new thread
I came home and walked inside, when the guy i'm living with commented:
"I had hair a little longer than yours"
I replied "That's cool, why'd you get it cut?"
He said "Ehhh, I had kids!" and my mom adds "Yeah his dad did the same thing, he "had to get a real job" and my sister says "Yeah you can't get a real job with long hair" I didn't know what to say to them, so I kind of just walked away.
I mean if I would have known I would have gotten so many negative remarks, I wouldn't have said anything.
And I almost feel that it's true. I live in what my parents call a "Good ol' boy" county, where a lot of the retailers and restaurants are southern based.
I spoke with my mom once before about this, and she doesn't believe me. She even threatened to cut my hair if I couldn't find a job once.
I'm one of the only males at my school with long hair, and a lot of the kids with short hair have jobs.
I really wish I could defend myself every time the subject comes up, but I've tried a lot of remarks and my mom just won't listen.
When the subject comes up again, what do I say to my parents without disrespecting them that they're wrong about long hair and work?
Hi Josh
What an absolute BUMMER! How tough this must be on you........and SO UNFAIR!
For "possible" things to say (unless you already have done this), you might consider going on YouTube and looking up "For Men with Long Hair." Watch video #7 in the series for some ideas.
Justin~
Hi Josh,
You can say all you want in your defense but if some people are against longhair on guys then almost nothing said will change their minds.However this should not discourage you as your own happiness is more important than someone elses biased opinions.As for the not being able to get a good job with longhair that's bunk!I've done it and you can too.You have to show future employers how capable you are at what you do and that your hair or lack of it won't make you any more or less qualified.Frankly it sounds like you need to live in a more accepting state.I really feel for you and hope you stay strong and wear your hair with pride my friend:)Cheers
Mark
I think it's silly that they thing you can't get a real job with long hair, I've seen so many long hair people doing good jobs in offices and everywhere. Nowaday longhaired employers are pretty common, at least here in italy.
I guess you should just ignore your parent's comments. Sooner or later they might get tired of repeating the same things over and over. If not, I guess you should just sit at the table with them and seriously tell them your opinions about the subject and stuff.
Good luck and congratulations for your beautiful hair!
-Andrea
I've been there, my family was very anti-long hair and it sounds like a set-up to me. I've dealt with the mind games before and there is some hardball in that loaded conversation. this is another test of your will and wont be the last. however after a while (years) some of them will give up or at least tire about bugging you about it... or you can leave them out of your life if they don't. this is about what you want for yourself and its not just about your hair its also about your Independence and whats in your heart. you have to keep up the fight and you can do this, its never easy but that is what this board is for to help you through this test of faith in yourself.
Mike
"You won't find work as a longhair" is a deception into cutting your hair, I believe you understood that. Of course you will always find decent enough job with your hair (mostly provided it's tied back in a ponytail).
While I think it's a fat chance they ever totally accept you the way you are, I think that, whether the nagging will decrease by time or not, you should forget all discussions with them, as it will teach them nothing, and, until you're old enough to go away and have independent life, prove you're a decent son by really valid achievements: success in school, hanging out with friends, successful love life, creative hobbies...
Plus, don't forget it's NEVER guaranteed they'll stop finding faults with you if you cut your hair, so don't make unnecessary sacrifices, like I did.
All the best,
Nikola from Serbia
You look to be well past 12 - why don't you go out and get a job and prove them wrong? My own kids started working part-time at 14 - they're now 15 and 17. One washes dishes at a local restaurant and the other is a store clerk - and yes - they still go to school and get good grades. Most jobs are never advertised - the ones my kids do they got because they went and asked. Even if you have no experience you can also do up a resume - list the positive things you've done.
If no jobs are available, go and volunteer somewhere - that will build the experience you need for a job.
AndrewB
There've been several threads with members of the board discussing what they do for a living. Find one of those threads, and make yourself a list. Next time they give you the "you can't get a real job with long hair" routine, you break out the list and read 'em off. There's definitely some "real jobs" on that list.
That's tough, dude.
