new thread
Hey everyone. I've been getting some negative comments of my hair from friends and family. So I figured I'd make a thread to rant a little and maybe get some advice.
A friend(well, not really haha) a few days ago said I looked like a "queer". Another said I looked like a girl.... wow. I have facial hair LOL...
What REALLY bugged me was the conversation I had with certain family of mine...
" When are you cutting your hair?"
me- Never....
" It doesn't look good you would look great with short hair"
me- But I like it long.
"But, nobody else does."
"Oh, and also your image... if you apply for a job now you probably wouldnt get it"
me- Well... I like it. And if people assume I'm whatever because of my hair and judge me on that then that's THEIR PROBLEM.
I think I handled it pretty good and they just fell silent and agreed... tentavily because they were the ones who had a problem with my hair...
I don't hear many negative comments but I just rarely get the you look gay, like a girl, a fag, you look better with short hair, when are you cutting it? comments...
Oh and I get "You look like Jesus" comment ALL the time. I don't know how I should take that LOL. I mean I gues jesus looked like ____ like other people comment on me? Gah, I hate all this discrimination, ha.
Well, hopefully it wasn't a longggggggg read. :)
Eh don't let those guys waive you at all, people like to have control over their surroundings, and when they see something they think is "out of place" they seek to make it the way they think it should be.
Also, i had people commenting on my long hair negatively, same exact comments as you are getting basicly, and if you simply show them that you are unmovable they will give up soon enough, of course people who you meet in the future will still try but they too will give up as long as you dont give them an inch (of hair, hah)
haha.
thanks for the advice RyanB!
": Hey everyone. I've been getting some negative comments of my hair from friends and family. ...Gah, I hate all this discrimination".
Hi, Adam, I read what you wrote and I know how you feel.
As Bill Choisser once told me, the older you grow, the less hassle you'll get from others. I think time cures all. The main thing is not to yield and to remain faithful to your own ideals. One often believes that, when he complies to the criticisms of others, he will favor them and they'll hassle him (yes, that "him" instead of "him/her" means I'm a grammatical chauvinist; I consider it less time-consuming) no longer; while, in fact, they'll afterwards hassle that person even more because he gave them evidence that he is under their control. So, don't have illusions: you will NOT make those people friendlier if you obey them - on the contrary. Bakunin says the more authority a person has over his subject, the more he'll feel he has right to do whatever he wants with his subject, be it even mistreatment, or physical or mental abuse. The only safe route is to believe yourself and not the others.
And as for bearing hardships, I'd say it was pretty much your choice. You knew what you'd go through as a longhair; I knew it too. We can either continue bearing or have a haircut; no other choice. No fighting for what you want and then complaining why it is so hard. If it's so hard, then home you go, soldier.
thanks for replying.
God informationBill gave you there.
And NO I will not cut my hair for ANYBODY. HA. I was just ranting abouthow these certain people give me s*** about being MYSELF.
I will fight on soldier ;)
Hi Adam,
Do your friends have any idea whatsoever what the "average" gay man looks like? Well, it's obvious to me that they don't, because most gay men have SHORT hair (and I do mean, very VERY SHORT)!!!!
I aught to know: I am gay myself! The fact that I have long hair means that I'm a minority within a minority (and "oddball" in a community of fanatically short shorthairs)... In the gay & lesbian C&W dance community of which I am a member, there are over 300 members. During all the 20 years of which I've been actively participating with this group of people, I can count on one hand how many other guys have ever had long hair besides myself, --- mine being unquestionably the longest!!
You can tell your "friends" that THEY are the ones who look gay, not you. Speaking of which... I think it's time you dumped them and got yourself a newer, better bunch of friends!!!
- Ken in San Francisco
I agree with everything you said, Ken. They aren't really my friends and I know that. They are also ignorant a**h***s haha. I really don't hang out with them since about 2 years now and just ran across them.
I found that the negative comments tailed off as the hair grew longer. I think people assume they can sway you until it gets beyond a certain length and then they either accept it or give you up as a lost cause. Certainly all of the recent comments I've heard have all been positive, so I'm not complaining.
You could always reply that you're expressing your individuality and if they're happy to conform and look like everyone else, that's up to them, but you'd rather be a man than a sheep.
I'm still in the awkward stage. I'm pretty sure by 2 years growth (im at 13 and a half months) that the comments will start becoming positive. Not that the negative one will make me cut my hair...
Hi Adam,
Sadly this story is frequently repeated here but the responses below sum it up nicely.You must stand your ground and just blow off the comments.Most people will give up eventually unless they enjoy sounding like a broken record that no one is listening to anyway.It amazes me that people would go out of their way on this issue when there are more important problems in the world.Keep the faith my friend:)Cheers
Mark
Thanks for the advice Mark :)
They: "You look like Jesus"
You: "Thank you!"
I get the same comments that you get all the time and I've learned to just let them roll off my back. It get tiresome though.
Bruce
Hi Adam !
Just wanted to let you know that I've also been growing my hair for 12 months now and it's curly, it looks like a lot like yours !
And I know exactly what you're growing through. I also used to get those kind of comments and opinions from both family and friends.
I'm sure that the only thing those comments are gonna do to you is motivating you even more to grow your hair even longer !
I used to get stupid comments and questions like: "Why won't you just cut your hair" "When are you going to cut that big hair" , "You will look like a girl if you grow your hair longer". The thing that made those people stop talking about my hair was that I wasn't taking their comments seriously. I always laughed at them..hehe
So yeah...definately keep it growing and I think you won't have to wait that long to get out of the awkward stage. I'm also looking quite awkward, but a lot better that 2-3 months ago, so i guess that after the 18 month you'll look super awesome and no one would ever make fun of you again ;) !
Oh and by the way I saw your progress pics and I think that even tho at the awkward stage your hair looks cool and a lot better than the buzz cut you got over a year ago !
Cheers !
Luben
Thanks for the advice and compliments!
This happens to me all the time, all I can do is shrug it off because I like the long hair that I have.
I can't even count the amount of times someone said "wow your hair is really long... you should cut it"
now I just say "yeah sorry I woke up this morning with really long hair for some reason, I liked it so much... I think I'll keep it!"
nice job throwing it back at them.
im in highschool in redneck-skinhead-intolerant western maryland and usually get hippie (to which i answer "what?" or "you needed me") or "get a haircut" which has gotten me in some fights.
comments like these make or break you as a longhair and ive seen it go both ways
ANYWAY... these slurs are almost always from other guy and its about what you think, and what girls think, and i always get good comments from girls so im happy.
also if anybody throws out hippie or jesus or says you worship the devil just act like you are (especially the last one) this almost always shuts people up