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I have to go visit my ultra conservative Dad soon and he cannot tolerate my long hair (which is why I don't see him very often).
Does anyone know of a way of concealing long hair by wearing a wig? I know that it is done in the movies sometimes. It has been nearly two years since my Dad has seen me and he will completely freak and insist I cut my hair which I don't want to do. Thanks for any suggestions about the short hair wig idea, Johnnie
You shouldn't be afraid for him to know you are growing your hair out. It was the same with my parents, so I just threatened I'd run out if they cut it.
I didn't know the answer myself, but I found this thread on a forum for cosplay (people who dress as manga characters, etc):
http://forums.cosplay.com/archive/index.php/t-4799.html
It seems to be important to wear a wig cap under the wig, but they have multiple different ways of securing the hair itself under the cap, often involving multiple braids wrapped around their head or multiple buns. Someone with four braids or four buns would look weird when they took their wig off!
It all depends on how much hair you have and whether you already know how to do braids or buns? We can help you with that part, but we need more info.
Back in the 70s most guys had hair that was considered to be of illegal length under the long hair ban that existed in Singapore at that time, so AFAIK (I've never been there) a lot of businessmen visiting that country wore short haired wigs to hide their hair! OTOH, typical haircuts were still less than shoulder length, so I imagine most of them could just stuff their hair under a wig cap without doing anything special. Time moved on, and at some point Singapore ditched their silly law (hurray!) and most businessmen cut their hair shorter (boo!).
I found this thread on a forum for cosplay (people who dress as manga characters, etc):
Dear Elektros, THANK YOU for your information. Very helpful - as I was wondering how to compact my hair under a wig. Johnnie
He doesnt sound like much of a conservative to me.
Agreed.
~JeffL
Feel free not to reply, but I can't help asking:
How old are you?
Why do you grant a father you haven't seen in 2 years this degree of control?
Does he really have the authority to force you to cut your hair?
Would it be worth it to him, to damage what must already be a strained relationship even further, by not accepting you for who you really are?
If so, would it be worth it to you, to alter or hide who you really are for a person whose love is so conditional?
I say just be yourself. Tell him, honestly, what you think and how you feel, then take it from there. In the end, you will be better off for having been true to yourself.
--Val
Hello Val, Your comments are very good. I'm glad you brought them up. My guess is you are less than half my age! Don't laugh, but at my age (58) I come from a generation where everything from having long hair to being gay really caused problems between many fathers and sons. Presumably you have a father who is either around my age or younger so that he grew up in the 1960's or so. My Dad seems similar to what I've read about the fathers of other older members of this site. In fact, I know of several cases where parents quit speaking to their sons because of long hair. Or worse, "disowned" them. I know this sounds extreme and perhaps hard to believe, but it's true. However I totally respect your thoughts and suggestions.
Best, Johnnie
Hi Johnnie,
Yup, I'm 31. My Dad is 67, born in 1941. He's also an old Marine, a retired forester, and a self-described "redneck." As you might guess, he wasn't exactly thrilled when, immediately after graduating high school in 1994, I allowed my hair to grow long.
I understand and appreciate your position, but still respectfully submit that, in my opinion, honesty is the best policy. If you aren't being loved for who you really are, are you really being loved? If not, what have you got to lose?
I truly wish you--and everyone else facing these sorts of difficult decisions--the very best.
--Val
Hi Johnnie,
I've already replied to your wig post below; but, this thread clarifies what you are going through.
Just as a helpful measuring stick, here's a quick summary of my relationship history w/ my own ultra-conservative father;
1) mandatory crewcuts every summer for me and my 4 brothers (until I had a near nervous break-down when I was in mid high school, and he only required military-looking short hair from then on in summer, --- in other words, the way us kids looked anyway the rest of the calendar year...
2) I left home at age 18, in order to get away from him and his rules (fully realizing that this meant I could no longer ask for his monetary help in anything, --- including letting go of continuing with my college education.
3) Although he saw me w/ SLIGHTLY "longish" hair before he died (he died when I was 22 years old), --- and I'm only talking about hair that only covered the tops of my ears, w/ my bangs mostly only to eyebrow-level --- I totally understand and empathize with your situation...