I would say nothing except : "I won't cut my hair". Don't even argue. Having a "thick skin" helps, sure... Good luck
Vivien
Hi Josh, sorry to hear that they don't support you. I'm a bit surprised by this, I just assumed that your little part of the south was a bit more tolerant.
I think the best way to prove them wrong is to find a job. You can put your hair in a tail and just ride around and put in applications. I have found employment over the phone just by calling from an add or looking through the phone book. And they can't tell anything about your appearance over the phone.
When you go for an interview, look nice... hair and clothes. Try to dress right for that particular job. I mean don't wear a suit for a factory job or vice versa. Wear you hair in a tail and if they mention it at all just say your in a band and can't cut it. We all know an application is just being able to tell the right lies and sell a particular "image".
They have probably been looking for a reason to try to make you cut it and they're using the job thing as an excuse. Find a job, any job you can always look for a better one while you're working at that one.
Paul
Paul is absolutely right Josh. Prove them wrong! There must be someone who'll hire you and give you a chance to prove that you're a good worker bee.
"Friends" and family who don't like long hair on men will dig for anything to get you to conform to thier blind ideals.
Bruce
Hi Paul,
Although I completely understand the game of trying to "sell yourself" in order to land a job, creating an outright lie about yourself usually back-fires. For example: if Josh tells his potential employer that he's in a band, and the employer just so happens to be in a band himself, he will assume that he has the topic of music and playing some sort of instrument in common with Josh... and if Josh is actually NOT at all musical whatsoever, it will soon be evident that Josh lied... END OF JOSH'S JOB!!!!
My advise to Josh is: don't lie. There's no need for Josh to cut his hair, either, though. If when applying for a possible job, and you find out they will want you to cut your hair, just say, "Thanks, but no thanks", --- and then simply quietly walk away to look for another job that will be OK with long hair. In the year 2009, there are PLENTY of employers who will be thrilled to have a hard-worker, whether long hair or buzzed. Just be strong, but remain honest, --- and most importantly, be true to yourself!
- Ken
Hang in there, Josh...
I make 6-figures as a long-haired safety manager for General Electric; so it's do-able....
Some idiot troglodytes 'tease' me about my long hair (What are they....12?) at times, but I couldn't possibly care any less what they think...
I live in "Good ol' boy" country as well, and I have a job, and long hair too. It can be done.
MB
"Those convinced against their will, are of the same opinion still"
Just a quote that I've heard over and over throughout my life, but it simply means that people who don't want to see things any other way that what they already do will never change their mind. There's nothing you can say to convince them otherwise. They get ticked if you confuse the issue with real concrete facts.
All I can tell you is just let all that negativity be like water flowing off a ducks back. It can't bother you if you don't let it soak in.
Of coarse, like others have said go get a job. But let me one up that advise. When I was 15 I started up my own lawn mowing service and did other kinds of yard work as well (I had already worked for a few older couples helping them out around their house since I was 12) When I was 16, I got a summer job in addition to the lawn mowing. The summer when I was 17, I not only had a full time job and the lawn mowing business, but I also worked two additional part time jobs....I also volenteered at the local volenteer fire department all during those years.
Keep up with your grades and do well in school, but beyond that make yourself scarce because of all the work and odd jobs that you track down and do. Nothing makes a parent prouder than for their child to do well in school and develope an great work ethic preparing them to be a leader in a "real job" later on.
But most of all, keep growing out your hair. Your hair doesn't earn a living, you do.
Daniel
Amen, Daniel, --- well said!!!
- Ken
wat
Thanks for all of the responses, I read every single one of them and you're all right
I just need to go find a job, and prove them wrong
I'm going to go job hunting in a few days, thanks for all the support
best wishes,
Josh
Fabulous!
One of the first things you'll need to do is to write a resume which can be intimidating no matter what your age or hair length. It's especially tough when you haven't done one before. Once you have one it's easier as you are just adding new stuff and removing ancient stuff.
