new thread
Hey, it's been awhile since my first post here. My hair is at about six months of growth, and I've thus far only had one trim in early December. It seems to be going alright, though recently I think I might have damaged it with some unhealthy practices. But that's besides the point.
Last week marked a great personal tragedy in my life. At least I call it a tragedy for lack of a better word. There's something I'm going to have to hold off for now in my life for another two and a half years, something very important and cherished in my life... and I don't really feel like saying any more, since it's not going to help me present my case. But basically, because of the emotional turmoil I've been thrown into, I've just suddenly lost interest in caring for my hair and letting it grow. That's why I mentioned how I think I might have damaged it recently; I just wasn't thinking and didn't care enough at the time to realize the potential consequences. And so it hit me recently when reading from a Bible passage at my church that the shaving of heads was a common practice back then for those in deep grief. So as a sign of mourning, a way to let everyone on the outside know just how much I'm hurting on the inside, I might just shave my head. Part of me thinks that this would be a good way to get a message across to key people that don't realize how much I'm aching or just how much this issue really means to me. I also think that it might in turn help distract my mind for a little bit. The other part of me, however, thinks I should just press on and continue growing it out, with the ideas that it'll send a more positive message that I won't be broken by this as well as give me something long term I can look forward to tending to until this two and a half year period is over. That would also set my original hair goal of December 2010 to July 2011, which would be a significantly longer goal than before. When I realized this, I suddenly became deeply thankful that hair growing is such a long term process. In an odd way, it makes events and wait-times which seem excruciatingly long from different perspectives seem very reasonable.
I understand that this is an awkward, strange, and overtly emo-sounding post - but this issue I'm only vaguely mentioning is a very deep and personal one for me, so regardless of how it might come across to you all, any answers with genuine thought put into them will be greatly appreciated. Thank you and God bless.
-Jesh
Hi Jesh,
I hacked off about 6 inches of hair once for a similar emotional state. I regretted it the very next day.
Hang in there,
Paul
Regardless of your faith, there is always a better option than shaving your head for your purposes.. telling someone. IF you want long hair, shaving your head to show your troubles is obviously very backwards.. and you may become even more depressed (if you truly want long hair).
Also, trust me bro, in 6 months you couldn't damage your hair to an irreparable state. Just start taking better care of it and things will be fine.. if you are unhappy at a more significant length of hair.. say shoulder or longer.. than consider a MINOR trim if the damage is so extensive. Your hair will be alright.
As far as depression goes.. you should talk to someone you love/trust or a professional. Based on your post, if you like your minister.. they can counsel you.. other than that.. see a doctor (general physician's will generally refer you to a psychiatrist if things seem really grim for you.
Good luck.
Hey Jesh,
I have to say I agree with the other guys who care for you, and advise you to get some good counsel. What a great group of guys and wise guys are on this board. Responding to your words, I have to say that sometimes when lots of things are taken away from us, being able to watch your hair grow is a complete pleasure which is FREE! I well know the urge to make things different, and just cut it off for a new or younger look. Been there, done that. If that will make you feel better, it is always an option, and one you can wait a week to do.
Bible-wise, we both know that Jesus himself told his followers to just stay "clean cut" even IF they were fasting, or doing penance. No "long faces" or drama if they were doing something to make amends or fast for spiritual reasons.
Still, it seems like you are wanting to express something deeply sad to your very self, and finding a WAY to express it, which does no damage to you is the issue. As guys, sometimes expressing our selves at all, or in a healthy way, is a real challenge. And, it is a kind of spiritual growth too.
This is an opportunity to find the wisest people you know, and ask them how to healthily express what is going on inside of yourself, which is deeply sad and frustrating. "This too, shall pass", but sometimes, it is hard to see so many months ahead in a nice light. Still, you have so many kind brothers-in-longhair here, who have been through depressions & frustrations too, who are here to bounce things off of. Depression is nothing to fool with, or make light of. Take the time to seek some good counsel and affirming friends who value your long hair. We are all behind you.
Thanks for asking for support, and advice.
All the best to you ahead.
-Daniel
in early December. It seems to be going alright, though recently I think I might have damaged it with some unhealthy practices. But that's besides the point.
First of all, I suggest that you believe in the real God and not a man made God. NO RELIGION!