With ultra-conservative, stubborn, unyielding, uncompromising, closed-minded mentalities like my father or yours, there usually seems to be only 2 main ways of dealing with them:
1) PRETEND to placate to their way of thinking / beleiving / living (by staying quiet, looking as non-controversial as possible, making as few "waves" as possible, etc...), or;
2) COMPLETELY SEVERING any need to have to stay in contact with them.
At age 18, for example, I did #2 (even at the risk of knowing he might remove me from his will)... BUT, if I had to do life all over again, believe it or not, i MIGHT actually chose #1!!!! If your father is a ripe old age, let's say, and you would risk losing an inheritance of any significant value if you were to openly reveal your long hair on your head... then if it were me, I'd DEFINITELY wear a short-haired wig!!!! I'm sure that some who are reading this might be SHOCKED at what I'm saying here (especially considering that I live my life VERY openly as not only a longhair; but, also as a gay guy in San Francisco).
When you've had to live with an EXTREMELY controlling father all your life, there is no other way to break free from that control, other than by one of 2 ways:
1) OPENLY & RADICALLY SEVER THE TIES (which, the longer in life this has been a part of one's pattern in the relationship, the more stressful and painful and difficult it is to do, --- and the more there is the risk of something lose... like, inheritance $$, for example!!!);
2) WAIT FOR THAT PARENT TO DIE. Period. (Sad as it is to say it that way....)
Neither choice is actually "easy", --- both can have very painful and miserable outcomes. I had a very close friend named Doug who died of AIDS in the early '90s, for example, who came out to his parents that he was gay, right after he finished college, --- and he came out to them BEFORE he had even experienced his first sexual experience with another guy! His parents immediately disowned AND disinheritaed him. Doug was about the nicest, kindest, most honest man I had ever met in my entire life; but, he simply felt it was an issue of HONESTY to tell his parents what he was going through.
Interestingly, after Doug was kicked out of his parent's house in NY state, his ultra-conservative, religious aunt & uncle were willing to take him in and let him live with them in Kansas... That uncle (by marriage), a "pillar" of their church, later revealed to Doug that he regularly cheated on his wife (Doug's aunt), making it w/ other guys, --- and THEN made a pass at Doug!!!
Needless to say, Doug left Kansas immediately, and decided to move far, far away from ANY of his family, by starting a whole new life for himself in Northern California...
What does any of this have to do with hair? Well, controlling parents are simply NOT palying "fair", --- so, whether they try to dictate hair length, or whether they try to dictate who you marry; EITHER WAY, it's always a good idea to remind yourself that WHATEVER YOU DECIDE, that you will NOT be "evil", regardless! So, if you decide to protect yourself by telling a bigoted, controlling father a, "little white lie".... Then I say: have FUN wearing that wig, --- and just know that years from now.... the last laugh will be YOURS (and all the way to the BANK)!!!
- Cash-strapped Ken in San Francisco
Hello Ken,
My eyes welled up when I read your compassionate letter about the similarities of our situations. I so much appreciate your thoughts, suggestions and - as always - your terrific sense of humor. Throughout most of my life I chose your "#1" solution which was to stay quiet and not make waves. The exception was in my twenties when I stayed away from home for three years and had my first joy of long hair. Now at age 58 (me, not my Dad!) and my Dad at 92, I am joyfully growing the hair again. As you wisely (note 'old guy' allusion LOL) suggested, I'll try and have fun with the wig. Even if I buy one that is relatively "natural" looking, I'm sure it will as ridiculous on me as yours does when it covers your extraordinarily beautiful hair. Thanks again for your kindness and thoughts. Johnnie
Hi Johnnie,
Sorry to hear that your Dad is that focused on your hair as it seems like it should be the least of his worries.As long as you are a decent person,which I'm sure you are,why should he care about how you wear your hair.
Ok now on to your question.If you just want to hide your hair while in his company I would just tail your hair,pull the tail over the top of your head and place a baseball cap over it.Then depending on your hair length just tuck the loose end up the side of the cap and voila! instant shorthaired look!Then when you leave after seeing him pull the cap off and let the longhair flow:)Quick and very simple as I do this for work every day.Hope this helps and let me know how you make out with the visit.Mark
Other than the comments already posted all I can add is make it a short visit. Not trying to be funny but I agree with Vals comments and granted I assume he's near 80 and when one gets old one gets harder to reason with. Look at me I'm half that age and I'm hard to reason with. LOL
All you can do is be respectful and polite maybe tell him you'll go get it cut next week and maybe you won't see him for another two years.
Kevin