usually planned for unless you ask.
There are two denominations that are more vegetarian (Seventh Day Adventist) or with more new age (Unity Church) openness about long hair, but they don't quite cut it with me.
Have you considered Quakers, especially Conservative Quakers? Don't let the "conservative" fool you, these are the folks who are anti-war, pro-human causes. Since they have silent worship, you can pray or meditate as you wish. If you'd like more info, PM me.
I'm Christian and I don't have a problem at all. I can't even imagine anyone having a problem at church due to hair length, unless it's partly due to the part of the country you live in.
I happen to be Roman Catholic. I'm even a member of the Knights of Columbus. I have no issue with my waist-length hair.
Maybe you're just a little self-conscious? There are probably few members of the church that even give your hair a second thought. Or maybe other denominations are a lot different?
I'm Catholic and a member of the Knights of Columbus also. I don't see many men with long hair, but we do have a few at my parish. One man is maybe 70 or so with a white pony tail down to his waist. One of the altar boys grew his out to shoulder length for a while but he must have decided to cut it. We have a small handful of other guys with long hair.
By the way this is a Tridentine parish I'm talking about. Very conservative, women wear veils, pre-Vatican II mass and all.
My hair isn't that long yet (last hair cut summer solstice of 2007) but I don't anticipate any problems at all with growing it out from priest or anyone at my parish.
RMT
Same here. I think Latin Mass folks are pretty cool about perceived eccentricities.
I have been uncomfortable in church lately about the awkward-phase hair in my face, but nobody's given me any hassle about it. One guy said I looked like a Russian monk, but from him that was a compliment. :-)
Hey,
Good to see you here.
I'm a Christian also. I think you're going to have supporters and non-supporters wherever you go. It's the world, man.
Hang in there. There are only two or three other long haired men at my church. But, it was they that I laughingly call my "long hair mentors". If you're the beginning of change, that's better than being the end, right?
DavidH
Has anyone at any of the churches ever challenged you about the length of your hair? If not, don't worry about it. Remember short hair is a preference or even part of one's identity for some as long hair is for us. You can't let differences in appearance keep you from worship.
I grew my hair out several years ago and did not receive any negative comments from my church. I can be self-conscious when visiting other churches, but there have been no comments. Don't let differences that are really external make worship an issue for you.
Just a couple of observations from your post. You say that you don't feel comfortable because you don't see other men with long hair. Unless they are criticizing you for having longer hair (which would be something real!), what is the issue? They're accepting you - it's you that's not accepting them.
I can understand the diet issues; people do tend to aim at the center instead of the fringes. Not easy for one in the fringe.
Be more comfortable with yourself. While I'm sure there are a few people who ob ject to the long hair (that's *WHEREEVER* you go; jerks are quite spread out), the nature of your post suggests that you're not completely comfortable with your own identity. You're a good person and have the right to your identity. Accept it.
That's no excuse, of course. Jesus was totally fringe!
At the risk of being repetitive, I am going to repost something from a couple of months ago that is applicable here. I hope this helps:
Posted by Big George on October 23, 2007 at 07:38:08
A little while back ChrisG wrote an eloquent post about "The Stranger", his reflections on the journey growing out his hair. Expectations he had hoped for didn't come to pass, and left him wondering if this was the right journey for him at this point in time.
Chris and I may differ on some things philosophically, but I have much respect for Chris and realize that he is fighting some battles that the rest of us may never face. I have some comments along the same topic.
I too look in the mirror and see a stranger. It has been 30 years since I have had hair even covering my ears. I look in the mirror and see this old fat fart with gray streaks running through shoulder length hair and sometimes wonder: am I making a fool out of myself?
Just to put it into perspective, I am a businessman, and was a "suit" for many years. I deal regularly with bankers and financial people, and other business people, who almost uniformly conform to the "business look". I live in a conservative community near the Johnson Space Center, surrounded by professional people; engineers, chemists, physicists, and aerospace employees. I attend a conservative Lutheran Church. In my daily environment I sometimes feel I am an aberration. I can often go a couple of days without seeing another longhair.
