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Hey Guys,
I got back home from the wedding - and it was a lot of fun.
(I was ummmm ... pretty drunk ....)
One nice thing - there were many friends there that I hadn't seen for a long time, and every one of them remarked, "Wow, your hair is really long!"
(Well, after that unwanted courtesy-trim, I don't think it is all that long - but it was still nice to hear that!) My reply was usually, "Yeah, but if only you had seen it yesterday morning!" The pix from the bachelor party are definitely shaggier than the wedding pix.
I just saw a friend who did not attend the wedding - and who in fact was one of the most vocal telling me that it was my duty as Best Man to my best friend to get a haircut. He actually asked me why I chose NOT to get haircut for the event.
WTF?????
A whole d^*m INCH is missing - I feel cold and naked!! My hair used to hang below my earlobes, but now it is above the lobes. How the hell could this guy not notice??
Anyway - I've been a bit upset that I followed the advice of so many friends in regard to the trim, that I really went off on this guy.
Here's a summary of my outburst:
"'Fashion' as a word sounds suspiciously like 'Fascism' as a word. Both concepts involve an elite who 'know better for the betterment of society' and DICTATE what is acceptable. Anything outside the norm is upsetting and therefore must be discouraged or suppressed. 'Fashion' is a corporate construct that capitalizes (in the most capitalistic sense) on keeping people in comfortable, commodized categories."
In other words, if someone sees me and his first thought is "inappropriate long hair," it is disturbing to his concept of social norm. It makes him pause, think, and actually LOOK at me. I don't fit into a comfortable category, and therefore he is forced to reject the IDEA of me that does not conform to the ideas that have been DICTATED to him by (fascist) fashion.
Now, I need to point out, that his idea of "acceptable" isn't necessarily anti-long hair on a males. It's anti-long hair on a male who is 38 years old, and who is thinning on the crown.
To him, it is my DUTY to not disturb him, by cutting my hair short on the sides & back so as to not draw attention to my hair-loss up top.
As I've said in previous posts, I cut my shoulder-length hair when when I was 29 because of the thinning up top. Now I don't give a flying f**k. I LIKE it long, and frankly don't care what FASHION fascistically DICTATES.
Okay, enough of that outburst .....
Thanks again for all the positive energy of this board.
My outburst was admittedly negative energy - but w..t... f....??!!
lifobryan
Hi lifobryan.
I had that problem with my cousin's wedding back in February, but it occurred before the wedding. My dad thinks my hair is wild and out of control. After the trim, my head was no longer insulated from the winter cold. The trim made me look a bit like a girl from China.
The trim weakened my bonds with my dad, and it lowered my self-esteem. If I choose not to get a trim, my dad would not let me board the plane to go to North Carolina for the wedding. I almost can't put my hair in a ponytail after the trim.
Who gave you that trim? By the way, when you go to a future wedding, forget the trim. When I go to my sister's wedding next fall, I rather have my mom take me instead of my dad.
Those that think long hair is for women are mistaken. Most people like my longer hair. I don't need those obligations. In the future, if anyone tells me to cut my hair outside my will, then I will not do it, and may probably stop being friends with them. If I were in your situation, after the wedding, I would tell the person who made me get a hair cut, that I will not be talking to him anymore.
Hope that helps for you.
Regardless
Hi Regardless!
For a long time I've been wanting to tell you that for having
wavy curly hair yours is extremely cool! I hope you never let
anyone pressure you into cutting it. Your hair rocks!
Hi MG. Thanks for your complement.
Regardless
Thanks Regardless,
I'm finding that some people really like my hair long (mostly women, actually).
Most of my male friends just say 'dude, what's with the hair ....?'
Ironically my closest male friends are ALL former longhairs. So they are tolerant of it - but think I'm growing it out about a decade too late.
My best friend - in whose wedding I was the Best Man, just asked me to 'clean it up a tiny bit.' It was the salon stylist who took a full inch off. I'm not mad at my best friend. (It wasn't his fault). I'm disappointed with the salon stylist - and a bit angry with the buddy I had dinner with last night. He's the one who won't stop harping on my hair.
lifobryan
Hey Life, wonderfully stated...you are a true longhair. Congrats on getting thruogh those comments.
Max
Thanks Max -
Yeah, the guy is a good friend of mine - but he really pissed me off! He can be soooo opinionated about clothes, hair, etc .....
Glad you've had great time on the wedding and that your hair was not a problem. Growing your hair while balding means your a true longhair, I don't know what I would do if I was balding.
