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I'm probably gonna be visiting my dad in July, and I'm pretty sure like last time it's ginna be a "I'm not having any of this long hair bull(fill in the blank)" moment. How do I deal with this situation in a manner that I don't return with a shaved head?
Well, you're over 18, right? He can't force you to do anything, like buzz your head.
If you're not 18, it sounds like he probably does not have custody. If he does have some part of custody, most courts will listen to a kid over some arbitrary age, such as 14, and give their feelings on the custody issue substantial weight in court. Keep that in the back of your mind if relevant. If the hair issue is really a "get back at mom" issue, remind him that messing with your hair is not going to win you to his side in any disputes. He may still see you as a little boy and think there are only two parties involved here, but at your age, there are three, and you may just be the tiebreaker.
State laws may differ, but generally the parent who has custody gets to determine things - where you go to school, whether you get to drive, what you get to wear, how you keep your hair, etc.
Good luck!
Bill
I'm 22, but If he wants it short, he'll get it short....
And my comment would be, "When you start acting your age, come back here."
If my friends when I was your age would have pounded that into my thick skull, it would have saved me a lot of grief. If at your age we enable your kowtowing to others, we are doing you no favor.
Bill
Ok that's your choice if that's the way you feel.
So I'll remind our users directory chief Nuttidave to remove your avatar at the end of July as you'll have buzzed it off. I'll mark my calendar now so I don't forget. I might add I would suggest not posting any "I buzzed my hair off cause of Dad", as you already know haircut posts are very unpopular here and are usually pulled off the board if they get on at all.
Good Luck
Kevin
So much for longhairs being peace lovers and happy people...Pardon my bluntness but WTF?!
Since you are 22 years old, you are a legal adult, and you have the right to do what ever you want, and that your parents no longer have much control over you. I am sure you are your own guardian. If your dad tells you to do something you do not want to do (and that you will regret it if you end up actually doing it), you should talk to your father and settle an agreement that you want your hair long. Please let us know how things go.
Regardless
PS: By the way, visit my MySpace when you have the chance.
My MySpace
I obviously don't know your dad or how your relationship is with him, but I would respectfully remind him that you are an adult capable of making your own decisions.. Every one has their own preferences and that's what makes one an individual. You don't have to look like or be like him to be a good person and do good for yourself.. If you two can just agree to disagree that's at least a start.. lol Good luck and look forward to hearing the result!
Tom
I think what I meant to ask was how to handle the long hair situation in a respectful way that dosen't cause a huge fight. Last time I just buckled under the pressure and cut it even though I didn't want to just to shut everyone up and keep the peace.
Respect is like an alternating current; it only flows in both directions. He is being disrespectful of you, so you don't owe him any respect until he shows you just as much. You fear a fight, but respect if due and not readily granted is something that must be fought for.
Bill
There comes a point when you've got to stand your ground and say: "I understand your feelings, but I'm no longer a child. I respect and appreciate what you've done for me to get me to this point, but it's *my* head, it's *my* hair, and *I* have the right to choose what *I* do with them."
Nobody, regardless of family relationships, has a right to command you in regards to your person. The only authority anyone else has over your body (including your hair) is the authority *you* allow them to have. If your father can't respect that, better to get it out in the open where you can decide what to do with it.
Best of luck,
Jim
Better yet.. Call him before you go to visit.. Tell him look I'm not gonna come if I'm gonna hear a bunch of crap about my hair...... I had quite the rocky relationship with my parents growing up and was given no choice but to do as they said, but when I was out on my own I did as I wished.. They had the option to back off and enjoy my visits or do without them.. Now they mind their own business and we get along pretty good when I visit.. So as the old phrase goes "Man Up"
Good luck.
Tom
What Bill and Painless Tom and many others have said in their replies to you all match my own experience when I decided to leave home at age 18 (specifically because of how difficult was dad was to live with, --- including his unreasonable attitudes about not allowing long hair on me or my brothers)... Basically, once you decide to stand your ground on the issue, even your dad will pick up on your seriousness and determination to be left alone to make your own decisions about your own body. A solid conviction, even just quietly within yourself, does not need to argue with a lot of words in order to get your message across. And DEFINITELY there is no point in visiting somebody who is going to make your life miserable, --- so, if he behaves badly and treats you rudely about your hair, just pack up your things and leave!!!
When I left my dad's house at age 18, I knew that meant that I would no longer be asking him for any more financial help, --- because he used $$ to keep the apron strings on me, and continued to try to control me with it! If you want to keep your long hair, as Bill said, sometimes you have to be willing to fight for it... This does not mean you literally have to, "duke it out", though, --- it just means that you have the legal and moral right to say NO to your dad's insistance on getting a haircut, and to firmly stand your ground and be as unmovable as the Rock of Gibraltar about it...
Good luck, Gibraltar!
- Ken in San Francisco
Your old enough to make your own dicisions in life, just stand up to him.
Well I think it's quite simple either just keep to the apron strings or stand up to him! Like the others have said get in touch beforehand and tell him straight you not going to visit unless this is sorted out. Is you father one of these people that would get in a car with a hair removing implement and visit you?
Cheers,
John.B
Not quite that severe...He's the type that'll bitch and moan until you just do it to shut him up. It's that whole conservitive, served in the military, Bible says long hair on a man is un-Christian thing.
Now see, with me, the griping often just makes me that much more determined to stand my ground until they shut up. And as far as the Bible, sure there's that one quote from Paul, but what about Sampson?? According to the story, God gave him extra strength when he had long hair, so how does that show long hair as being either un-godly or un-manly??
Well if it helps my mum used to moan about me having longhair and I used to ignore her and I told her plain and simple that if she kept going on I would not endure her company any more. After a couple of months it sunk in and she still makes the odd comment and we're all fine about it now.
Tell your father it's your hair and life etc and if he still goes on just leave. Okay I don't know your day to day relations with him and in the case of my mother I'd moved out anyway.
I hope that helps.
Cheers,
John.B
Time will tell, that's for sure.
1.Either don't go or:
2.Go, but if he starts-up about your hair leave. Don't even bother to argue or try and defend yourself about something that does not need to be defended.
As others before me have said, call him before you visit and tell him that you won't stay for the visit if he keeps bothering you like that. Tell him that you are no longer under his command and you are his equal, and he should treat you as such and if he argues, you may want to tell him that if he truly was your father, he would be supportive and he would not bully you.
Good luck, Mike! :)
Ben
If you are 22 and not living with your father, and if it is just going to be stress for both of you, why visit ???
When I left home at 18 to start college I considered it a clean break. The next year I started growing out my hair. My dad was conservative military also; it took almost a year for him to realize that I was going to do what I was going to do. I also in that time took over paying my own way for college.
Once we got past this point we were close up until he left us.
Sometimes it's got to get worse before it gets better. You have to decide whether or not it's worth it to make a stand.
If it were me, I would do so.
Big George
You are twenty two, yes 22.
So either tell him where to go as forcibly as need be or else leave when he does.
He has no control over you save your own weak will power: no amount of advice can help if you are not prepared to take the ultimate step. Or maybe you are not sure about your hair....