new thread
Hey all!!
I'm having a problem and i don't know how to get around it.
See, I've wanted long hair for a long time and now the chance has come around for me to grow it out. In my new career, long hair shouldn't be a issue from all that I've read and heard.
Anyway, My mom doesn't know, and my younger brother knows a little bit but both hate long hair on men. When i say long, I'm talking ponytail area. My younger brother grew his out a little bit for about 7-8 month's but cut it, he doesn't want long hair anyway. But how do I tell my mom? We all live together and get along really well but i don't want to create too much drama either.
There was one told a couple years ago I tried telling my mom and her eyes got really wide and she said "What??". It shocked her to say the least. Now i don't know if since she let my younger brother grow his out some (this was about a year ago) if she's changed on the idea but she still seems to picture me clean shaven and well kept.
Any help on how to approach this issue?
Thanks & Happy New Year!!
Shane
Hi Shane and welcome to the mlhh.All you need to do is look and read the thread from Neo and that says it all.He apparently is faced with the same problem so it depends on how strict your parents are.I know its hard living with them and having the constant nagging about your hair.The best I can offer is try reasoning with them and say how important having well kept longhair means to you.And you will have to maintain it well or they definately will be on you to cut it short.Good luck and hopefully your parents are reasonable.Take care my friend.
Mark
Hey Mark,
Thanks for the welcome, I've posted before (remember one a couple monthes ago asking about hospital workers and long hair? That was me) but thanks again for the welcome. I'm going to try and post more and less time lurking :)
I've read it once, but I'll read it again. :) It seems like Neo at the same time is also at a sort of different stage. He's already grown it out, but now's it's just the pressure to cut it. I believe my my mom will just tell me she doesn't believe it'll look good on me, and might say i should cut during my first year but after that i bet she'll see how serious i am.
And not to get into personal troubles but it's just my mom. And we get along pretty well, it's not hard living with her :) My father and i don't get along too well. We don't get into fights, but i don't have anything to say to him because of all he's put my mom and younger brother thru.
I'll just bring it up and hope for the best!
Thanks!!
Happy New Year Mark!
Shane :)
Hi Shane.Yea its just me again.LOL.Sorry I didn't remember you from before but at least you are back:)I did read the other responses to your thread and I didn't know you were 21.Right there tells me you are an adult and no one can force you into a haircut you don't want.Now I'm not saying to use that forcefully towards your mom as being tactful would be better.I also would trying and gently bring it up on your Vegas trip as it would be a more relaxed time for that as to when things may be more hectic at home.It sounds like she is a reasonable person and maybe you might want to print out that picture of Neo's beautiful pony tail to show her how your hair could look.His hair is very well maintained and who could say it looks messy. Anyway good luck with your trip with your mom and have and awesome time my friend:)
Mark
Hi Shane,
I hate to hear that. Just politely bring it up casually, maybe say, "I always sorta thought long hair was cool mom." This will let you find out if she has relaxed her views a bit. Tell her everybody's growing their's out and it's back in style. Also you might try to explain how much money you'll save on haircuts and promise her you'll keep it clean.
Just let her get used to the idea gradually, that's what I did back in the 7th grade when I fought with my mom over the same thing. She still hates it (I'm 47) so I usually put it in a tail when I go over there.
But for everybody else that gives you a hard time about it here's a list of hair retorts I posted a while back. It now includes some excellent responses from other users here on the MLHH;
"Get a haircut"
"What is that, a haircut?"
"Get a life."
"Get a face lift."
"Get a therapist."
"What are you, hair intolerant?"
"I had a dream about cutting it. I woke up and puked."
"You mean like sheep do?"
"I was thinking about getting one until I saw what yours looked like"
"Which hair? This one? That one?"
"Why do you want long hair?"
"The cowardly lion had long hair."
"Yoda had long hair... when he was younger"
"Richard Simmons has long hair, no wait... his is like yours."
"The voices keep telling me to grow it out."
"My neighbor's dog told me to grow it."
"Why do you have long hair?"
"That's what happens when you don't cut it" (said slowly, like you're talking to a small child)
"I don't have long hair, you're having a flashback."
"Long??? WOW, I was still planning on growing it another foot or 2!!"
"I couldn't wear mine that long."
"But if you grew your hair, you'd be cool like me."
"That's right, long hair ain't for sissys."
"It's true, only real men can have long hair."
"Yeah, but I've been thinking about growing mine out."
"Why?? The fashion police on the prowl again??"
"The bible speaks against it."
"I'm a Nazarite"
"Short hair was a Roman thing, not Christian."
"More people in the bible had long hair than short."
"How many pictures do you have of Jesus?".
"So did Hitler."
"So did Stalin, Mao, Kim Il Sung" (choose your favorite communist dictator here)...
"The Bible also tells you not to eat pork, --- have you eaten any bacon for breakfast recently?"
"I thought you were a girl"
"Get your eyes checked."
"So you know a lot of girls who use the urinal?"
"You ain't been around many girls, huh?
"You need to feel again."
"Does this look like a girl?" (you know what to do next.)
"You must run with some pretty ugly women to think I look like one of them"
"The beard didn't give you a clue??"
"I am. I work for the circus. I'm the big lady with the deep voice that they call, The Bearded Wonder!"
"That hair makes you look gay." (usually from a homophobe)
"No it doesn't, most gays have short hair, like you." (This really gets 'em boiling)
"Your dad don't have long hair."
