new thread
Hey everyone,
My hair has been bothering me for quite some time. It's curly, but not very much so. When it falls on my back, especially when in a ponytail, all the curls seem to clump together at the bottom in a giant puff, instead of remaining curly throughout. I really don't like the look, but I've put up with it for years because overall I like the look of my hair.
I was thinking, would it be beneficial to have my hair layered, or otherwise styled in some way? I figure if it's layered then the curls will lay on top of each other and not just clumped together at the bottom, and hopefully it would have more volume.
I'm not really sure how it will look, but I've suggested the idea to several lady friends and they all approve. I just thought I'd come to you guys for a man's perspective before I do anything to my hair.
Really I just want some kind of change to my hair. If this will look good, I will do it. Really it's an alternative to me cutting it off completely or at least cutting off half its length. I'm really getting sick of being rejected from jobs, getting little respect, stereotyped as a stoner/loser/metalhead, and girls saying "omgzgzgz your hair is longer than mine!1!!1!"
I've had my hair long for about 6 years now, and it's at the point where I just feel like nobody respects me and they immediately cast me off as some kind of loser (not that I'm not a loser). I like to stand out and everything, but I seem to stand out negatively for the most part, except for women who are jealous of my hair because they don't have the dedication to grow theirs out.
However, ranting/brooding/complaining aside, if I can find a way to style my hair that will make me really love it then I will keep it. If not, I don't know. I might cut it progressively shorter until I find a length I like better.
I will be very grateful for any suggestions. Thanks a ton guys, this has been on my mind for months and I need to solve this issue.
Dude, your hair looks awesome.
If you want to gain respect, start by not focusing on the hair...that has nothing to do with respect.
Respect is something you earn and depends more on the type of guy you are rather than on your hair.
just m two cents
Lol..are you kidding me?!
You have the most fabulous hair a man can have. It's so thick and healthy...and LONG!!
I don't see anything wrong with your ponytail.
If I had hair like yours I wouldn't do anything to it.
I don't have any suggestions of what you can do to change it, just wanted to say that your hair is gorgeous in my opinion.
Thanks for the kind words
Your hair looks wonderful as it is but I understand that if your not pleased with the way it looks then you want to try something that may change the look as well as the way it lays.
Layering "May" resolve the problem and then again it "May" not. Sometime you can layer off the hair that has some wave, or curl and then you will be left with shorter straight hair. Of course conditioners can help that as well.
If you did layer, be sure you find a stylist that excells at layering and not someone that just cuts hair. There is a huge difference in how hair is layered as well as the method used. Also I would layer a little at a time to see what the result will be and not go for it all at once.
Dawn
In one book about hair, it was said of slightly wavy hair, "You've won the hair lottery." Slight waves give you the thickest, most luxuriant mane that you can have.
So, you are tired of your hair. If you had any other kind of hair, the situation would be worse! So why try to change your hair?
A man can own lots of different shirts, but he only can have one mane. Since it takes a few years to grow a mane and many attempts to change it will destroy it, I'd say to be very careful! You might be better off to change your clothing, change how you tie up you hair, etc., if you want frequent change. Your mane is perfect now, one that many guys would die for. I wouldn't change a thing if I had that mane of yours! If I wanted variety in my look, I'd get it in other ways.
In particular, thinning or layering can mess up a good mane. Most people want volume, not limpness, and they want opaqueness, not transparency. Thinning or layering will push you in the direction of those things which you don't have now and probably don't want. Keep in mind that thinning or layering may cause your hair to wisp off in the wind more, rather than all behaving itself like it is more apt to do now.
As for your hair being its curliest at the bottom, you can see why by holding a slinky by its top ring. This is just physics, and you won't change that, so don't see it as a problem. It is natural. If you trim off hair, the "problem" will just move upward to your mane's new end.
"Nobody" respects you? This means not one person does, and that cannot be. This feeling of yours could be because you've dropped into a false sense of your worthlessness that is in the throes of a self-feeding circular frenzy. Once you show up on the scene with a demeanor that says, "I am worthless," others are perfectly happy to concur. This is particularly the case with shallow people who know no other way to make themselves look bigger other than to make others look smaller in their own eyes in comparison.
