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As we go along living our everyday lives doing whatever it is we do, how are we percieved? I know myself I usually hardly give it a thought
However,I remember being stunned one time, when my boss came to me and said, it was said that some of the women in the law firm where we have you working feel somewhat intimidated by you. I was really blow away! I do printing for a major company and we run sites supporting other big companies. I told my Boss really! everybody seems to like me, please explain what you mean. He said " well it's been mentioned that with your long hair and facial hair that some of the women you do work for may feel a litle intimidated by you.
Guys I am such a peacful hippy, that really made me think. We usually dont give it a second thought but how are we percieved as Long Hairs.On the other hand I believe it also works the other way sometimes.At times people are overly nice to me for no reason. I wonder why and then it comes to me, ah they must be drawn to me because of my long hair
I dunno, am I analysing this too much? Does anybody have any thoughts on this subject?
Todd B.
Hi, i have shoulder-length hair (usually on a ponytail), a small beard and a moustache, im 21. I go to school with my hair on a ponytail and when my new class looked for the first time to me they thought i was a junkie. Later when we started talking and knowing each others they told me that, they still dont believe i smoke weed or something despite the fact that i have told them that i dont. Its not a bad thing since they dont care and treat me like everyone else, but its strange.
On the other hand, I've met "normal" people who've been surprised that I don't take drugs, and have admitted that they do. You just can't tell.
I know what you mean Nick. For the younger people relating to each other it is a whole different dynamic.It's kinda strage, like everybody has to choose what they want to be. A stoner, a goth, a jock, a prep it's so comical to me.
Just like in the 60's and 70's we get judged. If you look a certain way you must get high on at the very least smoking weed. You do have to admit though the stereotype is usually pretty on the money. Even myself, I saw a chick on that show Rock of Love, where the ladies are trying to win the affections of Brett Michaels from Poisin. The chick had a mohawk, tattoo's and piercings all over her body but was the most straight, prudish girl I had ever seen. Even I was fooled by that one.......hahahah
I think different people perceive longhairs in different ways. I almost think it's a case by case thing. Some people instantly equate long hair to negative things. Some older people equate "hippie" with negative aspects. Some people see long hair as associated with wisdom, strong character, being one's own self, and such. Some women think it's sexy; some are turned off by it. The same goes for beards. Lately, I can't think of a situation where I was received any differently for having longer hair than not. I do get people calling me sir and holding doors for me; maybe it's just because I'm a little older. One thing about short hair as a male is that it seems to make one more quickly accepted in some settings; however, if one can't live up to the perception, then that's no good either. Where am I going? What I'm getting at is that as a lengthening long hair, I've found it takes longer for someone you meet, a business associate, co-worker, etc. to warm up to you, but then if you prove yourself a good guy, show your skill, or do good work, in any setting, that is, if you demonstrate you're no different and even better than the short hair across the hall or in the next desk, then anyone with any sense isn't going to treat you any differently or perceive you any differently than the next guy. At least that's what I'm hoping. In the past that hasn't always been the case, as I've worked for folks who no matter how good my work was, I still had long hair they wanted cut. At my job I quit, one higher-up admitted to me that the reports I was writing were the best he'd ever seen, yet the guys who made the decisions couldn't get past hair touching my shoulders. Amazing and sad.
But I don't think you're over-analyzing. It helps to have a good grip on and perception of what constitutes human interaction. It's a very complicated thing, and it has the capacity to shape our lives for better or worse. As for me, I keep on finding lately that just being as good as I can be at whatever I'm doing and as friendly, etc. clears the way of any negativity that having longer hair might happen to bring my way. I hope this trend continues.
I hope too that your long hair never again presents a problem. I just wonder why these women were "intimidated?" Sounds a little irregular. Maybe they were really just jealous because you had better hair than them! I bet if they'd taken the time to get to know you that any negativity or intimidation would have dispelled instantly.
