new thread
Hey guys,
Today was the day my mom said she would cut my hair. She told me to get in the chair and after I politely declined multiple times, she gave up on me and is currently giving the silent treatment. Her plans were to cut an inch off. I want to know whether you think it was worth it to refuse. I honestly don't see why my mom's so upset. A few weeks ago I even asked her why she wanted me to have short hair. She said that to her, longhair meant independance and she wanted me to obey when she said that I should get a haircut.
Thanks in advance,
Chris.
-------------------------------------------------
silent treatment is way better than her bugging you to get it cut, trust me. And she will give up bothering you about it if you just totally ignore her about it for a while. And you're right, there isnt a good reason for your hair to need to be short.Shes knows that and is trying to think of something to say other than "because I said so". Hopefully she'll come around to realizing that the length of someones hair doesn't decide their personality...
Its the other way around
Hi Chris,
Given that you were respectable in your declination, I believe you made the right move. If your mom wants to make a big deal about it and ruin your relationship with her, then that's her problem. She is just stereotyping longhaired men as rebellious, when in reality it is personal choice as it is with women. I wonder how your mom would have reacted if her parents told her to buzz her hair?
Will the length of your hair have any effect on your obedience? Of course not. But some people are so hardheaded that they can't understand this. I was always obedient and polite to my parents and rarely would there be any tension between us. Guess what was the main topic of dissonance? That's right, hair. My father went to ridiculous lengths to enforce his hair length policy, often souring our relationship. Though I don't live with my parents anymore, I still look back on my dad's judgment with contempt. Why fight over something so meaningless? It just bewilders me endlessly.
Good luck, and keep your ground (you're in the right here).
-Dan
Hey Chris,
I think you did the right thing in not allowing your Mum to cut your hair. I bet she would have cut a lot more then 1 inch!LOL.
It is respectable to obey and conform to your parents wishes when you are living under their roof - WITHIN GOOD REASON. Nagging over haircuts is not one of those and is highly unfair.
And I think if you stand up to her now she will realise that in the future you will not be a pushover and hence may respect you in the long term.
My Mum was critical of how I lived and dressed back in the day, so one day I took her aside and said Mum every time I come over here to your house you keep on critizing my choices. I explained to her how I felt and how it was driving a wedge between us and removing us being close. So I said:
"I will stop sharing with you what is going on in my life if you keep this up!"
I said it in a polite diplomatic way without blowing my top which just reinforces that your acting rational.
Also if your obeying the parents other rules and doing your share of the housework,maintenance or gardening, then this one field of complaint she has may diminish in time.
Well she shut up and stopped with the nagging after that. Parents usually do like to know what their kids get up to and if you get hassled with unwanted "advice" then you can lay that option on.
Duncan
How old are you?
My opinion is that if you're at least 16-17 it's time to make her understand you're not a kid anymore and it's time for you to make some choices yourself, for example the innocent choice of growing your own hair as long as you wish.
-Andrea
I'm currently 13. I'm not trying to emancipate myself or anything, just trying to grow my hair out.
I guess you should just talk to her and make her understand you would really like to grow your hair long. Try to be nice, don't whine or anything, and she might get along with it. I mean, she can't be that rude person.
-Andrea
Hi Chris,
Well done to you and more power to your elbow. Sometimes you have to just tell them. Oh yes the silent treatment and it's working then :-)
Cheers,
John.B
Soon mom will get over the hair issue although she will never get over the control issue even when your an adult. Soon it will go from direct control to forms of manipulation. Do have some sympathy for her as this is how she was brought up most likely and thus it's a cycle repeating itself.
Humans controlling other humans has been the way of the world since we walked upright and won't change anytime soon. It is instinctive for parents to control their children but even lion's and tigers and bears leave their young at a certain point. Human parents don't always get that aspect of parenting that at some point you let the young start fending for themselves.
Kevin
Hi Chris,
Best thought that comes to mind here is the old saying..."Silence is golden".At least this way no one is pestering you to cut your hair.See, there is a bright side to this.Cheers
Mark
if I had a son and he wanted to grow his hair long I'd be THRILLED:)If he did like short haircuts I'd be hiding the scissors.He He.Oh how we march to a different drummer.....
I do have a son that is growing out his hair, and as you can imagine I am absolutely delighted. However, when he was younger he wanted short hair and I took him to see the barber on more than one occation. I've always wanted him to have the hair length/style that he wants to have for himself, even if that means something that I'm less than excited about. Now his mother on the other hand, doesn't see it like that and want to tell him just how to live his life. Funny since she doesn't even have her own under control...lol No wonder we are no longer married?!
Daniel
A bittersweet victory is still a victory! I think your mom would have cut off more than as inch, not saying anything bad about her but that's how it's played. It's strategy - a version of "bait and switch" if you will.
While she's still giving you the silent treatment, I think you should show extra initiative in doing chores and otherwise helping her out. Give her a card or something. That will go a long and you will help you keep the moral high ground.
