new thread
I have learned so much more about myself in the two weeks that I have since introduced myself here on this board than I have almost the rest of my life. I truly have come into a new sense of awakening. I think now, for the first time I really, really know who I truly am. This is going to be a long rambling so for those of you here who feel that I'm a person who talks too much, just feel free to tune me out.
I just had another really acrimonious fight with my mother. Yes on the 4th of July too of all days. Lately I've been having heated arguments with both of my parents, each of them more or less dropping the act of civility and pretty much repeating the same words that all of us here despise, that if I were to cut my hair short and conservative that I would be accepted by the world and would have an easier life, get the career I want, not be looked as a weirdo by the general public. Hearing her badger me for the billionth time actually made me realize for the first time who I really am. No, I'm not like every other cookie-cutter clean-cut, work for the man, do as I'm told, beaten down man who doesn't even know that the reason why he's angry all the time is because he has convinced himself that he is stuck playing the role that society has forced upon him. I am unique, I am my own free person. This goes beyond my hair even, but having my hair this long is a physical and visual statement for all to see that I am a free and enlightened individual who does as he tells himself to do, not what others tell him to do.
I don't wish to offend anyone here who happens to not be religious or practices a different religion, but I truly have faith that God will indeed take care of me. Finding a decent career, finding a good person to spend my life with are all just small elements of my life. The true gifts that I yearn for have already been given to me. I know that I am loved, and I know that I am fortunate. I am not starving, I have decent clothes to wear and I have two parents who although they don't see eye to eye with me still find it in their hearts to agree to financially support me. But most importantly, I know and I feel the overwhelming love that the Lord has given me. The fact that I can grow my mane to a beautiful length, and everyday I can see it and feel it in my hands as I brush through it and just playfully toss it around, its proof to me that He does indeed want me to have hair this long, why else would He even create me this way if He didn't intend so? Having and keeping my mane this length for me is a symbol of my faith. I realize now that I would have made the ultimate Faustian deal if I had agreed to have my mane be cut by that salon owner in order to get that job. My hair is more than just my hair to me, its a visual representation of my faith that I will indeed receive all the happiness I yearn for in life. It shows that I am not willing to compromise my soul, my individuality in the name of finding a good job or a partner or friends. The people who truly respect and truly love me in life will see past my hair or even applaud me for choosing to be different, they will love me for who I am and not what they want to mold me to be.
I thank all of you here who pushed me in the right decision not to cut my mane. You may or may not agree with my antics sometimes LOL, but seriously I am grateful to be here. And now, I'm going to go cry a sea of tears. Tears of relief though, not sadness!
"This goes beyond my hair even, but having my hair this long is a physical and visual statement for all to see that I am a free and enlightened individual who does as he tells himself to do, not what others tell him to do."
Amen brother.
I'll bet many of us feel this way.
"but I truly have faith that God will indeed take care of me."
I believe this too.
However, you have to meet God halfway, IMO, by doing the footwork: Getting educated, acquiring marketable skills and not just waiting for anything to "fall in our laps".
I'm with you bro, having long is very spiritual for me and is a constant reminder of being alive and what that means to me.
Congratulations on your epiphany.
Hi Eric, really great to hear your positive story, and you are right, you must follow YOUR path, and the people that truly matter will always be with you.
Take care my friend.
Dave
Good for you man. I hear you, and I support you fully. Congrats on having the courage to be who you are. It's easier said than done.
Eric H.
I decided I wasn't going to be a slave about 20 years ago. I am poor and happy. I have friends who have nice houses and cars. All kinds of toys in their two car garage. They cheat on each other, their kids are strung out, the bank is foreclosing and they fight constantly. This is an analogy but it applies to reality. If you can't be you , you will not be happy, screw the money. You made the right choice!!! Now when they start badgering you, you might want to tell them you love them and walk away.
Quester, just today I felt a complete change in who I am and see myself as. Today, I felt more love and wanted to give more love than I have ever done so in my entire life. I have never been a forgiving person at heart, I always stewed resentment in my heart at everyone who has ever done what was in my eyes an unforgivable act. But today, I felt finally for the first time found it in myself to forgive my mom, my dad, in fact even probably all the tormentors I've encountered in my life. I've taken all my anger and hopefully I've dropped it all off. There are too many broken families, too many estranged sons and daughters in this world who continually poison their own minds and hearts with such seething rage at parents who may indeed have been difficult. I've also come to the realization that I'm not one of them, or at least not anymore. The world we live in is so consumer driven and materialistic, so many people think if they could buy a fancier car, a bigger house, have a swimming pool in the backyard it would buy them the validation that they seek. All the while they lose sight completely of who they are on the inside and they just become the very possessions they own. I may not have found a decent career, a loving partner, or a ton of expensive gizmos yet but I have found one thing that is more valuable than all of those things combined. I've found my own voice. And it speaks louder and shines brighter than it has ever spoken before. I am no longer afraid to do anything now. I have the love of my Father, and He will be there for me when I really need Him and provide for me the things that truly matter the most.
Most ANGER comes from FEAR...
Your parents may believe that by being "different" you will be
making it more difficult to: "Finding a decent career, find a
good person to spend my life" etc., etc.
If we keep this in mind we can break the cycle of anger.
Good luck!
Hi Eric,
I am happy for you that you feel you've found your true self now, and I certainly support you (emotionally, at least) and agree with you that there is no need for you to cut your hair at all. HOWEVER... Why on Earth are you still living with your parents??
I don't know your excact age, fo course; but, to me, you look around college-age, --- or possibly even long graduated from University (since most Asians I know tend to look considerably younger than Caucasians in the same age group).
