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I have a perplexing problem.
I've been married 20 years now and have waist length hair.
My wife wants to me to get a hair cut but not a a buzz cut.
She wants it about this lenght:
Sirrius Black in the Order of the Phoenix.
Any suggestions?
My wife says the same things, only it's "Why don't you cut your hair like Jon Bon Jovi? It would still be long" Well I just let her know thats not what I want but thanks anyway. I think she gets the idea, but she'll still brings it up time to time.
Bruce
I've never been married. This kind of thing must be tough!
Obviously, be very honest about what YOU want.
If you did give in, can you pull off that look?
Maybe you'd be willing to compromise--say, mid-back, but I would think long and hard about choosing to essentially go back to the awkward stage!
Good luck!
Tell her you'll cut your hair if she loses weight. You'll take off one inch every time she loses another twenty pounds. Your hair will probably regrow faster than she can lose weight. [grin]
Bill
Spot on! This is actually the best advice.
If she wants you to cut it for her, because she wants you to. Then you should get something in return. It´s only fair, right?
Be yourself and do as YOU please.
I'd be concerned if after so many years together you can't communicate about issues like this one in a friendly way. My husband and I use humor to prevent differences from becoming a problem. Perhaps it would work for you too so here is my suggestion- humor her. Get a hair cut. Just one strand that is, *a* hair. Of course you can kindly let her know the length of the other hundred thousand or so hairs are not negotiable.
Do try to find out her reasoning for the haircut request though. It might be coming from any number of solvable directions including the hassle of getting tickled by your hair at night as it creeps over to her side of the bed or she gets family flack for having such an unusual husband. Maybe she just has a Gary Oldman crush and you can convince her you already look like him in Dracula- the younger self with wibbly hair, not that ancient interesting but odd white hair double beehive with stunning long braid. Um, moving along from my happy meander...
She's your wife, talk to her about it. Even if you don't cut it like she requests you'll probably still get points for having the discussion with her about it. Listen, show you care about what she's thinking, but stand your ground.
Elizabeth
Explain to her that long her is you and that she should not make such demands. Failing that ignore her demands.
Yes, my suggestion would be to find out why she suddenly wants you to cut your hair. And don't cut it unless YOU want to!!
...makes you unhappy then you better do some serious thinking because
as long as she remains unhappy you will feel guilty about your hair. And as long as she is dissatisfied with your hair you
will be bothered by the 'situation' you find yourself in.
If you are unhappy because of your hair--even if this unhappiness
is caused indirectly by your wife's unhappiness--then YOU will
have to decide which is more important to you.
She has had 20 years of your long hair, perhaps it's her turn?
Good Luck
I couldn't disagree more. It's HIS hair not hers. What right does she have to pressure him or make him feel undesirable or insecure? He has carte blanche here as his hair is a part of HIS body. How would she feel if the situation was reversed and he was pressuring her to change her appearance?
It's HIS hair and it never should be "HER turn".
It seems very suspicious to me that it has become an issue with her after 20 years...something appears to be up and my guess is that it ultimately has nothing to do with the length of this guy's hair.
Have you ever been married? Marriage is about listening and sharing with your partner. Are you suggesting that she should not share her desires with him? That is not the basis of a good union.
Marriage is all about compromises. I surely hope their bond is stronger than the subject of hair.
Well, I guess I have have to go back to what he said in his original post.
The operative words seem to be "My wife wants" and "she wants" not "I want" (whatever that is).
Hair is a part of a person's body. And for a man to have the commitment to grow his hair to his waist (six years on average for most of us) we can reasonably assume that it means a lot to him.
I wasn't responding to him but to a comment from another poster that maybe it was "her turn" after 20 years.
My point is that if it's a part of a person's body, no one else should pressure another, not even a loved partner, to part with it.
If something belongs to a person, and if that part that belongs is of that person's body, there is no compromise, in my opinion. The partner may express their preferences, but the person who owns his or her body has every right to say "NO" if that's what that person wants.
Taking turns should be about things that are lie between people...not things that are a part of them.
Give her a taste of what that hypocritical movement of the 1970's said to men when men tried to control womens bodies: Tell her: "I'm not going to let a women control me or parts of my body."
Dust, was it a one-off comment, "Gee, I wonder how you'd look..." or has she mentioned it more than once? If she's just wanting a bit of fantasy-roleplay, then a wig would suffice. If she's putting pressure on you, then as a woman I give you permission to play the below-mentioned "my body, my choice" card.
This is probably why I have not pursued in finding a mate for me. My last relationship ended in me dumping my girl friend as she wanted to change me, and the hair was first on the list. :-( Hard to say if I will every find that perfect someone...
So ask your wife if she'll shave her head like Snead O'Conner
and see what she says. Being married for 20 years things must get
pretty predictable and boring so if she fancies the Character
Serious Black then you facny Snead O'Conner and her bald head.
Or Sigouney Weaver in Aliens 2, whichever works.
Anyway I say forget it.
Kevin