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There's really no way I can say this without calling you guys "old," but the fact is, many of you have been around much longer than me, and you guys know more about life in general. I feel stuck, and I've felt that way for a while now. I figured I would get some grand "opening of the eyes" while I'm waiting for my hair to get long again, and I may, but I haven't yet.
When I was in High School, my "dream" was pretty simple; I wanted to get a simple job making decent money, pay my bills and taxes, have a few things I want, and live out my days in relative peace. Well, I was attending community college, but the economy just got so bad I had to find work to help my household (I still live with my Mom, but before you guys call me names, I am now the main provider of the home and have been for over three years now).
I went through a couple of really sorry jobs before I finally settled into the same convenience store my father used to work at (go figure, huh?). Dad got killed when I was 10, and I never would have thought I'd have anything to do with that store again, but it's been putting money in my pocket since 2006, so I can't gripe. I take care of just over half the expenses of the home, plus any extra things Mom wants, and when I have it I'll purchase something nice for myself.
So, from a certain perspective my dream came true. I decided a while back not to try and go back to college (at least as long as I'm employed at that store) because we go to college to acquire work that we enjoy in order to have fulfilling lives, and I do enjoy my job (most of the time).
Here's where I need the advice.
While I am very thankful to have a job at a time when our economy is so in the dumps, and countless thousands of people are out of work, I still feel like I'm spinning my wheels. My room is an utter mess, because I simply have too much stuff: stuff Dad left me, stuff I found and kept, old papers and trinkets (for Pete's Sake I still have ALL my schoolwork from kindergarten ALL THE WAY to the day I quit college!). Tons of books, video game systems and games, comics, collectibles... you name it. One big thing is that I want to get my room organized, but it's gotten so bad now, I don't know where to start.
Also, the ho-hum of doing the same thing every day has gotten to me. Maybe this is just the restlessness of youth, and don't get me wrong; I love my home, but I just need to do something different.
I am a homebody, I like having fun at home, but I think maybe I've just been doing the same things to entertain myself for so many years now they've gotten dull. If I could get my surroundings better organized, it might renew the shine, but also different ways to pass the time never hurt either.
Sometimes I'll fry up a bunch of fish I caught and make homemade slaw and potato salad and hush puppies. Or I might make homemade pizza, or work with plants, or exercise, but I still feel like my life isn't going anywhere.
I think I might just need new ways to do old things. Some things to kill some time while I work from day to day and watch my hair grow back long, like it feels right being.
I know it was horribly off topic, but if any of you "veterans" have any insight, I'd love to hear it, and thanks in advance.
Attached is a pic of me when I was 17, about seven months into growing my hair out the first time. My eyes were so bright and my smile was so simple and innocent. I just don't feel that way anymore.
It's hard respond with much specificity without knowing you, but I'm struck by a couple things that are lacking in your description of your life--friends, and passions. That's not to say you are without them, but since you don't mention either, it makes me wonder whether you are simply lonely.
As for your accumulated possessions, it doesn't take a psychiatrist to observe that you are hanging onto things that give you identity. If you feel "empty" as you say, these relics from your past are filling a void, though not successfully.
If it's difficult for you to figure out how to stretch yourself beyond your current rut, some counseling may be called for. That doesn't mean anything is inherently "wrong" with you, just that you need a fresh perspective on your life from an objective party. The counseling doesn't need to from a psychiatrist, perhaps a minister or social worker would be just as good.
I hope you find any of that helpful.
Take care,
Arnold
All right. My first reaction is that you write REALLY WELL. It's unusual to see such well-constructed and punctuated writing these days.
What should you do? I would invest in my future. Take some training or courses that will make you more valuable. Then maybe you can get yourself an apartment and also help out your mom. Take courses in the evening, one at a time, toward a degree if you're still interested in that. Or online courses. It's slow but few people are lucky enough to have four years of college paid for. You're looking for the long term, and you'll feel better about yourself if you're doing something for yourself.
And good luck!!
Sounds to me that you need to find something outside of work and you home life that is important to you. Whether it is joining some kind of social club, volunteering, or taking some classes (classes doesn't neccassarily have to be for working towards a degree, a simple dance class will do) find something to do that you find some joy in that doesn't have anything to do with work or home. When I was younger and still living with my parents (I didn't move out until I was 20, and then it was to move in with a girlfriend) I was on the volunteer fire department/rescue squad. The VFD became a passion of mine and it was my life. It was what brought meaning to my life, it made me feel very usefull. I really enjoyed helping out people in immedate need. It gave me a zest for life. So get out and find something to do that really is an extention of what you find important.
