new thread
First of all sorry for a long post
I work for a multinational firm in Asia. I am a guy with long hair , actually quite long - may be around 32.5 inches. I work in Management Information System department. The company has recently from jan -08 come out with hair dress codes . The dress codes are not gender specific, but it only says that long hair has to be secured either by way of a bun style or with a long plait duly secured by hair pins and rubber bands. The new dress codes possibly coincides with the arrival of a new hr head. I usually sport a long ponytail or just hide my hair inside the shirt. Now with the revised hair dress codes, i am finding it difficult to sport a high bun with clips to ensure that the hair is secure or to sport a long plaits- even though i enjoy these things when iam with my wife. Now when i have it to do it regularly in the office - i am not sure how comfortable i would be. I have been sporting a big bun with lot of clips much to my discomfort since the rule has come in
play. My friends in the office ask me not to care about
it much and they encourage me to sport plaits instead of
buns. I am the only male with long hair and i doubt
whether this was targeted at me. The HR head also
suggested that i might possibly look better with shorter
hair styles. My other friends has hinted me that he has
passed offensive remarks about me on the new year
celeberations day when the gathering was informal and i
had my hair loose and when my wife was also present.
Now i am not very good at styling my own hair - more so
relevant with plaits and buns. My wife wants me to not
to get discouraged and says that she can dress up my
hair till iam comfortable doing it myself. I find the
issue very silly but it gets on to my nerves. The last
two days i went to the office with plaits and the HR
head remarked that he mistook me for a female employee.
Just wanted to know forums opinion and experiences
The changes may or may not be targeted directly at you but it's pretty obvious that someone there (and we know who that is) would be happy if a consequence of the new policy would be that you get a haircut.
Question: How long is the hair on the women? If you have women with hair as long or longer than yours, then perhaps the policy is to militarize everyone. Anyway, I don't know what the employment laws are where you live so to me it looks like you can either stay and hope this idiot leaves, or move on to another job yourself. If finding another job is not difficult, that may be the best option because I think hiding hair every day would be a lot of trouble. Good luck!
The last
Sounds like your in a fix man. You might have to decide what's more important. Your job or your hair. If it were me my reply to the HR guy would be " you must date some pretty ugly girls." And I would be looking for another position that wouldn't care about my hair. That's just me though.
ROFL, Quester! Great comeback to the common "you look like a girl" slur!
One way, Vivek, to get rid of the "girl" comments is to throw away your razor. If someone has it in for you, they will still dislike you, of course, but at least the girl comments will go away. Like Quester, I think that HR guy has it in for you and you've got to decide how to deal with that.
The suggestions to braid your hair or put it in a bun are strange. Those are seen as more feminine styles and they come off the same as asking you to wear a dress. In a lot of places, asking an employee to dress like the opposite sex would be seen legally as sexual harassment. He says you look like a girl and then he wants you to look even more girly? Honestly, I think the man is a creep. Giving him the run of the place is likely to eventually lead to some major legal liability for that company. But that is not your concern. Getting him out of your hair (pun intended) is your concern.
If you can make a lateral transfer to a part of the company where that HR guy is irrelevant, if you can get him fired for sexual harassment, or if you have support of people more important than him where you are now, you can just shrug him off and stay with the company looking just like you do now. Otherwise, truthfully, you'd be best off to leave, unless you have large vested pensions or some other reason that makes moving to a new employer not wise. Once someone has it in for you, that is not usually going to change, even if you cut hair. The experience of many men on this forum has been that they get their hair cut and then the abusive boss soon fires them on some other premise anyway.
Good luck man!
Bill
I agree. I have used the same "ugly girls" comment with much success in the few instances anyone has said anything. Just make sure you do it in front of some others so there will be no misconceptions in what you said or that you said it as a direct reply to a harassing comment from your superior.
It sounds like you have to decide between keeping your hair, learning to braid it/putting it up in a bun and cutting it shorter without doing these things. If I were you, I think I would learn how to braid my own hair very quickly under these circumstances. Dress codes do seem silly sometimes, but you as an employee have the choice to comply or not. If compliance only involves braiding/plaiting your hair or putting it in a bun and not cutting, the solution seems simple. If these things keep your hair intact and keep your job secure, then I think I would do them. If the HR manager only makes passingly disparaging comments and foists upon you no requests to cut, I would not worry about it. If the manager keeps on making comments, I would gently confront him/her and ask the person why the comments keep coming and what they mean. Of course, this would have to be done in as tactful a way as possible and at the right time, depending on the manager's personality and what the power structure of the company is, that is -- your position, the ability/feasability of lower ranked employees to confront managers in your country, & c.
Good luck.
MB
Several points.
1) If your wife is willing to help you with plaits/braids until you can learn to do it yourself, I'd say that's your best option, at least in the short term. I wear mine braided at work as often as I can talk my wife into doing it for me, and it has been quite comfortable for me. I don't have an inch measurement for mine, but it's down to my beltline.
2) If the new codes were the only problem I'd say braid it and forget it, but then there are the problems you describe of the commentary from this HR guy.
a) He said he thought you'd look better with short hair - your response: "Thanks for your opinion."
b) Your friends say he made offensive remarks behind your back at a company function, and his comment about mistaking you for a female employee. Depending on your company's policies, I'd be going to talk to my boss, or to someone over the HR guy's level. That kind of stuff is harassment.
Overall, my suggestion would be to braid it for now, and start looking for a new employer. If you're good at what you do and you've got some experience under your belt, you ought to be able to find something.
Regards,
Jim
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Sounds to me like that HR guy is an hates you just for your hair.
I don't knwo why but most HR managers are asses regulary (Except Kevin C which if I remember correctly works in HR).
I think there are better things to judge people from rather than hair, that is if you have that urger to do so.
Basic techniques for plaits (braids) and buns are pretty simple. Basic plaits are made by dividing hair into three and bringing the left and right sides alternately into the centre. If you ponytail the hair first it is slightly easier to plait it, although it looks slightly different.
OTOH, to form a bun you can twist the hair along it's length and then wrap it round and round itself, or if you have trouble twisting it you can plait it and then wrap it around itself for a slightly different look.
To be honest, although I wear a single plait without any concern over what others think, I don't feel comfortable wearing a bun, although I can do one. OTOH, if I could point to a rule that said I had to wear my hair that way, then I would not worry how it looked.
As for twin plaits, these are worn only by small girls and by Wille Nelson (the country singer) in modern times, although they were worn by the ancient Vikings. If you have a choice between two plaits or a bun, go for the bun, as they are still worn by Japanese wrestlers and were worn by Samurai warriors.
As for your HR idiot, he sounds like someone enjoying his own practical joke. He has promulgated rules that make you wear your hair in ways that he sees as feminine, and now gets to enjoy goading you by saying that you look female, as a result of his won actions.
Of course he is harassing you, but you need witnesses, and of course the one place you can't complain is HR. You would need to speak to your immediate boss, and put it in such a way that he said what he said in front of specific people, as otherwise your boss will say nothing can be done.
Whatever you do, don't ask the HR person for clarification of anything in the rules, as he will interpret things in whatever way is least favourable to you.