new thread
**I apologize for any misspellings. English is not my native language**
Hello to everybody here!
I'll tell you my history.
I have 13 years old and was raise by my grandfathers since I was a little child. My grandfather has a huge list of "How a man must to be". Anything that disagree that list is a sin against God, his honour and my honour.
Be a longhair is in the list "How a man must NOT be".
Explained my situation, let's talk about this forum is for: long-haired men.
All the family says that "Long hair is just for womans", "If you grow your hair, you'll look like a gril", "Men must have a buzzcut to be a man", "Long-haired men are gay" (but how about Steven Seagal?) and, the most insultant 'ammunition': "Sure! Let your hair grow and I'll buy earrings and pink skirts for you".
I try to talk to my grandfathers, but they minds are very closed and don't accept something so "different" of the "normal".
So, how can I solve this problem?
"Long hair is just for womans"
Ask them what they think about a Woman with Short Hair or point out a Short Haired Woman in your Family
"If you grow your hair, you'll look like a gril"
I Just Laughed when this was Said to me or Replyed "A VERY ugly Girl
"Men must have a buzzcut to be a man"
If Men were Supposed to have Short Hair It wouldnt continue to Grow
"Long-haired men are gay"
does (any Gay man you know of) Have Long Hair?
"Sure! Let your hair grow and I'll buy earrings and pink skirts for you"
Just a Waste of Money if you do so
Welcome Gus, there is no need for you to be sorry for grammatical errors.
To be honest, all you can do is just let your hair grow. It seems that in many cases, the teasing stops or at least happens less often as your hair grows longer. I wish I could be of more help, but I don't know much about the atmosphere that you live in and how strongly against long haired men the people in your community and culture are.
May I ask which country you are from?
I bet he's against earrings on men too,eh? XD
Well I think he shouldn't control you too much,he's not your dad,he's your grandfather. Try to speak to him more,or else just ignore him and grow out your hair and pierce your ear so you can wear the earrings he'll buy you.
-Andrea
I think Gus might want to buy his own earrings. The ones he would recieve would probably be really frilly and effeminate.
I was being saracastic,I know. XP
-Andrea
On the other hand, he could wear them in his grandfather's presence just to piss him off.
I think the best approach is to find examples of longhaired men in your country and point them out to your grandfather. Try not to use actors or musicians only but businessmen, politicians, doctors and other men of importance in your country.
Good luck,
Bruce
Hi Gus and welcome to the board!
My grandfather on my mother's side did not like my hair, he tried to convince me to wear a pompadour instead.
He finally dealt with it and, in retrospect, I think he just wanted me to be proud to be a man. I do think he would be proud of me now, hair or not.
The one thing that stands out most about him was he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He was also a man nobody crossed.
Let your grandfathers know you are still a man and will continue to act like one. Your hair will not make you feminine. Bring up Samson as an example.
You might also mention that girls like it.
Paul
I am not sure why you feel the need to change people any more than they feel they need to change anything about you or your appearence.
My beliefe is that far too many feel they need to justify why they dress, act, feel, or think the way they do.
I will leave that judgment to only one, and live my life the best way I know.
Dawn
Hi Gus,
When you are old enough to move out of your grandfather's house, your problem will definitely be solved. Until then, though... just concentrate on your school work, getting excellent grades, etc., --- and most likely your grandfather and others around you will slowly begin to not care how long you grow your hair.
Whenever somebody is still a young minor (your age of 13 to me I consider to be still very young), still living with a parent or grand parent and being financially dependent on them, this is a VERY difficult spot to be in if the adult you are depending on is intolerant of long hair. I had to leave my dad's house when I was age 18, for example, for the very same reason as you are stating. In the United States, age 18 is considered to be legally OK to leave a parent or guardian and go out into the world and work in order to be financially independent from them. I don't know the laws in other countries; but, chances are that they are mostly the same or similar. Up until that time comes, though, the more you work hard in school, the brighter your future will be, regardless.
However you manage to cope with your current situation, keep in mind that it is only a temporary one. Closed-minded adults can make your life as a minor a living hell if you try to go against their views (I speak from experience here, as my dad was about as closed-minded as any man I've ever met). I cannot "tell" you what to do right now, any more than anyone else here can accurately advise, --- because YOU are the only one who has to live day after day under your current adverse circumstances.
Another appraoch that sometimes works: try to have a heart-to-heart talk with your grandfather, if possible. Some adults are willing to open up their minds a little; some not. If you already feel that talks in the past with your grandfather have been unsuccessful, then it's totally understandable that further talks may not be worth the effort. If that's the case, then what I'd do if I was in your shoes is quietly grow your hair as long as Grandpa will tolerate, avoiding and delaying any and all haircuts for however long that the home atmosphere doesn't get totally unbearable. But, again, the most important thing you can do for now, both for yourlself in the present as well as for your future, is to just concentrate more on your schoolwork, doing as excellently with your grades as you possibly can.
My best to you!!
- Ken in San Francisco