How this got started is probably that you were in the wrong crowd. The problem is not "you" unless you were always that way, and you didn't say that. The problem is them, so get new friends! If someone won't treat you as an equal, give them the treatment which they deserve, which is for you to move on, and without them!
That's a sane approach if you have been thinking of this for months as you say below. Cut off two inches every month until the month arrives that you wish it were longer. You will only have to wait four months to get it back to how it was before that last trim, a length you were happy with.
Bill
Hey Bill,
Thanks for the responses. I suppose layering doesn't seem as good of an idea as I originally thought. It seemed good in theory, but I'm sure you're right about the negative aspects of layering. I'll hold off on cutting it, except for maybe getting it a little shorter. The length right now is quite a nuisance sometimes... though I might wait until after winter now because it makes quite a nice scarf :P
And I agree that it's probably just something else about my identity that I should change... not my hair. I guess I realized this. My hair is part of who I am and I'd rather change the way I dress or prepare myself than go back to being short haired. Thanks guys.
I'm also gonna have to say that I like the way your hair is now. To be honest, I don't think the layering would look good or work compared to how your hair is now.
Try different methods of combing, using certain products like aloe gel... etc.
Your hair looks REALLY cool now and I'd hate to see you layer it.
Also, forget about people who judge you because of your hair. What kind of quality person is that anyway? F them, lol.
If the pictures you posted are supposed to be examples of your hair clumped, then I don't get it. Your hair looks just fine in all the pictures. I wish mine was that thick.
Well, these pictures are taken on my few "good" hair days. Usually it looks a lot worse than this, but of course I usually don't bother with photographs if my hair is looking particularly bad. :P
You don't know how nice it is to see you here again!
I remember when I first joined, your hair was so inspirational to me! =D
To me, honestly, it looks awesome, even in a ponytail. It's very well taken care of, and very beautyfull and strong.
But I can understand you on wanting a change. I myself debate myself with it a little, but I will not give up on my goal tough. On the layering, if you really want to do it, I would suggest you'd find someone who can really do it with long hair, because it can easily turn into a butcher job, specially if you have such a curl pattern.
If you want, you can also try growing it longer and see how you like it. You know, altough I feel for you with the stereotypes and all the bad wording on long hair on guys, you must ignore it, and not give in to peer pressure, that will be a simple distortion of your real feeling about yourself or about how things should be. This is very important whenever your looking for something that will make you feel, in fact, good.
Other things you can try (and I will probably trying it myself), is to adopt another hairstyle to wear everyday, instead of a ponytail. I'm quite tired of my braid every day, and it's not so protective anymore at my lenght, so I will be looking forward to wear lots of updo's this fall and winter =)
Ultimatly (and I'm gonna try this to), you can change the way you part your hair =) I see you also part it in the center, but parting it in the side would be a big change on your face, framing it a lot more.
Long hair can be so playfully. You just have to actually play with it ^^ We just get so used to just grow it and leave it be that we forget to keep trying new things. Instead of going to the hairdresser, we can dress our oun hair at home =D
Hope this helps Brazjol, and I'm sure you'll find your way to feel satisfied again =)
See ya around!
I have been doing this lately myself and you are so correct about how it changes your look. Meanwhile it requires no haircuts to achieve a whole new look. And the BEST thing of all, the part can be returned to the middle in a minute or less. :-)
Minor changes that don't involve trimming goes along way in changing your look from one day to the next. Best part; your not stuck in that style until your hair grows back out. I pretty much alternate between a simple tail, multi band tail, single braid, double braid or a combination of those possibly along with some loose hair.
I know what your talking about with all the curls clumping together at the bottom Brazjol, as I have to deal with that myself. It can be very frustrating, but really you can't do much about getting it to curl throughout without causing damage. However, by braiding or multi band tailing all the way down the length of your hair you will be able to control the clump of curls and over time it will become less of an issue.
Daniel
Hi Brazjol,
How are things with you and it's great to see a post from you again. I can only agree with the others and agree that it's well looked after in great condition.
As for the comments and stereotypes and the comments we get as longhairs it goes with the terratory and I'm sure we've all been pigeonholed by labels from time to time. But we ignore it and move on and there are times in life we don't always feel the best with ourselves.
Just cast your kind back 6 years and there must of been a happy spark that made you decide to grow it out and look at what you have achieved in 6 years. We all have different reasons for growing out hair out, whether it goals of wanting to try something different. I have to agree with João there are so many different things and styles that you can do with longhair that you can't if it was short.
