new thread
During most of my high school years I was a skinny, galky, overly-sensative kid with mediocre grades and little to no self-confidence. At one point my teenage acne was so bad that my face looked like a pizza. I had no choice whatsoever in the ugly short haircuts that my dad gave me and my 4 brothers, --- including mandatory crewcuts every summer until I broke down and cried my Sophmore year, causing my dad to grudgingly at least to forgo the summer buzzcuts.
One day while at high school during my still overly-sensative stage, I did something real stupid in front of other kids in my class that made them all laugh at me. I felt totally humiliated, causing me to think about the event literally all day long.
When I got home in the afternoon, I told my mom about what happened in school that morning, sheepishly seeking her advise on how I could "solve" my problem and what I might be able to say to remedy the opinion of all the "cool" kids that had laughed at me.
"Do you think they are REALLY still thinking of you and what you did?", she stated quite harshly, "They aren't thinking about you, --- you're not that important! They've moved on to think about a thousand other more interesting things than some silly mistake that you made earlier today... People mostly just think all about themselves, anyway, --- so, just get over it!"
I was shocked. I was totally disappointed and in her response, as well as suddenly depressed to think that she thought I wasn't important enough for these kids to be thinking about me anymore. And yet.... even though I was depressed and even angry at my mom's rude comments, I also somehow began to slowly feel a burden had been lifted off my shoulders...
Now that I'm a thick-skinned crusty old fart, I can't even remember whatever the silly incident was that made me feel so humiliated that day. It was only important so long as I stayed in an ultra-sensative state of mind.
I'm sharing this story specifically so that I hope it might be fun to read as well as helpful for our new friend, Robin, from India.
As the saying goes, growing your hair long makes you grow as a person on the INSIDE just as much as your hair is also growing on its own on the outside (or something like that - LOL)....
Happy growing!
- Ken
Great story Ken, Thanks for Sharing that with us....
Along the same lines....a wise friend of mine says:
"What other people think of me is none of my business"
I really like that.
Take Care my Friend,
Walter
Hi Ken
This is so true and Walter has stated it so well. Your mom was right. Mine, though for the most part a very free thinker but at times caugth-up in the "what people will think" mode. I used to tell her that you cannot stop people from thinking and then she would laugh. OMG, and to think that this dates back to the late 19th century! LOL :-)
Take care Ken and Walter too
Justin~
Great words of advice, Ken (and Walter and Justin, below)! It was this same realization that helped me get over my fear of public speaking. Before I understood that the people in the audience are far more concerned about themselves than the guy doing the talking, I absolutely SUCKED at delivering presentations. Once I internalized the truth that, not only do they regard the speaker as "the expert" on the topic at hand, but they also (like most people) are egocentric and more worried about what others might be thinking about them, I started to evolve into a very skilled and effective public speaker. Today, it doesn't matter if I'm speaking in front of 5 people or 5,000... this is thanks, in large part, to realizing the very same truth your mother conveyed to you all those years ago.
The same goes for hair (or any other personal choice one might make, so long as it doesn't harm others). Be "the expert" about yourself, your preferences, your life, your choices, and realize that it really isn't that important to anyone else. You might occassionally run across someone who ACTS as though your choices are important to them, but this is usually an indication that they have some problematic issues of their own, and would rather distract themselves and the rest of the world away from their problems by shining the spotlight on somebody else.
Alright (speaking of individual problems), I've got final exams this week that I need to get back to studying for!
Take care,
--Val
Good point, Ken.
Too bad the IRS doesn't take your Mother's advice.
jeffrey
Thanx mr.ken, that was helpful ..i shouldn't think about ppl who laughs at me bcoz they're also not thinking about me. and the indians only want shorthaircuts for men..bcoz they dont have guts to grow it and mantain it, they think their 'elvis' haircut is cool & i should also have a haircut like them:\ . Only 'sikhs' here have longhairs bcoz its their religion. Only ppl that never laughs at me are older guys and women other than that everyone is just staring at me and laughing , but the situation was that when my hair was long i used to seen ppl laughing at me whenever i go outside everyday and it really made me depressed .ive only seen 2-3 guys in my city who have longhairs and their age is between 23-28 and they mostly wore their hair in ponytail. Maybe i should also wore my hair in pony when i grow my hair next time :u plus the city where i live is populated with north indians(punjabis & hindus) who dont have manners at all but we have a very few south indians(bengali, tamil etc) here who are really some decent, mannerful people & they never stare at others, they mind their own business unlike the hindus.