In December of 2004 I had a heart attack. In the ensuing months I came to realize that my priorities had been all screwed up. There were some things that I wanted to do for a long time that I let others' opinions dictate to me what I should and shouldn't do.
I have been a repressed longhair now for 30 years. I made the decision, almost two years ago, that I was going to do as I wanted. Life was too short to do otherwise. Sad it took me almost 30 years to make that realization.
I went into this journey knowing that I could grow to a certain point, maintain, fulfill my need to be different, and go back to "normal". I had repressed my desire for hair for so long I didn't realize how much I would love having hair again.
I have also reviewed Luckskind's questions, and can answer positively to each. Hair to my waist; I don't think so. Hair to midback; good chance. Hair to armpits; better believe it. Does it make me happy? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know where this journey will take me; when I started all I wanted was shoulder length so I could tail it. The farther I progress the more progress I desire. Three years from now I may be sitting on it saying I will never let it grow to my knees. I'll jump that fence when the time comes.
What I am trying to say with this rambling post is that for me each day is a new experience that I have waited a long time to be a part of. I have also been going through some stressful times recently. My mane has been a positive that has given me a pleasure no matter what the day brings. It has not changed who I am, but it sure has freed the real me.
Strange thing is that my hair is much like Chris's hair. He is several months in front of me, and I look at his progress to measure where I will be and how my hair will look in the future. I consider Chris a friend and encourage him to take his time in making decisions that will have long lasting effects. The last time I did that it affected me for 30 years.
As I have said before, it is such a simple joy that the journey brings.
Big George
...will never judge you based on the length of your hair only.
Dan, as a Christian what you should be looking for in a church is whether its teachings are Biblically based, and whether its members demonstrate Christ's love and a willingness to do His work. Whether you are the only long-haired man there and the types of snacks they serve should have nothing to do with it, and to assume that you are an outsider just because you have long hair suggests that you're not giving people a chance.
Let me tell you a story. I am Music Minister in a conservative church where none of the other adult men have hair that even touches their shirt collars. My best friend recently told me that the first time he and his wife attended our church, he remarked to her "Get a load of the Jesus-freak at the piano!" I told him I would have taken that as a compliment!
So, just be open and be yourself. If people don't accept you, that's life. But don't look for rejection where it doesn't exist.
To be honest I've never been a big fan of organized religion but
there are some denominations that are really open minded and accetping of everybody. Juli mentioned the Quakers for one. I
know a few people who attend The United Church of Christ. The
point of my response is there are places to worship that you might
not feel like such a stranger the question is are you in the mood
to go find them.
Religious beliefs are like political beliefs they span a wide
spectrum and everybody believes "they" are right and the others
are misguided. So finding a place where your comfortable can be
done.
Kevin
Once I went to a conservative, small town Baptist church when I was out of town working. Afterwards, since I was a guest (the preacher spoke to all guests afterwards), he came up to me and spoke and said in the conversation, "If I could grow hair, I would grow it just like yours!" He was bald by the way.
So the answer to your general question is no, not a stranger. The church I usually go to, I am the only adult male with hair past the collar, as someone else mentioned, but I do bear a striking resemblance to some guy who's featured in each stained-glass window along either side of the sanctuary.
Dan - I have been a Christian for 13 years. The first time I grew my hair out (8 years ago) I was a member of a Southern Baptist Church in southern Illinois. Today, with my hair past my shoulders again, I'm a member of an independent Christian church in Massachusetts. In both churches, I was not treated differently or negatively by the pastors or the members.
Be encouraged! You are not alone, and I think you can see through most of the responses to your post that if you join a church that focuses on the common bond we have in Jesus, the outward appearance just isn't all that important.
Jim
Almost everywhere you go, most people will eat meat, and most men will have short hair. Get used to it. So long as the people around you are not bigoted against you for either of those traits, just don't let it bother you, because you aren't apt to find "better than that" in most places.
"Being different everywhere you go", and "getting used to it" combine to give longhairs one of their most perceived qualities, that being easy with that scene implies that "a longhaired man owns himself". In time you will come to value being regarded like that, if you are like many longhairs.
Bill