Anyway, the other day I was feeling down and as I was driving along Gulf Blvd at Clearwater Beach, FL I saw a woman puting a live jacket on a little boy. They were both laughing and they were obviously getting ready to go fishing as they had their poles near by. The only thing was, as the woman was puting the life jacket on the little boy I noticed that he didn't have any arms.
I thought to myself, what a jack ass I am! I have everything and I am still depressed. I have my health, I have some money, I have a good job... I basically have everything that this young boy may never have, yet he seemed so happy. I think about this everytime I get depressed. It makes me think about what I could be missing.
BTW, I still have my hair too. At least most of it:)
I am a very lucky man and I don't take that for granted. At least not anymore.
jeffrey
Jesh,
I wholeheartedly agree with the replies below. Sometimes, when life seems beyond control, we seek for ways in which to control something--anything--in our present reality. Cutting off one's hair is a quick and easy way to feel in control of something... temporarily. Once it's gone, though, the desire for a long, masculine mane, and the true power and strength of will that it represents, will quite likely remain. In addition, it is likely that you will feel regret over cutting your hair, anger or frustration over having let yourself down, and apprehension regarding your ability to muster the strength to start again.
I'm not just guessing at these things, but speaking from personal experience. Just last summer, I shaved my head as a knee-jerk reaction to having lost a very dear friend to brain cancer. Not a single day passed before the feeling of "control over my reality" that I gained from doing this faded, and I was left with a bald head, and a longer wait to reach my goal of having long hair.
If long hair is something that you truly desire, as an outward expression of your true, inner self, I urge you to stay the course, resist the urge to cut, and seek other ways of obtaining the help and support you need to deal with your current life challenges. Whatever you choose, though, I sincerely wish you the very best, and hope things get better for you very soon.
Best regards,
Val
Along the lines of what Justin said maybe some counseling and a bit of therapy would not be a bad idea. Unfortunately none of us here at MLHH are in that profession as far as I know except Restav but he hasn't posted in ages.
Good luck
Kevin
First I just want to thank you all for the responses. I never would have expected half the depth and sincerity you guys put into each of your respective answers. Thanks for caring enough to spend the time and thought on someone you don't even really know outside of cyber space. Wow... I'm truly grateful and want you all to know that.
I'm still wrestling with myself on this issue and on how I should be handling it. But I think the urge to cut off my hair has proven to be momentary and I'm pretty much over that. It was just I need some way to or something to do or I think I might snap. I lost my appetite last weekend, which led me to decide to fast for however long it takes before, hopefully, some of this searing pain wears off... but somehow my girlfriend found out about it. She's been trying so hard to break me out of this despairing state of mind, mostly by encouraging me and challenging me to find hope. Which is amazing since the issue directly affects her as well. She's so selfless. Anyway, in tears, she finally convinced me to give up the fasting and, later, the idea to shave my head. She understands my need to grieve but she too doesn't think either of those means are the right way to go about it. But what am I left with? I don't feel like counseling is justified in my case, not yet at least. It's like the story one of you posted about the boy with no arms - compared to others, I feel I have no right to weep. I feel I should do what I was raised to do; namely, to force down the hurt, shun it, and continue pressing on hoping it'll just numb itself away. And yet I can't escape the fact that I am hurting. Maybe each man's pain is his own and no one can every really know the full measure of his personal grief, therefore making all pain relative and worthy of being addressed? I don't know; ha I'm rambling now. Philosophical jargon in times of "crisis", what potential.
Now my girlfriend's afraid I might resort to something else more drastic. I doubt it, I'm willing to deal with this some other way in order to keep her from becoming distressed or upset. i just dont know how, except I need to find some way to deal with it.. God is good though, and I believe I will get out of this somehow, with a brighter, more promising future ahead.
but in order to keep this hair related, I'll keep the mane-to-be growing... thanks again for everything guys.
-Jesh
Remember that "Pain shared is pain halved; joy shared is joy doubled." Find someone to talk to and resolve these issues within yourself. Though you say that your pain is less in degree than others may experience, it is still your pain nonetheless and just as important, urgent, to you. I've heard that everyone lives in their own little private hell, but we don't have to do this. Really, I beleive you can come out of this by sharing and talking, not sweeping it under the rug. You might reassure your GF that you're not going to do anything drastic. But the first step is opening the problem up and resolving it in your mind, putting everything in perspective, figuring out realistic and doable solutions, and working toward a goal for improvement. I think you can do it. Your very well-spoken in your messages; you're intelligent; you can overcome whatever hurdle you are facing.