There comes a time in every young man's life when his parents need to boot their little boy out of the nest. Cozy and comfy as living at home may still be, it is NOT adult reality. Sorry to speak bluntly here; but, you need to find yourself a job, and get out of your parents hair (no pun intended)!! Then, and ONLY then, will you learn who you really are, --- and be free from your parents' nagging! It is not only the courteous thing to do, for your parents' sake; but, also the most respectful thing you can do for yourself.
I'm not speaking theoretically here: I am speaking from my own hard-earned experience. I left home at age 18, due to many reasons (including the fact that my dad & step-mom were getting a divorce); but, the main reason being that my dad would not allow my hair to be even so much as a tiny bit touching my ears or eyebrows, --- and I had had *enough* of his confining and controlling regulations on the issue! I had only attended one year of college; but, decided that my freedom from him was worth the cost of me entering into the job force world early. I never again asked him for any financial assistance, --- because that way, I knew he could never again ask me to cut my hair.
My decision cost me a college degree, --- not something I necessarily recommend to everyone in the same predicament. But, because of that decision, my self-esteem went up, as well as I know I became a happier and healthier man because of it.
If you continue to live under your parents' roof, you will be subjecting yourself to their rules, both good & bad. You say you rely on God to meet your needs. If this is true, then you need to ask God to show you the way out of that house and into your own financial freedom, --- no matter how humble your first rented apartment or tiny room may be. Until that happens, in my opinion, you only know one small half of who you really are as a full adult human; because you are keeping yourself in the position of still allowing yourself to just stay a boy, instead of fully becoming a man.
Sincerely,
Ken in San Francisco
I do not want you to be forced to cut your hair Eric. First things first. Stay away from your parents and do not talk to them. That way, you will not get any haircut commands. It is true that many men have short hair, but I have been seeing more long haired men now than ever before. The "fact" that a man has to be a short-hair in order to live is just another one of those myths. I am sure God know what you want. By the way, speaking of parents, I have decided that growing my hair out and being a long hair myself is somewhat more important than spending a lot of time with my dad (and hearing his pesimistic opinions on my hair).
Regardless
Thank you Regardless. LOL I love your choice of username. I will not be disowning my parents though or shun them in anyway though.....they clearly want to continue to have a relationship with me since I'm a legal adult and they don't have to financially support me but they still choose to do so which speaks of their true love for me as well. And I'm not going to be another "run away from home and never speak to my folks again" stereotype, in the Chinese culture this is a total sacrilege and in any case I love them. But really thanks for being there, that means more to me than you can ever know If I had a MySpace account I'd so add you as a friend, but if I went and got one I'd be even more addicted to the internet than I am now and I'd never leave home to find a job LOL!<3
And Ken, I'm sorry but I will have to respectfully disagree with how you personally got to where you are. I do in fact intend to go back to some other kind of training school or go back to college if I am unsuccessful in finding a decent paying job in a salon. I give myself another several months, perhaps by this fall or winter and then if I still won't get hired in a salon I will go study a different line of work. My mother has agreed to help out with the tuition along with me taking out student loans should I decide to go back to a higher education. My personal situation is not as dire as yours was, to be honest they would be proud of me if I had hair to the floor, as long as I'm able to hold down a decent job and contribute to the family. I'm happy that you were able to find your bliss by moving out and becoming independent at a young age, but I ask that you allow me to find my bliss my own way. Thanks.<3
I didn't mean to infer that your situation is exactly the "same" as mine was when I was your age: I was just saying that, judging from your own comments about your parents fighting and nagging you about cutting your hair, that it's OBVIOUS that they wish you'd get a job and then leave home to strike out on your own....
Even in the wild, Mother Nature's insticts in the animal kingdom has the parents putting pressure on their offspring to, "leave the nest" once they have arrived at or near adulthood. Mama bears chase their grown cubs up a tall tree, for example, --- and then walk away and leave them, forcing the young cub to learn how to fend for itself.
Has it ever occured to you that your parents might be getting tired of seeing you hang around their house? Sure, they definitely love you; but, how better to annoy you and put some pressure on your back than by picking on your hair!
I apologize if I sounded like the only way to leave home was to do so in a disagreeable manner with them. In my own life, it was just my dad that was impossible to live with; my step-mom and I are still very close. My dad died 4 years later, in 1976. To my surprise, even though he held a grudge against me for leaving home at 18, he still kept me in his will.
I also have some familiarity with Chinese culture, since my closest friend, a woman named Lily, is Chinese. But, even in Chinese families, sometimes a young person needs to stand their ground on issues that are important to them. My friend Lily did when she was in her late teens and early 20s, --- and you are also standing your ground, and standing up to your parents by not cutting your hair. In your case, your parents actually sound fairly reasonable, as well as loving... Everybody is different, and each family situation is different!
In summary, all I really wanted to say to you is: if you REALLY want your parents off your back about cutting your hair, then go out and get a job ASAP, --- and then be kind enough to them (as well as yourself), and take the next big adult step of going out and finding somewhere else to live...
End of Sermon! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a job I have to go to now....
- Ken in San Francisco
Ken, you and I surprisingly want the same exact things for me. We're just tangled up on the the how part. I know that I will be successful in my life, and these aren't just the foolish words of a naive child but the battle cry of a youth in the process of becoming a man. Already I've received the gifts of patience, of peace of mind, and the support of everyone here at MLHH. Those alone were half of my prayers. The next step of course is to become financially independent, and I've already gotten the hard part out of the way so this too will be something I will be able to accomplish.