"No, sorry. Keep your hands to yourself and we'll be fine."
"I don't like long hair on men." (from a short haired female)
"I have to wear it long... to make up for all these women with short hair."
"Oh, you're just jealous that my hair is prettier than yours."
"But I'm not a man, I'm a lesbian." (Followed with a wink).
"And your opinion matters to me why??"
"Sorry, honey, but you're NOT the woman I'm trying to impress"
"This ain't the 60's"
"Yeah I know, you would think there'd be a vaccination for you by now."
"Hippys are pacifist, I am not a pacifist."
"Wow, really? I gotta check the batteries in my watch.."
Paul
Hey Paul,
Thanks for the long post! I'm going to be taking a trip with my mom to Vegas just after the new year and i was wondering if i should bring it up then.
I'm 21, and i gotta have a shower everyday, i feel dirty when i don't, even when i have short hair, it has to be clean. So that's not a issue and she'll know that. As for the hair cuts, she always cut's my hair to save money so :)
Thanks for the ideas on how to deal with other people, i love that list! Some of those had me laughing so hard, but are very good ideas! Thanks!!!
Happy New Year,
Shane
I think it would be a great time to bring it up but be careful and have enough money for a bus ticket home, lol.
Paul
Hi Shane. It is always a difficult problem. You need to make her realize that you are now an adult, and part of being an adult is making your own decisions. Let her know how much you love her, but stand by your convictions. I hope you can keep it growin' and flowin'. Happy New Year!
TLH
Perhaps try this:
1. Tell NO ONE of your plans to grow long hair.
2. When it starts looking longer, someone is bound to say something like "When are you going to get a haircut?" Answer: "Next time I get to the Barbershop." Then do nothing but say everything with a big happy smile on your face and do NOT try and defend yourself. The trick is to NOT fall for any negative comments and fight back, for to argue with a fool only makes two fools.
Remember for now: "Mun is the word."
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh.................
Hi! Hope you don't mind me adding my .02 to Paul's buck and a quarter, but what I'd suggest is...
*Don't bring it up*. Just do it, and let *her* bring it up. If you bring it up, you're asking for conflict. Don't do that--make her decide whether it's worth the conflict. She might decide it's not worth it. I don't know whether it's likely (it certainly never worked for me, but that's due to my own inability to stand up for myself), but at least give her the chance to let it pass.
Hi Shane,
The secret to successfully growing your hair out is to understand that you do NOT need to tell anyone about your "plans"... Just grow it. Gradually, your hair will do all the "talking" for you. If drama begins to occur because your mom is unhappy looking at your longer hair, then that's her problem, --- that would be HER choice to create drama when there is no need for any! You are legally an adult now, right? Well, then act like one!
When you wake up in the morning, I assume you wouldn't go ask your mom for her approval over whatever clothes you decided to wear to go to work that day, right? Adult males simply no longer need to ask for their parents' approval over things like that! Same with hair: just politely, calmly, patiently and persistently continue to quietly grow your hair longer and longer... There is no reason in the world that would so-called be valid enough for her to convince you otherwise. It's YOUR hair. It's YOUR body, YOUR life, YOUR decision, --- and yours *alone*!!!
Justin said something very similar in his reply to you below. I can't remember his exact working; but, in any case, both of our responses to you are pretty much the same in essence...
It's always a good idea to take advise from a couple of old geezers once in awhile, --- the reason being: that we have already lived through plenty of drama in life ourselves (lol)!! Nowadays, the only drama I'm willing to put up with is dancing a nice Tango with somebody! At my age, anyone that would dare to have the nerve to tell me that my long hair is causing "them" problems would only encourage me to laugh and grow my hair even LONGER!
Doing this small act of growing your own hair out is NOT "selfish" (a word often used by anyone trying to get you to cut it in order to comply with their wishes). THEY are the ones who are being selfish, --- because they will try their damndest to get you to cooperate with THEIR willful plans for you! Because you want your own hair on your own head to grow long now also does NOT mean you don't love your family any less than you always have; nor does it mean that you have suddenly changed into some mean or evil person, --- any more than it would mean that you are now a drug addict, a longhaired trouble-maker, or any other stereotype your mom might think up and start to worry about...
So, starting now, promise yourself that you will grow your hair out the ADULT way: by quietly, confidently, patiently just letting your hair grow looooooong... No need for you to have to "explain" anything to anybody (other than maybe just to nicely say that you simply "like" long hair). And certainly there's no need to have to make up any "excuses" for wanting it long. No need for you, either, to have to put up with any drama or bad behavior from others about it, too!! And, most important of all.... No need for you to EVER have to give in to allowing someone else to go ahead and touch and eventually cut your hair in order to please *them*!!!
You are the boss of your own body, and you are the boss your own hair.
A big hearty WELCOME to you to MLHH, --- and also: WELCOME to ADULTHOOD (lol)!!
My best to you!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Well said!
I remember Jesus had the same problem and Ken told him the same thing.
LOL
He is right though.
So we suggest you deal with it.
Kevin
Yes, Kevin, I agree that Jesus had great success as a longhair (lol)!!
You're wrong, though, about me being "OLD": you're forgetting that I'm only 24, --- it's just that I look like HELL for that age (LOL)!!
- Ken
Thanks the input everyone, I'll keep you updated on how it goes!!