new thread
Hey
Well it started back in late September and early October when I had my last hair cut. After my hair started to get where I needed another cut I kept putting it off finally my brother said something to me about growing my hair out, so my family being talkers and not doers my father which is very very non longhair said it was about time to get another cut I just simply said yeah and then it never happened so I went on and now in January my brother is still encouraging me to grow it out while my father says I have to get it cut and now my mother (father and mother divorced) said I needed a cut sometime. Well I started to like the idea of my hair being long and long hair in general but not down the back long just an 2 or 3 inches or more below the ear and thats what im working for My brother once had long hair and he was a delinquent grunge child that partied so I think just because he messed up with my brother and he had long hair means he dosent want to mess me up and he wants to raise me right and decent but having long hair dosent me I cant be all those things.... I kinda need some of your guys support ive been coming to this board since the first person said my hair was long and now im really in need of your help and by the way I have wavy hair which is just below my ears now so help me out guys.........
It's your hair and your image. Your parents have no right to tell you what image you must present. I'm sure this has been said over and over again, but it always needs repeating.
You don't dictate how your dad has his hair. You don't demand he shave his head or grow his hair or do this or do that. He shouldn't do the same to you. You wouldn't tell your mom how to dress. You wouldn't demand she go out wearing a yellow and purple polka-dotted dress. And she wouldn't do this because it's not her. And you shouldn't have to remain a short-haired person because it's not you and you don't want to.
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Agreed totally. The problem however I found with all of these early self-expression/ freedom of expression situations whether it's long hair or anything else, is some parents not realising or for almost any reason, can sometimes when they've been pushed too hard finally finish up using the " hey, we're paying the bills !" route. “If you don't like it then hurry up and get a place of your own" etc. Which perhaps is okay if you're say 18 plus but totally unrealistic if you're still at school. Leading to real insecurities etc.
I don't know if you've ever tried reasoning gently with your parents using these "self-expression/ Freedom of expression" angles yet, but if you haven't then it's definitely worth a try I think. Why not ask their parents how they found their own personal means of self-expression at the same age ? Then try explaining as reasonably as you can to them that surely they are no different from anyone else including yourself. It's just that you prefer to self-express via growing your hair long or very long, it makes no difference which. It also used to be seen as rebellion etc perhaps that’s what they’re afraid of. More arguments ? Reasoning it out with them like this first might perhaps work ? Then no bad feelings afterwards. Let them think for example "it's just a kid's thing it'll soon pass". Which it might ?
What I will say is that anyone denied their genuine self-expression....and I really do emphasise the word genuine as you've got to be 101% certain(!!)....especially if it’s during their all-important formative years can be storing up a whole load of problems for themselves in the future. Possibly sudden unreasonable frustrations, irritability, sometimes sharp bouts of unexplained anger and so on....stuff that's no good for any future wife or kids. You might even find yourself one day facing the same situation as your parents are now ! lol ! I can only speak for myself and no-one else but I know all this to be true only too well as I was denied self-expression during my early years as well, partly to have long hair, but in almost everything else it seemed. Yet I never knew what was going on. Later on things went wrong, I’m sure as a result, and I know several good friends male and female who suffered a lot from me too. I never meant it deep down and regretted it obviously, but when you start to feel impossibly squashed, squeezed out, stressed etc. unfortunately you can’t help but take it out usually on the person nearest and closest to you. It was mainly for this reason that I never got married despite wanting kids like mad. I still do but I believe no relationship can ever really work if one partner has been totally denied their true means of self-expression, whatever form it takes, in life. Perhaps it's the cause of so many divorces or domestic violence ? I don't know.
Even now I simply cannot understand how having long hair can be the ultimate self-expression in anyone’s life !! It just seems so utterly crazy and illogical and it’s certainly the very last thing I ever thought of. I tried everything sport, work and so on but nothing. Thank the Lord I at last found out what it was about 7 or 8 years ago and finally overcame all my cloned resistances to growing it long. The relief is indescribable nowadays !! lol :-)
This has been very rushed so I hope it hasn't sounded horribly patronising, but if you feel long hair is definitely yours as it definitely is mine (and only you can tell) then it's up to you. Just some thoughts but I hope it helps a little ? :-)