new thread
(of course we already have a FAQ here, but that's a bit of basic tech
info to make it so posting is smoother...)
since I've noticed a few threads reoccur on a regular basis, I was
wondering if a FAQ was in order for this board specifically, and long
hair on men in general? I volunteer to research and compile the FAQ,
provided that Victor is okay with the idea of it then being me writing
"The Men's Long Hair FAQ" which he can then use freely.
incidentally, I've noticed a tendency of FAQs which have questions
which are not frequently asked by any stretch of imagination, and so
for starters I'd like to suggest the following questions which I've
noticed either being beaten to death or just being re-asked once a
month or so:
1) How do I grow my hair long?
2) How do I encourage my boyfriend/husband to grow his hair long?
3) What long hair styles look good on men?
4) How will my boss (or future boss) feel about long hair?
5) Do men with long hair get unwanted attention from gay/bisexual men?
my starter answers (which of course need development and feedback,
which is why I'm posting :) are:
1. Don't cut it.
No, seriously, normal hair grows six inches per year, with each
hair having a lifespan of four-seven years before falling out and
being replaced with a new hair. However, if you dye, perm, bleach,
spray, gel or tease your hair, about half the growth will be weak and
split. Also, your hair may not be "normal" by that definition, and
grow faster or slower, or have longer or shorter maximum lengths.
The hardest period of time to get through is when the majority of
your hair reaches someplace along your shoulder-blades. It constantly
falls in your face, won't stay in a ponytail, your friends will remind
you of how awkward it looks and you'll really wonder if it's worth it.
It is. Once it gets past that length, you can use some method such as
keeping it trimmed at mid-back until all your hair is even, or
something similar, but once you get it past your shoulder-blades, it's
incredibly easy to manage, looks gorgeous and feels wonderful. If you
need encouragement while it's in the awkward length, most of the
people here will be happy to give some.
The most awkward hairs to grow long are the front (bangs). Common
tricks for dealing with medium lengths on these hairs are hats,
bandannas, a part extremely on one side which at least limits how much
of your face is obscured (plus can look very hot when you need to
brush it back with your hand every ten minutes--very enjoyably
distracting to most anyone attracted to men), or minimal amounts of
mousse or hairspray.
Many hair products claim to strengthen hair and/or help it grow,
and some of them are even telling the truth. There doesn't seem to be
any difference between what works well on male or female hair, and the
same products are most popular with both genders. The brand you'll
hear mentioned most often is Pantene Pro-V, with V-05, Citre, Aveda
and Infusium-23 also quite popular amoung long-hairs. Don't shampoo
every day, and condition either whenever you shampoo or every other
time you shampoo. Once you like a product, stick with it--while the
effectiveness of these hair products seem to be about the same,
varying only from person to person, constantly changing what you put
in your hair is an effective way to keep it from growing quickly.
Finally, the other very effective method to get your hair long is
by getting permanent braids or dreadlocks. If you do this, after your
hair falls out, it stays connected with the attached hairs, and will
continue to increase the length of "your hair" if not having anything
to do with the rate of growth or the lifespan of each hair. The world
record-holders for longest hair are two brothers with 17-foot locks in
Thailand, who wash their hair once a year with fabric softener, with
the understandable result that it's all matted into one long clump.
Obviously, most of it fell out years ago and is just attached to the
hair which hasn't.
(Incidentally, does anybody know what is the record for longest
*growing* hair on a man?)
2. First, compliment them on it. Men are persuaded by attention and
kind words at least as effectively as women (usually more, since men
often aren't used to people commenting on their appearance).
Next, get them talking with men who enjoy having long hair, such
as The Men's Long Hair Hyperboard. Hearing someone who's been there
and has encouragement for what you're doing works wonders.
3. Most people agree that loose, braids and ponytails look good, plus
many people have their own preferences. If you check out some of the
following URLs, you can get a good idea of how some styles look on
men:
http://the-light.com/mens/longhair.html
http://www.safari.net/~hairtech/hairtech.htm
http://www.brosmag.com/
http://www.hairworks.com/brhair/galeria/men.htm
Since perms can being very damaging to hair, many people recommend
roller sets to create curls, which only last few days, but don't do
any noticeable damage to the hair.
