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my friends my grandmother has come to me with a proposal. she has offered to buy me a new car to replace my rust bucket if i cut my hair. she was completely serious. of course i told her no but its eating me up inside :{ [ has this ever happened to any of you??????
Glad you stood your ground.
Fast forward a few years. You'll have enough money to buy whatever car you want and your grandmother will be pushing up daisies.
In the intervening years, you can offer your grandmother a choice: she can like you the way you are (as a longhair), or you can just ignore her (don't visit, call, write, etc).
That may sound equally mean, but I've found it to be an effective way to deal with disapproving parents/grandparents.
Ed
Long story short:
Many moons ago, my grandmother told me that I could have the $1,000 she gave to each of her grandchildren upon graduating from high school, provided that I cut off my then-long hair. I refused. A week or so later, having realized how hurt I was by what seemed to be a "condition" she had placed upon her love for me, my grandma wrote me a heartfelt letter of apology. She explained that "of course" she loved me, and that she felt badly about having hurt my feelings. She just thought that I was "such a nice looking young man," and that she hated to see me diminish my appearance by wearing my hair long. She gave me the same gift she gave to all of her grandchildren, for which I was extremely grateful, and the issue of my hair length was never again discussed between us.
We had always been extremely close, and remained so despite this, the only "bump in the road" she and I ever had to negotiate. My grandma passed away about 5 years later, and I had no doubt that her love for me was absolute, as I'm sure your grandmother's is for you, Kal. Generational gaps can be a real bugger, especially when what's in your "best interest" is in question. Stick to your guns and be respectfully honest with your grandma about how this makes you feel. I hope it all works out okay for both of you.
--Val
Wow ! That just floored me ! I really like Val's story and hope your's goes that way.....
Good Luck
WWT
Wait...any car you want?
Dude, it'll grow back in no time! :)
My solution is this: Keep your hair and buy your own car. You will feel much better in the long term. When people buy you things they will naturally expect things in return. It's kinda like when a man buys a woman a drink. Well, that may be a little different, but, the principle is about the same.
jeffrey.
I would be insulted by that,and probably would say "if thats the way you think about me ime off" and wouldnt go back untill i got an sincere apology.
Not for my grandmother, not for my mother, not for my wife; not for a car, not for blackmail.
Be your own person. It is your character, your choices, your strengths that will make you the person that you are, that you want to be. No one should try to change your character(istics)
by "buying" you, your personality is being challenged with cash. If you gave into this, what else might you be tempted to "sell" of yourself in the future? You strike me as being a much stronger person than that. Good luck to you. Jonathan.
Naaaaaaaaa, a new car is just a pretty piece of metal with wheels. They're always hungry to be filled up with expensive gas, anyway, --- and then there's the car insurance, the constant repairs, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah... so not ever worth it, in my opinion. Tell her you'll be fine taking the bus, thank you very much!
Now, if this was MY grandmother, and the offer from her was to buy me a house... Well then, the average house in San Francisco being worth around a million $$$.... hey, in that case... i WOULD seriously consider it!!! (Hey, we all have our price, --- and I'm a renter in this city, so home-ownership would mean a lot to me!!!)
Someday if I ever grow up to be a rich grandmother (unlikely I'll ever get to be either, though, especially the latter - lol), I plan to say the following to all my grandkids: "OK all you kids, you have a choice: either you grow your hair loooooooooooong, which will make your dear old Granny very proud & happy, --- or, your fat check goes back to the bank!!!"
Yep, I'd be just as manipulative (lol)!!
- Ken
Oh, you could be my grandmother any day. Rich or poor, I don't care. Even if you were poor, you'd still give me a little toy car to keep my hair long and I would take it!
My grandmother once said her biggest wish for christmas is that i cut my hair(no car or house was offered).i told her that i like my hair and she should choose something else.
Oh the old parental blackmail and if I were you I would stick to your guns and not be taken in by her. Luckily I had to lovely sets of Grandparents and they were of the opinion do and do things that you want in life and not be stopped by others with opinions and also things they could not have done.
I hope that helps mate.
Cheers,
John.B
Tell her you want one of these.
It will cost even more than Kens house.
http://www.bugatti.com/en/veyron-16.4.html
That car truly looks like the Batmobile, I'm certain the price tag matches.
Ed
...you can send Grandma and her scissors to my place tonight !!
that's the most amusing thing i've heard recently :D
i wonder why hairlength of men bothers other people THAT much :P
It has to be upsetting to be confronted with the creative ways that people express disapproval for what is essentially a personal choice/style. As much as it is disrespectful of your right to make your own decisions I doubt that is the intent. It does suggest she's desperate to effect conformity- she's willing to bribe you into wearing a hair style she likes. I'm sure her motivation is a well meaning if misguided concern for what's best for you. For that reason it's extremely important that you not respond to her with any anger or resentment. Heed what Validus wrote... what he described is probably pretty close to what your grandmother feels. It's best not to endanger what could be a wonderful relationship by making something into s an issue that it wasn't to begin with.
I also agree with Val. Your grandmother loves you dearly, but she probably grew up in an era where long hair was not only discouraged, but unseen! My own mother in law (75) is one who I know is of that mind set. I love her as much as my own mother and she has never said as much, but I know that if she thought she could influence me in such a way, she would. It would not mean she rejects me, but that she only wants what she believes is the best for me.
Bruce
hello everyone! thanks for all the support :{ ]. i thought id follow up with a little background info on my grandma, my relationship with her and of course her proposal. i am not only an only child BUT an only grandchild. i am her only grandson so IMO her need for me to conform is multiplied 10 fold. my parents took a while to come around with the longhair but my grandmother has yet to do so which is not surprising. she took care of me every day and practically raised me. we have a great relationship despite the long hair she often kids me about. thats where her proposal came from. she was joking around with me about it trying to convince me to cut it. and i foolishly said "yea if you buy me a new car". i should have known better, she ran with it and completely agreed to buy me a brand new car of my choosing. i of course wasn't expecting that and immediately turned her offer down. i felt the need to post a little clarification because when i re-read my post it sounded like something out of the godfather where my grandmother had come to me with this offer out of the blue or if she was holding it over my head like she had been planning to buy me a car but since i had long hair she wasn't going to. so i guess shes not completely to blame it was mere joking that was taken to seriously. not that it still doesn't eat me up she was completely ready to. but my hair takes priority it is part of me. to be honest i was quite surprised i turned her down. it makes me feel like a real long hair. thanks again to everyone on the board and everyone who replied to my post i really appreciate it all. take care everyone :{ ]
Ah, the plot thickens!
Well, if she really has the extra resources and is willing to use them to help you out that is really admirable...but not if she is using it to unnecessarily manipulate you.
An incentive to not smoke, etc. is a little different than an incentive to adjust your looks to her personal preference...she DOES want you to be an adult who makes decisions for yourself, right?