new thread
Bad times have come upon me. My father just took away my internet priveleges for 2 months, and is going to try and make my mother cut my hair tonight.
I'm probably going to get kicked out tonight because I refuse to let my father make me cut my hair. I hope to be able to post soon.
Best wishes,
Bill S.
What is this...what the...come on. This sounds so bad I cannot comprehend this. The anti-longhair on males thing is so widespread and so deeply rooted into psychology or whatever it makes me sad. Ugh. I hope you get out of this situation the least painfully.
This is seriously fucked up. What will you do if they kick you out? How will you manage?
I hope everything works out for you.
Stand your ground, Bill. Do not give up and never surrender your hair. I hope you work things out, I really do.
Hegg
This sure seems unfair to me. It sounds like your father is a real control freak. Perhaps leaving would be a good choice. As soon as you turn 18 he will no longer be able to choose what length your hair should be. Can you stay with friends or other relatives who are longhair friendly until you are 18 years old? If you can hold them off until you are 18 years old, you will win this battle. It would be a terrible setback to lose maybe 2 years of hair growth.
Scott
As a long time lurker and infrequent poster maybe I have no right to give you some advice, but here it goes. You have two options. You can either cut ties with your parents if you legally an adult and in doing so destroy a parental bond over hair. Or you could simply accept their decision and just get it cut. Now I am aware that this may go against every fiber of this board's being, but you need to ask yourself if you really want to end the relationship you have with your parents over something as trivial as hair. Whether your parents are right or wrong to force you to cut your hair is irrelevant at this point. Fanaticism over long-hair is fine up to a point but not when it jeopardizes a familial bond. Your hair will always grow back especially when you do decide to move out when you are ready. Creating a rift between you and your family oftentimes never fully heals until decades later. Bear in mind that 98% of this board will tell you not to listen to what I have said and you may choose to do the same, but as a person who has seen the full effects of what petty issues can do to a family I felt that I needed to give you a warning before you take the action of valuing you hair more than your family.
I'd rather say his parents need to ask themselves if they really want to end the relationship with their son over something as trivial as hair.
Shouldn't we also address if this issue between you and your parents is only about the hair or if there might be some underlying issues of which hair is just one aspect.
Right.
I had similar issues with my parents, but I was older and they weren't so drastic; but everyday there was a discussion, they said I was disgusting, I looked like a criminal, a homeless and so on. Every and every day. And my hair was half the length it is now.
However, I can swear it was only about hair.
Now I'm 30, I'm married and finishing a PhD, but still they can't accept my hair, we can't talk about that or we would discuss -and not in a friendly way. My mother is firmly convinced I won't ever get a job if I don't cut my hair, and that one day I'll have to decide whether have a trim (and she means a "standard man's cut", i.e. earlobes) or end up begging.
But everyone is different, and I don't know other situations.
I only try to give what I think is the best advice.
An unfortunate situation to find yourself in Bill, and no easy
answers or advice. We can only hope you and your parents can come
to some sort of middle ground although based on your description
that doesn't seem likely.
Knowing nothing of what your parents are like I can't give you any
advice on how to handle them. All I can say is stand your ground
as much as possible even to the point of them kicking you out. Call
their bluff on that. As your not 18 yet that may be illegal, child
endangerment or something.
As for concept of familliar bond and relations decades from now.
Do you really want a close bond with such controlling parents.
My guess is throughout adulthood you may want to keep your
parents at arms length as that controlling element doesn't
vanish when you turn 18 it takes on more subtle forms.
Good luck
Kevin
That's a good point!
I think all parents are controlling, sort of like dogs trying to establish dominance; and as that's my job, I see it a lot.
As dogs get older, younger dogs try and move their spot up in the pecking order of the pack.
I never got mess about hair, but I did get it even recently for taking on a black man as bass player for my band. But that's how many of the old-world Italians are. You can't change them, and since this is not TV, they probably won't change, either. Esp. not in the most convient half-hour time slot.
So my solution??
Never tell them anything. Hello, and see you later. Keep the wine bottle close by for holidays, and stay drunk enough to listen to the mess, but not too sober or too drunk enough to HAVE to comment on stupid/irrational bs. and when you've had enough, go home.
It doesn't get better for a lot of people even as they're grown.
Well, I've nothing to add to what has been said. I'm quite speechless.
If you cut your hair because of them, you'll be hating them every day for making you do so, and maybe end up leaving anyway.
If you manage to leave somehow, they may understand it's not only about hair, it's about freedom and individuality and strength in mantaining your positions.
Best wishes, from my heart.
Alessandro
I don't know the answer for your problem but I sincerely hope
it works out all right for you. Good luck!!
As I mentioned to a poster below who is facing a similar situation regarding his university, you are at the point where you have to make a value judgment here.
I don't know how old you are, or how much responsibility you have been given. Before going any farther I would make a real attempt to sit down with your parents and have a heart to heart talk with them over your priorities. The better grades you have, the more you do to help them around the house, the more leverage you will have to get your point across.
Should that not succeed then you have a decision to make. I have gone the strained family route, and wished there was a way to change directions. In my case there wasn't.
You will be gone from home before too long anyway. Your situation may require you to cut your hair to be able to coexist until you do leave. At that point you will be free to do as you choose without the conflict you are now experiencing.
I wish the answer were simple. It's not. It comes down to how big this battle will be, and is it worth the fight at this point in time.
I wish you the best either way you decide.
George
Oh god not again! Remember Peter cried wolf!
Cheers,
John.B
My thoughts exactly, John. ;)
--Val
And mine as well.
Justin~
That leaving your home is not the right thing to do. Weather your parents are long hair friendly for guys, you will need them for the rest of your life, as most people do I guess. Still, what your father is doing is awfull, so stand your ground. I had a similar situation last year regarding other issues, and turning your back off is not the right thing to do. If talking doesn't work, simply don't talk at all, and be sure to make them know how sad they're making you.
I don't really know what more to say... I hope everything turns out alright. Good luck fella...
would your parents really REALLY do that to you because of your hair lenght? :(
Speaking as a much older person, I know how you feel...no one ever gave me mess about my hair, but I still get mess about how I live my life, and I'm 36! I just go downstairs to my own house (my family owns an apartment building), and problem solved...but for many years, I was in your situation.
That's kind of how parents are; I think. I don't think they mean any real harm, but someone famous once said "The most harm in the world is caused by those who meant well."
If you have to cut it for your living situation, well, hair grows back...unless you have a place to live, sometimes, unfortunately, that's how it goes.
Please remember that you can use the internet in any public library, and save your money. Where I live would cost a thousand dollars a month, IF you were living in a dump.
BUT the good news is; break it down, that's only 33.3 dollars a day. And think about gas, most places now want you to pay for heat and cooking gas; THAT adds up.
Another thing to do is make moves to get a very good credit rating; that can grease the wheels a whole lot, in terms of getting somewhere to live and such. Lots of people have jobs and should have money, but LOTS of people don't pay their bills, and THAT's where credit rating comes in.
If you can prove you pay your bills, they won't bother to look too hard to look at whatever might be absent with your short employment history at the age of 20.
good luck.
Well Bill,
It's been about a week now since this incident, so did you have your hair forcibly cut or has it blown over.
However, was it your hair or something else which triggered this off and if it was that something else -- hopefully this will pass.
Why not talk to your folks and try and get them to spare your hair.