new thread
...is how so many people on this board have unsupportive family members (specifically fathers) and friends...I'm thinking of this because I just read Corvettemike's post about his father wanting him to have shaved head, yet I'm in disbelief that anyone's family member could be so unsupportive of how someone chooses to wear their hair, especially a grown 22 year old man...
As anyone who's read my posts may know, assuming my posts are actually somewhat memorable, I've grown my hair out several times, and for the vast majority of my lifetime it has hovered around chin length. However, my family members, friends, girlfriends, and coworkers have always been extremely supportive - in the few instances that it's been chopped off, the resounding attitude of my peers is "Why did you cut it? Please grow it back as fast as possible."
What I also find interesting is that many people complain about their traditional, conservative, military style father that makes them do this, yet my own father served in the military for 8 years and was even a sergeant...and while I've endured many jokes about cutting my hair from him over the years, it's always been in good fun and he honestly couldn't care less about what my hair looked like - I've always been told "As long as you do well in school and can hold down a job I don't care what you look like." Granted, my father sported shoulder length hair until he entered the military, so that may have something to do with it...but regardless, I'm amazed at the lack of respect some people get on this board from their peers/family members.
Interesting story: My father pretty much made me join the football team in high school (long story, not as bad as it sounds though) and I had been growing my hair out for 10 months. The coach insisted I cut my hair or I couldn't play, and I straight up told the coach I thought that was bulls*it. The coach threatened to kick me off the team and I explained the situation to my father, and he actually went to the school to talk to the coach in person and tell him that there was absolutely no reason for me to have to cut my hair...interesting, right?
I have a younger brother that also has long hair, and nobody in my family minds.
I have girls that ask me "How's the hair?" when they talk to me online, rather than asking me how I am.
Hell, I worked at a retirement home and got complements from 99% of the residents on my hair, which one wouldn't really expect in that environment.
Soooo...do I just get extremely lucky or something with my hair or something? Is our society really still living with this archaic idea that men can't be "men" unless we have short hair? Has anyone else had a positive experience like mine they'd like to share??
As for Corvettemike, you will regret cutting off a year's worth of growth just because somebody said. Like the others have mentioned, why respect your father's wishes when he doesn't respect yours? You're 22 years old and have the right to do what you want, and it'd be foolish to cut it.
Well, that's my two cents at least...
Unfortunately, you very well may be one of the lucky few. Society still tends to lean more towards the idea that shorter hair is proper for men and boys. The odd part in my immediate family is that my wife likes my hair the way it is, but has been giving my youngest son a hard time when his started getting a bit long. My only concern with his hair is that he keep it groomed and take care of it. But, we'll work that out.
Jim
First off, I'm glad you've had such wonderful support from friends and family!
I'm happy to see someone posting the positive aspects of long hair as opposed to looking for the bad things (people cracking jokes etc.) In my opinion <--key word - when something good happens it doesn't always make a lasting impression, unless something's very unique about the experience. However if someone picks on something you're already sensitive to, that tends to stick in your mind for a while and you end up venting.
Sure I get lots of shit from people I don't even know, and even some from family, (although they've long given up by now) but to be perfectly honest I find it somewhat amusing to see just how childish people can really be.
I get compliments just as often as insults, and try to remember them and more importantly, the person to gave them to me. Just the other day I was in a restaraunt I hadn't been to for years, and a waitress recognized me. She actually made it a point to come to the table and tell me how she missed being able to admire my hair whenever I'd come in.
It all depends on what you choose to remember =) and how much you really care.
Good topic!!!
<3
Tristram
Very good post, Tim. An encouraging contrast to the sometimes negative posts seen here now and then. Unfortunately I believe your situation is the exception rather than the rule, and that most people in society today do indeed expect guys to have short hair. Your friends and family are a rare find and should be treasured.
Thanks for your post,
Joshua
Good to hear at least someone is getting some respect :)
Out of interest, where do you live?
I'm from Seattle, as are all my friends. Maybe that explains my lucky situation...? lol...
Tim I couldn't agree more,
I thought the same exact thing, there has been a large amount of similar posts lately about pressure to cut. I, myself have never "been there" in the sense that my parents never pressure me to cut. I come from a very traditional family. My dad is a director in a pharma company; typical businessman/type of person who you'd expect to be an anti-longhair. Neither he, nor my mom have EVER pressured me to cut and I've grown my hair long many times since I was 10 (I'm 24). On top of that, my father had long hair when they got married and my older sister is very supportive of my hair (we're currently in a growing race lol, and I'm winning). Also, my gf (and past gfs) have generally prefered long hair guys so I've been lucky.
