new thread
Well, I guess a board dedicated to men with long hair is perhaps the only place I can hope for someone to understand how I feel.
My boyfriend of 7 years had been growing his hair out for around the last 4.5-5 years at my request. He would sometimes talk about cutting it when the weather got hot, but promised he would never do it without telling me first. he certainly never seemed to mind the extra attention it got him from me (and other women) and the time I'd spend brushing it for him, etc.
well, long story short, he broke his promise and came home the other day with a completely shaved head. He looks completely different than before, obviously, and unlike I've ever seen him look in the time I've known him. He looks like a stranger. Even over a week later, it's physically shocking for me to look at him.
Anyway, that's my sob story. There are sadder tales, for sure, but no one else seems to understand why I'm so upset and I just had to get it out. Thanks.
At your request? He grew his hair, maybe not wanting it, at your request?
Sorry for not giving you support about this, but did you ever think about his feelings on long hair?
In my opinion, the wrong part of the story is the fact he grew his hair just for you, not that he cut it. I love my long hair but I grew it because I liked it, not because someone imposed it to me!
A boyfriend is not a doll to play with, brush his hair or so..maybe he just got tired of this situation and finally did what pleased him -not you.
Sorry to disagree with you Ale. I think Dawn's point is that he 'broke his promise' and that's where there was a lack of trust. You are correct that he should be able to choose how he wears his own hair and should not be controlled by her, but such a dramatic change should be negotiated.
I have been married since 1972 and my wife has never seen me without a beard. In those days I also had hair over my collar. Now my wife doesn't like me to grow my hair out as she thinks it makes me 'look old', so I put up with shortish hair. She also wants me to keep the beard as she says she's afraid of what she'll see underneath! I still like my beard so I'm happy to keep it. But my choices are out of respect for the relationship, not because she dominates me.
I'm sorry to hear he cut such a wondeful mane and didn't keep his promise. But it is his own choise how he want to have his hair. How does he feel about his decision right now? Hopefully he will mis his hair and will grow it out again.
While certainly your boyfriend has the right to keep his appearance as he wishes for himself, a step that major should really should have been discussed with someone in a long term relationship.
A long time ago, I was with a girl with shoulder length, silky blond hair which I absolutely adored. One day she came home with a short cropped tight perm !! And while it should not have made a difference in our relationship, I never felt the same about her after that and eventually we went our separate ways. (She never knew I'd bought "the" ring).
WWT (Walter White Tail)
I'm with Walter on this. I think if my wife cut off all her hair without discussing it first I'd be quite distressed. If she decided to do it after at least talking about it I wouldn't be happy, but it's her hair. Fortunately, I don't think this is likely.
As a matter of fact, she got a small tattoo on the back of her neck not long ago, and I really didn't want her to, but she got me used to the idea over a period of time. I still don't like tattoos, personally speaking, but I hardly notice it. I just hope she doesn't get anything bigger!
My uncle has a tattoo on his arm, but then he was a sailor, so it's expected. He always covers it though, which is part of why I don't think they are a good idea. I'd hate to have something permanent that I later decided I needed to cover up.
I guess you will get used to your BF's hair over time, but it wasn't fair of him to spring it on you. He knew how you felt. It doesn't sound like he liked having long hair, and maybe he felt that you would talk him out of cutting it if he let you know. Still, I can relate to how you feel. You are welcome to cry on my virtual shoulder.
I'm sure some women are like your BF was, i.e. they only keep their long hair because of their husband or their BF. I'm glad I'm not married to one of them. My wife was made to have shorter hair as a child, so now she prefers it long, and that's something she has in common with me. Both her parents were in the air force, but mine can't claim that as a reason. My dad served in the artillery, but he was drafted, and he pretended he was a communist to get out of the reserves, LOL!
I guess my wife won't cut all her hair off or she won't be able to cover the tattoo on the back of her neck when she wants to, so I suppose that's one positive aspect of the tattoo from my PoV. I don't think any of our parents are into tattoos, so I guess if she is around them she will leave her hair down even if it's hot outside!
Maybe you should have talked your BF into getting a large tattoo of something really objectionable on the back of his neck, LOL! I wouldn't seriously recommend that, though.
How sad and how thoughtless it was of him after promising you he would not cut his hair without at least talking to you before.
Relationships are built on "trust" and communication.
It appears he lacks in both areas. There are some that will say, "it's his hair" and it is,However that is not the point here.
Sad that he disrespected both you and the relationship. I am sure he would be equally disappointed and upset had you done something similar.
