new thread
Hi,
I don't know, if I really have some problem, but I'm someway irritated on my last experiences I had with my long hair and my girlfriend.
I have to tell, that I'm no long-hair-fetishist, but only let it grow and don't cut, and the girlfriends, I was together mostly liked it, and so there was no need to cut.
The irritating experiences came with my girlfriend (with her job making much more money, than I do), I'm together nearly one year.
Some times she said, I might do something with my looking - what I mostly didn't care about. So one day she found searching the internet to this page, and some postings on updo's for men, and so some days after on a weekend came with a friend of her, a professional hairstylist, trying some updos with my hair.
Cause the way I'm looking really don't cares me very much, I let them do, though I feeled someway strange now wearing my hair up:
at last they made me that style described in one of the old posting of this board, ( http://the-light.com/archive/mens/messages/1079.html ) cause my girlfriend wants to see, how this will look on me: a french braid up and so the loose strands pinned up on my head to a lot of curls and so very feminine and glamourous looking, a way, that comes to surprise me, though I mostly don't care on my looking.
But my girlfriend was really delighted with this result, and so they used much of hairspray to fix it, though I was someway sceptical on this.
But she turned to calm my doubts, that this might look nice, and one hour later there were some of her friends coming, to get be advised by them, if my new style is nice and appropriate.
So next time I got surprised, when they mostly confirmed the view of my girlfriend, telling, this style to be much better than the way, I'm looking before, and it doesn't matter if male or female: the nice looking results should be essential.
And so - to get the top on it - I got statements (after they saw the polaroid-photos, my girlfriend has made from the updo-trials before), that for my face and my hair an updo-style is best appropriated to me, and there was no contradiction.
I'm not really sure, if I so was a victim of a conspiracy of my girlfriend, but their was mostly to me the evidence, that they were serious with their statements.
Cause I had planned before with my girlfriend, to have the weekend with her, I let it go wearing this updo-styling:
on one hand I was very irritated about it, but let it be to the favor of my friend, on the other hand I admit that I was someway fascinated of this styling and so tolerated it like some carnival-event.
But since that weekend she came again several times, me to wearing my hair in an updo-style, also very high tied pony-tails she makes, if I leave this unattended.
Also she got me to go to a salon, to make an elaborated updo (14 days after her first disovery of my new styling) , and I saw several pictures printed, she got out of the WebSites, that have hairdo-galleries with updo's, that she's going to trie on me, if there's the occasion (I even found pix like this ones http://gallery.hairboutique.com/detail.asp?ID=5062 http://www.beautywish.com/images/Formals/formal_style_6.jpg ).
While I use to be open-minded on all things, that may occur and can be done, if some like it and there's no damage and also like to be with my friend and what she likes to do, I see little reason not to follow the way she likes it.
But on the other hand I think, there's come the time, to stop this, particulary with regard to the risk, that this new way of styling, she likes trying on me, gets public and no more only discreet between us and her friends - and she is still planning this: visiting parties and present me with my new styling.
So she suggested, if I might find it embarrassing to present me as male with this updo-styling, to make a little crossdressing and so present to most people as regulary styled.
She had tested this (with support of her friends) already with me before my first visit for updo-styling in the salon, cause I don't dared to be public with this (my second carnival-presetation within short time - and she also likes to see me stumble in high-heels her friends believed to be appropriate to supply us with; after first pain it developed to be a special kind of fun, though I until now don't find to have a disposition to be transvestite).
So what do you think about such tales ?
What would you recommend in this situation ?
should I better cut my hair, before things come worse ?
maybe, you might help me out of my irritation...
Rainer
Dont let your Girl do that pro that's what gives guy's with long hair a bad name.
Go for the updos,you will like them after a while.As for dressing,try a skirt for your girlfriend and you will see just how comfy these are.Just let her try things with your hair and you will really start to enjoy it after a while. Lynn
Hi Lynn,
are you talking with experiences with things like this ?
Rainer
Last year I started wearing updos for my girlfiend also. At first it felt funny. They are great looking I also started wearing skirts . they feel so nice I never thought. One day at the mall she bought me a pair of heels to wear with the skirt and hair .
That's great. My feeling about things like that if you like it, and it feels right to you, then do it. Somehow, we've reached a point where the conventions for what's acceptable for men have become very limited for no good reason. We here see that with negative reactions to long hair. Why should an updo style, or a skirt, or heels be any different? There's nothing inherently feminine about these things, and if enough guys adopted them, that perception would change.
Agreed, even though I don't think I'll ever wear heels, since I don't think they'd be very comfortable anyway. But, I do wear skirts, and, once my hair's long enough for something other than a bun, I may try wearing an updo.
-J
If you enjoy it when your girlfriend styles your hair, but you are not comfortable wearing it in some of those styles in public, then just tell her that. Let her know that you like it, but you want it to be something private and special just for the two of you. Maybe you could agree to wear some moderate updos in public. An example of this would be a half ponytail. It's a little fancier than the usual low ponytail that most guys wear, yet it's generally accepted on both sexes.
If you are not comfortable with cross dressing, then tell her so. Ask her to respect your viewpoint on this. Maybe, to appease her, you could do it for her in private if she really wants you to, but only if you want to do it.
It's good that she is uninhibited and wants to do these things with you. But, make sure that you only do what you are comfortable with also. If you do it only because she wants you to, and it causes you public embarrassment, then that will end up damaging your relationship.
Cutting your hair so that she can't style it is not the answer. Your girlfriend perceive your actions as a punishment, and also make her feel guilty and responsible for making you cut your hair, which is the last thing that she wants. The right thing to do is to communicate with her and tell her how you feel. Then come to some kind of a reasonable compromise that you both can live with.
Also interested to find some more freedom for creative styling I just found, that there are other guys experiencing with updo's.
On Jarkko's Updo-Gallery he's showing some nice examples.
http://sivut.koti.soon.fi/plaque/hair/gallery/
Also found, that in other times and places men used to wear updo's: in India (like Buddha and the emperor Raja Raja), China, Japan and other countries and folks.
Maybe we all got mad threatened by "bad words" and so on.
Two weeks ago I heard by the TV Yves Saint Laurent got freedom for women: with his help they learned to wear men's clothes, trousers and so on.
Maybe some day the same thing happen to men, so we also may have the freedom to style every way, we like, without to call of crossdressing or getting problems with having the career, you want.
I wouldn't put up with anyone doing stuff to my hair I did not like. Personally, I like braids, particularly complicated braids (no cornrows, though). But I don't like fru-fru feminine-stuff done to my hair; no wispy curls, pins, etc. But that's just my personal preference.
Since this is about YOUR hair, if I were you, I'd decide what I liked and how far I was comfortably willing to go to please the lady, then draw the line there, and stand my ground. If you can handle the braids, but don't like them put up in a chignon or other fru-fru, say so and let that be that. If she gets upset because you won't change to make her happy, it is best that you learn that now, because sooner or later it will be a big problem in your relationship--she'll want to control you, and you won't like it.
Good luck,
--Tock