Thanks man - balding genuinely sucks. I kept my hair very short for a decade because of it. At this point I figure 'what-the-hell.' There probably hasn't been a day in that decade that I have not missed my previously (albeit briefly) long hair. So that must say something about my underlying psychology. The long hair seems to be a real need.
So -- what to do about the thin patch up top? I'm actually thinking of hair-replacement now. I just don't want it to look fake. (And I also can't really afford it it right now ....)
"In other words, if someone sees me and his first thought is "inappropriate long hair," it is disturbing to his concept of social norm. It makes him pause, think, and actually LOOK at me. I don't fit into a comfortable category, and therefore he is forced to reject the IDEA of me that does not conform to the ideas that have been DICTATED to him by (fascist) fashion."
This is the crux of the whole problem that the longhaired guy faces. It's all about categories and allaying cognitive dissonance. It's the overriding wish and desire of humans to make sense of chaos through categorization and norming. That you realize this is important since being aware of this is the key to overcoming negative perceptions -- not letting them get to you.
Fashion and fascism do sound similar. But just for the heck of it, here are the etymologies. "Fascism" comes from the Latin "fasces" which was a bundle of sticks with an axe in it that was a Roman symbol of power. It can also be seen on the U.S. dime if you look carefully. The Italians of Mussolini's era re-adopted this symbol and thus the name, fascism for the political movement. Fashion comes into English by way of French ultimately from the Latin "facere," to make or do. The past participle of "facere" is "factum," a thing done. Thus fashion is a thing done, sometimes unknowingly or by coercion maybe. I have to wonder if we took the words back to the ProtoIndoEuropean whether they'd be related. They might! The connection you made between the two is plausible though for your argument. I like it!
Hey Matt B,
I always appreciate your posts - they are inevitably well-informed, and they consistently provide interesting context to the discussion. Yeah, I definitely took a bit of a leap with the fashion / fascist connection - but the phonetic similarity just had to be mentioned in that situation!
The fellow I 'went-off on' actually said, "Acceptability is not for you or me to decide - it's decided by cultural fashion. If you willingly place yourself outside of what is culturally acceptable, you are showing disdain for those around you."
Yikes - and all that from a guy who often laments how upset he is when conservative society does not accept him for being gay. And that opens up a whole other cultural discussion - how to respond when the oppressed become oppressive.
(I should also point out - the guy is a friend of mine. He often jokingly calls me "The Fashion Antichrist." But for some reason, my hair is really upsetting him these days ....)
Anyway - on a slightly related tangent - aren't there two huge bronze fasces on the chamber wall of the US House of Representatives?
Thanks, as always, for the thoughts!
(lifo)bryan
He probably thinks that hair is a choice and being gay is innate. Of course, there are people who think that being gay is just a choice. They are nuts, of course, but they are out there.
The bottom line is that if you want people to accept you as you are, then it's a two-way street. I'm not a religious person, but it's a truism that you should do unto others as you wish they would do unto you.
I might also add that the subset of people who think fashion is important includes hardly any heterosexual men! He may actually be embarassed to be seen with you, but if he is then he's a fashion victim and you aren't the one with the problem.
Not gay bashing. I accept them as they are, and they should do the same for us. It's usually the longhairs who are more liberal, and those who seem to have a problem with gay people are usually conformists in appearance. Mind you, I've never met a gay person yet who did have a problem with my hair.
As for what he actually said, I do have a lot of disdain for anyone who thinks we should all adjust our appearance to fit into narrow norms. Actually, there is a wide range of what people think is acceptable, and you would be surprised how many people don't give a d*mn what other people look like, i.e. most of them.
At an event like a wedding people do care somewhat, but the standard is that you "look nice" and you "dress appropriately" and that's it. Most people at such a function no more care what particular hairstyle you have than what colour tie you wear.
Hey, everybody's got to vent sometimes.... and what are friends for??
Thanks JS - I'm normally a really mellow fellow!
Being a longhair is about feeling it inside and not giving a crap about "The Social Norm"
You can't take the critics too seriously, they've all been bainwashed!
Bruce
While I know you didn't mean it literally, your post made me research the etymology of the words 'fashion' and 'fascism'.
fashion - façon (French) - factionem (Latin) - factio (latin)
factio means artificial
fascism - fascismo (Italian) - fascio (Italian) - fasci (Italian) - fasces (Latin)
fasces were sticks used to symbolise punishment
The fashion one sums it up pretty well, i think!
Your hair sounds awesome man. Share some pics from the bachelor party and wedding.