Dawn
He disrespected her?
She disrespected him imposing him to grow his hair!
If he asked her to shave her head because he likes bald girls, would she do it?
We're missing the point here. A relationship should be based on consideration of the other's needs and not on selfish issues on how he/she should be to please us.
If my wife shaved half of her head and dyed the other half green, well, sure I would't like it, but I wouldn't think of it as disrespect towards me, and I'd love her the same way; she's not supposed to change her appearance because of me.
We're not talking about respect, but about control on the other. And this should not be part of a relationship.
I have to agree here. That kind of behavior is a preset to disappointment.
I agree...If you're in a relationship for the way someone looks...what's the point? And if you aren't, a sudden change in your partners appearence shouldn't matter...in fact it should be celebrated, not mourned, regardless of your own personal opinion.
Change is a beautiful thing
Tristan
<3
What if he went bald... would you leave him then?
Being in a relationship with somone based just on their hair is not a good idea for long term..
The fact that he did that just out of the blue does indicate somthing questionable about his personality though.
I hate to hear that he shaved it all off and too bad he couldn't at least have told you first.. Things like that sure can put a strain on a relationship.. Maybe you need to find someone who has and likes long hair? I've been in positions like that before where I was pressured to be different than I was, it never worked out. Good luck ;-)
Regards, Tom
Back in the '70s, I lived w/ a guy (and I ain't talkin', "just roommate" here - lol) who had a fantastic head of hair, --- thick, very full, and a nice, shiny chocolate brown color. But, he liked his hair short. I begged him toconsider growing it out; but, no go... he said it would bother him past a certain point, so I had to let the idea go.
I now live w/ a longhaired guy who has fought tooth and nail to grow and keep his hair as he likes it: long!!!
I say, "dump this guy!", --- find someone who will appreciate your love of hair as much as you do!
- Ken in San Francisco
Goodness... Well I just wanted to say thanks to those who expressed their sympathy.
Leaving him over this isn't even an option. Though we're not married, we're also not religious and marriage has no meaning for us...This is commitment for us, and believe me, it's for real. We live together, I love him completely and shaving his hair isn't going to change that, even if he did break a promise. If there's one thing I've learned in my life it's to forgive the small stuff, and in the grand scheme, this is pretty darn small. Although I miss his hair and still haven't gotten used to seeing him bald, I guess "broken hearted" was perhaps a little too melodramatic in this case... the only thing that could truly break my heart would be to be without him.
For the record, he says the reason he didn't tell me first was because he knew I would be sad and he had made his mind up anyway. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't have tried to talk him out of it had he told me, but I would have respected his decision if he told me his mind was made up. In any case, I don't believe for a second that he did it to be malicious.
Now for the people who say I was disrespectful to him or "treated him like a doll," or was imposing on him to grow out his hair without consideration for what he wanted, well, I guess I can't blame you since I didn't exactly leave the story of my life here but that really couldn't be further from the truth and I'm not sure what in my post made you able to deduce those things. He used to keep shorter hair, he went without a hair cut for longer than normal, and I requested that he let it grow out. With no argument or hesitations, he agreed. It probably wasn't until 2 years in to the grow out that he mentioned cutting it for the first time because of the heat here in TX. He brought it up occasionally after that, in the hottest weather, but it was always something he was possibly thinking of doing at some point in the future rather than something he was prepared to do immediatly.
The hair brushing, although definitely something I enjoyed doing for him, was his idea 99 of 100 times and certainly was at his request the first time around. He LOVED it and would beg me to do it for hours while we watched DVDs or TV together. He liked it so much that I wouldn't be surprised if that's the only reason he kept it long for as long as he did.
Anyway, thanks for the feed back everyone. Considering that most everyone else, including his family, are overjoyed that he shaved his head, it was nice to hear from some people who don't have an irrational hatred of things hairy.
*open mouth....insert foot*
=P I still stand by my previous post, even though it certainly doesn't apply to you.
<3
Tristan
I'm sure that a relationship is more than just about hair and I'm sure it was a great shock to you and I hope the bond between you both will still be as strong as it was before. I'm sure it's a shock but over time hair does grow back if me wanted it to.
Cheers,
John.B
Well, it could have been worse....Hair grows back. I promiserd my mom I wouldn't get a tattoo without telling her first and I went out and did it anyway without her knowledge. Like I said, hair grows back, tats NEVER come off...
I grew my hair long at my wife's request, and now that it's long, I love it! I think it would be much harder if she asked me to cut it.