As far as the orginization of your room, you might purchase some kind of orginizers to keep everything in. Personally, I don't understand keeping everything like you do, I'm the total opposite as I tend to throw out everything if I don't see an actual real need for it right away. (at least within the month) But I know that getting rid of stuff is very hard for some people so I'm not even going to pretend to suggest that you get rid of anything. But do find a way to keep it all orginized where it is easily accessable to you, yet out of the way when your not looking at that stuff.
Start with joining something outside of the home first before you get to worried about orginization of your room as you will get more accomplished and will orginize better if your energy is spent on something you love.
Daniel
Sounds to me that you are not feeling empty, but in fact you are feeling sort of reflective. Let me explain that. I think any man. Any real mean looks back at their milestones or achievements and rethinks their purpose or rethinks their goals. We overtime become content with smaller things. Or we become comfortable and get into a rut.
I started off as a public relations specialist. Hated it. So much spinning, sorrow and because I worked for a prominent American auto manufacturer I eventally became unemployed.
Growing your hair is one thing, however you have much going on. Others suggested that you look into school courses and I agree with them, however I think strongly that what you are lacking is some form of expression. Growing your hair out may give you some personal physical expression, but you need an outlit.
Happiest time I had recently was finger painting with my partners niece. Felt sort of messy, crazy and fun. Why not start photography, painting, some form of drawing (Comics for example) Why not start something thats only for you, and only you can do, by yourself, for yourself.
Money is tight mate. I get that, and courses can be expensive, so why not make your own. I mean, local libraries are free, and you can learn what form of expression appeals to you while thing financialy improve.
I believe men are only happy when they create. They are only happy when they build, whether it be relationships, business advancement, art, archetecture, or landscapes.
At the end of the day, you will only feel better if you accomplish something. You dont have to take my words though, Im just a crazy Cannuck artist who barely has a handle on sanity let alone solid advice giving.
Either way, I hope this finds you well.
I hear what you are saying. A few years ago, I had been working in banking for twelve years and had gotten very bored with it. I switched careers, and it has made all the difference. Not that you should switch right now, as you correctly mention the scarcity of jobs in the market.
However, as well as you write, you must be intelligent. About college work, while higher education will not guarantee you much of anything besides a piece of paper framed and hanging on the wall, it can potentially open up new doors for you. How about taking management courses? Even an associate's degree of two years qualifies you for more opportunities. Become the manager of the convenience store. Then become the regional manager of several stores. As you know, local community colleges offer many programs and courses that can be taken in the early morning or late evening to suit students just such as yourself. And there are all sorts of scholarships and grants that will pay for your school work. But you can do many things with a high school diploma: I heard someone telling me about a lady with just a high school diploma making $95K per year as a local county official.
Remember that many poets have told us that we "fortunize" our own lives. Edmund Spenser puts it thus: "It is the mind, that maketh good or ill." John Milton says something similar: "The mind is its own place, and in itself / Can make a Heav'n of hell, a Hell of Heav'n." If you're bored with your life, it's your duty to change that. There are all sorts of clubs and civic organizations that you could participate in. For years, when I had time, I was in the Kiwanis Club. They do many worthy philanthropic activities: one of their primary missions is to eradicate iodine deficiency disorder -- this is the leading cause of preventable mental retardation in nations where the salt is not iodized. A lack of iodine in the diet during childhood can severely hamper mental development.
As for your room, two words: yard sale. If you haven't worn clothes in a year, they go. If you haven't played a game in a year, it goes. Etc. I save lots of papers too. Get yourself some bins to organize the papers or a small filing cabinet. You can get things like this cheap. Offices often even give used ones away. And then a two-drawer cabinet can also serve as a table or surface for a TV, etc.
Then get everything out of your room. Clean the floors well. Paint the walls a new color. Clean your furniture. Only bring back in what you use daily and need and only enough to fill the room without being cluttered. What can't fit, store it in the attic or elsewhere in insect and dust-proof containers. Throw out the junk. Give up something for the yard sale that you think you just can't part with, and when it's gone, it's like a symbolic new beginning. Have a yard sale for the decent stuff you no longer use, and what doesn't sell goes to Good Will.
You're actually doing very well for yourself it seems, and it is very admirable to take care of your family. However, I think by just getting yourself out of the "rut" as it were could do wonders. A clean and organized living environment can surely help to begin with. Hanging onto lots of possession can be burdensome. Do things differently. Try an new potato salad recipe. Use a different oil for the fish fry. Go hang out somewhere new. Read a book by an author you've never heard of.
Sometimes, when our dreams come true, there not quite what we hoped for. That's OK, for we can change the nature of the dream very easily. You can have the lust and desire and hope for the future you once had as a bright-eyed youth. It's what you make it, and don't let the relative comfort of you routine hold you back from doing something new. It's trite to say, but life is short, and there is nothing wrong with wanting some personal satisfaction in one's life.