MB
Thanks MB for your insightful comments. As I said in anotheer post I believe it was an unscrupulous co-worker who used my Long Hair in a way she thought "The Boss" would relate to, and knock me down a few pegs. It really hurts that people would use something like that against you. I guess some things never change.Theres always the good along with the bad. I am the Front man/ Lead Vocalist of an Allman Brothers Tribute Experience. When I go into a Venue and step up to the Mic with my Long Blond hair and beard, the acceptence I get is fantastick!
A first impression may almost always be visual, but a more lasting impression, I believe, is how a person speaks and how they walk or carry themselves (which I know is also visual, but people tend to zero in on how a person is dressed and how they wear their hair first). Good posture and a non-aggressive stance, a respect for personal space, articulate speech and good eye contact usually make an impression based upon a person's personal taste in style and attire fly out the window.
I notice that your boss said some of the women "may be" (as opposed to "are") intimidated by you. That's seems a weird choice of words. Did someone say something specific?
Brother you are very perseptive. That is a great question. That was exactly how it was presented to me, and why I immediatly took it as Bull Crap!
Actually there is a very small minded Woman there who is my Co-Worker she was appointed lead at that account. I transfered from another region and I get sent there from time to time. I have vastly more experience than this woman and I believe she is intimidated by that. My thoughts were that she set me up to our Boss with some very unspecific comments. I knew by the way it was presented that it was a set up. As I said before; the Women there that I did work for were very friendly with me, would stop in to chat about things like, where they could see my band playing and so forth. I seriously doubt anybody said anything but, this small minded woman used my appearence as a Long Hair to try and score point for herself and take some away from me. I know many people had made comments to me about the excellent work I do, and the comments probably got back to her. I don't believe she can stand anybody other than herself getting credit for a job well done. It's just sad that she chose to use my long hair as a negitive. If it wasn't that I'm sure she would have found something else.
Thanks for your great question, it gave me a chance to vent about something I didn't even realize still bothered me
Todd
Yea dude, I get that intimidating stuff a lot. Probably why its so hard to get a nice date every now and then.
I think its basicly outside some peoples comfort zone to see long hair on a man, despite how cool, edgy and hip people think they are, they really aren't any different from the older generation with all the prejudices that went before. But we are strong in our resolve to grow out our hair, be different, and hold our heads up high despite the abuse we sometimes receive, and that inner strength unsettles some people.
~ Dave
The company where I work is pretty diverse so that people are used to seeing people who look different from themselves. Appearance has never been a problem for me at work.
Actually, the whole area where I live is very diverse.
Most reactions I receive are out of curiosity, amazement, or envy. I too notice that on occasion, strangers are unusually nice to me. I'm not sure why.
Ed
Personally, I don't give a rats ass how I am perceived. If they don't like it, it's their loss.
Todd;
I am so glad you brought that up as I have been thinking about sharing the opposite phenomena happening to me. Since I have had long hair, I have noticed that women cashiers and women customers in line have been striking up conversations with me. I thought this was just my imagination until I started taking notice. When I am shopping, almost always some women will make a comment about what I am buying, what I am wearing, weather or something. I think in my case long hair make me less intimidating (sort of a cute puppy-dog look ! HA!)
Thanks for a good topic
Walter White Tail
I have seen it go both ways too. I am over 6 and a half feet tall, so I've suspected my stature intimidates people more than my hair, but I do notice it sometimes. A lot of women sometimes have a hard time making conversation with me, but after a while they're comfortable and I can tell it's more to do with intimidation than it is to do with not liking the hair. The same goes for guys, but I notice a much bigger difference! Guys with military cuts are usually aggressive when I meet them, guys with shorter hair are intimidated, and guys with longer hair are usually very nice and open towards me. I just ran into a bagger at a grocery store the other day who gave me a comment about it, and told me he'd tried a few times to grow his hair as well!
I think NuttiDave is right on track. People are intimidated by those they perceive as confident, self assured, etc. I have been told many times that I intimidate people before I grew out my hair; simple because of the above and the fact that I am not afraid to speak my mind. Most who grow long hair have that self assurance, and the image combined with the self confidence sometimes overwhelms others.
Intimidation in itself is not a bad thing; it's how you handle it that can make the difference.