Good going!
Paul
What did LBOF say to you that was so bad the message was purged? I would have loved to read that exchange.
He just told me that on my next update I should comb my bangs down.
My nephew "J" is the same age as you and he does put up some resistance when his mom (my wife's sister) tells him it's time for a hair cut. I cringe when my wife, his mom and his grandmother gang up on him. I'm a firm believer that it is he that needs to express his own desire for longer hair if he really wants it. I can give emotional support but I can't wage the battle for him if he doesn't take the first step. You have taken that first step and I say BRAVO!! I think part of the problem for J is that he goes mop headed most of the time and a comb or brush is unheard of unless his mom pulls it out of the draw for him. Since you have shown the desire to grow you hair long, you should show your mom that you will keep it neat and orderly. Moms hate to see their sons and daughters looking disheveled.
Good luck with the silent treatment, it will pass. She still loves you, mop or not.
Bruce
I hate to say it but as a female you're mum is doing what she wants and will grind you down. She will probably use other relatives & friends to do so but - and here's the thing - if anyone - and I mean anyone does something against your will remember it (and you will) - and use any kind of child protection policy & freedom of whateveryouhaveoverthere policy - then again protect yourself and dont take any sh*t Don't be doomed!
Hi Chris. I just want to say I know how you feel. I am 16 years old, and it has been 12 months since my last haircut. You were right to refuse the haircut, it is the best way to stop the nagging.
My mom used to nag me for a little while, but I always declined politely, and now she is supportive and even gives me good hair advice. In time, your mom should become the same way.
Unfortunately, you may also have to put up with some bullcrap from your friends and kids at school, but don't let it get to you. If you truly want long hair, you need to tough your way through this stuff. Anyways, with my point across, just don't give up, it will be worth it in the end.
Luke.
(you can see a pic of my hair a little ways down the page)
Hey Luke!
I don't know how much crap I'll get at school, but 2 kids (male) have hair half way down their backs in my grade, so I don't think I'll get too much.
As a child (well, being 22, I'm a man now actually, but I'm speaking in terms of past) who spent nearly entire life obeying to his parents and having all the features that they strictly desired (including short hair, modern t-shirts, etc.), I'm not that sure I can advise you properly on the basis of my experience. You could compare my attitude to the one of Mutt Lange: he is one of the biggest rock producers, yet the biggest "rebellion" he ever did was growing his hair out. The guy, according to one his biography, even never got drunk. So my rebellion attitude has always been been somewhat less expressed than my smile-and-nod attitude, partly because, by listening to the demands I was given and thinking of their meaning, I came to learn a lot of discipline and manners (something I think the youth lacks in huge amounts today), and partly because I realized it was more rewarding to have the parents' trust and stay in our nice flat.
My guess would be you need to explain to your mother that long hair will not bother you in studying and doing your regular activities. I'd go beyond the mere "but it's fashionable" moto, the fashion is a very untrustworthy friend, the clash between the longhair style and short hair style proves it. Say some ideas like "I feel more like myself that way", or "I will be you same good son with long hair as well", or "How can it possibly bring me any damage?", or any number of things. The general moto of your message should be long hair is a constructive idea, not damaging or hurting anyone.
Don't go into arguments and especially never offend you mother, who, remember, loves you more than any flattering "friend". There are no perfect parents. My parents aren't, I won't be, you won't be... Which, still, doesn't mean we wish the worst for our kids, but the best. The fact that parents don't think as their kids do is the complicator.
Time is an all-rewarder. In a few years time, if you keep up the hair growing you'll amaze yourself with your looks. And, what's more important, you'll feel good about having retained your individuality, which is not at all an unworthy success in today's gray world of boot-licking, snobbery, and conformism.
Nikola, what an excellent post, very intelligent and well thought out. Bravissimo!
MB
": Nikola, what an excellent post, very intelligent and well thought out. Bravissimo!
Well, I AM the "two-books-per-month" guy here, aren't I?
;-)
I know how you feel, if I'm really in the mood to read I'm lucky if two books will last me a week. During one of my deployments I literally ran out of books in the ship's library.
But Matt's right, excellent post!!
I must call you "Voltaire" then from now on, eh?
I reckon the silent treatment is a double victory - you keep your hair and you don't have to listen to the complaints.
Looking at all the advice people here have given you, I regret ever letting my mom convincing me into getting a haircut. Whenever I think about how long it could have been in I would have stood up for my self, i just want to go back in time and tell her that I'm going to grow my hair and that she can just deal with it. If you're a good son and student hair shouldn't matter. Don't let her cut your hair. Whatever punishment she comes up with for you rebellion against something like hair will be totally worth it in the long run. And I'm sure the punishment will pass eventually. Hope everything works out.
A sound victory - she may now come to realise that in a free society she cannot demand total obedience and that people are independnat beings.
Wait for her to come round rather than give any ground.