It's troubling to see that parents are that are so controlling with their kids, especially when they're well above the age to make their own decisions with respect from the parents. I mean this in NO WAY to insult those who have parents like that; ther's nothing cowardly or shameful about being nervous about what your parents think. We all should respect our parents even though we do not always see eye to eye. However, parents should respect their kids as well.
-Phil
Hi Tim
Good post and I agree. I too have been quite lucky and have never had any serious amount of negative issues to deal with concerning my hair. My mom only mentioned it once lightly whne it was at shoulder length and has since said it looks good and she likes it.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones as well so there may be more of us than one might think.
I sympathise with people dealing with pressure form the narrow minded world but they need to simply stand up with confidence and deal with it. I understand also that there will be cases where some may have to cut their hair to them there may be no real option. But a post further down For Mike to say concerning his dad "If he wants it short he gets it" that just makes you ask myself are we wasting our time with some people when it comes to advice and or encouragement. One doesn't have to get into srguements or fist fights to defend their choices in life just have the confidence to say "this is my choice... discussion over, and if you persist in debating it I'll leave".
My 3 cents worth
Kevin
How's this for a backhanded positive comment?
One of my best friends flew up from Texas for our renewal of vows, and when he arrived he took one look at the length of my hair and said "You scum!!!" I call this a backhanded compliment, because what he was griping about was the fact that he's been growing his out for six months longer than mine, and mine is at my beltline where his is about halfway down his shoulder blades (a little above what women refer to as bra-strap length).
For the most part, I am fitting in well with the world with my decision of growing out my hair. There was a bump in my road. When my cousin's wedding came up, my dad made me get a trim, so I can look better. However, I looked worse (I looked like a Chinese woman instead of a hippy) and for a couple of months afterward, my hair did not seem to grow back out at all. But at least he did not get my head shaved off.
There are a couple of people in Special Olympics that either make fun of my hair (i.e. you need a haircut) or otherwise have some disagreement about my hair.
Most of my family supports my hair growing out. My dad, however, may not completely agree. I do not like to be treated in a way that "men are only men with short hair". Why be boring and redundent? Men are usually more stimulating with long hair, and I have a much easier time communicating with and making friends with long-haired men, compared to other men.
I agree with you overall. The football incident, like you said, is just plain stupid. It is a good thing that I do not have problems with coaches and refs when I play soccer and such. Yes, they do make jokes, but they don't actually require me to do so.
Regardless
My MySpace
Age may have something to do with it. My father was born in 1927. Nobody in his generation had long hair. Mind you, my mum has always been the one who made the anti long hair comments.
that makes a lot of sense Tim.
Some people are lucky with peers and others.
Others aren't.
Personally I wouldn't know if my father had a grudge against my hair, because I haven't spoken to him in 3 years, but if he had to tell me anything I'd almost grow it out to spite him. As for other relatives, my grandparents are really old fashioned and even though I stick up for myself and they say "OK do what you want but we're trying to help you", they're extremely stubborn people and start complaining about it again 5 minutes later.
Obviously that's not much help.
Now I just go to visit them with a hat on. at all times! If I think it looks too long at the back, I'll just hide it all under a beanie. They don't complain unless they see me without a hat. In fact I keep a hat in my mum's car in case we unexpectedly visit them! lol
My mum passes comments that I have to cut my hair but she already knows I'm very determined to say no.
As for friends I get a few (not-real) friends who pass loud comments, but the majority love my hair because they said they'd have a hard time recognizing me if my hair wasn't how it is!
Personally people can be unsupportive or not, but I couldn't care less. I stand up for what I think is right, and since I turned 18 I gained a lot of confidence to back-talk offenders.
It's not only Corvettemike's father who's like that but even Bill S's, and Regardless'. It's really sad come to think of it. Even though they're parents, some people really need to grow up.