4. Of course, this varies from employer to employer, but the common
threads are that employers don't usually mind long hair, just having
their customers see umkempt styles, and that if you give in a little
bit, your boss will figure that they can dictate your appearance to
you. Therefore, keep your hair looking neat and professional, and if
your boss ever asks you to cut your hair, determine whether they are
refering to length or style, and if they are saying length, don't give
in even a little bit or you'll always give in.
Other good tips are:
Find a job where you don't have to see any customers face-to-face
on a daily basis.
Don't even discuss the issue with minimum-wage employers, just
realise that such jobs are dime-a-dozen, but people who will work hard aren't. If they think they can hold your job over you, let them know
they can't.
Don't remove length before a job interview. You'll just be
growing it back anyways, and it's much easier to find a job where they
know you have long hair than trying to grow long hair at a job when
they have a mental picture of you with short hair.
Don't even mention the law until your employer indicates that your
position may be affected, but the moment they even imply such a thing
bluntly state the the law is unequivicable on the subject of a
double-standard for appearance between men and women, and is without a
doubt gender-based harassment. The fact is that the legal process
will not get you anywhere, but will cause them at least as much pain
as it will you. But mentioning that you feel that your employer's
behaviour is discriminating against you to them will make your
workplace very hostile, especially if they feel they are in the right.
Find someplace to work which already employs long-haired men.
5. Not really. Most gay and bi men try to avoid hitting on straight
men at all costs, usually out of basic kindness and consideration
rather than fear of homophobia, and will often be as considerate as
they can on issues of sexuality. From my experience, when anyone
(gay, straight, or bi) is attracted to anyone else, but not sure about
their sexuality, they broach the subject very slowly and delicately.
And when a man compliments another man about their appearance, they
usually just compliment and then let it drop.
-----
if anyone has suggestions for more questions to add or more detail for
the answers, or any other feedback, please let me know.
thanks,
-Coyote Pup
A great idea! I've seen #1 through #4 hashed over more than once on here, for sure. And I like your proposed answers a lot C-Pup!
I do wonder about #5 though. I don't think I have seen it discussed on the board. Is a sudden interest arising from gay men, once someone is a longhair, a concern?
Attention from gay/bisexual men is not necessarily "unwanted" by everyone, so maybe that one word needs to go. That aside, however, I can say that I live in the Castro, I am a gay man, I have been growing my hair out the past two years, and though there are gay men all over the place here, the attention paid to me by gay men now that I'm a longhair has not GONE UP one iota.
If anything, far more straight guys - longhairs! - speak to me now. Gay men, even the longhairs, seem hell bent on chasing beauty, and long hair in the gay community is not now "in". The straight longhairs, on the other hand, see me as "one of them". And I actually like their noticing me, and I don't mind, or care, what their sexual orientation is, really. Hey, we are fellow longhairs! As to their sexual proclivities, why should I care? I am not husband shopping, anyway. I have one already.
So maybe item #5 is not a real issue at all. At least from my experience it hasn't been.
This answer was proposed:
As I said, this maybe isn't even an issue, but this would be my comment if others feel it is a concern of theirs and should be included:
The reality is that in gay circles, one man is hit upon for every man who does the hitting. This means that gay men are very aware of how it feels to be on the receiving end of a male advance because, unlike straight men, they've been on that end often. Gay men have often been in the position of saying "No" (not all gay men are pretty), and as another man, a gay guy will immediately put himself in your shoes and respect your "No", or even your mere show of disinterest. You don't even have to get into an explanation of your sexual orientation or whatever; for all he knows, you just don't like men with beards, or whatever else he happens to be. So the "No" really will suffice.
As to compliments, I'd say do the same thing you do with those from snaggletoothed old ladies, someone else you are not interested in a relationship with. Say, "Thank you!" and enjoy the fact that one more person on the planet thinks you're cute!
heh - I guess "do you get a lot of attention from gay and bi men?" is
more of a question *I'm* frequently asked rather than one I've seen frequently asked here...
usually answering "not nearly enough" stumps people who don't know I'm
bi (since having multiple gf's makes it clear I'm not gay). That's
actually the reason why I added the word "unwanted", because I know
plenty of gay men who grow their hair to gorgeous lengths almost
entirely for that reason, and by specifying unwanted attention, I was
eliminating those who enjoy gay and bi men's attention by definition.
the exact point I was making :>
-Coyote Pup
Thanks for volunteering. If you'd like to do it, go right ahead. If you want old messages, check my ftp site. I will be updating that with all purged messages soon. Really old messages are already there.