Even without a job history you can have a resume. This gives the prospective employer the knowledge that you're serious as well as a physical piece of paper to remind them. At your age it should be no more than one side of one sheet, double-spaced and contain:
Name, Address, Telephone and email
Employment History (if none skip that). Employment can be unpaid things you've done too including your chores around the house. My son listed these ... (I changed the locations)
January 2008 to January 2009
The Monk and the Nun
515 Mill Street, Our Town, Our Province
Position: Kitchen Helper
Duties: Washing Dishes
Occasionally Bussing Tables
Supervisor: Ms. Gail Down, Chef
Occasional
GrannyÂ’s General Store
501 Mill Street, Our Town, Our Province
Position: General Labour
Duties: Moving Trees
Supervisor: Mr. Len Botting, Owner
Your Education listing current grade and your average (if it's a pretty good one)
A listing of "Achievements" and "Hobbies and Other Interests". I had to make sure my son listed video games on this - I told him no one would believe a teenaged boy who WASN'T interested and he spends hours with his. The purpose of this section is to demonstrate that you are a well-rounded individual who gets along with others. A lot of his "achievements" were being part of a team. These sections help make up for the lack of employment history.
Achievements
• Placed 1st in 2009 Lego Robotics Competition
• Placed 1st in 2007 WOBA Peewee Baseball Tournament
• “Reach For The Top” school team member
• Blue Belt in Hung-Gar Kung-fu
Hobbies and Other Interests
• Regular volunteer for Local Charitable Group Name Went Here
• Reading
• Bike Riding
• Boating
• Video Games
As Ken said earlier - tell the truth - but that doesn't mean that you can't select the parts of the truth that show you to the best light.
I hope that helps - good luck. Don't be discouraged by the first "No" - that just means you haven't found the first "Yes" that's sure to be out there. Also a "No" this month might be a "Yes" next month for the eager keen young man who is interested.
AndrewB
LOL, absolutely!!
Hi Andrew,
GREAT advise!!!
Oddly enough, though, when I look back on most of my jobs, I have gotten many of mine without having any resume ready. A good example of this is right after the Bay Area's 1989 eathquake, when the building I had worked in was declared too dangerous to inhabit afterwards, and everyone lost their jobs (including my Kitchen Management job there). Fortunately for me, a former employer heard of my sudden job loss, and asked if I'd consider coming back to work for him. In less than a week I had a job again. In this instance, it was because at my old job I already had a long-term, well-established good reputation, as well as having left on good terms with my old employer when I did decide to move onto a new job. I've gotten other jobs, too, just because I was known to have good work ethics and good work habits. Possibly Josh's first job might come from somebody who already knows him, and knows his good qualities.
I remember hearing a story that a woman once told me who had just graduated from college who at first was depressed because the only job she could find was that of being a coat-check girl at a local restaurant. She decided to take her job seriously, though, in spite of the fact that it obviously was not in her desired field. One day a man who was a regular customer of that restaurant asked her if she'd consider working for him in his company's Marketing division.
"But, I know nothing about Marketing: my degree is in ___." (I can't remember what she told me her degree was, but in any case, it wasn't Marketing).
"That's OK" the man said, "I can teach you all about that topic, as well as train you for all the job duties needed; but, your personal qualities of character that you express, and the gracious way you come across to people here, tell me that you have all the right qualities of exactly the kind of employee that I'm looking for,"
I've never forgotten her story because she landed that job simply on the basis of living her high standard of ethics, wonderfully polite etiquette, and her positive work attitude.
- Ken
" Thanks for all of the responses..."
It's nothing. You appear like a well-behaved and smart boy, with a wondrous head of hair, and I just thought my piece of advice would be welcome because clearly you don't deserve such blackmails and mistreatments.
Hey Man i Have the same thing happen to me i tried lots of thing to say none of then worked but i found 1 that worked for and that is -
(in this day and age everyone seems to be stereotypes and 9/10 people look the same (rougthly) the other 1/10 choose to look the way they want to because at the end of the day we are all people with our own view's and there no reason why we cant follow ourselfs rather than follow the rest.)
that got my parents off my back and they never said anything about it again :) hope something along thos lines help you :P
From Dave