That's my opinion
Shawn
Despite having a strong parental drive, my life has been too mobile to have married and had a family. To fill this emptiness in my life, I spent many years in Scouting and Big Brothers (I have 13 "little" brothers out there that feel like sons to me. They still call: "Walt. should I get married?"; "Walt, should I join the Navy?" "Walt, I'm in jail, send money !"). The relationship I have had with these young men has been the highlight of my life and I am so grateful to have had the experience with each and every one of them. I am also so grateful that when we had disagreements, we worked through them together and I did not have to be right. They have taught me so much over the years!
So, it has been disheartening for me reading this board for many years now, to see how many fathers are alienating their sons over "the hair issue" and missing the wonderful experience of bonding, growing and playing with their sons.
Shame on them all !!!
Walter (sorry for the soapbox....sore spot with me)
My situation is completely flip-flopped. I have hair now down to my armpits; my 18 year old son has a buzz cut. It's what he prefers.
If that's what he likes, fine by me. And he thinks his dad is pretty cool for bucking the norm and growing his hair.
There are too many major issues in life to deal with than to worry about something like this.
EXACTLY!!!
I've got waist length hair and started growing it in 1964.
I've gotten lots of complaints from family over the years.
Finally when I bought my own house and had a good job
I just blew them out of the water....."This is my house, the
hair is staying long.....don't like it? Then you can leave."
I too had the full support of my family and friends when it came to my long hair, which I have only had to cut shorter (but not completely off) due to this uptight lutheran private school I am currently in my last year of.
My friends even offered suggestions such as converting to Sikhism or wearing a do rag haha but I figured there are only six months of school left, ill conform to their standards until its finished.
Hey Tim, I agree that its sad when people, particularly a family member doesn't support the type of person you want or at times feel you need to be. I would have to say that my experiences have been probably more like yours. Yes I have got the comment from time to time but very rarely. I have a professional job, both my parents were in the medical fields and although my dad passed away years ago, I did far worse things then grow my hair out and he was always even handed and fair and I just can’t see him even today really caring one way or another about my hair. I work for a large governmental company in a professional position, I meet the public and have spoken at conferences too and have had no problems. Some at this point would not even know me with out long hair and as a few here on the board know I am also an elected official and it didn’t matter to them either. So for me the small and very seldom comments don’t even come close to the good ones. I once went to look at a new car and while at the dealer my wife jokingly said if I cut my hair she would buy me the car. I laughed and the salesman asked when we drove and I told him and pointed at the car, he laughed and said I would not cut my hair for the car! Well I was telling this story to the CEO of our company and he said to me, well no cutting, you can always find a way to get the car LOL and he is the Boss! Lastly I have two sons and my youngest has longhair. He likes it, it is who he is and wants to be and he gets near straight A’s and even if he didn’t I would not make him cut it. We are all individuals and we all need to be who we are. A friend of mine told me a good line, it was “ I am who I am, no gimmicks needed. Well I have probably rambled but I hope everyone knows you need to be who you need to be longhair or not.
Hey Tim great post and story as well.From what I've read here so far it looks like most have not had any real negative issues about their hair except for the few off hand comments.Like some who know me here I've had longhair for around 25 years.Basically once out of high school I made the decision I wanted my hair long.Today I wonder how I got through all those years being I had no internet much less an mlhh to look to for support back then in the 1980s.I just concluded it was within me to have longhair. However it did help that the mid 80s was the peak of the metal years here in the US and there were some awesome longhairs then to idolize:)I mean the arena concerts,rock clubs loaded with longhairs all throughout the audience was incredible.You just don't see that today as if I go to a club all the guys look like ordinary shorthairs:(So when metal took a back seat to whatever music had to offer in the 90s I still kept my hair and eventually made a decision to go for maximum length which I hope is not at terminal yet!I still think I'm eeking out more growth so that makes me happy.
Anyway another long winded response but I love thinking back on all those years I had longhair as now its most of my life at this point and it ain't never goin' to end as I see it.Just take a look again at my portrait and you see a happy longhaired camper there:)YEA!!!!Take care guys and thanks for reading my post.
Mark
It is amazing how many people get so worked up over 'somebody elses' hair!! Maybe jelousy comes into it if they don't have a job or lifestyle that can allow long hair- I know that I have the odd negative comment but in general people say my hair is cool, even to the extent of strangers saying so. My mother moaned a bit around the year mark but now she knows its not going to change and I am in it for the long haul.The good thing now of course is its long enough to ponytail nicely so if formality is required or a job said 'neat and tied back' then I could.
Interesting Post.
~Dave