new thread
Hey all,
Just found this place searching over Google. I'm running into a problem at my workplace. I've got very long hair, and I take great pride in it. It goes down to the middle of my back. At work, I pull it back into a ponytail. I work for a professional IT company, and up until recently, I have been doing a lot of the face to face customer support. The customers have not complained once, and many of them actually like it and think it looks good. It's become a part of my identity I've always wanted long hair, and now that I have it I love it (and so does my girlfriend). I'm moving to a new position, and I was told that I have to cut my hair to something "more appropriate".
I was surprised at how much the idea terrified me. When I was told to cut it, the look on the guy's face upset me. It's like he was asking me to do something as simple as wash my face in his eyes, but to me it's like cutting off a part of myself. I've been growing this proudly for years, and now I'm being told to chop it off or I won't get anywhere.
This is the first time I've had long hair, and it feels like it's become a part of me. I'm really agonizing over this. My background and degree are very professional oriented, but I can't seem to find a place that will accept me as I am. Any words of help?
Generally speaking - IT is a pretty long-hair friendly place. I've been in IT for over 20 years, most of which was doing contract/freelance work. I've only been growing my hair out for a bit over a year though and have had a stable job the last 4 years.
When I was doing freelance work, I always felt it important that my appearance fit in with the environment that I was working in - on the conservative side, which for me meant being careful about how I dressed and keeping a tidy "normal" haircut. However, several of my fellow freelancers felt that their position was a "creative" one and allowed them more room for expression and had long hair (and odd ways of dressing at times too).
From what I've read of your situation, you are being offered an opportunity to move "up" in your organization and part of that offer is an expectation that your appearance will conform to the "normal" of organization. What I'd suggest you first do, is look around the ranks of those you'll be joining and see if any of them have a "creative" appearance. Then go back to the person who made the suggestion that you need to cut your hair and let them know that while you're flattered with the promotion offer, you'd prefer not to have to cut your hair for it and that you feel you can present as professional appearance as the others who do a simliar job. You'll probably have to bump it up a notch with your wardrobe to satisfy them though. You'll want to avoid being confrontational.
Just because one person has asked you to cut your hair doesn't mean that it's the policy of the company. It may just be the well-meant advice of one person who can be persuaded otherwise. Remember, they wanted YOU, and you may well be fortunate enough that they'll accept your hair along with yourself. If it IS policy, get a copy and read it carefully to see what it actually says.
Finally, as my children often point out to me - "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission" - If you quietly stand your ground you may well get away with it. Nod your head and comment that you agree on how important a professional appearance is and go on and do what you want.
I hope that helps.
. . .
The key is professional appearance and behavior, including, perhaps, some adjustments in the way you wear your ponytail at work. If you dress well (maybe even dress a notch above the norm) and your hair is well-groomed and restrained (ponytail, segmented tail, possibly a neatly done braid)and act in a professional manner (avoiding an "in your face" attitude about your hair) your long hair will likely cease to be an issue.
I speak from a little bit of experience - I am a middle manager at a fairly good-sized corporation, and have never gotten any negative feedback from management about my hair. The picture above is me looking "professional" (although I'm LMAO about something in the pic)
Hope this helps.
Jim
I had grown my hair out for almost a year and a half. I had gotten to the length where it was behaving itself. I've written on the subject here before, but my business partner and I would have heated debates about my long hair and the business environment. Unfortunately, in December, 2007, I gave in and cut my hair. We met later that evening for a business dinner and he was so thankful, he picked up the dinner tab.
While halfway through the dinner, I had to excuse myself to visit the men's room. While there I noticed a gentlemen with the same hair length that I had before I had it cut, same facial shape, and even, I'm guessing, same age. Feeling pretty low about cutting my hair, I asked the gentlemen what type of work he was in or if he was retired. The gentleman told me he wish he was retired. The gentleman told me that he was a physician. And he told me something that has made me want to grow my hair out again.
The doctor told me that he may offend a few of his patients, but on the most part his patients come to see him for the service he provides -- not for his appearance. He said he doesn't even think about his long hair anymore and doesn't even take out his earrings anymore. He proceeded to lift his hair, revealing three earrings on his ear.
I agree that it's all about how you present yourself.
I can't wait to go through the "awkward stage" again.
Latino
Hi all, been a lurker for a while and this has happened where I work so thought a few words were required. When he showed up in a braid and nice clothes they seemed to not worry anymore.
Good advice from Andrew B. I will only add my recent experience
in the job market. In short Interview #1 they asked if I would
consider cutting I gave them a carefully worded neutral answer.
Interview #2 with a different person higher up and I politely declined to cut my hair but did agree to putting it up in a tail.
Interview #3 We got the offer and settled the money and the hair
was "no problem"
After 5 months I got a big raise so they must want me to stay
hair and all. Happy endings can be had just follow Andrews
advice.
Kevin
Of course this is not a new subject at all and in todays world you have several choices before you.
A. Of course you can refuse to cut your hair and remain in your current position.
B. You could ask for a copy of the employers dress code for all employees. This would ensure that the requirement to cut your hair was not from some follically challenged bigot.
C. you could inform this person that you will seek legal advise as to your civil rights.
D. You could inform mamagement that you will seek employment elsewhere.
The sad situation is, its still a bummer that ones employment and or performance is based on looks !
Dawn
If you've already been working there for a while with long hair, in your position, as an employee who has been selected for a promotion, then I suspect that the company policy does not prohibit long hair for men. If it did, you would have run into a problem before now.
Also, the reason the customers have not complained about your hair is that they are obviously seeing past that to whatever service you are performing for them and the good job that you are doing. That is the key to your defense. The fact that some like your hair is a plus.
I imagine that the manager who told you that you would need to cut your hair for the step-up told you this because that is what he beleives to be the case. Perhaps this statement was thought to be helpful advice by him when he told you that. Perhaps also, he has no idea how this suggestion has distressed you. Let's try to think the best before jumping to the worst conclusion.
I hope this can turn out well for you. If this manager is someone you feel comfortable talking to, really even if he isn't, to save your hair from a cut that may not be necessary, go and tell him a modified version of what you've said here. That you want the new position, that you don't think it's necessary to cut your hair to work in the new position, and that you want to keep your hair, as it is. If he's the kind who might understand, tell him why you want to keep your hair. (Use your discretion.)
Who knows, he, and others, might have more respect for you as an employee as someone who didn't cave like a house of cards at the first hurdle. You can be the one who sticks to some principle and stands up for himself, in a non-threatening way.
To set yourself at ease and lower the distress this off-hand remark has created, get to the root of it and see what can be done.
I will wait for you to post again and tell how this all turned out. This scenario plays out here time and again, so it is helpful for us all to know how things like this can and do go.
I did cave like a house of cards nearly two years ago, but my boss said, "Cut it or else." It sounds like your problem, hopefully, is different, less a stricture and more of a suggestion.
I'm running into a problem at my workplace. I've got very long hair, and I take great pride in it. It goes down to the middle of my back. At work, I pull it back into a ponytail. I work for a professional IT company, and up until recently, I have been doing a lot of the face to face customer support. The customers have not complained once, and many of them actually like it and think it looks good. It's become a part of my identity I've always wanted long hair, and now that I have it I love it (and so does my girlfriend). I'm moving to a new position, and I was told that I have to cut my hair to something "more appropriate".
That's because to this guy, long hair means absolutely NOTHING to him, --- and he can't possibly fathom how it could be meaningful to anybody else, either.
Conversely, I have a boss who used to be a longhair when he was younger. His easy-going nature naturally accepts and understands diversity; whereas your boss seems like he's never understood or wanted to put up with diversity to begin with.
Any way you can speak to somebody else in your company about this situation? (at least to get another co-worker's perspective, maybe...)
I liked Kevin C's & Matt B's comments below, as well as Andrew's & Belsarius's.
If I was in your shoes, I would definitely, quietly NOT cut, --- and just wait and see what the logic of events are that take place after you just calmly turn down the offer due to being unwilling to cut your hair... What's the worst that can happen? Even if you miss out on this particular opportunity to "move up", chances are that somebody in a more important position in that company (or possibly another company) will see you for your fine qualities, --- and not for the shallowness of wanting you to fit into a cookie-cutter uniform standard of appearance.
You sound like a natural-born longhair, --- meaning, that long hair is a lifetime thing for you, not just a fad, because it's part of you. Stay true to yourself, and you WILL find the right job that matches YOU!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Long time lurker first time poster,
I experienced a similar situation, first of I’m 24 and in grad school working on my PhD in chemistry. I have been growing my hair for about 16 months now and I have really curly hair, so we curly haired people have a bit more of a rough time with maintaining a clean look.
Anyway I also have a weekend job at a golf course that I have been with since high school and have been there 9 years. Well recently I guess my appearance has become an issue for them, 3 weeks ago they called me in and gave me an ultimatum, to either cut my hair to a more presentable form or to not come back. So after thinking about it for a few weeks I decided to clean myself up without cutting my hair at all, I pulled it back and decided to go into work anyway. I made 4 hours into the shift, the GM called me in and started insulting me and my hair saying it’s horrid and told me to clock out and come back with a hair cut. I tried talking to him like a human being and he just wouldn’t give me a chance to say a word so I told him off and quit.
I felt bad for the first few days but then decided it was the right thing to do, stick it to the man. Expecting someone to change their appearance because it’s not the norm is bullshit.
Curly haired people have an especially hard time because it takes forever for our hair to grow long enough where we can pull it back in a pony tail.
Some great advice from Andrew there and like him and yourself I work in IT industry and never had any issues. It jsut might be one person and I would certainly ask them to justify the comment and look at the dress code. I'm sure if it had been an issue with your employer I'm sure they would have said something by now.
Hope you get it resolved.
Cheers,
John.B
Thanks all for the words of encouragement. I stood strong on the issue, and was given a job with less face time, but the same pay. It's a more technical job, so I'm happier anyways.
I started thinking about the people who have given me trouble about my long hair, and I had a revelation. All of them had long hair themselves at one point. I think what they're disguising as professionalism is simply jealousy, or maybe they just wore it as a fad and don't get that it's a part of my identity.
Once again thanks all of you. I'm sure this isn't the last time I'll have to fight this battle, but I appreciate the encouragement.
The only way for change to come about, is if longhairs stand their ground and refuse to give in to the clean-cut mentality. It takes just one person at a time to foment the change in attitudes, hopefully the next generation will be more tolerant, and hair length will no longer be such an issue for employment.
Carol