I know there are people here that have been growing and maintaining their hair much longer than you and me I'm sure they have had some negative times as well.
I really do hope that some of the suggestions that will help you feel good about you hair again.
Keep in touch.
Cheers,
John.B
OH yeah, but I'm so glad that I persevered and stuck to my guns and let my hair keep growing. I now can't remember the last time I've gotten a negative comment, but possitive comments are in abundant supply.
Daniel
Do you really want your hair to look like Farrah Fawcett's? (I hope I spelled her name right - LOL) That's what "layering" looks like. On her, of course, she looks GORGEOUS, regardless!!! But, layering cuts a lot of length off that you currently have both on top and also in front.
If you don't like your blunt-cut that you currently have at the bottom of your mane (where it's cut straight across, and all one length); then I suggest INSTEAD OF "layering" that you simply re-shape the bottom into a "V-shape" styling (AKA "sculpted"). That way you cut off a lot less hair length, and yet it will do womewhat of what you wish your hair will do.
The other advise I have is to apply a small amount of beneficial oil into the bottom portion of your hair, --- especially at the ends. In fact, I would recommend that BEFORE considering any cutting at all. It may just solve your real problem!
- Ken in San Francisco
You have great hair. Think about this, if you were to cut your hair, you would have a signficant amount of maintainence to do. If you cut it so that it was off your collar and ears, it would require monthly trims to keep it looking fresh. I would much rather hire a guy with long hair that is clean and well kept like yours than a guy with short hair that has that spidery hair growing down his neck. You need to ask yourself what you want in life. If you really do not like the way you look, then go for it, cut it and deal with it. But, if you feel that people are not respecting you, do not assume it is your hair. Look hard at yourself, consider your self-esteem and self-confidence. Have you ever taken any kind of personality inventory like the Myers-Briggs? Look into it. Discover yourself and live for yourself. Take the steps you need to be who you want to be. Don't be afraid to make a decision and stick to it. Good luck.
Brazjol, your hair does look awesome! I know the longer my hair has gotten it gets harder to brush/comb out. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I hear stereotyping about longhairs all the time. "You look like a loser, carnival worker, convict, etc..." Of course that's sooo not true! I see a larger percentage of "convicts and carnival workers" with shaved heads not long hair, but I you throw that back at the critics and they refuse to see that.
As I've said before, you have to make you happy, no anyone else. If you truly want shorter hair then do it. But don't let the wave of negativity be the thing that knocks you over.
Bruce
(Really rooting for the longhair Brazjol)
Oh wow your hair in that second picture is beautiful. Forget the pony tail and just leave it down. Stay away from any stylist. They are up to no good when it comes to mens hair. Just let it grow grow grow. tommie
hey dude.. you posted on my good hair bad hair post.. and its true... we have similar hair.. but what shocked me was looking at a pic of my hair today and I saw the curls clumped at the end.. and it hit me like a lightning.. I most certainly will and already have this problem on my head..
About your hair.. I do think its awesome, your length and shine is enviable and Id hate to see you damaging it.. the solution id lean to would be to shape your hair like a V, i do think it would look amazing and if done right I do not think you would loose a lot of length.. you have a great head of hair.. and if it was mine i would not touch it.. but its yours to make it the way makes you happy, after all thats the reason you grew it.. I will be getting the V trip when i have enough length.. to me it just looks amazing.. I feel like trimming the sides on my hair already.. I add a pic of my hair i took today for you to see the clumps.. and I just hate them as well... lol
Brazjol!
Long time no hear.
Great looking hair - For your day-to-day routine ( or a ride on Steel Force ;) ), I would keep that thick hair in multiple pony ties like Scott (Absalom) does.
That's the best thing I've ever done for my hair to keep it from becoming messy at at the ends. I tend to have the ponytail "puff ball" problem too if I use just a single pony tie.
HTH - Oren
Hey guys, sorry I haven't gotten a chance to reply to everyone's comments. I'd just like to say thanks for the kind words and inspiration. I've decided to keep it, though I might have it cut, since I've been noticing split ends like mad lately. I might have it cut to my shoulders or something. Either way, it'll probably end up growing back out again, unless I turn out to like it at that length (: