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These are some of my personal hair jibes, feel free to use them as your own. I know everybody here can add some of their own.
Unwelcome statement, “I couldn't wear mine that long.”
“That's right, long hair ain't for sissys.”
“It's true, only real men can have long hair.”
“Yeah, but I've been thinking about growing mine out.”
“But if you grew your hair, you'd be cool like me.”
That old boring question, “Why do you have long hair?”
“The cowardly lion had long hair.”
“Yoda had long hair... when he was younger”
“Richard Simmons has long hair, no wait... his is like yours.”
“The voices keep telling me to grow it out.”
“My neighbor's dog told me to grow it.”
“I don't have long hair, you're having a flashback.”
Rude statement, “Get a haircut”
“Get a life.”
“Get a face lift.”
“Get a therapist.”
“You mean like sheep do?”
“What are you, hair intolerant?”
“I had a dream about cutting it. I woke up and puked.”
Bible thumper, “the bible speaks against men with long hair.”
“Short hair was a Roman thing, not Christian.”
“More people in the bible had long hair than short.” (get ready for an argument).
“Paul wrote about that, he was a fascist.”
“How many pictures do you have of Jesus?”
“So did Hitler.” (It might be true).
Idiot walks in mens room, “I thought you were a girl standing there” (Yeah, it actually happened)
“So you know a lot of girls who use the urinal?”
“You ain't been around many girls, huh?
“You need to feel again.”
“Get your eyes checked, dumb ass.”
“Does this look like a girl?” (you know what to do next.)
Homophobe, “That hair makes you look gay.”
“No it doesn't, most gays have short hair, like you.” (This really gets 'em boiling)
“Your dad don't have long hair.”
“No, sorry. Keep your hands to yourself and we'll be fine.”
Short haired woman, “I don't like long hair on men.”
“I have to wear it long... to make up for all these women with short hair.”
“Oh, you're just jealous that my hair is more lovely than yours.”
“But I'm not a man, I'm a lesbian.” (Followed with a wink).
Mr. Spit-shine, “This ain't the 60's”
“Yeah I know, you would think there'd be a vaccination for you by now.”
“Hippys were pacifists, I am not a pacifist.” (If you're ready to punch them).
I know some of these are pointed, consider who you use them against.
One of the biggest problems budding longhairs face is the remarks from friends, family, co-workers and even strangers. I believe most cave from not knowing how to defend themselves.
I suggest a page just for come-backs to arm them with the best rebuttals from all of us.
Paul
WOW , quite the list! I will have to do a copy and paste and keep them handy. Hope you and your family is good! Take care!
I've though of a few more already. Might make another list soon.
Yep, family's fine, thanks. How about yours?
be cool,
Paul
When I was still living under the communist regime in Romania I was stopped every now and then by the police because of my hair. Usually they told me to cut my hair. A few times I replied with "Karl Marx had long hair (and beard) too". Usually this shut the policeman down...
Sometimes I grab a couple of hairs and show them to the person: "Which hair? This one? That one?"
So did Stalin, Mao, Kim Il Sung (choose your favorite communist dictator here)...
Don't wait until you are finished before turning around...
Once a college teacher - who was very vocal against students wearing long hair - called me a "dinosaur" (probably comparing me to the hippies whose time had passed a few years before). My reply: "As far as I know dinosaurs had scales, not hair. Maybe you discovered a new species, why don't you contact the Academy of Science?"...
--
A Linux Longhair
Cool! Those are pretty damn good.
They actually stopped you because of your hair? Unbelievable. I don't have to ask why you moved.
Hmmmm, so short hair IS communist.
Thanks,
Paul
Hi Paul, some of those are priceless. Here is another page of come-backs to check out. It is from one of our own members here. HAIR RELIGION has a bunch more that will amuse you for sure. Go to user's directory, click on his image and click on "some ways to respond to reactions". I hope you get a laugh out of some of them, I did.
Check out the rest of his site while you are at it. I recommend it highly. His hair is gorgeous and super long too.
Scott
Hey Scott!!!
That's a cool site, look somebody beat me to it!
I haven't seen him post since I been here, so if you know him tell him I'd be damn proud if he put some of mine on his list. I want to supply newbie longhairs and closet longhairs plenty of ammo to counter these ignorant, prejudiced and obtuse statements.
Closet longhairs are what I call those who tell me, "I want to grow mine out but my job, etc." or "mine used to be as long as yours, I had to cut it... blah, blah, blah." I feel for them as whatever reason they can't be who they really want to be. Some of them of course are just trying to relate. I don't know how many times someone said to me, "I'm going to grow mine." and it gets a little long and then they come in and say then just couldn't hack it for some reason. They'd be a lot more of "us" if we had more support like this site provides.
BTW, hippys have always been some of my favorite people.
later,
Paul
I usually only bother with maybe a dirty look and then ignoring them. That actually does bother them more than engagement.
As for those Bible thmpers who quote the bible directly my favortie and only reply is, "Oh you mean the worlds oldest work of fiction". That just sends them into a huge tizzy.
Most important is to walk away as I myself have little time or energy to devote to pointless encounters and or debates. I will offer a one liner if I have one and then allow them the last word as I'm walking away and will turn and shoot a quick smile as I go.
That really works wonders for me and just floors people as it's not exactly what they expected.
Kevin
I guess I'm a little more confrontational than you are.
Although I admire your ability to ignore them, I do think they deserve it and I enjoy putting them in their place.
It's also my experience they tend to respect me a lot more after they see I won't put up with it.
Don't write me off as a complete ass, most of the time I've used these it's been in a joking way (semi-joking at least) and most of the time we had a more civilized conversation afterward.
regards,
Paul
"Long??? WOW, I was still planning on growing it another foot or 2!!"
"Well, the question I want to know is: why do you have short hair?"
Oddly enough, nobody's ever actually said this to me, --- but, maybe that's because I'm a lot older than you.... Society tends to leave old geezers like me alone (probably assuming we are "hopeless" by the time we get to be my age - LOL)....
The Bible also tells you not to eat pork, --- have you eaten any bacon for breakfast recently?
Best to avoid much verbal interaction w/ Bible-thumpers altogether, actually, unless you have a degree in Theology and can argue with them intelligently. The problem w/ most Bible-thumpers nowadays is that they all tend to be Literalists, --- which makes no sense whatsoever, if you've ever seriously studied the Bible (which I did when I was a much younger adult).
"I am. I work for the circus. I'm the big lady with the deep voice that they call, The Bearded Wonder!"
I'll back you up 100% on the above statement, because I'm gay myself... In my local C&W dance club that I belong to in SF (which is primarily gay & lesbian), out of a membership of close to 500 people, I can think of only 2 other guys who are regular dancers there who have hair long enough to put back into a tail, --- and their ponytails are both SHORT, compared to mine!!!
Yep, you are 100% correct that most gays do indeed have short hair, as in: VERY short. It's a lonely world out there sometimes (lol)!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Hell yeah! Those are great! Thanks.
I really like this one.
Yeah, my wife was bummed to find out you were gay, lol.
I believe this is the REAL problem that the "hair nazis" have with long hair, they equate it with being gay for some reason.
One thing I've noticed a lot is people I just met (short haired ones) always start "gay bashing" during conversation. I tire quickly with that crap and pop off with, "Yeah yeah, you know I'm so not-gay that gays don't even bother me." and then walk off.
Good luck,
Paul
I generally don't bother responding to most comments about my hair, regardless of the fact that normally I'm a compulsive smart-mouth. It's just really not worth my time. However, in the interests of helping my longhair brethren who might be in need of a good one-liner, I'll happily contribute a few possibilities [grin]
Why?? The fashion police on the prowl again??
That's what happens when you don't cut it (said slowly, like you're talking to a small child)
Why, so I can look like you?
Really?? What about Sampson??
The beard didn't give you a clue??
Sorry, you're not my type
And your opinion matters to me why??
Sorry, honey, but you're NOT the woman I'm trying to impress
Wow, really? I gotta check the batteries in my watch..
Thanks for the info, I was wondering about that
Freaking excellent dude! Hope you don't mind, I'm adding those to my list.
I especially love these three:
Happy to help, and that's what they're there for [grin]
Well, to those objectors who are quoting the Bible, I'd say quote it right back at 'em --
Job 8:2 "How long will you speak these things? And how long shall the words of your mouth be like a strong wind?"
Good one, I'll use it.
Paul
Actually, FWIW, cutting the hair was a sign of mourning in the Bible. But I agree that it's best to avoid the religious arguments because most people only know of the Bible what others tell them. Most of the time they're wrong anyway. :-)
--
Splat
Yeah, when I met those types I am usually go to length to present myself as polite and professional as possible thus throwing them into even greater confusion. "Duh... maybe long hair is ok."
I never have got the "short hair is Christian" mentality.
My brother is a short hair and a Christian and never has he uttered a bad word about my hair. Mom is another story.
Paul
Haha, I have to remeber this one. Unfortunatly most people who haven't seen me in awhile tend to say something like "You look like Jesus" or something simular...
So far no negative comments at least :)
Lol great things to say, although most of the time I just ignore people.
The only two I have run across, and my favorite replies, are as follows:
"You need a haircut"
"I was thinking about getting one until I saw what yours looked like"
"You look like a girl"
"You must run with some pretty ugly women to think I look like one of them"
Good one. Another version might be "Well then you've got some REALLY low standards..."
Classic! That first one is particularly excellent, I gonna' use that next time I can.
Paul
once a news reporter asked a long haired singer (very popular here) why he was growing his hair, his answer could also be listed:
"i'm not growing my hair. it grows naturally"
LOL :P
Another brilliant zinger for the list.
Paul
yess!!!! I needed this!
thanks
I created this list after reading your post "dealing with slurs..." I had been thinking about making one before but that give me a reason, so thank you.
Also you should check out "Hair religions" list of comebacks.
Paul
How to respond to negative feedback